itchy ass crack

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Shecky asks:

For the last two months, my ass has been itching like crazy. I eat a lot of fiber in the form of Metamucil and whole wheat bread, so my turds are generally of a good consistency. I don't have hemmorhoids, and I would like to think that I don't have a parasite, but my ass still itches. It's not the o-ring that itches, but rather the area around it. It's almost like I have jock itch of the ass -- is that possible? I exercise a good bit, so it does get sweaty down there. Please help me, Poonurse!






Dear Schecky,

First, you know that I am going to tell you to get it checked out by a competent medical professional, right? It could be just an irritation, or it could be something as disgusting as pinworms or something. So see a doctor.

You COULD briefly try washing with a mild soap such as Ivory, letting the area dry well, wearing loose cotton underpants, not using premoistened wipes, and applying 1% hydrocortisone cream SPARINGLY to the itchy area twice a day. If these suggestions don't help within ten days or so, show your itching ass to a doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

1001 Comments on "itchy ass crack"

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I stopped the itch in my butt-cleft a number of years ago by using Noxzema or a store-brand equivalent on my last wipe. I wipe 3 or 4 times till the paper is nearly clean, then refold it, dab on a small amount of Noxzema, and wipe, including up into the anus. It works for me.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well well well thank god I am not alone. I have suffered in silence for years and years and years. Don't worry I have seen a doc - not that he helped me at all. So this is my story. I started with this "Son Of An Itch" for longer than I care to remember. Mine seems to come in waves. I'm female and depending on what part of the month I'm in determines how severe it gets. Closer to that time of the month it intensifies then settles down afterwards. I'm at the moment getting releif from nappy rash creams. Warm baths, sometimes salty. Cold washer compresses if I just can't sleep. Baby wipes are a huge help but only only particular brand for me. Sleepless nights happen a couple of nights a months. Yes it's worse at night. I think we need to rename this "Son Of An Itch" and give some ghastly night terror name like Darth Vader Of the Ass or something. Definately only wear 100% cotton at all times. I can't even go knickerless in bed even though my sheets are cotton. The little "Son of An Itch" crawls up my butt if I do and sure enough I will be awake ALL hours of the night. So I guess we are not alone. Doc ointments didnt help me. It seems to just be a matter of keeping the "O" royal one clean clean clean.

Randy1's picture

This AnaNOitch-D rocks. The itch stopped right from the first time I used it. http://www.AnaNOitch.com

Randy

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow, a site about poop.. I stumbled upon this gem in my quest to diagnose what the hells wrong with my itching asshole. I don't know, but every so often I need to scratch it. Flakes of skin often come off. Also, when I wipe my ass after number twos, theres often blood on the paper. I also have scaly dry skin patches on the bottom of my "shaft", and my nuts and shaft are intensely itchy. I read that two other guys have this problem alongside itchy asshole syndrome, but im not sure whether they're related. Any suggestions what either of my problems are?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Sounds to me like jock itch, which is basically the same fungus as athlete's foot, use any athlete's foot product over the counter on it...oh, and from personal experience, it burns like a son of a bitch on your sack, but you won't have to do it for too long, it will go away.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Happy Hole's picture

I suffered like many of you for months. Believe me, I know feel your pain. I was browsing the baby aisle at my local grocery store for any fix and saw the Boudreaux's Butt Paste that a couple people on here talked about. I started using it. I put a pea size drop on my finger and covered my anal region. After a few days, I was almost healed completely (I had some cracked skin). After a week, I was itch free. It was a miracle for me. I haven't stopped using it because I'm afraid the itch could come back. I should also note that I now have the following routine:

- Wake up
- Poop
- Shower
- Towel Dry
- Hair Dryer my crack
- Apply Boudreaux's Butt Paste

I know it sounds like a lot but it probably takes me an extra 90 seconds and saved my life!

Good Luck!

Fyrfighter's picture

I'm pretty sure that my problem is an anal fissure; the problem is that when you poop, it re-injures the area so it has a hard time healing. So far the best relief from the itching has come from using the Boudreaux Butt Paste; the stuff really works and it also seems to keep your ass feeling drier than the other ointments that i've tried. I'll continue to use it until I can get this damn fissure to heal. If you see some blood on the paper when you poop, there's a good chance you have either hemorhoids and or fissures. If anybody has a good solution for healing fissures, please shout out.

