itchy ass crack

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Shecky asks:

For the last two months, my ass has been itching like crazy. I eat a lot of fiber in the form of Metamucil and whole wheat bread, so my turds are generally of a good consistency. I don't have hemmorhoids, and I would like to think that I don't have a parasite, but my ass still itches. It's not the o-ring that itches, but rather the area around it. It's almost like I have jock itch of the ass -- is that possible? I exercise a good bit, so it does get sweaty down there. Please help me, Poonurse!






Dear Schecky,

First, you know that I am going to tell you to get it checked out by a competent medical professional, right? It could be just an irritation, or it could be something as disgusting as pinworms or something. So see a doctor.

You COULD briefly try washing with a mild soap such as Ivory, letting the area dry well, wearing loose cotton underpants, not using premoistened wipes, and applying 1% hydrocortisone cream SPARINGLY to the itchy area twice a day. If these suggestions don't help within ten days or so, show your itching ass to a doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

1001 Comments on "itchy ass crack"

Cured Bungholio's picture

Hey all,

I had a similar problem. Itchy anus after bowel movements and for some reason right before bed and all night. There was also some clear discharge. It lasted for about 16 months before i found the problem and it turned out to be caffeine. I went off of it for a few days and the itching was GONE!!! If i drink anything like coffee, tea, dark pops etc. it comes back immediately. I like pop but would prefer not to have a raw finger scratched anal cavity and avoid the drinks.

Good Luck

Itchy butts's picture

Well, add me to list of female itchy butts. Just got it and presumed it was another darned yeast infection, but now I don't know. I guess I'll have to change my diet first and see if that helps, since this is also the advice my dr gave me about my reoccuring yeast infections. Good luck to all of you out there....we are not alone =) I used to get this as a kid and would pray to god to make it go away (thought I was the only one) hahaha! Love the internet!

Butt Scratch Fever's picture

I just woke up with my finger lodged so far up my ass, I was scratching the roof of my mouth. "No, not again..." I groaned to myself. I knew I should cease scratching at once---but, like always, it felt Oh-So-Good. "Stop it!" I chided myself... But it was useless: all I could do was imagine shoving a spike-ball up there and rotating it. Oh the sweet and welcomed pain of a spike-ball! Anything's better than the dreaded itch...

One time my dog and I raced up and down the hallway, rubbing our assholes all over the place, just smiling at each other; we shared a moment, I swear. I could hear him in my head saying, "Remember--oh I don't know--some time when I was a pup and I was rubbing my bum all over the rug? And you yelled at me and gave me a good kick? Haha! Karma's a bitch!"

Ok, so seriously, that last story was kind of made up, but it's just the kind delirious fantasy I have when all I can think of is sand-papering the brown eye blind.

Well, off to the all-too-familiar shower of shame. Do you know I dread sleeping with girlfriends for the night in fear that I won't be the first one awake when my finger-crusader launches an all-out war on my spincter!? It's the number one reason I fear marriage; commitment ain't nothing! It's trying to explain why my arm is up my ass.

