large poops, early pinching, lots of chafing

// // 13 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Zoe asks:

Hello Motherload!

Generally, I love to poop. I find it to be a very satisfying activity. However, my experience pooping tends to be marred by a number of factors, detailed below, that all seem to work together to piss off my anus and make my pooping a big waste of time and toilet paper. Please note that I eat fairly well: a lot of fruit and vegetables, but a little low on carbs, and maybe a bit high on fats. Little-to-no dairy. I get in some exercise (twenty to thirty minutes a day on average). I am a twenty-two-year-old female.

So, here are my symptoms:

  1. I have very large, very solid shits. I don't usually clog the toilet, but they average maybe ten-fourteen inches in length and about two inches wide. Although they are solid, they seem to be, well, spongy. I can't think of an appropriate word to describe it. I guess you should imagine a moist clay log that was slathered in Vaseline.

  2. I seem to be unable to let my poop run its course. Try as I might, my butt seems to always to pinch it off early. I've tried concentrating on other things, concentrating on keeping my butt open, shifting positions, etc., with no luck. This means that not only do I have a lot of extra wiping to do, but I get stuck with lumps of shit lodged up my ass, robbing me of total satisfaction.

  3. My ass is always chafed from previous million-wiping sessions. I tread lightly, but always end up with a bit of blood on the toilet paper.

  4. Don't know if this makes a difference, but I wipe from the front. I'm always careful not to spread shit around (perhaps this "flicking" wiping motion causes some of the irritation!). I didn't even know people wiped from the back until I started reading PoopReport. I tried to do it, but it hurt my back.

Anyway, shitting is just a pain in the ass for me these days. Do you have any suggestions?


Dear Zoe,

Your diet could probably use a tune-up, even though its not completely horrible. Sometimes fruits and veggies aren't enough on their own to provide the amount of fiber necessary to form good healthy poops. You should probably cut down a little on the fatty foods and replace them with whole grain foods, and maybe even take a fiber supplement as well.

There are two sphincters associated with pooping: the internal anal sphincter and the external anal sphincter. The internal one you have absolutely no control over, as it is an "involuntary" muscle. You can, however, control the external one. (Well, there are exceptions to this rule, but you know what I mean.) So even though you are trying to relax the external sphincter to have one continuous long poop, the internal one is most likely sabotaging your efforts.

You do seem to have a strange wiping technique, but to each his/her own. I just hope that even though you approach the area from the front that you at least do your "flicking" away from your vagina. If not, you might end up writing to a pee report site for advice at some point when you end up with intestinal bacteria colonizing your bladder, giving you a wonderfully painful and itchy UTI.

I suggest that you change the brand of toilet paper that you use to prevent the chafing from now on. Also, wet wipes with aloe could prove to be quite beneficial to you.

Thanks for asking Motherload!

Motherload is a Certified Nurse Assistant as well as an IBS sufferer, which means she knows a lot about poop. Got a question for her? Ask it here.












13 Comments on "large poops, early pinching, lots of chafing"

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

Zoe, if I could poop like that, I would be bragging and not complaining. Hope that is of some consolation for you. As far as your asshole being chafed, I sometimes have the same problem, and I discovered that metholatum will provide instant relief.

Eoz's picture

Thanks for the advice!
I am very, very careful about how I wipe... but I wonder why I learned to do it from the front when it seems that most of the world wipes from the back?
I'll try your advice and see how it goes.

Over the last couple weeks I've increased exercise to 1 to 2 hours per day and consequently drink a lot more water. This seems to help a bit because my turds are slimmer (just as long though) and softer so they don't always get "chopped" prematurely.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Turdfan...are you sure about the mentholatum? Sounds painful to me,more like something a koala would enjoy. I have few chaffing incidents with my browneye but when I do a small dab of 1% hydrocortosone does the trick quite nicely.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

No, thunderbutt, give it a try and you'll find out. All you need is a very small amount. Blistex cream will also work, but it doesn't work nearly as well because it's real soft and comes off (or soaks up) too fast.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Turdfan.......I shall try your remedy next time I have a chaffed bung....sounds more natural than hydrocortosone.....thanks.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I don't think of clay as spongy. When I think of spongy, I think of something that can bounces back to shape after being squeezed - clay can be molded but does not bounce back. I usually have spongy poos as there is alot of fiber going on over here.

Drinking water would most definitely help pass things, as fiber does not work as well without being able to absorb water.

As to the toilet paper, have you considered using toilet paper after using a flushable moist wipe? They can work wonders.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Dildo Baggins's picture
l 100+ points


_First off, is it okay that I am somewhat turned on by reading about women having large turds? Also, on the chaffing issue, I just take my wifes tube of ChapStick and give the old ring piece a few swipes.______
Here I sit, my cheeks a flexin', about to give birth to another Texan.

Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Huge jasshole, please tell me you tell her her chapstick has been contaminated with anal lips.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Yes the moist wipe would help with that million wipe dump you are experiencing. I love those things!!
_______
AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

Anonymous coward's picture

Zoe, we're EXACTLY alike!! Minus the chafing. (though mine does chafe sometimes as well) I'm always ripped away of the full pooping experience. It's ridiculous and quite disgusting. And I also take rather large dumps every time. I've been like that since I was a baby, apparently.
ROCK ON!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Your problem is you're too tense. Just remember, shitting should be a relaxing experience. Just sit, relax, and let it flow.

FartMasterFlex's picture

Zoe,
I had the same problem as you for quite some time, and it may just be that you need MORE time on the shitter. For the longest time I would get annoyed with the fact that my craps would break off before they were fully out. After awhile though, I found that if I just sat it out, and waited, by body just kinda took care of the remaining feces. And when I'm done, there's just this 'feeling' that it's over and all good. Hope that might help.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Another factor is that the colon is not a straight line; it has bends, and the turdage tends to break up at those points. Granted, at the moment of defecation the rectum and the nearest part of the rest of the colon do come closer to being a straight line, allowing for the expulsion of long pieces; even so, and even if both sphincters are open at that moment, the length of poop that can come straight out is limited. I find that only if I am doing a fairly soft poop do I get great length, though of course the softer stuff breaks more easily. If it is hard and long, it usually breaks at some point, presumably because it had to go around a bend in the colon before emerging.

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