The Tale Of Turdus - A Brief Shit Story

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m 1+ points - Newb
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Our story is of a wee lad named Turdus, who overcame obstacles, and whose bravery engraved his name into history books forever. We begin our story with a brief overview of Turdus' life before uncovering the incredible feats our brave hero performed and the phenomenal sights he bore witness to:

Turdus was a turd of good heritage, his father a hard working English shepherd's pie and his mother a beautiful Swedish cider called Koppa. The two met one fateful Sunday afternoon in a beer garden out in the countryside. Koppa was resting out in the summer sun, beads of water slowly trickling down her glassy body. Matthew, the shepherds pie, watched her from behind the bar, along with all the other mischievous meals; there was Nadal Nacho, Leonardo da Lasagna, Charlie con Carne, Peter Ploughman and Barak Beefburger. The motley crew basked in Koppa's beauty, but she only had eyes for Matthew and he knew it. After a little cajoling, he plucked up the courage to make his way over to her table. For a while, the two of them sat in silence, just staring at each other in awkward anticipation, before erupting into a fit of passion. They rushed to the mouth where Koppa had slipped out of her glassy bottle, and two became one en route to the stomach. Matthew and Koppa lay in deep slumber inside the stomach unaware that their actions would lead such extraordinary events...

Two minutes later...

...Matthew awoke with a huge grin on his face. He contemplated what he would tell his pals back at the bar regarding the previous night's escapades when he saw a dejected Koppa sitting on the stomach lining. Mathew--being the gentleman he was--made his way over and inquired of her lowly demeanor. When he saw the look on her face as she lifted her head Matthew knew things would never be the same again.

"What is it?" Matthew asked fearing the worst.

"Were going to have a boy, I'm naming him Turdus!"

At that moment the stomach seemed to close in on Matthew, and he felt hot all of a sudden. He gave in to the over whelming heat and panic as he and Koppa broke down. Neither Koppa nor Matthew had the resources to raise a child, and as such Turdus had a very rough childhood. He was a very small child--barely more than a viscous fluid living in the rough shanty-like town of the small intestine. Turdus hated his childhood as he was constantly being pushed around and roughed up by the local villi. As he grew up he became stronger, and before too long decided to join the army. At first he was only a lowly officer without responsibility or medals, but the hard-working turd soon became a prominent member of the Warriors Army of Specialists in Terrorist Elimination squadron. Turdus was a proud soldier who wore the dark brown uniform with delight, his sweetcorn medals for bravery, honor, loyalty and size on show at all times. Turdus had become a legend. Children told stories of his past battles, regaling his victory against the 10,000 Poosians, the chilli seed that defeated the great Gooliath, or the epic tale where SoreOne was defeated by Turdus and the fellowship of the O-Ring. Turdus was indeed a true hero and the rightful King of the digestive system.

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6 Comments on "The Tale Of Turdus - A Brief Shit Story"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Bravo Anonymous! You need to register, return, and keep us updated on any further adventures of Turdus. We would like to hear about his ill fated marriage to the deceitful Shartia and his eventual expulsion from his kingdom by the treacherous Earl of Grunt. This tale could easily become an epic sage on the order of the famous Icelandic Íslendingasögur.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Braaavo !
That was an epic story
maybe you could be the next Steig Larsson

JB

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

Story of the year,so far...Fantastic writing. "Turdus"...he he!

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Monsieur_Turdus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Thankyou for the kind words! The tales of Turdus will continue (There are a few stories already written) and hopefully they will continue to entertain!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Turdus needs a coming-out party, complete with noisemakers (fartus interruptus, etc.) and perhaps TV reporters.

Monsieur_Turdus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hi All,

Long time no post. Not sure if this is allowed or not but Turdus has now evolved into a short story that is on Amazon..

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B019KY5TPC?colid=3DH77S5WDSIUM&coliid=I3CE3RL3BNAGUS&ref_=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl

It has been rewritten to include more puns, fight scenes and a love twist. But be warned. It is flash in the pan fiction and not an epic novel!

Thanks all.

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