Parasites's picture

I was treated for parasites about 2months ago but was infested with them for over a year.. Our first encounter with them was when my daughter had an adult worm coming out of her ass. We were treated by the doctors but not properly so they never went away. There are 6 in our house hold and weve all done 3 stool samples over the course of the year for the lab to test for parasites.When i say 3 stool samples I mean we all collected for 3days. That was one sample. Anyways every time the lab said negitive. The testing isnt that great for parasites unless you get sent to a specialist.. Unfortunately the G.P. arent to familiar with parasites other then the lonely paragraph they read in med school.My doctor told me they only see cases of parasites from people who travel overseas or children eating there feces. (Rolls Eyes) I knew we still had them because we had other symptoms like bloating, constipation, gurgling in the stomach often, muscle type spasms in the rectum towards night which was actually the worms making there way down to lay eggs. Also increased muscle spasms in my body which was the worms moving around over nerves or something. Anyways alot of what I read on here with itchy ass at night, rashes on the ass, slimy sweaty ass, cant sleep, itchy ass during the day sounds like what we experienced with the parasites. Its hard going to your doctor with this and if you have no insurance its worse. Over the course of our infection Ive gathered alot of information.. Herbal remides are about 20% effective so dont waste your money. IF you do decide to go for herbal get clove oil and use it on your ass.. Its the only thing that will kill the eggs.. Since they come out at night when your sleeping and not active you want to use the clove oil in the morning and try to kill as many as possible. If you try to do it at night you risk chasing them into other areas of your body. Also an enema to flush out any inside.. You can also take dog wormer. Pyrantel is very safe but they are now syaing the worms have built up tolerance for it since its been used so much and for so long.. Also with these they only treat the intestine... The worms will go into other parts of your body to avoid the medicine like your vagina if you have one. So the best thing to take is Ivermectin. It treats the whole body... Parasites take about 2 to 4 weeks to mature. I noticed our cycles would run every 2 weeks. Also if your sure you have worms and decide to take some horse or dog wormer make sure you have a strict cleaning schedule to go with it. Shower first thing in the morning to remove eggs laid that night. Clean the toilet every day. Vacuum do not sweep. Eggs after they lose there stickiness will dry out then become airborne. They laugh at gravity. If you sweep your helping the worms spread threw out your house, vacuum furniture, mattress, change the sheets every morning. It doesnt take long for the eggs to lose there stickiness so you want to dispose of them as soon as possible. Also you should take the wormer again in 2 weeks to kill any that hatched after you started the treatment.. You may need to do it again.. Having those parasites was a nightmare and they are very hard to get rid of.. I originally came in here because after acouple of months of them being gone I still pass slimy mucas in my stool. Its not worms because you usually dont see the worms in your stool.. Maybe the eggs in your shiot but not the worms but i still pass this slimy stuff specially after an enema.. I want to know if I can get rid of this and go to the bathroom normally again..????

Anonymous Coward's picture

if i use the rubbing alcohol or clove oil how long will the itching leave for

Anonymous Coward's picture

This article will help.

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

Anonymous Coward, I developed that same problem several years ago for no apparent reason. I went to my colon/rectal doctor,and he told me that I might have some leakage, and to keep TP stuffed in my crack to soak it up. Well, that didn't work at all, and I'm not even sure I had/have any leakage. I then went to my internist, and he gave me some prescription ointment that stops the itching almost instantly. Now, I only have this problem about once a month or so.

Anonymous108's picture

hi, my asshole itches realy bad, sometimes at night and after i've bin for a shit and i lay down, it itchys. just been happening for about 3weeks now. a few times i've noticed i was bleeding when i went for a shit.. and my poo is abit hard when it comes out. does anyone know what to do? need some help if possible. thanks.

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

You people with the itchy ass at night:
That is definitely PINWORMS.
Go to the pharmacy and see what they suggest. Don't be embarrassed. It's more common than you think.

Anonymous Coward's picture

clove oil will not help the itching.. Clove oil kills parasite eggs..

Anonymous Coward's picture

man im in a bad predicament the damn itching wont go ive tried, savlon cream, germolene, anusol, athletes foot cream, hemroid cream, im on the verge of suicide my doctors a pain in the arse (excuse the pun) he wont help, pls pls pls pls sum1 help me my hole wont stop itching sometimes theres a little boil or suming outside the opening of anus and i can feel the pain when the boil is growing it makes my eyes water, the boil goes down for few days then comes back up, whats wrong with me? pls tell me how to stop this, the itching is worst at night

Just an Idea's picture

I have not seen any comments about anal herpies? I have an itch and it does not go away so I doubt it is herpies, but could it be?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

AC, if your not happy with your doctor's attitude or course of treatment, find another doctor.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points