Anonymous Coward TBone's picture

I have had the same problems as many of you and have always had an itch on or around my anus. Well I had a bad 2 weeks with an external hemorrhoid and I think that is what set off this latest incident. I had started blotting with toilet paper after a BM and then I started wiping and scratching. More Hemaroid creme now it's burning itching soo lets say I thought it was safe to rub with my underware to satisfy the need to scratch. NOT boy was that wrong.....
This is the worst I have ever scratched its like a rash now kinda raw. Now after six days of painful tingling, I could not take it anymore and went to the doctor. He prescribed a steroid cream and said that I should take ibuprofen to help with the swelling. The doctor thinks for me it's a fungal issue because i have kept it too moist with the hemorrhoid cream.

Well we will see how it goes I just applied the prescription today.

fast food freddie's picture

Ive had an itchy ass ever since i started working for McDonald's. could be the food. I eat so many big macs now. I wish my boss would put Hand sanitizer in the kitchen, as it is hard to get to the washroom every 10 minutes. dam it we are out of latex gloves again. the only thing i find that works for my ass is a little Big Mac Sauce. hope it works for you.........

HowleyKook's picture
l 100+ points

I bet you stopped biting your nails and they look great now!
_______
Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Anonymous Coward #2963's picture

Fyrfighter said: "If anybody has a good solution for healing fissures, please shout out.

Stool softeners help...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

What chains carry the Boudreaux Butt Paste? It sounds handy to have around.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

MSG, they have a website and offer a free trial sample, http://www.buttpaste.com/BLButtPaste.php

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Mya S. Sitches's picture

Yes, I'm a female with a burning ass. I was on some antibiotics for an ear infection and next thing I know, my ass crack is on fire from scratching. I was using aloe wipes to do it, but that didn't help. I've tried the prep. H cooling gel, hydrocortisone, anusol, apple cider vinegar (just today I found that idea on here...that BURNS & didn't relieve it for long) and now I'm using some Balmex. I'm thinking that maybe it's a yeast infection like you would normally get from antibiotics, but I've been eating plenty of yogurt. I think I'll try some gynelotrimin or something, unless there are any other peeps with this problem who have a better solution. Thanks!

stupid irritated ass's picture

my ass has been itching and i have been on medicine for having blood in my urin and the itching seems to be caused from my pooping not to mention i obsessively wash my ass could the soap be the problem its not like crazy itch its just annoying irritated itch

Beuford's picture

Mya, sounds like candida overgrowth due to the anitbiotics. Assuming that is what it is, you need to follow a strict diet for the next month and possibly introduce some supplements to your diet (probiotics). Candida thrives on sugar, therefore eating yogurt (which you would think would be helpful due to its probiotic culture content) which is high in sugar is a catch 22 and will not solve your problem. You can find plenty of info on controlling candida by doing a search on google. Best of luck and remove all sugar from your diet.

Anonymous Coward's picture

doctors should really be looking into pruitus ani and find a real cure for it. looks like many of you are dealing with the same problem as I am. the fucking thing itches like crazy, then i gotta itch cuz it feels sooo good.

Butt Expert's picture

Itching butthole can often be from sweating. So if your larger or obese sweat serves as a breeding ground for bacteria and fungi which causes and itch. Wipe with wet towellettes, aviod cheap toilet paper, wear cotton undergarments and loose jeans.

riley's picture

used to get my ass licked eaten no more im itchy at night alot and rub myself i love it

wilie's picture

my ass itches i used wd40 yea thats right put sum on napkin wiped all aroung area no itch...

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh good, the internet finally made it to the trailer park for riley and wilie (same IP)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Crack Kills's picture

You guys have all sorts of great suggestions! you also have great senses of humour - that is NECESSARY for such a subject! LOL! Anyway, I will try the anti-fungal thing - I'm almost positive that's what my "itchie heinie" is all about. I have a stand-up job, and my itchy spot is just at/below the coccyx, but nowhere close to the anal area, so I have been using a dab of one of several substances:
- Hemorrhoid Cooling Gel - too slicky/sticky for my tastes
- Vagisil cream: it numbs very nicely, but the itch & burn both came back in a few hours, boo-hoo
- diphenhydramine allergy anti-itch gel which stings like holy frog, but takes the swelling and itch away like magic
- tolnaftate squeeze-on powder

I just HOPE that I'm not with my boyfriend when this thing is in eruption mode... oh UGH.

