FUDGE: Fighting Upper-Decking Goons with Education

// // 38 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Greetings, PoopReporters. Some of you may already be aware of an epidemic that is quickly spreading across the world. It knows only one color -- brown -- but it has countless victims. No one is totally safe from its wrath. This horror of which I speak is known as upper-decking.

For those that don't know already, an upper-decker is "the malicious act of making doodie in the water tank of a toilet, thus contaminating the toilet's clean water supply." The crap sitting in the tank slowly dissolves in the clean water waiting for a flush. Each flush thereafter results in the bowl becoming filled with smelly brown water. Sometimes referred to as "2000 Flushes Brown"; if you are lucky enough, eventually the effects go away on their own. Often, though, the toilet is left clogged and inoperable.

As you can imagine, this prank can ruin relationships. It has been known to leave friends and families in shards. And it is just really mean and gross.

Many still think that upper-decking is merely folklore. Oh, no, my friends. It is as real as poop itself. I myself have been a victim of an upper-decking. Until it happened to me, I had never heard of such a thing, let alone had the pleasure of being a recipient. The evildoer was never caught, but the scar has always stayed with me.

The incident has always been in the back of my mind, although I have tried to block it out. But one day, a couple of months ago, I overheard someone talking about what they referred to as upper-tanking. Apparently a friend of theirs had fallen victim the day before. They joked about it with one another, but you could see in their eyes a bit of disgust and a lot of fear. They knew that they could be next. And why not? No one is safe.

A spark flicked in the back of my head; that, and the G. I. Joe theme song ran through it. "...A real American hero..." The Joes always preached at the end of their shows that "knowing is half the battle." That was it! I knew I had to get the word out. I decided to make it my mission to educate the world on upper-decking in an ongoing effort to eradicate it. I know it is an ambitious mission, but I have to at least try.

I thought about it a little more over the next couple of days, both on and off the toilet, and formed a plan of attack. The result was a movement (no pun intended) called FUDGE: Fighting Upper-Decking Goons with Education. I then created a home for FUDGE and upper-decker stories and information at http://www.antiupperdeck.com.

Antiupperdeck.com has only been active for less than a month now, but it has already started to gain a following. Tens of thousands of visitors have come to learn about upper-decking and share their experiences. Eventually there may be organized rallies and fundraisers to help spread the word.

It has been a very rewarding experience, and I am ecstatic with the results. There is a lot of work to be done, and I may have to do it one doodie at a time -- but I won't stop until the world is made aware of upper-decking, and it is wiped out.

You can help. It's easy. Just tell your friends, your family, and the guy sitting next to you. Tell them about upper-decking, and tell them that it is not okay. Tell them that we are all at risk and that we all need to become educated on the matter.

Thanks for listening. I hope you all have an upper-deck free day!

38 Comments on "FUDGE: Fighting Upper-Decking Goons with Education"

the feces flinger's picture

strange.

El Cagador's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

valve toilets would solve this problem

BakaYarou's picture

"Antiupperdeck.com has only been active for less than a month now, but it has already started to gain a following. Tens of thousands of visitors have come to learn about upper-decking and share their experiences. Eventually there may be organized rallies and fundraisers to help spread the word."

...so that every dumbass punk and 13 year old will know how to ruin someone's toilet? Seems like you're, at best, preaching to the choir.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

If I saw the international sign you designed by itself, I'd think it was saying "no toilet racing." This is an accepted sport in New Zealand. http://www.businessgames.co.nz/SITE_Default
/2004_games/default.asp

Logjam

Dale EarnFart's picture

I want to see Grand Prix loo racing in the next olympics.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Is PR linked to antiupperdeck.com?

This is clearly a viscious and pure form of Turd Terrorism. Forget the website and start designing a booby trap to place in the tank, that senses an open ass and detonates, tearing scrot from the perpetrator and requiring him to be fitted for a colostomy bag.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

This web site/movement sounds like something my sister would put up. The freak!

You aren't a 30-year-old anal-retentive, goody-goody ultra-religious Wiccan with a pathological lying habit, are you?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

No, PR isn't linked to this site. I just thought PoopReporters would like to hear this message. I myself have never been upperdecked... knock on wood!

BakaYarou has a point, though... doesn't giving upper-decking such a position at the top of the pantheon of crimes glorify it in the eyes of those who might commit it?

C Everett Poop's picture

Another malicious turd terror plot is "dry docking", used by college football teams and frat boys. It involves turning off the water supply to the toilet, then flushing all the water out of it before dropping a deuce in the dry bowl. Less disgusting than upperdecking because all you have to do is hold your breath and turn the water back on.

Evan's picture

Upper-decking is more common than many would think. Most people are too ashamed to share their stories of being victimized. I would be surprised to hear that no one that you know has had some connection to an incident. The intention of the site is to share that, with the hopes that people will unite against the deed and the doers. It all comes back to

The Upper Decker's picture

Haha fools! You will never catch me!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Unless you dry-dock my style. That is, upper-deck and THEN turn off the water.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

freakazoid's picture

Wow. And you have T-shirts, too. What a waste of fucking space! To think there are people starving in Africa and wars in Iraq/Afghanistan and you are raising money for a stupid movement to keep yourself from being victimized by frat boys. What a lame ass bastard.

So you got upper-decked. Get over it! Bitter, whiney son of a bitch!

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

You want me to tell my friends and family that this is BAD? Forgive me, Evan, but they know just how much hilarity ensues after an upper-decker. COME ON!!!!