_A fungus is a common cause of the itch. A lot of people are prone to fungus, I just know. (jock itch, atheletes foot, but itch, etc..) It's a constant battle and you can't stop treating it, keep after it or IT always comes back. Anonymous Coward, you're using too many creams. (fungus can also develope a resistance to these creams). You need to keep the space dry. Also, sit with your butt cheaks spread apart and sleep that way at night. Try Lamisil Defense foot powder, in the blue plastic bottle. No creams. _____
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

hedwig and the angry itch's picture

Okay, so I've tried the razor wire anal beads, but that only makes the itching worse. I've ruled out pinworms, because I shoved a bluejay in there, but it died of starvation (birds eat worms?) I tried the peanut butter on the balls, and had my dog Fido lick it off, and it felt wonderful! Didn't help the itch, but I still strongly recommend trying it. Next, I'm gonna try a quarter stick of dynamite - I figure, no ass, no anal itch. I'll let you know how it works! Good luck fellow stinky fingers!

Anonymous Coward's picture

frank2401 thanks for ur kind help and advice, i didnt find lamisil powder in london so i bought mycil athletes foot powder or suming like that and im gonna give it a try i will keep u posted thanks

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

hewig- That post was one of the funniest i have read here lately. I just about wet myself!THANKS!!!
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

hedwig and the angry itch's picture

You're welcome Miss Scat! Is that your real name?!? Sheesh, tough break - and what are the odds? You use the old cable remote to rub raw your sphincter too. You must've had it coming with a name like that huh? Is that Welsh or Scottish? Mmm, Scott's 2-ply... Rumor is the new roll is the strongest tp on the market. So strong that after I paper-scissor-rock all 2000 sheets up my ass I will now be able to rapidly pull the entire roll out in the same fashion that clowns and magicians pull streamers and handkercheifs from their mouths at children's b-day parties! [sigh] Itchy-anus plus laziness plus creative imagination and indominable spirit are going to take me to new heights! (of shamefullness)

Okay, all kidding aside, I've now got the spray head of the tinactin cannister snugly peering into the great black hole on a red-eye flight. I plan to have my lovely assistant, Anal Snuffaluppagus, place the gathered tinder in a pre-smallpox-style Indian bonfire shape surrounding John Madden's finest corporate commodity. She will then call on the Simpson's Itchy and Scratchy to gopher-mallet the entire mess plus a cherry bomb three-quarters of the way up my large intestine causing a burning sensation of epic proportions! Oh, and anonymous coward, the agent orange didn't work, and it stained my sheets. Nice one, man. Real nice.

hedwig and the angry itch's picture

"...We interrupt the President's colonoscopy to bring you this special report: hundreds of thousands of american citizens have come forth in unison today complaining of an uncured and unexplained phenomenon they refer to as, "Anal Itch". This largely unstudied pathogen is said to begin as a mere nuissance, but over time develops into an enormous pain-in-the-ass. The rioters, men and women of all ages, classes, and all walks of life are coming forth after decades of shame and misery to expose a gruesome truth -something is definitely wrong with our assholes. We, uh, they can't take it anymore, and we won't be ignored! They. They won't be ignored. THEY say the lotions and creams don't work, 151 stings like hell in there after a bowl of chili, and I look rediculous with my fiancee's silk purple panties sticking out of my you-know-what and soothing my... um, TMI, if you know what I mean? As acting President during Mr. Bush's run-in with the Po-lyps, President Dick Cheney has officially declared today, July 21st National Anal Awareness Day. Expect a clever and edgy, but also educational line of Hallmark cards next year at your local brand name grogery stop next year. President Cheney has also announced that an array of patriot missle-shaped Hallmark samples will be delivered to several neighborhoods across the nation first-class same-day delivery on the taxpayers dollar today! In the back we can hear a band of construction workers chanting, lets see if we can get a mic in there... "Hallelujah! Anal itch no more, Anal itch no more, Anal itch no more! Allelujah! Anal itch no more, Anal itch no more, Anal itch no more! Hallelujah!" And that's it for now, back to the live pictures of the deepest parts of our president's Colon. Not Colon Powell. Ok, let's just say the president's un-kosher side... You can see the yellow-red rib-shaped walls of th///"

[changed channel]

Hedwig and the angry itch's picture

Seriously, though, whatever this is, it sucks. Big time.

