itchy ass crack

j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Shecky asks:

For the last two months, my ass has been itching like crazy. I eat a lot of fiber in the form of Metamucil and whole wheat bread, so my turds are generally of a good consistency. I don't have hemmorhoids, and I would like to think that I don't have a parasite, but my ass still itches. It's not the o-ring that itches, but rather the area around it. It's almost like I have jock itch of the ass -- is that possible? I exercise a good bit, so it does get sweaty down there. Please help me, Poonurse!

Dear Schecky,

First, you know that I am going to tell you to get it checked out by a competent medical professional, right? It could be just an irritation, or it could be something as disgusting as pinworms or something. So see a doctor.

You COULD briefly try washing with a mild soap such as Ivory, letting the area dry well, wearing loose cotton underpants, not using premoistened wipes, and applying 1% hydrocortisone cream SPARINGLY to the itchy area twice a day. If these suggestions don't help within ten days or so, show your itching ass to a doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?

1001 Comments on "itchy ass crack"

Anonymous Coward's picture

one day i woke up at 3 in the morning and i had to use the bathroom and i took a number 2 than i notice i had a bump like around my butthole and i have had this before can you help me so i can know what it is

weird ass problem's picture

So, I am not a weird freak or anything...but my problem is not the is the bum. I wake up in the middle of the night say....between 12-6 in the morning, and my bum crazy. I actuallty have to shit on the shitter and push. I feel like i am leaving a load, but nothing is there, clean wipe too. It is a sharp pain, enough to wake me up and i am a deep sleeper. I thought is syncronized with something (menstruation, ovulation.....) nothing, but it happens at least once a month. I have gone to the point of writing it on my calendar, but it is not exact. If anyone know what this is, or experirenced, or know anything, please help. I cant take the pain anymore, and where i live there are no doctors available to see me, I would have to go the ER and wait a life time, and it happends and leaves so quick, i would look dumb trying to show them....thanks

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I have the same thing happen from time to time, and it's a myster to me, too! I posted this in the forums. Maybe we can find out what it is...
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Anonymous Coward's picture

if you have an itchy ass, maybe it is jock itch (tinea) you can buy a spray for this ... make sure you dry you're asshole throughly after a shower or a workout ... trim hairs around you butthole can also help ... maybe you also have chaffing

dont have one's picture

I normally don't have an itchy ass, once every 3 months or so my asshole itches, i usually just let my husband do me in the butt and i feel better, but all of the sudden my butthole is itching, it is after i had some soft stool, i washed it really well and thought it would go away i even had some of the soap on my finger and stuck my finger in my ass to make sure it was clean but it has been itching me all day. I'm at work and have to go to the bathroom to scratch the inside of my's gross but it feels so much better when i scratch it. Now i am able to sleep at night so i don't think i have worms, but after a good scratching last night i woke up with someting kinda brownish green was not stool dried up in my underwear, kinda looked like a boogar.....i went to my grandma's house and used some of her prep H, my ass felt better for about 30 minutes then i started farting and they were stinky and now the itchy asshole again...just dunno what to do but scratch it

cashew poison's picture

i did not realize that cashews cause ass itching, i ate a whole container of cashwers they were planters, is that cheap cashews? I just wrote the comment about getting some in the butt from my husband and going to grandma's house for some prep h....i didn't realize that cashews made my asshole itch..hmm..well no more cashews for my ass.

Cashews-no-more's picture

SALTED CASHEWS!!!! I figured it out recently and they are the worst. I can handle a few, but a shitload makes me itch so bad i want to scream. So....form now on I will limit myself to a few at a time. It took me a few years to figure it out. Now I have a name for it.... Poison Ivy Ass!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

You must be allergic or something. Our family loves cashews, and we've all eaten them for years; even the toddler loves them.

None of us has ever suffered itchy crack from them. YOU may have a mild tree-nut allergy that manifests itself in this form.

"Itchy Crack" would be a great name for a rock band.

