monster logs after childbirth

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Shewillkillme asks:

Since having kids, my wife consistently and regularly drops monster logs that invariably require chopping (we are running out of coathangers). Yesterday I came home from work to find her admiring her latest effort. I peered over the edge of the bowl to be confronted by a log of at least eight inches in length (part of its length was obscured below the waterline by paper) and a good three to four inches wide at its widest point. Is this a world record? What could cause such a monstrous turd? She must have a colon like the Channel Tunnel! Is this where Saddam was hiding his WMDs?





Dear Shewillkillme,

Apparently, childbirth is the culprit here. Since having produced your spawn, her mind has just flat out GONE to the point where she has nothing better to do than try to produce gargantuan feces and then admiring them.

Very sad, but not at all uncommon. Either:

A. Have a long, frank, and supportive conversation with her about how concerned you are, and how you still really love her, and how you want her to try to develop a different "hobby;" or

B. Get more coathangers.

Thanks for asking Poonurse!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












17 Comments on "monster logs after childbirth"

PooperGal's picture

Sounds like Mr. Shewillkillme is suffering from "hers is bigger" envy.

Dumping Jack Splash's picture

I'd like to ask Mrs Shewillkillme how much effort these monsters take to dump? I'm envious - even if Mr Shewillkillme isn't. I can't manage anything approaching an 8 by 3 turd......

On another subject - has anybody made a comparison of US and other toilets? I may be wrong but I don't think we have such blockable facilities in the UK.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

My mother also got the giant shits after she had me.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This sight is great

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I don't want giant shits! No! No giant shits! Okay, that's it. Thanks a lot. I forgot that this happens to mothers.

Wait! What am I talking about?!? I get giant shits all the time...

Could they get bigger with a baby? I hope not.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The dreaded poop's picture

OMG! After i had my 2nd baby i had been taking opiate painkillers (which make you totally constipated). 8 days later it was time to go. I sat on the toilet over night. I had to give my self an enema just to break it up a little. it was wider than my wrist and as long as my forearm. followed by massive amounts of diarehea from exlax. And THATS why i wont have any more kids!

Butt Fixin Momma's picture

I had giant ones myself after having my daughter. I was just glad the toilet didnt clog when I flushed. I had a plunger in hand when my husband came in and asked if I was ok. I pointed to the toilet to which my husband replyed "Holy shit." and I nodded.

GranniePanties's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Ewwwwww. The shit of the century?

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

At the risk of having 'lame comment' slapped on me, I can only say that I admire ladies who can do giant shits - whether after childbirth or not! Big ones are more satisfying!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I wouldn't "lame" that, Hamster; it wasn't offensive.

I have to say that I didn't have this problem after the GoKids were born. The first movement after birth WAS painful, but not gigantic.

I'll take this opportunity to thank the poo god that I didn't suffer hemorrhoids OR monster logs!

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

GGG - I've been 'lamed' five times - and looking at them again I didn't think any one of them was offensive!! I don't think I'm an offensive person!!! But there you go ....

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Hammy, we've all learned the hard way that tone, inflection, and intent are difficult to interpret on a screen.

Been caught bare-arsed myself, a few times. You just have to say, "Whoops!" and go on.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

GGG - you are completely right (as ever)!!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Hammy, I'm looking for a campaign manager; send me a resume.

If my lawyer approves you, you may run my platform.

dambuster's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My mother-in-law does giant turds regulary.
She comes out laughing everytime she cloggs a public toilet. She has been known to go into the mens room and clogg the mens toilets up too! I have seen her work, I diden't think it was humanly possible to produce such monsters! Sometimes they are too thick and wide to fit down the hole in the toilet bowl!

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Dambuster, tell your MiL that fire plugs are not butt plugs. Her asshole should regain some of its lost muscle tone once she stops doing squat thrusts on them.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

dambuster's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Deja Poo, you could be right about the squat thrusts, when ever she farts it sounds like she has been battered around the ring more times than Rocky!!!
She's at my house for Christmas dinner, I'm dredding her traditional Yule Log she'll probably leave clogging up my toilet.We have just installed a powerflusher toilet for her, but it doesn't cope with the big logs she does.Coat-hanger and the old faithful bucket chasers to the rescue!

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