Fun With Feces
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The Vacation Files, Or The Rue Of Stalle
Submitted by Philip Plopped
April 22, 2010, 7 Comments

When my sister was about eight years old and I was four or five, she beckoned me to the upstairs bathroom to see something amazing. ”Come quick,” she hastened, and we went upstairs to see the "carrot" that she had made in the toilet. It was quite amazing, indeed. Both of us lacked the knowledge...

Turd Polisher Pro
Submitted by daphne
April 20, 2010, 7 Comments

Just when we think we've seen it all, someone comes along, and with tongue in cheek, puts forth a product that can only let the web viewer sit back and say, "Huh." The Turd Polisher leaves us wondering if we can truly believe our eyes and ears. Is it possible to render beautiful music from crap?...

Stealing Cable
Submitted by Admiral Stools
April 2, 2010, 10 Comments

A friend of my dad's once told me of a trick he'd played on a fellow worker at the construction site. There was nowhere to poop at this particular site, so it was often that one of them would crouch behind the bushes. On this particular day during lunch, one of the guys went to that spot, pulled...

Hypoothetical Questions
Submitted by Theofanny
February 5, 2010, 25 Comments

There’s an old adage: don’t speak about religion and politics over dinner (or shitty conversation and haranguing will ensue). Because I am both a preacher and a professor, the subjects of religion and politics are not out of the ordinary conversation during lunch with my colleagues. Perhaps the...

Count Your Poop In 2010
Submitted by Poo Counter
December 30, 2009, 73 Comments

Late on the thirty-first of December, 2008, I was asked a simple question: "How many poos do you think you'll have in 2009?" Immediately I was interested, and on the morning of the first of January, I began my quest, recording number one. Throughout the year I have continued to rack up the count....

Strange Exchange: A Short Story
Submitted by eardowel
December 15, 2009, 22 Comments

While I was in the U.S. Navy (land based), I had wicked diarrhea. I went to get my best friend Tony to show it to him; it had strings of jalapeños in it, and was as disgusting as any I'd ever seen. He quickly offered me twenty dollars to stir it with my hand. I had no open wounds on my had, so I...

The Big Squat: Marking World Toilet Day
Submitted by Dave
October 22, 2009, 17 Comments

World Toilet Day is coming up. It's November 19 -- just a few weeks away. It's an important event that marks the fact that 2.5 billion people in the world don't have a pot to piss in, and are instead forced to practice habits like open defecation that cause serious risks to health (not to mention...

Shit Head
Submitted by Merc
September 9, 2009, 26 Comments

It’s been a long time since my last poop installments, from my Texas high school to a pretentious Prep School in Massachusetts, and now finally my foray into the Ivy League itself. There’s no use in pretending that it was a smooth and easy path; the prep school was necessitated by a stand-by...

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Steaming
Submitted by thenewcoven08
July 7, 2009, 26 Comments

It was in the mid-nineties, when I was still living in Alabama. Some friends and I had been hanging out at my apartment playing video games, eating pizza, and drinking beer. Typical college stuff. One of my friends, who I had known since 1982 when my family moved to ‘Bama from New Orleans, asked me...

Submitted by EngineerChris
July 1, 2009, 31 Comments

My name is Chris, and I have been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease since about 1992. One of my passions is playing with cars -- and, particularly, racing them. Another thing I do, it just so happens, is poop often. To cut to the point, several of my friends and I are going to participate in an...

Flush TV: The Poop On Poop
Submitted by FlushTV
February 25, 2009, 22 Comments

Hi PoopReport, I produce an Internet reality series about plumbing. It's called Flush TV. Most of the episodes are about plumbers. In Season 1, we followed a family-owned Detroit plumbing company. Season 2 has stayed a little closer to home (I live in Brooklyn, NY) -- and has been a little more...

The Monkey Wins
Submitted by Pill Pooper
February 20, 2009, 67 Comments

We were all sitting on the bench, talking like we normally do after each hockey game. It was a playoff game, which we had lost, so we were discussing next season. The conversation somehow shifted over to defecation. "I'm a pretty Shameful Shitter myself," I said. "I really only shit at home."...

Submitted by ipoopdaily
February 17, 2009, 51 Comments

A best friend from the Army and I are fortunate enough to live near each other now. Fortunate for us, anyway, but I'm not so sure about the rest of humanity. We regularly enjoy taking trips to Europe to dig up old WWII battlefield artifacts. On more than one occasion, we've completed Poopin Across...

I Pooped At Work And I Liked It
Submitted by scatatonic
January 16, 2009, 71 Comments

One day at work, the need to shit hit me. I tried to ignore it because I hate shitting at work. I don't want to get caught by any of my co-workers. Yes, I admit it, I am a Shameful Shitter. Nevertheless, there I was, clenching my butt cheeks, trying to ignore that feeling until it got so bad that...

The Hotel That Wronged Me
Submitted by alt_phil
December 11, 2008, 136 Comments

Editor's note: we don't condone this. I used to repossess cars. As a repo man, I worked some crazy hours -- sometimes I would work days straight without sleep. I had a rather crazy girlfriend at the time -- a real grown-up goth, totally warped. She rode with me on repos and would help me get cars...

Poop At The Piggly Wiggly
Submitted by ChiefThunderbutt
November 19, 2008, 36 Comments

It was a slow afternoon in the Piggly Wiggly. We were located in a neighborhood of Nashville with a lot of elderly customers, so a lot of our business came at the end of the month when pension checks were sent out. We were about a week shy of this, though, so there was little to do. My apprentice...

The Revolt Of The Liquor Store Stock Boy
Submitted by Hans Von Rotten...
November 17, 2008, 23 Comments

There was a time, before I got a respectable job, when I worked as a stock boy, cashier, and all-around bitch boy at a local liquor store. The store was a staple on the block for many years before a new owner bought it and business went downhill fast. The new owner was a real tool who would...

The Urinal Poop Scandal: Confessions Of
Submitted by Pepe LePew
October 1, 2008, 46 Comments

It all started as a harmless prank. But the law of unintended consequences snowballed into blind accusations, employees being threatened with firings, and a tale that is still being told years afterwards to new hirelings. And, most importantly, a lesson in moral responsibility for me to live up to...

The Year Of Magical Pooping
Submitted by girlsdontpoop
September 24, 2008, 42 Comments

I've news you may like to hear. So, shortly after joining the glorious PoopReport, I realized that I would be moving. To England. For a year. Meaning: The Year Of Magical Pooping has begun. I'm aiming for every country [in Europe]. I'm not sure if I can do it. That's forty-seven countries, barring...

Gasputin's Big Score
Submitted by Dave
September 23, 2008, 23 Comments

From: Bruce Smith To: Subject: A REQUEST FOR REPRINT RIGHTS TO AN ARTICLE ---------------------------------------- I am the editor of Naughty Neighbors magazine. Naughty Neighbors is a men's sophisticate magazine that is distributed around the world. Print runs are over 120,000...

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