Anonymous Coward's picture

AnaNOitch-D is working for me.

I have tried all sorts of ointments, hemorrhoidal products, wipes, etc. Some have helped temporarily, but nothing has come close to doing what AnaNOitch-D has done for me.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Sure hope you people weren't yanking my crank cuz I just washed my ass with mouthwash. Burns like hell but I smell pretty good. I've tried penetin cream, hot baths, cold baths, ebsen salts, sea salts, oatmeal, noxema, antibiotic creams and nothing seems to work and now it's not just my arse, my bag is starting to itch like a bugger now too. It just started about 2 weeks ago but nothing seems to help. Found this site looking for the cure.

Anal Andy's picture

I wonder who invented this site it's hilarious
THank's

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

It was invented (ironicly) by a guy that used to scratch so deep that he could pick his nose at the same time.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I don't normally have an itchy crack, but once in a while I have a b.m. at someplace away from home, and I don't wipe as cleanly as usual. Not from intent--I think it's clean, but I haven't gotten everything. This happened last night at Maundy Thursday service; I pooped prior to the service, wiped (I thought) decently, but halfway through the service noticed the itch. I even reached back there and scratched--some relief. After service I went home, sat on the toilet, and wiped--a slight light brown stain. What I have noticed so often after these episodes is that my anus is still moist, two hours or more after being wiped. That makes it possible for further cleaning when I get home, including that dab of Noxzema that I sometimes like to use for final cleaning. I assume that the anus stays moist because of being between the cheeks when I am standing and being inside clothes and being very close to a solid seat when sitting, even though the cheeks spread slightly in that position.

buttman62's picture

Have had an itchy crack for years. Combination of psoriasis and fungus. I alternate daily applications of Home Healths OTC anti-fungal lotion (also works great on jock-itch, better than anything prescribed by my dermo guy) and Clobex (clobetasol propionate). This combination eliminates the bumps, itching and does not sting at all. Ya also gotta clean your butt crack thoroughly b4 applying either lotion and apply the creams sparingly and then rub them in thoroughly until the area is completely dry.

No-Itchy-Ass's picture

I remove all wheat from my diet for weak and the itch was gone. As soon as I eat wheat products the itch come back.

mickey dublin's picture

lads and girls help itchy hole for as long as i can remember sick of it now dont know if ya can get half of thoes creams over here in ireland tryed shamrock didnt work ?

ChalkAss,lol's picture

Ok heres my story, for one the name chalk ass was given to me by my boyfriend, who noticed I have ass issues. The spot that has been itchy for like 5 years now developed a yeasty white rash, when i shower it goes away but still itches, few hrs later if not minutes its back. I been to a million doctors and they say it may be an allery, they gave me all types of steroids that worked temporarily then started to thin my skin really bad, making it even worse. I tried the Aveeno anti-itch stuff, worked for a while, but still no major results. Last week I had a skin biopsy done on it, results came back sayin my skin is normal, that its just thickend from the irritation and I was told to not scratch.. its hard not to scratch an itch.. i mean really. My ass is now in the process of healing from the chunks if skin that was removed.. I mean something is f*kin wrong and the doctor tells me my skin is irritated,, no shit doc, but Im here to find out why.. So from reading things on here, i drank a glass of the apple cider vinegar, results so far are great, I havent scratched in like 3 days now, for me thats good. I also cut out coffee for 3 days now.. Either way im not itchy anymore and the "chalk" is kind of going away..I think it may be this candida everyone is talking about.. Anyway i go to the docs later this week for a follow up visit, I'll keep everyone posted on what happens....

Anonymous Coward's picture

I had the same problem. Then I find out that I was wheat intolerant. As long that I am away of any king of wheat product my ass it is fine. Try not to eat any bread or wheat product for 2 or 3 days and then start again and check what happen.

