Fun With Feces
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The Clean Release: How to Expel Well
Submitted by Anita Koffie
January 8, 2002, 67 Comments

A clean release occurs when post-poop wiping is merely a courtesy gesture -- when everything was so perfectly formed and executed that no trace is left behind. It provides a brief moment of pride and satisfaction -- a moment which, if you're dillegent, is just as quick and easy to engender as it...

Operation Poopy Pants: Communique #22
Submitted by Operation Poopy...
September 5, 2001, 16 Comments

First Boston, then the world! Beware, residents of BeanTown: Operation Poopy Pants has begun! PoopReport will be publishing updates from the field as the brave men and women of O.P.P. fight the regime the only way they know how... O.P.P. is a mission of the highest importance. It's...

Using Poop to Make Someone Cry
Submitted by Dave
May 9, 2001, 187 Comments

People are assholes. People are mean. I'm not happy that most of society enjoys hurting others, but we do. Here are some techinques. Here's a truth about humanity: we enjoy watching others suffer. Wars, the Inquisition, politics... they're all about making others suffer to make ourselves...

The Only Thing Worse Than Coal in your S
Submitted by Santa Poo
April 10, 2001, 38 Comments

Back in '95, my two brothers and a couple of friends and I was trying to ruin the Christmas spirit. Or maybe we were trying to make people more honest around the holidays. Either way, we got the bright idea to get some wrapping paper, ribbons bows, and our friend's Great Dane, Jake. We fed...

Things People Have Searched For That Led
Submitted by Dave
March 12, 2001, 193 Comments

A neat feature of PoopReport's stats software is that it records how people found PoopReport. So if you found us through a search engine, it lets us know what you searched for to find us. Well, it seems there are a whole lot of perverts and fecalpheliacs using the Internet. When you search for...

Sticking it to The Man
Submitted by Joe
March 8, 2001, 6 Comments

As a junior in college, I was an R.A on the third floor of Gonzaga Hall. It just so happens that two years prior to my service there, in the very same room, there was an R.A. named Matt Purphy. Apparently Matt wasn't liked very much during his term for being a hard-ass, so his residents were...

Excrete Revenge
Submitted by Shaun
March 6, 2001, 16 Comments

Editor's note: This piece originally appeared on Orange Source, and is reprinted with the author's permission. We strutted into the airport with our clashing neon-orange and burgundy, feather-lined, 100-percent-pure polyester leisure suits, the ones that made us look "Shaft" extras, except it was...

Poo's on First?
Submitted by Mark
January 22, 2001, 7 Comments

In 7th grade, I played Little League Baseball. We were a terrible team that summer. Our coach, Mr Harrington, was a recovering alcoholic -- very nervously chain smoking his way to health, but not to victory. One day, he was throwing batting practice. We were shagging flies in the outfield when...

Force = Ass X Acceleration
Submitted by Justin
January 11, 2001, 20 Comments

New Years Y2K was a very good time. People partying hard in the cities. Getting trashed, stoned, and otherwise generally crazed. Stockpiling food, water and assorted submachine guns in preparation for the certain downfall of civilization, scheduled precisely for 000 hr, 1/1/2000. And, as everyone...

The Sights and Smells of Autumn
Submitted by Areth
October 10, 2000, 25 Comments

When I was a kid I had a friend named John. He was pretty cool, but this kid down the street named Eric would always come over to his house and hang out. We all didn't like Eric 'cause he spit on people and was a real pansy. He was only allowed to watch Disney movies, and John and I only watched...

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