Grand Theft Auto Five: Now With Dog Poop
In case you have been living in a vacuum lately, Rockstar Games released the newest installment in the Grand Theft Auto series: Grand Theft Auto Five. If you decided to emerge from that vacuum and bought GTA 5, you know that the game play is freaking awesome. Spending $170 million to reach production (and reaping over $500 million in sales already!), the developers perfected new technology introduced in GTA 4 to leave the gamer in a position to see and do more than ever before possible. Horizons are beautiful; the automobiles handle with the perfect combination of realism and game-controller predictability.; I could gush for hours.
The story line in GTA 5 revolves around three characters--Michael, Franklin, and Trevor--who get caught up in a series of bank robberies for different reasons. Michael is an aging thief wasting away in the "FIB's" Witness Protection Program with his pot-smoking son, tart daughter, and frustrated wife. Franklin is a young man who wanted to avoid crime but is pulled into heists repeatedly by bad luck, hood rat characters, and worse decisions. And Trevor? He's my favorite: larger than life as a huffing, sociopathic meth head whose mission sessions often begin with his waking up in his underwear, shit-assed dirty, in unknown locations, with no explanation of how he got there.
So what, you say? OK, I understand. You may not be a gamer ... but I know you get a kick out of poop. Evidently, so do a few unknown video game developers. Some of our as-yet-undiscovered Poopreporters decided that, along with introducing wildlife to the game, it was time to place a pet dog into the story line. Meet Chop:
Chop can become Franklin's dog to watch and keep once Franklin inherits a big old house on the hill and completes a few early mission. Once Franklin becomes Chop's guardian, however, Franklin has to keep up with him, or Chop can be lost from game play permanently. Franklin can give Chop different collars so far in our game play, and I have read that he can be worked with further into the story line. Furthermore, if you have an iPhone, you can download the app Grand Theft Auto iFruit; the app allows you to teach Chop tricks that can be then transferred to the game. I hate not having an iPhone...
And best of all, Chop poops:
I do not know if the evil geniuses at Rockstar Games made video game history by programming what Chop deposits, but they have made history programming how much Chop deposits. Obviously, Chop is not being fed Nutro; that right there is a corn-laden Ol' Roy or Dog Chow crap. With all the money Franklin's bringing in, you'd think he'd put out for something better, like Fromm. Maybe he likes poop as much as we do.
We applaud the programmers at Rockstar Games!