Butty's picture

I was googleing and saw a thing about SCABIES. WTF, sounds like a few of you may have that. Something about red bumps.

My butt has been itchin, and I think it just gets hot down there... I feel that just torching it with some rubbing alcohol resets the clock. Let it soak for a freakin half hour and your bungy will beg for mercy and not mess with you again.

Assholio's picture

This site is hilarious.. I love coming here and reading the stupidity..

Anyone that suffers from Hemroids and itching should try Hydrocortisone. Its available with or without a prescription. Low-strength preparations (0.5% or 1%)

My brother told me about it and it relieved the itching and burning of hemoroids.

Good luck and pay the info forward which you now behold..

wormy bastard's picture

tonight my ass was unbareably itchy so i was scratching and scratching it... about 6 or 7 minutes later i felt something crawling on my face.... it was a goddamn worm!!!! this is freaking disgusting. i took a bottle of gin, shoved it up my ass and then jumped up and down. after about 10 minutes of pain and tons of floaty worms in my gin bottle the itch is gone!!! im gonna keep doing this method... enjoy!

Mr. Shavey Itchy's picture

So, I have really coarse hair (thanks Dad), not only on my head, but on my legs, arms, upper chest and butt.

I shave my chest and my butt because I really don't like being hairy in those areas because I feel like a wildebeast or something. Anyway... When I shave my ass, I do it with a really good 5-blade vibrating Gillette Fusion razor and a lot of shaving cream/water. Right after I shave, my ass feels smooth and fine... and it stays this way for about a day, but then of course, after about 24 hours, the hair starts to grow back and because I have such coarse hair, it gets very stubbly and prickly and painful. So when I walk/run/sit down I can feel the hair growing back in. Recently (the last week or so) my ass has been RIDICULOUSLY itchy right around/in the hole. I find myself going to the bathroom like 10 times a day and wrapping my finger in toilet paper so that I can itch my asshole for 3 minutes to get some relief. I'm wondering if the hair/shaving could be the culprit of this itchyness?

Also, does anyone know of a good way to remove hair on the ass without having to deal with stuble/ingrown hairs/redness? I've tried shaving with the best razors, I've tried using the nair wipe-on wipe-off stuff, I've tried everything but there always ends up being stuble after about 2 days. I don't want to wax my ass either, that would be ungodly painful...

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

May I suggest waxing your nuts first....experience THAT pain, then wax your ass...it will be like a good tickle session.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Michael the ass god's picture

I used to have a 10-year itchy ass like you and when I couldn't stand it any longer, I went to see my doctor and he prescribed Fluticasone Propionate Cream 0.05% used to treat psoriesis. Go get it and put it on your ass twice per day until you have used the whole 60 gram tube. Walla! Your fingers will smell nice again and you and your ass will live happily ever after...:-)

askme's picture

This site cracks me up. I posted maybe a few years ago and I see this thread is still going. This is great.

But, my ass still itches like crazy...

Anonymous Coward's picture

Aside from sticking gin up your ass, what other OTC remedies are available? I have IBS, and usually have diarrhea, and lately right inside my asshole it's been itching fiercely. Most of the OTC products state "for external use only", so I really don't know what might work. It sucks, though, and gotta try to get rid of it.

girl's picture

Hey All -
I was even embarassed to type in 'ass itching' at google.
I have same problem, intermittently. Sugar is definitely the prob with me. And it's apparent it's yeast because at the same time I have the itch, I have a slight reddened rash under arm pits and underneath breasts.
I'm a big coffee drinker also, ain't stopping that, but man, does it go good with sugar!
Get a squirt bottle with warm water after each bm, and the lovely blow dryer. Helps immensely.
And this a.m., after reading answers, I put some black walnut oil in my cup of tea, let's see how long I can go with out my coffee without feeling like the fat lady's sitting on my head. also used a good wallop of olive oil on b4 bedtime. That's the most I'll do re: creams down there. Dark and warm already seems to prohibit adding a moist cream. Good Day.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

ps.

wearing tight underwear is not suggested when having itchy parts down there, loose clothing is best
and weirdly the doctor suggested blow drying my area after having a cold shower

