my stomach is too loud

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Danny K asks:

When I poo I pee at the same time, I tuck my penis under. It helps poo. But
that's not the problem. My tummy is always making "rumbling" noises, and it feels
like the poo is moving down. These noises are very loud, and often get strange
looks on a crowded train. I am sure Poonurse will have the answer, my boyfriend
says, so here we are.

Dear Danny

Thanks for the question!

Now, this is not exactly "up my alley" (pardon the pun) but I will attempt an answer.

It happens when your stomach walls squeeze together in an attempt to mix and digest food and there's no food there. Gases and digestive juices slosh around in your empty stomach and before you know it - borborygmi.

This is a latin term for "homosexual penis-tucking stomach rumblings".

Hunger really has nothing to do with an empty stomach but, instead, is a product of certain nutrients the body is lacking. Once necessary nutrients are lacking from the gut, the dinner bell is rung, and the stomach and intestines come rumbling.

If ever in a situation where borborygmi kicks in, and there is no food in sight, remember to remain calm. Look at your neighbor on the train with disgust. Move away slightly, while shaking your head. If it continues, begin singing show tunes loudly and off tune. Everyone nearby will move away, and not be bothered by your borborygmi again.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

6 Comments on "my stomach is too loud"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Get a new muffler.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh, wait. That's a car. Sorry.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

Get a new muffler. I thought of that too TSV.

What types of foods are you eating? To get the most out of ytour food, you want Quality, not quantity.

in other words, you can eat alot of something and not get what you need out of it, whereas you can eat a little of something and have it "stay with you"
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Anonymous Coward's picture

Does anyone have a clue why sometimes my stomach "rumbles?" Furthermore, I also tend to fart a lot, and I mean roughly 10 farts in 1 hour. I am also experiencing digestive problems, such as; I get diarrhea, and when I don't diarrhea I POOP A SLIME! =O[ Can anyone help me?

Fearthelan's picture

Yo anonymous, I'd suggest going to a doctor first of all. Sounds like you may have some unwanted guests in your system. Until then maybe trying eating some probiotic yogurt/capsules daily which will only help your system out. Also try to increase your fibre intake (aka fruits and foods high in fibre) and drink a good amout of water.

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

eat fiber and try to eat alot of it. it can keep your stumuch filled for days! -- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

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