thoughts on colon cleansing

// // 40 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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PooperChic asks:

Dear Mo-Lo,

I have been considering using a colon cleanse, but I am on the fence. I've read they're great and I've also read that they are a bunch of dookie (no pun intended). What are your thoughts?


Dear PooperChic,

First of all, I definately do not recommend the use of ANY type of colon-cleansing product while on a fence. Not only would that be dangerous, it could create quite a mess on both sides.

As far as my experience with them personally--I have none. My IBS tends to keep my colon free of any build-up, so I just don't feel the need.

If I were going to try one, I would pick a product that uses fiber and other natural ingredients, as opposed to those with harsh chemicals.

Thanks for asking Motherload!

Motherload is a Certified Nurse Assistant as well as an IBS sufferer, which means she knows a lot about poop. Got a question for her? Ask it here.












40 Comments on "thoughts on colon cleansing"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

There are natural colon buster diets you can find on the internet that seem to work very well. I will try to find some links.

And from what I've read, the "high colonic" may use caffeine, so what you experience as great high or wonderful feeling upon being cleansed is just a nice buzz.

Go to Trader Joe's and buy some dried fruit, be good to you body, and stick around!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

I agree with Mother, never cleanse the colon while sitting on a fence. That would be an offence. Okay, I thought it was funny.
My take on colonic cleansing is from a historical view - quarks have been pushing it as a necessary remedy for years. The problem with frequent enemas is that your body comes to depend upon them. Same with laxatives. If it were so necessary, docs would be encouraging the use of colonic cleansing. Instead increase your intake of fiber. Its better for you.

_______
"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

Quacks not quarks. I suck at typing while riding the fence during a colonic cleanse cycle.

_______
"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I agree that quacks have been recommending it for years, but I would not agree with the idea that something is not necessary just because doctors don't recommend it. I do not trust the esbablishment medical mainstream. They are too tied up in big pharma, insurance companies and narrow thinking.

Mary Mary was going to a place that blew water up her ass. She like it fine for a while, but one day they turned the water up too hot and burned the inside of her tuckus. She has never gone back.
_______
Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Anal About Poop's picture
l 100+ points

The only one I've had any real results with is this one www.drnatura.com. It's a little pricey and tedious, but it works well.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I think this colonic irrigation fad is mad, unless you have a real problem. Why hose out your good bacteria?

Another colonic input I read of recently was of an American alcoholic whose stomach couldn`t cope with the alcohol anymore without great pain. He started to feed his addiction by pouring the booze into himself via a funnel and rubber tube through his asshole into his rectum/colon. He died soon after of an overdose after he requested his wife to pour a couple of bottles of strong sherry through his sorry bung.

The voice of sanity

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points

Nothing gets it done like Fleet's Phospho Soda. I once took two full bottles of the stuff (which tastes a lot like diarrhea) and within about 15 minutes, I had a turbo shit unlike anything I have experienced before or since. I don't know exactly what the Fleet's did in my bowels, but it sent about five pounds of liquified dook blasting out of my ass and into (and onto) the toilet at around 50 PSI. A huge amount of turd actually splashed back onto my ass and sent a spray of brown across the back of the toilet seat as the jet of doo hit the water. These bursts of diarrheal mayhem went on for about three or four minutes, and left me utterly exhausted once the chaos had subsided. I wound up having to make four or five more mad dashes to the restroom before the Fleet's finally wore off, and let me tell you, I was shitting WATER by the time it was over.

It was the ultimate colonic.

_______
"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

Anonymous Coward's picture

Use nitrocellulose. Its explosive action will blow the shit right out, and it has a high fiber content as well.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points


I suffered from IBS-C for 17 years. I started using Dr. Natura in 2/2006, I have had minimal IBS symptoms all year. But the Dr. Natura is a very redundant and time consuming cleanser. Another favorite cleaner of mine is Sonee # 7. If you decide to use this, mix it with fruitjuce (if taken straight, it tastes like a mouthfull of mud), also, you need to drink lots and lots of water while using Sonnee # 7. If you don't, you can become impacted. Ultimatlety, it all comes down to which method works best for the individual.

_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I did a colon cleansing routine last year, with a product that I saw in a tv infomercial. I started writing a PR about it, but never finished.

Ardie's picture

My friend makes a colon cleanse she says helps a lot of folks with IBS. http://1meta-colon-cleanse.com/
I've used it a couple of times. It gives you those nice big fluffy poops that make you feel like you've really accomplished something.

tenderthunder's picture

I am going to try the ultimate colon cleansing product. This site is awesome. I may even buy a poop t-shirt!

Motherload's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Years ago, before actually getting my hands dirty in patient care, I got my feet wet by working in medical records.

I have read countless surgical reports relating to all different kinds of procedures.