Jc's picture

Ive tried every thing said on this website , My cuntng arse iches to the point where i bleed. The sides of my cheeks swell up and fucking ich the box out of me. I think its because of dry skin around the arse ring, posibbly because of change of hair shampoo. Now my point is this , all of you arse ichers do you use a type of hair shampoo that is anti dandruff such as head and shoulder or those other mfing anti dandruff shampoos, if so stop. Use a mild soap for lower part of body after washing hair . This beleve it or not didnt work for me but im teliing yeah if you stick to it it will.Ive now got to the stage where i love me ich :P cant go with out it. But when i stuck to using some shitty shampoo me misses uses from body shop the anal ich went away. But i dont liek dandruff so i went back to anti dandruff shampoos and ich is back. SOME ONE TRY THIS I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO STOP ME ARSE BEFORE I TURN GAY and get some mf to jab me with his lad every time im ichy
Thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture

You guys using 70% alcohol how safe is it long term?

Anonymous Coward 22's picture

My anus has been itching for many months now. It is usually only itchy on the left side (on the outside of the anus). It is also itchy after I take a poop. Does anyone know what this can be from? I do not think its a hemeroid or worms.

Lil Scratch's picture

what really fucks me up is that fact that i will scratch my ass rather vigorously and then i will sniff my fingers to determine my own diagnosis. usually i sniff what i ate but still...come on! i think i have an ass scratching finger sniffing fetish. please send some real advice.

Dry-Wipe's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


_______
oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Dry-Wipe's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

wow. wut a thread...

hedwig, what are u smoking? that was hillarious shit but uh, dude, u aint right in tha head

anyone with real problems- get some insurance and see a doctor! ass problems aint never been cool

*free of ass itch since the 80's*

_______
oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Anonymous Coward's picture

right guys and gals i think problem of severe itching arse maybe over, im the guy that tried savlon cream, savlon antiseptic wash, hemmroid cream, anusol cream and pellets, athletes foot cream, athletes foot powder (as recommended by a poster above) infact i tried so much that the itching would ease for 1 day and be back twice as worse.

anyways saturday night i read over these posts again and read some people saying 70% alchol, i didnt have any of that (i dont drink) but what i did find in the cuboard was a bottle of 37.5% smirnoff vodka that i had left over from a party a few years ago, i opened it up dabbed it all over a great big kitchen towel and shoved it up my arse and screamed for the next few minits, after taking tissue out my arse was throbbing for hours but guess wot? no itch, the itch comes every now and again but dissapears when i use the vodka, infact the itch is no longer around the anal hole its just around the inner side of the cheeks now and again and i think thats due to a spot i have there.

anyways forget every thing else go and buy that alchol trust me my itching has reduced by 95% and if it starts again im trading my arse flavousred 37.5% vodka for 70% and will bring this arse hole itching to an end ;-)

Hedwig and the angry itch's picture

Umm... AC? (7/30/07) the 70% alcohol we are talking about is not drinking alcohol. It's called isopropyl or rubbing alcohol. You can find it in a pharmacy. If you just take any drinking alcohol, you have the risk of causing yeast infections due to the sugars in many liquors... Hmm, alcohol could exacerbate the problem... Bet you're scratching your ass just thinking about that one.

That's all for now, my loving brownthumbs! Oh, and wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i swear to god the itch has gone by 95% with the drinking alchol, it worked but i still got slight itch due to a spot on my inner cheek, but im going to pharmacy to enquire bout your 70% just incase.

TangierKid's picture

Had this problem for a year now but have had it under control (almost) for the last six months. To stop this problem: wipe once after shitting, then wash arsehole with cold water, inserting finger into arse to wash out any remaining shit.