Douchbag's picture

What a great idea! I'm going to try this at my brother's house tomorrow.

Thick 'n' Sticky's picture

I've read more than a few episodes of Captain Underpants who stands for all that is Pre-Shrunk and Cottony. It was from one of those that I learned about giving "squishies". You fold a couple of ketchup or mustard packets in half and put them under standoffs taht levitate the seat from the bowl. The first one who sits on that seat to drop off a few kids gets ketchup squirted all over their thighs, pants, and underwear.

In all it is pretty funny shit for children's literature. That one probably gave a few ideas to budding turd terrorists.

Poopaholic Anonymous's picture

I have never heard of upper-decking before but im glad I know now. I swear to never unleash that kind of torture on another human. But I have to admit, it is kind of funny.

the upper decker's picture

I am the ultimate upper decker. That is a way to absolutely mortify the enemy and never let them forget that fecal matter is nothing to mess with.

sepiapoolindenumreceptical's picture

thats horrid. just horrid.

No shit's picture

I wouldn't go quite as far as DungDaddy, but if I were to be victim to any form of Turd Terrorism I'd spare no effort or expense in hunting down the culprit - including genetic sequence matching - and hurt the bastard memorably. Sure I'd risk a jail term but no way could I let shit like that go unpunished as if it was just harmless fun. Upperdecker, Shit Volcano, Freakazoid and Di Uhreea, it must be great being so mature and liberal and tolerant and cool, but us uptight reactionaries who believe common decency is worth something are people too.

pooppaper's picture

theres a prank involving poop, and there is a prank involving inflicting poop on the victim.
nobody should ever use thier fecal powers for evil. anybody who upper-decks is not only a vandal, but a disgusting person. i say we fight shit with shit. all you upperdeckers! im calling you out!

3flusher's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

We should be careful not to encourage this form of turd terrorism. Everyone is vulnerable!

3flusher

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yes, and some people deserve it!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I missed No Shit's comment last time. Am I mistaking or did he threaten the lives of some of our most notable PR's? (Well, except freakazoid.)

_______
Broccoli!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Upperdecking can be dealt with fairly easily without great expense or effort. As seen here.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i like to shit on the upper deck. hahahaha you fuckrs cant catch me!

regalfecal's picture

An upper-decker is only to be used as a last resort towards conflict resolution...fecalize to equalize!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I may not be the brightest light on the Christmas tree but I think I have enough on the ball to not invite people who dislike me enough
to give me an upper-decker into my home.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Anonymous Coward who posted 09.01.2006 "i like to shit on the upper deck. hahahaha you fuckrs cant catch me!"

You will be fairly easy to catch, judging from your spelling, punctuation, and generally poor use of written English I suspect you are the hairy chap with the sloping forehead who just walked by on his knuckles.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I have a confession to make. I have been shamefully hiding it for a long time now. I, Prarie Doggin am an under-decker. Yes, I am the one who arrives at your home, and sometime between the conversation and cocktails I excuse myself, go outside and take a dump under your deck. I have even gone as low as to dig up a septic tank cover and shit right into the honey pot. I am so ashamed, but have no one to turn to. There is no support group such as FUDGE that can help me reverse my evil ways. I am hoping that by confessing here, my inbr...er extended family here at PR will help me. I thank you.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

PD...first, it is important to understand that you are NOT an evil man, trying to be good, but a sick man, trying to become well...or a woman, I'm not sure, I forget how that goes.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

PD, the next time you get that urge take a paint brush and some paints. I think that's how an old septic tank in Lake Pontchartrain got decorated. I haven't checked to see if Hurricane Katrina doidnt wash it amway. There was land once where the tank lies in the lake.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Mister Whirly's picture

You are lucky you didn't get an Upper Deck Deluxe. That is where before you upper deck, you remove the chain from the handle, ensuring that whoever flushes the toilet next will have to reach their hand into the contaminated tank to do so.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'd like to see someone try and upper deck at my house. Our toilets are so old and shaky the tank would probably fall off.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Wow. Memories...
MMC reminded me of the shitter in the house I grew up in.
It was one of those ones that had a concrete tank up above the window, and a 2" pipe that led down to the bowl.
Do they even exist any more?
The tank was supported on a couple of steel angle brackets, about 7 feet from the floor, and was pretty much impossible to upper-deck (unless the grogan was laid on paper and then hand-deposited).
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Mullet......We had the same kind of toilet tank in one of the houses I rented back when I lived in Japan. It was way up close to the ceiling and could not possibly have been the target of an upper deck terrorist. It would occasionally flush my itself, when it did so in the middle of the night I would send my wife to check and make sure there was not a burglar in the house.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Ha ha haaa!
Thats probably why you're known as Thunderbutt, and not Brave-ass.
Maybe Japanese burglars have a code of honour, and would not harm a woman that disturbs them while they use the toilet of the house they're robbing.

Hey! I just thought of a poll question:
You're robbing a house in the middle of the night.
Suddenly you need to shit. What do you do?
a) Clench butt-cheeks tightly and get what you came for.
b) Scurry off outside and lay the cable on the back porch.
c) Silently use their toilet, but don't flush.
d) Silently use their toilet, then flush, knowing that the man of the house will be too scared to investigate (or will think its another family member).
e) Silently leave an upper-decker.
f) Other.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

BM, I can't get past the robbing the house part.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

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