Any time there was mention of the intestines in a surgical report that did not involve a bowel obstruction or impaction to begin with, there was no mention of abnormal build-up of fecal matter in the nooks and crannies of any of these patients-- other than in cases of appendicitis, where some shit that took a wrong turn can become trapped and cause the infection to fester which results in the attack.

As a rule, any time a surgeon has you opened up for surgery and something abnormal is found during the procedure, it will be addressed at that time if possible.

If necessary, a follow-up procedure to tend to the newly found affliction will be scheduled or at least discussed with the patient and noted in the chart somewhere.

I have never seen a medical record that indicated the discovery of an accumulation of muck in the pipes requiring immediate cleaning, or even a recommendation for the patient to use a colon cleansing product as part of any post-operative instructions.

I have also read many autopsy reports. Pretty much everything gets mentioned in this report from hair and eye color, height and weight, appearance and weight of each organ, stomach contents, genitalia, skin condition, etc.

If there is nothing abnormal found in any of these things, it is usually just noted as "unremarkable".

Never have I read an autopsy report that stated something along the lines of "and there was 10 pounds of fecal matter adhered to the intestinal lumen--possibly accumulated over the last 25 years of life"...

I honestly believe that if you were to empty the contents of one of these colon cleansing products that claim to make you shit out what appears to be your entire gastrointestinal tract and all kinds of oddly shaped parasites, eggs and any extraterrestrial inhabitants you may be harboring into a bucket of water, put a lid on it for 24 hours and go back and check it, my guess is that there would be a bucket full of that stringy, gloppy, intestine-like shit that would come out of your ass if you consume that crap.

But that is just my humble opinion. I am not a doctor or anything as you well know.
_______
Always looking out for number two!

Always looking out for number two!

Cadaverous coward's picture

I actually had a job for about six months doing autopsies. My job involved removing the internal organs, the brain, and the spinal cord for presentation to the pathologists. One of the less tasty parts of the job was having to empty out the entire g.i. tract. Not once, out of about 100 autopsies, did I see anything remotely resembling the stuff that these colon cleansing folks want you to believe is building up in your bowels.
The hospital I worked in was a teaching hospital that took in quite a few unusual cases. It was uncommon for the doctors to seek permission to autopsy the patients who died of relatively mundane illnesses or disease. So, I got to see a good number of cases involving patients who had endured prolonged hospitalization or complex surgery. One would have expected to see some bizarre accumulations in some of their intestines, like those long, stringy things, or those tarry laminations, or any of the other stuff that some would have you believe are lurking within the walls of our bowels and dragging down our health. The worst I might have seen were some near-rock hard turds and maybe some evidence of g.i. blood, but nothing that would have driven me to hosing out the works as a preventative measure.
Regardless, I have occasionally used psyllium husk colon cleansers, because they seem to produce impressive ropes of smooth-sliding turd. Otherwise, a decent amount of fiber and water in my diet and I'm "good to go".

sinkthefloater's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I recently had to go in for some medical tests. One of which was called an intravenous pyeologram(sp.). Basically during the test they inject you with a contrast material, then take a series of pictures as your body disposes of the contrast. As prep for this I had to go get a "Fleet pack" and not eat for 24 hours.

Basically what a fleet pack is is 3 different kinds of laxatives. When I saw this I was upset but atleast it wasn't "the dreaded contraption"(enema).

About two hours into the fleet pack I was on the toilet literally every 10 minutes for the rest of the 24 hour period. My point is, you want to get your colon cleansed, that's fine, I just don't think you should even consider the possibility that it might be a pleasant experience.

Anonymous Coward's picture

There are indeed some harsh colon cleansers out there. My recommendation would be to try P&B shakes instead.. hint: make your own using Psyllium Husk and Bentonite Clay you can buy from your nearby health store... they're better than buying a commercial product

Anonymous99's picture

I hear Bentonite Clay is not good so read up before using.

Anonymous Coward's picture

A colon cleanse would be definitely be beneficial for you. However, check with your doctor before you use an over the counter solution.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I had a colonoscopy last year and was able to watch the procedure on the monitor, a scenic trip up the old asshole. I had a
laxative to prepare me for the procedure and noticed nothing unusual coming out.
My gut looked healthy and I saw no poop
residue that colon cleansing is purported to remove.

I eat a diet high in fiber, low in red meat,
high in fish and high in booze. This seems to work for me.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have my colonoscopy in about two hours! I just spent since 5PM yesterday on the bowl...after drinking two bottles of Phoso-Soda think I am pretty clean...it was really fun and now I get to see a home video of my butt!

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

AC, you're looking forward to your colonoscopy? What the hell is wrong with you?!? I had to get one this year (that's significant, b/c I'm 16) and it was the worst expeirience of my life.
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

GordonPears's picture

For colon cleansing, it is better to select natural remedies which don't have any side effects. I can't believe any colon cleanser product until and unless I won't get a review on it.