Then pat dry (don't rub) and leave to dry naturally for another five minutes if possible. Then rub in just a little zinc oxide cream to strengthen skin in anal region. This has worked for me for the past six months.

If it gets really hot and humid in summer though it may flare up and get sore again if you don't keep it aired and dry. However if this happens, get some foot fungus powder, preferably the spray type and give your arse area a good spray before you go out to work and if possible take a bottle to work.

Continue for about two or three days and then maybe use an antifungal for two days more. When it is no longer sore or itchy, go back to washing after shitting and a little zinc cream once or twice a day and then down to once every other day, with a fortnightly spray of the foot fungus spray just to be sure.

This may help you. It did for me and I had it really bad before I discoverd these remedies. You can also try a combined anti-inflamatory, steriod, anti-fungal combination cream for a few days (4/5) three time a day, but don't use it for much more time than that as it will weaken the skin in that area and make it worse.

But once it has healed up, you can go back to it a few months later if the problem flares up again. Also, try to wear cool clothing so that you don't get to hot in that area and make sure you shower your arse with cold water after every shit.

Anonymous Coward's picture

What should I use for a irratated cracked skin at the bottom of my spine from thong panties? I am small and thin so it's not from being fat. I wear them everyday and I don't want to switch to granny pants. Help!

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

AC, whatever is causing the "irritation", take it away. (thong). I think women looked very pretty in nice lacey panties (leave something for the imagination), and don't go for the starved look.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

I really should preview the comments before posting. It needs to read- "I think women look very pretty in nice lacey panties..."

Anonymous Coward's picture

Im not having the itchy ass problem. But what im having is itchy balls? Can somebody help with that ?

TangierKid's picture

For a cracked crack, get some fungus powderand spray it twice a day for about three/four days then leave it and see what happens. Wash area with olive oil soap one a day only and pat dry. Wear loose cool clothing too. Walk around or lie in bed naked for half an hour to air your crack out. But be warned don't walk around naked outside unless you have a lot of private land or your at a nudist camp.

Dr. Brown Thumb's picture

I agree with and can relate to much of the sentiment here. While this topic is gutbustingly hilarious to talk about it is all too serious to those of us who suffer with the "itch from hell". I have suffered with this ass itch for over 7 years now and it is driving me absolutely crazy. I have seen many doctors and had way too many fingers in my ass (that weren't my own, but not excluding my own)and tried soooo many medications, some that burned like hell foreverrrrrrr, some that I had to insert, rub on, insert and rub on, etc. NOTHING has worked. I have tried using baby wipes after a poop and they definitely cut down on the injury during an asswiping but come nighttime my ass gets scratched to hell. It burns and bleeds some time and I'm genuinely concerned that one day I am going to devastate my tender center with a ferocious scratching fit. The worst part about it, excluding the fact that there is no cure, is that there is that natural human tendency to want to smell your finger after it has been in your ass. I have smelled my own shit far more than any man should in his lifetime. I was thinking of taking a hot curling iron to it and hoping that I could cauterize the itch out of it. Before that happens tho I am just going to try to live with it. I think I have a good regimen that may help myself and others deal with this disturbing issue: 1)fingernails should be kept trimmed at all times. 2) babywipes should be used to wipe after a poop. 3) Apply hydrocortisone cream before bed. 4) wear boxing gloves to bed. 5) If you have a friend that will do it, have him stand guard all night waiting for the little fuckin' critter to pop his head out and when it does he/she should grab him as quickly as he/she can before the little bastard scurries back deep into its cave.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Has anyone had it where they have scratch their buttcrack so much that the top of their "crack" becomes torn? This happened to me when I was a kid and it was bleeding and stuff.. Sighs, now I'm starting to feel like it is happening again.. but this time it's not itchy.. it is as if it somehow has become torn again. This is terrible!