K & M's picture

YES to cashews and itchy anus!!!! My wife and I made the connection several months ago and stayed away from them since. However, we shared a small can about 3 days ago and the itch is back. The over-counter benadryl capsule I took about 2 hrs ago is finally providing some relief.

damonhillstevesoven's picture

Wow a poo site. Anyway here in england, over the past three days I have had an itchy arse. Really itchy. I think it started because I strained too hard when I went for a poo. It may also be that I started using a new toilet paper so I think I will change. Anyway I just want to say that I sympathise with everyone on here who has an itchy arse. Especially those who have had it for years!!!! That kind of worries me a bit. I cant have PW cos I dont itch at night and I dont want to start scratching like a crazy thing cos I think that will make it worse and once you start scratching you probably get into a cycle that you cant break. Having said that I just had a bout of intense itching and almost stuck my finger up my hole! One other thing I have noticed is that my body has now become hyper sensitive to any stimulation, like watching a tv programme about insects and getting all itchy. This site has helped me cos I put on some 1% thrush cream and I think it has helped. If anyone would like to advise an english guy on what the problem may be please do. I am too embarrassed to tell my girlfreind. By the way the guy who told the story of his gay lover screaming when he saw worms all over his manhood was grosse, I would scream too

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I sleep naked and used to have a cat that was a shed machine. I'm sure I got some cat hair in there but haven't had any itching I can recall. Maybe it's something else, or maybe I'm a bit more resistant.

Heh, seems I'm sharing a lot about myself lately.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

VeryTerry's picture

It seem like mostly dudes that have this problem, but I'm a chic and have had for several years. Was tested negative for pw. Have tried lots of stuff. I was so sure it was fungal since the V itches 2. Its so gross that I have to use my finger nails which scrathes and makes worse then I use an old toothbrush to scrub me nails. I'm so releived to know I am not alone! Changing me diet is helping a little. Less dairy,grains,breads and junk food. I'm trying the Paleo diet. Its good for you if U can do it. Stinky nails!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I've started itching since last night when lying in bed. I have a sweaty crack often but still I'm worried now if I have a PINWORM. I type it in all caps because we have a user on PoopReport called PINWORM.

Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

i have a rash like in my butt.. it hurts when i sit on my butt.. it stings and bruns... and its bleeding not real bad... and it hurts when water touches it and when i sit and when i poop.. i thought it was cause i have ben wearing thongs for awhile day and night but i stopped and its still like this then my mom says it might be from laying down and sitting all the time... can you please help me

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

You need to go see a doctor, goofball. It could be all sorts of infections or bacterias or parasites or what have you. If you're a girl, get thee to your (or your mom's) gynecologist. If you're a guy, your general practitioner.


butt trouble's picture

help!!i know iv got threadworm and iv had it for about 4 years and im wayyyyy to embarrarsed to tel my mum or anything and i want to go to the doctors and get a pescription but am i old enough to sign for it at 14?also will it still be easy to treat for sayin iv had it for 4 years???plz help!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Is this all true? I've never heard any thing like ass worms and bleeding bumps. Are these people commenting from Africa?

Anonymous K's picture

It has been serveral days now that I have this itch and it is getting worst. It's more of few pimples and bumps up on both side of butt crack. Also the tissue in the middle between butt crack seems so red and sensitive.

I use anti biotic cream, analsul ... and clean it with alcohol before i applied the cream, ughh it burns. It doesn't seem to help much. I am not sure what is going on.. I want my smooth butt crack back and I am trying to avoid going to see doctor. Please help

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points


For the love of God, folks--this is a poop humor site! We don't give medical advice. If something is wrong with your rectum, here are seven (7) easy steps to follow:

1. Get
2. Your
3. Ass
4. To
5. A
6. Doctor,
7. NOW!!!

Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Bridget's picture

Okay, my butthole has been itching for about 6 months now - It comes and goes and when it comes it's an intense itch! When I first got this itch in my butt I was not sexually active, but now I am! At first I thought it was herpes because I noticed 2 identical bumps not exactly on my butthole but kind of between my butthole and my vag, and they itched/hurt. Everytime I went to see the doctor those bumps would be gone and the first time I went the doctor said I had Bacterial Vaginitis, so i took anti-biotics and still no luck... Then I went back again and the doctor gave me just one pill for a yeast infection and still no luck. I don't think it is pinworm because it doesnt itch worse at night and i also drank some over the counter pinworm medicine to kill them. I notice a lot of the time if I feel nervous or excited it will itch, and it feels like it itches inside my butt now. I don't know what to do.. I guess i have to go see a butt doctor because OBGYN is not helping me. I just hope that my boyfriend hasnt contracted this itchy butt from me. I haven't asked him because its embarassing but I think he would say something to me if his butt just started to itch really bad! Someone help me! please send me an email thanks

