pooping on the deathbed

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j 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Vatfryer asks:

I was wondering if it was true that when a person dies, he or she evacuates immediately afterwards. Is this true, or is it an urban legend?





Dear Vatfryer,

This is absolutely true. Except that it doesn't ALWAYS happen. I used to work in a nursing home and had to wrap probably 2-3 dead people a week. At least one would have crapped.

Hope this helps!

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












22 Comments on "pooping on the deathbed"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

When I die I hope to go out with the biggest log I've ever made.
Also, the elderly nextdoor neighbor died and pooed all over his couch while he was watching "Touched By An Angel" with his wife. I've never been about to look at that show the same since.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

My question is this: Are all ages at risk of pooing when they die or is it just old people?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

I'd say that everybody is at an equal risk. I mean it is a crap that was following the course of nature as the body expanded and contracted.

I guess only people who died with an eating problem, or severe constipation would be the only ones with ZERO risk for shitting after death.

Turdmatic 6000's picture

So assuming the victim wasn't run over, defenestrated or anything else where the means of death provides the motive power--where does a dead person get the force to free a final floater from? (The question said "immediately after" so I assume that means it's too early to blame gas buildup or other effects of putrefaction.)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I wonder if Dad pooped when he died.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Push n Clog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Ah. the phenomenon didn't really reach me before, but I suppose it does make sense...
for one thing, the time before the rigor mortis sets in, (the stiffening of muscle tissues after death ; also why zombies are so stiff) the muscles all around one's body are completely relaxed. yeah, even your heart. prolly why you're dead. and if the person failed to empty his bowels before departure, it seems entirely possible that, well, the body lets go.

I dunno about me... when I die, I don't really want to poo - might confuse my family and friends to think I'm still alive.

.. might be somewhat neat actually.


_______
To clog or not to clog...
too late - already clogged.

My dream: to design and build the ultimate shredder toilet that will never, ever clog.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

When brain activity ceases, your voluntary and involuntary muscles no longer receive the "clench" or "unclench" signals...everything relaxes, your bladder and bowel empty out...in a lot of cases. Just happened with my own father a few months ago. The very last time I changed him....don't think he cared much at that point, but it seemed the right thing to do.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

God Bless You, Bilgey.
Your father may not have gone with dignity, but he crossed over with dignity.

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Anonymous Coward's picture

how long after death do the bowels empty??

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

My condolences to you also Bilge.

This subject was briefly touched on in the book "The Godfather" when they whacked someone.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

I hope I have a nice big gaseous release when I go.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


I was told that, upon rigamortis setting in, poop is usually seen, as is the contents on the bladder, but also, (i am told) due to some shift in blood pressure, male corpses, will present with a 'serious boner' (pan handle, hardon, stiffy, erection)

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

BVC, those pan handles keep the stiff from rolling off the gurney.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Ahhh! it's all clear now! The human body, even in death, is a very intelligent organism.

_______
like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

the big bloody car size turd's picture

if i eat a lot of nachos before i die, will it at least delay crappin my coffin?

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

t.b.b.c.s.t.: No. Nowadays the medical examiner/coroner cleans you inside and out, and if they don't the embalmer will. You'll just have a strange material in your gut.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I want nachos.

With lots of jalapenos.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

BungTheftAuto's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sounds fun. I wanna leave a huge wet mess when I go

lauren54's picture
l 100+ points

Ya I know and to the person who wanted to go out with a mess you just might. "I'll shit when I please, not when you tell me to." Nelson Mandela

Everything comes down to poo.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Having never been dead I find this a difficult question to answer.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

When my cat Maude died, she was still soft when I found her. There was no urine or feces. She died waiting for me to come back to her. Thelma Louise cursed me out in felinese for not being there. I think, when I die, a couple of gallons of poo will come out of me. They will find out I wasn't bullshittin'.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous's picture

I have a friend that went to mortuary school. He said that when they embalm you that you get the best boner of your life (or lack thereof).

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