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

AC 8/10/07, take your hands away from your but, stand up and step away from the computer. Go from there.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Try kukui nut oil for itching butt. It's being looked at as a cure for eczema and other itch problems. Think you have to apply for a couple of weeks to get the benefit.

W-itchy Woman's picture

Ok, so some of these posts are hysterical but I'm right there with the rest of you. About 8 months ago my ass started itching uncontrollably, to the point where my crack and the edge of my bunghole would split and be very painful. It's even gone to the edges around my outer vag lips and appears as an itchy rash. I've been to many doctors who put me on hydrocortisone creams, hemmroid creams which is really only a temporary fix and does nothing long term... in fact I think that's how this all started. I had roids and kept applying creams which kept my crack a breeding ground for the fungi.

Here are a few helpful things I find to do, maybe it will help you too.
- Use baby wipes after a poo, make sure they're hypoallergenic.
- Use hypoallergenic laundry detergents, better for the environment anyway.
- I'm pretty sure mine is a fungus so I am now using a anti-fungal soap, dry your ass with a hair dryer and follow up with an anti-fungal spray that's alcohol based. (Think mine is called Fungi Cure, they make both the soap and the spray) It's burning the fuk out my split cracks but stops the itching so I don't care.
- Sleep with sheets or some kind of cotton (no underwear!)tucked in your crack so your cheeks don't touch and get sweaty when you sleep.
- After you get out of the shower, or wash your butt for ANY reason, use a hairdryer to dry your crack... then apply your remedies.
This latest alcohol thing is working best but it's supposed to take 2 weeks. I'm praying it works AT ALL but so far so good. I'm getting much more sleep and am less apt to scratch my ass till it's raw and bleeding.

W-itchy Woman's picture

Dr. Brown Thumb,

Your post is hysterical, when I tell you that I was crying until tears came out, no shit. The sad part is that I don't know if the tears stem from my ability to relate to this horrific situation or the fact that your fingers might be as stinky as mine. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous Coward's picture

A lot of people are using the alchohol to stop the itching, does anyone know if it's safe long term?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Yea!! Ha~Ha Itchy Ass really funny! unless its your ass. I had an awfull itching right in and around the hole. Dr. perscriptions made it better, only temp. Butt didnt go away. This is very embarrising and I have had 2 kids. Tried everything over the counter. Long story short COFFEE was my problem!! I only drank 1 or 2 cups a day, not much at all. However I drank it every day for almost 20 years. So I thought I would give it up for 1 month and see if it made a diff. After just 1 week The itching was better 2 weeks MUCH better. Its the only thing in my diet that I have changed. I SUFFERED for 10 years with an itchy A-hole. I still miss my morning coffee, but not the itching. I have a cup of hot tea in the AM now. So far so good. I hope this helps some other poor soul out there. PS. Sometimes I had heartburn and thats better also.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

AC( 8.29.2007 post) Coffee did that to you? Dang....I am glad I do not drink it.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

W-itchy Woman's picture

Hi guys, here is an update... that alcohol stuff it tearing my ass apart. I had to stop because I'd literally start screaming, now my crack is so raw and still itchy... it's bleeding.

So the coffee thing, do you think it's the caffeine in coffee? I don't drink coffee but am ADDICTED to diet coke... it's about 80% of the fluids that enter my body. anyone know?

zOMG's picture

LOL. This site is so fucking hilarious, after I've read all the posts. Anyway, some guy said Listerine helped. I don't know about Listerine, but after dabbing cotton balls with Scope and putting it up there, the itch goes away for a really long time. I now rarely itch. Scope has a burning sensation, but probably a LOT less than rubbing alcohol which I haven't tried and don't want to. Scope works just fine for me. Gives good breath too.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I tire of this thread, but I have to say that I do like the moniker "W-itchy Woman".

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

What's this? GGG is bored with this thread. I'm shocked!
Ok Let's go post somewhere more entertaining.
Thoughts?
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Anonymous Coward's picture

Whats scope mate?

zOMG's picture

Scope is a mouth wash just like Listerine.

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