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Bridget-- Please refer to the post above yours.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Cashews make my ass itch wicked bad. i cant even eat them anymore but they ar emy favorite

Anonymous Coward's picture

Aftate foot spray will get you instant results at getting rid of arse itch. Though it does have a slightly annoying side effect. It will turn that arse itch into flaming arse. kinda like stoking a fire with gasoline. It is worth it to get rid of that horrible stinkfinger causing itch

Anonymous Coward's picture

my butthole itchs all the time and for some reason i smell like a skunk , so at work i just say i have a marijuana plant in my closet under my this sucks,help me

Anonymous Coward Guy's picture

I have a hemroid right now....killing me...but i also have a Thyroid disease (had it since I was 13)...and preparation H says you need to see your Doctor before using if you have a thyroid disease. Anyone know why? YES, i know, I know, go see my Doctor...but I've already started using it...and no, after three uses, I have blood dripping out of my penis...not excessivly, but I noticed it.
Other than this hemroid, I have often had itchy ass, and for a while thought it was crabs or something, but it wasn't. you all know...happy itching....

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I'm sorry. Did you say you have BLOOD dripping out of your PENIS? Personally, although I am not the Resident Poodiatrician, and I do not possess a penis, I would rather consider a hemmoraging winky a medical emergency! But that's just me.
Fecal Matters.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

As the resident sexpert of my instant messaging circles, I feel obliged to tell you that you should NEVER bleed from your penis. Get that checked out NOW before your bladder, your pipes, or your man bits get too damaged and stop working!

Back to the subject of an itchy crack-it helps to keep it clean (using pressure when wiping above my hole usually gets some things out). Also, try to keep the hair trimmed. I'm a rather hairy guy, and it doesn't help when it comes to itches.

And seriously, get that bleeding checked out.

"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Anonymous Coward's picture

i just read that disorders of the skin, like eczema or psoriasis, can cause this annoying problem ... if you have like dandruff type flakes on your scalp or you get itchy like this could be the cause

Anonymous Coward's picture

all these ppl with the same condition i cannot believe we can't find a sufficient answer... i do nothing in excess just like everyone else on here, there has to be some type of medical condition associated with having a yellow-green discharge causing an itchy rectum and surrounding area... please help me, i dig my asshole raw in the middle of the night!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I once knew an asshole. His personality could be described as itchy. A couple guys in the senior class beat the shit out of him.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

It sounds like either a mass outbreak of log-hole leprosy or parasites. I personally feel that wiping with 60 grit sandpaper will alleviate the itching. If not see a doctor. No one should have years of ass-itch. That's crazy.

Also, if you like cool home remedies, try a little BenGay around ye old bung. Won't take care of the pain, but you'll do the quarter mile in record time. :p

Infected Rectum's picture

Dr DR.
Please help me the other day I was inserting a banana into my rectum because I herd it worked very well for treating an itcy anus. A small amount of the banana broke off and was left behind. I figured my body would push it out next time I had to drop the cosby kids off at the pool. Well it has been about three weeks now and I noticed this horible smell emitting from my itcy ass. It itches and stinks so bad I was woundering If I had an Infected Rectum and how would I treat it.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Adopt a chimp.

Ass Crackhead's picture

Thank God someone mentioned the CASHEWS!!! I want to shove a toilet brush up my ass to relieve this itch. I've been on a six week Chinese medicine diet that's all veg. AND... NUTS!!!! The two main kinds of nuts I've been eating are walnuts and CASHEWS!!! I mean like handfulls every day. I feel fantastic otherwise, but the ASS! It has to be the cashews. I've been getting them at Trader Joe's which has comparable quality to Whole Foods, so maybe it's just the quantity. I have been oven roasting them for twenty minutes. It's weird. I've eaten cashews my whole life. Not this much though. I thought it might be all the garlic I've been using the last six weeks. Every lunch and dinner. Anyone have itch from garlic? Anyway, thank you all you cashew consumers, can't wait to see the results.