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

An anonymous poster said,

"k i dont know why it says this post is by daphne because that is not me... weird how it automatically logged me under that.. but anyways...
i had an itchy crack which crept upwards into my lips
it was uncontrollably itchy, embarrassing and most of all painful!
i had to wait until the next day to see the doctor
in the meanwhile i was suffering alot
i was scratching so badly it was starting to bleed a little
i tried to take a shower and the water stung me so badly, i couldnt even properly wash myself
whoever suggested listerine.. ooh that hurt really bad i started to cry!
baby wipes, baby powder, canesten, none of those things worked
the only thing that got me through the night was putting ice cubes in a cloth over my itchy parts so that it could numb the itch and i could take my mind off things and sleep
the doctor gave me Gen Fluconazole which is an anti fungus pill that rids the system of bacteria mostly used for yeast infections.. yet i knew it wasnt a yeast infection.. no discharge
the thing that worked was getting a prescription, or mini samples of Nerisone Oily Cream, it took away the itch and healed the area.. the best thing to do is show the doctor

http://www.medbroadcast.com/drug_info_details.asp?brand_name_id=1172"

Apparently, we've got some 'puter fixing to do. But, thank you anon, for not posting huge amounts of bullshit under my name.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture

if it burns itches and has raw spots but usually only a week before my period i shouldnt complain cause you guys are all the time i would be crazy help

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

To Wormy Bastard,

Congratulations! You have just earned the gross out award of the day! Not just for the shoving of gin bottles up your ass (hopefully a sacrifice to Madam Butt Pele), but to scratch one's ass and then rub it in your face...

As Bilge would say, THERE ARE CATS FOR THAT!!!

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Seymour Buns's picture

Started a yeast free diet and probiotics 3 years ago. Haven't had a yeast infection since. Still on the diet and probiotics. 3 years itching, not constant, some days better than others. Went a whole 2 weeks without itching last year. Wish I could remember what the hell I did different those weeks! Ugh! Eat lots and lots of almonds and almond butter - every day. Wondering if that could be the culprit since I'm ready alot about nuts, I mean butts, I mean nut allergies!

ichty guy's picture

I have a itchy bum bum. sometimes I get rashes on the walls of my bum bum(Butt).My bum bum gets warm and moist especially around the o-ring.I also have rash around the underside of my scrotum. I tried jock itch medication and that made the rash even worse. I then trimmed the hairs around my scrotum and that itch has decreased. I also get bumps that turn into rashes on my torso,arms,legs that turn into scaling dry skin that peels off. It's as though something is in the water or soap i use.
maybe i allergic to some food or tobacco.The itch started under my scrotum.I've read about lamisil and i'm going to try that next;good luck huh!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Itchy guy, you may try sleeping naked at night. Seriously, sometimes the body gets into a vicious cycle of moisture, even from cleaning products and showers, and it takes a few bare-assed sessions to break it. It is often recommended that women with constant infections or "tuna taco" sleep without underwear, and I believe the same can be said for guys with chronic wet, itchy ass. Try this for a while and see if it helps.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anal Itch's picture

Hi all

Recently I have been experiencing an itchy anus. It may be down to excessive wiping. When I am not moving a lot it is okay, but when i start walking it starts to itch and i can't walk properly. It gets so bad when walking that it goes from itching to soreness and then a really strong itching sensation. Also, after walking when i feel the skin it feels really sore and little moist from the soreness. I just want to be able to walk/run freely.

Anyway I have decided to increase the fibre in my diet as there was very little in my diet. Having increased the fibre, my wiping has decreased. I went to the doctor and got some cream (can't remember the name) and also have to send a sample to find out what the problem could be.

I would like some feedback of what people think this could be and what may help solve the problem.

I will post back to inform you of anything that has helped me with this problem.

Thanks

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

It sounds like another case of athlete's asscrack to me. I would recommend for you what I recommended for Itchy Guy, whom I think has a similar problem.

I actually had this problem several years back on a trip to Mount Rainier (as I think I mentioned WAAAYYY up the line in this long comment thread). Every time I'd move it would itch and burn, and when I felt the area it was sort of moist and sore. My problem was most likely sitting for a long time in a car in a really wet climate, but anything can really cause it. The only thing that cured it was spending some time with my pants off to air it out, with or without creams.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

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