hemo-stats

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PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Czaron asks:

I was wondering if there is a "normal" time that it takes
hemorrhoids to develop. Over the course of the last 24 hours, and more
specifically the last 8 hours, I believe that I've gone from normal to
suffering from hemorrhoids. As the minutes go by, I can feel a swelling pain in
that area. Is that in any way normal?


Dear Czaron,

Most of the time hemorrhoids occur gradually over a period of time. Some of the most common causes of developing hemorrhoids include straining or pushing too hard during bowel movements, constipation, sitting for long periods, obesity and even heredity.

Other medical conditions and medications used to treat some of them can also be contributing factors in vascular weakening and pooling of blood that causes hemorrhoids. For instance, heart and liver disease, treated over a long period of time can cause blood to pool in the abdomen and pelvic area, enlarging the veins and can create the conditions necessary for an onset of hemorrhoids.

Sudden onset of hemorrhoids can occur if one is not used to hard physical labor. A sudden increase in physical activity, such as helping a friend move large objects, or lifting heavy items alone, can cause an immediate onset of hemorrhoids. This condition usually leads to the painful itching sensation brought on by the sudden increase in pressure to the area. It usually subsides, if not too serious, by itself, in a matter of days as long as no more heavy lifting is done.

Thanks for asking Motherload!

Motherload is a Certified Nurse Assistant as well as an IBS sufferer, which means she knows a lot about poop. Got a question for her? Ask it here.












9 Comments on "hemo-stats"

Hieronymous Bowels's picture

Don't forget capsaicin, the stuff in chili peppers that makes them hot, that can make you suffer. Worst of all though is beer or malt liquor, have a few too many, especially in combination with hot peppers and your in for a world of hurt.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Transfer to a different cell-block can also cause an immediate onset of hemorrhoids.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Having a baby can cause hemorrhoids.
So can that half-lytely bowel prep crap they make you drink before a colonoscopy.

crapphappy's picture

try holding ab ice cube on them for ten minutes or so, do not use dry ice!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Grab hold of 'em with pliers and yank the fuckers off. Works for me.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

The biggest instigators of hemmorhoids are A: chronic constipation, and B: sraining too hard while having a bowel movement.

I developed a case of hemmorhoids a couple of years ago, after over strainig a stubborn turd.

Sitz baths will help to ease some of the pain. A sitz bath consists of lukewarm water and epsom salts. Just put the water in hospitail pan (or something similair) and soak your butt. Make sure not to over fill the pan with water.
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Bilgey, ew! I'm still cringing from that one! Here's a +1 for you for making me squirm.

I've found that the number one cause of hemmorhoids is being a politician, especially if you work in the Senate. Haven't you guys always wondered why their faces are so stiff. They're trying REALLY had not to scratch their asses on CSPAN.

_______
If a man farts and no one's around, does he make a sound?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

sitz bath senorita's picture

so yes am using a sitz bath now...don't really feel that it is helping much. Am i supposed to add salt to this puppy for extra impact?

It is sort of uncomfortable to sit in too...

help.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Why does sitting in a sitz bath make one want to poop?

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