P.S. Bleeding from your penis??? Dude you gotta be kidding me. D-O-C-T-O-R, NOW my friend.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

If the bleeding penis guy has not gone screaming in to the emergency room by now, he does not deserve to have a penis, much less reproduce. This is evolution at work, folks.
Sir SamDamnit!
The Prince of Poop

The Emir of Crapistan

Java the Butt's picture


Get it checked out by someone....if it's simply red (but unbearably itchy), pick up some cream called Clotrimaderm...its working wonders for me

The Grand Poopbah's picture

Itching assholes, dripping penii, what a site!
Seriously tho, is this supposed to be a joke or what?
To all who posted here....go see a doctor, maybe a whole team of them...if it's not something in your ass, it's something in your head

Anonymous: Cashew Culprit?'s picture

I really think the Cashew thing is 100%, for my particular case anyways. Sincere thanks to "Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 02.14.2006 " whoever you are. It's on Wiki and other internet resources as well.
There was a five pound tin of planters cashews at the super market we bought for my Dad as a joke because he loves nuts. So I must have eaten half the 'effin thing over the course of two to three days--this was like four weeks ago. I don't think I have Hemroids or Pinworms. No health insurance right now so I'm not going to see a doctor. This little forum helped!

Poepholitchy's picture

I want to thank you all. I'm battling with an itchy arsehole which I'm now certain is due to leaky, slimy piles! I've had such a giggle reading all your messages - it is so good to know there are dozens of arseholes just like mine! Laughter is the best medicine, they say, but I'm going to see a quack and will pass on his cure, if any!

BTW, isn't scratching the itch just orgasmically pleasurable!!? If only the sensation could be marketed... Perhaps we should all just relax and enjoy the scratching!

Moon Raker's picture

WOW!~ There actually is a site for all you ass diggers. NO seriously, MY boyfriend has the same problem. When he gets in bed at night he really let's his fingers do the walking. I feel like putting mittens on him so he can't scratch. He did go to the doctor though. He was told he has Psorasis and was given an cream called "Locoid" a form of hydrocortisone. Who would of thought...Anyways his asshole...looks like the first landing on the moon. Not kidding his doctor asked him if he had a rash on his elbow. He said no. Then my boyfriend asked me why he asked that. I told him he wanted to see if he liked it in the ass and maybe that was the problem, I dunno. Actually psorasis is very common on the elbows moreso then the butt. Anyways I myself have psorasis on my hands and when it flares up scratching is the worst/ best thing I can do. Worst cause I scratch till I bleed and best cause it feels like and orgasam. I yi yi! I feel your itch!

breakerillusion's picture

[Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 03.31.2006
one day i woke up at 3 in the morning and i had to use the bathroom and i took a number 2 than i notice i had a bump like around my butthole and i have had this before can you help me so i can know what it is]

i have the same problem with my butt hole. Someone please help, what is this thing, it stings the inside of my butt hole if i sit 2 long and it stings when i whipe my ass

healthy I's picture

I had an itchy rear end at one time (very annoying). In my case, is was a precurser of hemmorhoids, burning, bleeding hemmorhoids.
My advice would be: See a doctor, unless you enjoy flames coming out of your ass everytime you drop a bomb.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Rubbing Alchol works.don't mind the burn either.

Ass Scratch Fever's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Holy other web site is so informative while at the same time being so entertaining...I showed symptoms of pinworm so I used the alcohol remedy it feels like flames are shooting out of your I can barely put a finger near the area without tears streaming from my eyes...I now use this hydrocortisone 2% prescription stuff...once everything calms down down there I'm going to retry the alcohol but just in limited quantities...btw people piss me off who say you should go to a doctor it's embarassing I don't want to go to someone and tell them my asshole is fucked up it's humiliating, people want to keep it quiet and find a cure without involving the doctor...good luck to all my fellow ass itchers.

Ass Scratch Fever's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

LMAO when someone leaves this website can you say they "log" out?

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points

How about a good bath, Shecky? If you don't wash your ass, it's gonna itch. It's called 'hygiene.'
"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

Itchy butt's picture

Hey, I tried Aftate and you are right IT DOES BURN. Its like trying to use your tender little brown spot for a rocket motor. I must have cried for hours. When the flame went out the itch was gone. No more scrathing. It beats the hell out of using the keyhole saw method.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I've heard that if you have a lot of hair in that region, it can irritate your buttcrack quite a bit. Maybe try getting a wax job, lol.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

itchybutt's picture

Try Old Spice, that will get rid of that butt digging ITCH. Might make your finger smell better to

Anonymous Coward's picture

In regards to the parasitic worms mentioned above, are they any good for fishing? If so, what species are attracted to them (other than brown trout).

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.