who are you, poonurse?

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Gulp asks:

Are you really a doctor? Have you ever really examined someone's poop?
When have you had to stick something up a child's rectum and why? Please post this and don't
email me. Post your answer.

Dear Gulp,

  1. I am not a doctor. I am a nurse.
  2. I do not examine poop. I see it all the time in the course of my work.
  3. I don't stick things up kids' asses.

Hope this helps! Thanks for asking!


Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

17 Comments on "who are you, poonurse?"

Steve's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Dear Poonurse,

Why do you degrade your profession by making thoughtless remarks like "I'm only a nurse, not a medical doctor", or by suggesting that nurses don't go to real university, just some substandard place called "nursing school"? Shame on you! People read this and don't know any better - if you really were a Registered Nurse (which I suspect you're not) you would have more pride in your profession and not depend on self-deprecatory humour to get your point across.
That will be all.

Nugs's picture

I'm guessing it's a legal thing. Whatever. You go, poonurse. You da shit.

Shitting is almost as good as sex's picture

Dear Steve(male nurse by any chance?) ...i can see you are an anonymous coward just like me so "Shame on you!"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Come back, poonurse!!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

If you look for "Poonurse" in any of several web search engines, all you get, besides a lot of links to PR, are some porn sites and places to buy stuff like Vicodin online.

Whatever Poonurse's remuneration for her work here at PR was, I would hate to think it was such that it forced her into a life of drugs and debauchery. I prefer to think that she Found the Lord and became the Mother Superior of an order of nuns in Austria, where, even now, heavenly light streaming down upon her, she is singing "Climb Ev'ry Mountain" to some frustrated young novice who has been handed a shovel and told to muck out the latrines.

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points

Did Poonurse resign from PR? and I didn't even get a chance to know her.

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

She just disappeared one day. She just disappeard.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

There is a plaintive tone in Dave's voice when he says this that you won't hear any other time. Poonurse was a great asset to PR, as is attested by the continued popularity of her posts. I hope she married Poodoctor, and they are off in Poosuburb raising a family of Poochildren. But who knows? Maybe one day she will re-emerge as "PooSenator," and solve all our political problems as well as our health questions.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

Rumor has it that there was a tornado in Poonurses area.

I hope that my suspicions are not correct, that she did not survive the storms.

If you are out there Poonurse, at least let us know that you are ok.
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Perhaps Poonurse abandoned us because of retarded-ass posts like the one and the one by anusfacesteve.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!


Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

Dave, have you ever had an update from Poonurse?
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Push n Clog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

You're awsome poonurse. I love your advices, I love your comments, I love you. platonic I think.

To clog or not to clog...
too late - already clogged.

My dream: to design and build the ultimate shredder toilet that will never, ever clog.

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

she did?
-- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

Shitzalotamus's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Dear Steve,

As much as I admire and respect nurses (I've had more than one save my life many times), I think poopnurse was only saying "I'll give you advice, but know that my word isn't golden. I don't have your charts in front of me and everyone is different. If what I suggest does not work, see your primary care doctor as they will know more about your medical history than I."
Yes, nurses go to college. Yes, it is a hard job that requires intelligence and discipline. Yes it is an job to be proud of. No, nurses do not go through as many classes as doctors.
As for me, I'm grateful for someone like poopnurse that is willing to help us out with something as embarrassing as poop problems. I find her humor refreshing and reassuring.
That is all.

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points

I also will defend poonurse, being in the medical profession myself, I see what nurses do day after day, especially nurses in the hospitals, who have to do everything from administering meds, to, yes, helping patients with pooping and poop related issues. I personally have experienced that facet as the patient on more than one occasion. Keep up the good work, Poonurse... :), my hat goes off to you...

In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

Anonymous's picture

Dear Poonurse, You are too poo-fabulous, but I must take issue with your claim that Michigan is the asshole of the universe. No, it is not. Michigan is a gorgeous state,as anyone lucky enough to have spent summers in and around the beaches in and near Charlevoix, in the northwestern corner of the lower Peninsula, as have I, can attest. Perhaps you are so up to your ears in shitwork and you are unable to get out much and appreciate Michigan. That is truly sad. A person who performs such a valuable service for the poop-obsessed, such as myself, deserves some free time in which to get out and enjoy their state.

I hope you do not suffer from such shitty hours that you cannot do this. By the way, my grandmother, who has been a RN since 1934, though today at 100 years old she has long since retired, is a lifelong Michigan resident who managed to find time to get out and enjoy Michigan to the fullest. In fact it is at her beach in Charlevoix where I spent those endless gorgeous summer days on clean beaches with clear blue water and glorious sunsets. The most idyllic days of my life were spent there. There is nothing "assholish" about the place which is paradise. I've traveled to several countries in this world so I do have a point of reference.

Please try to get out more, Poonurse. A little fresh clean air away from all the poo-fumes would certainly benefit you greatly. Michigan is gorgeous. Please get out and see it.

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