tell me about poop
I am doing a speech on poop for one of my college classes. Can you please send me some information. Thanks so much
Why Vanessa, I would be honored!
I went to nursing school, however. Not an actual college, (although we did have to take enough classes at a nearby college to garner a wussy Associate/Science deg. along with the RN.) So my college skills come down to a few hijinks that really do not serve me well when it comes to speech making. Especially about poop.
Most memorable of my psuedo-college activities was the day our dorm was going out for a picnic. This picnic was supervised by The Dorm Nazi. I was elected to figure out how to get some booze to the picnic for our academic pleasures. Being that I was only 18, the problem at hand was were to get it. Where do underage nursing students go for alcohol? Their favorite frat house, of course. Lambda Gamma Epsilon was the frat house of choice for my crowd. I learned to drink excessively there, a skill that has served me well to this very day.
After consulting with my mentors at LGE, it was decided that we would do the old "vodka in the watermelon" trick. Not original, but very do-able as we nursing students had access to syringes. I was given a bottle of vodka (never mind what I had to do for it) and the plan was born.
I spent the better part of the morning injecting said watermelon with the vodka. Unfortunately, we could only let it ripen for about 15 minutes before the picnic. The watermelon was lovingly transported in the back of the station wagon (this was a long time ago, when station wagons ruled the earth), by a bunch of giggling post high school student nurses.
In fact, we giggled and carried on SO much that The Dorm Nazi soon became suspicious of the fact that every time one of us even looked at the watermelon, we broke out into gales of laughter and dropping to the ground hysterically. We could barely eat the picnic food as the anticipation of watching the TDN (and all of us) eat the spiked watermelon.
As soon as she bit into her slice and we all exploded in laughter, her face became narrowed and pinched. "There's VODKA IN HERE", she thundered. I tried to look innocently away, but she zoomed in on me right away. I caved and admitted my role immediately. The other girls mustered forth fake indignation that they had "almost" unwittingly consumed alcohol. They shook their heads sorrowfully at TDN.
I was the only one punished. I had to appear before the board at our nursing school and convince them why I shouldn't be immediately expelled. Fortunately, I convinced them and after a stern lecture and a letter to my parents (my mother is STILL not speaking to me, some 25 years later) I graduated and went on to the greatness that is PoopReport.
Now, as to your Poop speech. Here goes some info, some of which I learned here, on this very site:
- Poop is brown, although sometimes it likes to wear different colors such as green, yellow, orange, red, or even almost white.
- Poop can be many different shapes and consistencies. Hard as a friggin' brick to pure liquid. Doesn't matter to poop.
- Poop generally smells bad.
- People don't like to hang around places that are used for pooping (like Walmart bathrooms).
- Poop doctors do unspeakable things to your ass, and you pay them to do it.
- Poop is funny.
So, dear Vanessa, I hope my contribution helps your Poospeech. Good luck!
Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.
Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.
Got a question for her?