sudden floater

// // 11 Comments
j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dottie asks:

My 11 year old son has destroyed countless number of underware because he
will not poop when he has to. He will only go at home if we threaten him
or tell him he will get icecream if he goes! He says that he is board. He
doesn't want to miss his favorite tv show. Or I don't have to poop
everyday!!! His underware tells me diffrent.His belly usually is hard and
sticking out. We have tries to use laxatives or stool softner. When he
does poop its much to large to come out of my kid! I tell him he will get
sick by not pooping. Is this a phase?? or will he really get sick??





Dear Ed,

I wrote a short piece on Floaters vs. Sinkers some time ago. It's around here somewhere.

But--if you have all of a sudden started producing floaters, take a look at your diet. Have you changed eating habits drastically lately? Are the floaters diarrhea-ish, or just floating logs?

(Look at how low I have sunk--asking strangers about whether their poop floats or not--don't mind this depressive ramble, I'll be ok in a second).

If it is just some floating logs, with no other symptoms, I wouldn't worry too much. But if it becomes loose, accompanied by excessive gas, pain, bleeding or other alarming symptoms, do go to the doctor, ok?

Good luck.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












11 Comments on "sudden floater"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

This letter doesn't match with the answer.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Yeah, there's something wrong here - you've got the wrong answer for this letter.

The Dumpster's picture

My son was slow learning to use the pot. He would still mess in his pants sometimes at age 8. His grandmother finally discovered the cure. Every afternoon when he got home from school, she would park him on the throne, and march up and down the hall outside the bathroom chanting "bum-bum, the doo-doo drum," until he finally dumped his load. Dunno what Dr. Freud would say about this, but it worked.

Death Metal's picture

Wrong letter, but valid question. I've found that eating the right amount of fiber and fruit isn't just healthy, but produces AWESOME soft but powerful poops.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Congradulations, deathmedal. It sounds like you have healthy bowels.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Tell the kid if he wants a scoop, he needs to poop

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

That is what is missing in a 21st century society. The good old fashioned wisdom of the grandmother. Where did it go? Oh Oh Oh...in the nursing home.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

That doesn't include us because we poopreporter get our old fashioned poop wisdom from the chief paw paw.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I thought maybe I was missing something here. I reread the letter like 4 times and couldn't understand the answer. Luckily I finally came to my senses and scrolled down the the best part anyway the comments! Have you tried oh I don't know punishing him for crapping himself? Or maybe changing his diet?
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

Good idea MMC; change his diet to include loadsa chilli - he won't want to sit with that in his kecks! Change and Punishment.... was that by Checkov?

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I would say let the kid shit his pants all he wants, then give him an old fashioned galvanized tub and a scrub board out in the back yard. No scrub-scrub = no din-din. The problem will clear up either way. No food = no shit.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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