Thanks,
http://naturalcoloncleanse.com/

DownTheCrapper's picture

I had to take FLEET for a colonoscopy about four years ago. It was an experience I will never forget and wondered since then if it would be worth going through what I did back then just to "cleanse" my tummy. The instructions from the doctor were quite explicite ... and I found out why. I drank the FLEET with 7-Up to cut the taste at 10am, which was suggested by the doctor, and it helped. The instructions said that the FLEET will take effect about two hours after the first dosage. Boy! They weren't kiddin'! It was nearly two hours to the minute and I was off and running to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I thought I could go to work and do this at the same time. WRONG!!! Needless to say, I told my boss what was going on (or should have said what was going down) and about 15 mins after starting the first dosage I left the office. It was a one-woman race to get home before the next delivery needed to be made; my normal drive of 20 minutes turned into a rapid 10 minutes and I prayed the entire way that there weren't any police out on the highway during that time! As soon as I got home, and frantically through the door, I pulled down my drawers and ran furiously to the bathroom. My gosh! AND the dosages weren't done! I needed to drink the rest of the bottle, per the instructions. What came out of me, I still can't believe it! It went from brown to dark baby green, light green to dark yellow, light yellow to yellow, and then bubbles blew out with what was left which wasn't much! I was thoroughly exhausted but by the same token felt rather ... well ... cleansed! I do plan on going through this torment again mainly because of what I saw come out of my body; this time, though, I'll make sure I'm home for the entire day!

Poopshoot's picture

Wow This site is Fabulous!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Then register an account and join in the madness!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Yes, Daphne! That's the only reasonable course of action after finding this place! Be part of it FOREVER!!!

_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

(Just so you know, I wasn't being sarcastic. i totally meant everything in that post)
_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

Steve London's picture

I took Ph-ion Cleanze capsules for seven days, I made sure I ate as healthy as possible, No Fizzy drinks, no Dairy, no Red Meats, I ate mainly porrigde with sultanas, or fruit n fibre cereal with soya milk, Each time i took the 6 capsule I Drank Water mixed with a slice of lemon, And at other times drank green tea, peppermint tea and ginger tea, I made sure each meal i had a big potion of vegetables or salas, I sometimes had vegetarian meals and at other times i had fish or chicken and turkey. I had Three or Four Regular bowel movements each day compared to my normal two. My tummy felt tender but I drank aloe vera juice and acidophilus and now my tummy feels fine. I am definately feeling energetic and lite, normally i would pant running up the stairs at my work but now i can do it without. I am trying to stick to a good diet now and trying avoid junk.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Steve, I can't say enough good things about aloe vera. There's actually a decent liquid aloe vera at Wal Mart in the medicinal section. Not only does it help my digestion, but since I started taking it, my joints don't hurt as much as they used to.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

It soothes a sore ringpiece too. Wonderful stuff.

I'd go as far as to say that aloe vera is one of nature's miracles.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

All the hispanic markets here in Nashville sell pieces of fresh aloe vera, does anyone know what their intended use is?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

All kinds of uses, Chief...the pulp is a great dietary supplement (as Daphne alluded to) and also as a great sunburn relief, or just plain old moisturizer for dry skin...Amazing what a leave, what ever its called, cut open, and sucked on, does for dry mouth as well.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Oh, I almost forgot though - for our dog lovers.... aloe can be poisonous to dogs. If you have an aloe plant, please don't put it in a place where you dog can reach it.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Point and Poop's picture

What a great site.

It's not the taint, but it's pretty close:

Anonymous Coward's picture

Natural colon cleanse kits work great, or you can make one quite safely by traveling to the alternative health store. Often the store people are very knowledgeable about what ingredients you need, and are very safety minded.

starsong's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

my own version of this was a couple dropperfuls of dandelion tincture in the morning, almost a gallon of water through the day, two or three granola bars and a lot, and I mean a lot of fruits. can we say plenty of poopies that cleaned the pipes? I think so!

Colon Flush's picture

Great advice! Fiber really is the most important ingredient for a successful colon cleanse.

Peter L's picture

When calling for any products from an infomercial watch out for auto shipping and the clubs that come at the end of an order Auto shipping is a scam in and of it’s self I have a friend that works in the industry and he tells me the following

1. Whether it is internet or a phone sale the auto ship is explained however it is never clear. They are trained to gloss over auto ships and just meet the FCC guidelines that keep them out of court.
2. This is true only for the 800 number call operators are standing by calls STAY AWAY FROM THE FREE OFFERS AT THE END OF THE CALL (Called Clubs). They are trained to try and lull you in by using a very monotone voice and at the end of the statement saying “OK” real brightly. People they are reading you a CONTRACT and it IS binding The best way to not mess with these is as soon as they start hang up!!

Colon Flush's picture

LOL Love the title of your book. But I found the name Butt Plugs for your marketplace a little bit gross.

 Jo's picture

Thanks for that great post, I never looked at it like that. Great Title

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