asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass

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Ali asks:

The last few months I've had a very strange and painful problem. No one I've asked has ever had this problem, so I'm looking to you people here to help me. For the last few months my ass crack has been chapped. The crack itself is very red and quite painful, and looks like the cracking you get on the sides of your mouth if your lips are extremely chapped. I have not changed my wiping habbits -- I use the damp Cottonelle wipes. I've been putting Neosporin with lidocaine on my crack and that makes it feel better but the problem isn't going away. Please help -- I need ass crack relief!





Dear Ali,

For starters, I can assure you of two things: Asscrackitis (the medical term for an irritated or inflamed ass crack), is generally NOT sexually transmitted, nor is it likely to be fatal. I realize that neither of these facts has anything to do with your concerns, but thought I would sound more professional making this sort of pronouncement right off the bat.

First, discard your thong underwear, if applicable. (Alternatively, you can boil them for one hour and then soak them in a gallon of bleach, but I would just throw them out). Thong-wearing is the #1 cause of Asscrackitis. Boiling and bleaching really has nothing helpful to contribute to your problem, but I suggested it only to encourage you to stop wearing them. Fabric wedged up your ass crack can't be helping the problem.

Next, are you using some new type of soap, body wash, detergent, or Brillo pads on your crack? I would recommend switching to some bland, non-irritating cleanser, such as Ivory soap, for a while. Don't overwash your crack, either. Be sure you let it dry well.

Wear plain old cotton underpants for a while. No leather or rubber underwear or pants. Let your crack breathe, as God intended.

Stop with the Neosporin if it isn't helping. Get a mild hydrocortisone (1%) cream at the drugstore, and apply it sparingly to your spanking clean, dry ass crack twice a day.

Don't use those premoistened wipes for a while. They usually have some alcohol in them, which could be either over-drying your crack or irritating it. Alcohol is for drinking, not for wiping.

If you are not improved within two weeks, or if your Asscrackitis is getting worse while you are doing these things, for God's sake go show your ass to a real doctor.

Please be advised that I am only a Poonurse. I am NOT a medical doctor. Any advice I give should be taken moderate skepticism. Please consult a REAL medical doctor if you feel you have a serious medical condition.

-- Poonurse

Poonurse is an RN with 25 years experience in labor and delivery. Her qualifications include seeing a lot of poop, and owning a computer. Also, she works in Michigan, which she calls the asshole of the universe, so that's another bit of credibility.

Got a question for her?












215 Comments on "asscrackitis: chapped, cracking ass"

Anonymous's picture

when i sit down on a hard chair my ass feels uncomfortable. It feels like it is being stretched. a doc said i could have a sentinel pile and was sitting on scar tissue so maybe that is why it is uncomfortable. Any suggestions how i can sit down comfortably?

Anonymous's picture

I finally went to a dermatologist for asscrackitis and he said it was a type of eczema. He prescribed a gel and said to use wet wipes to keep it clean. I''ver been suffering from this for over a year. This blog has given me the confidence to seek real help. Unfortunately, no other remedy worked. The doc said that 2 weeks of the cream should fix the problem now and if it occurs again. Aaaahhhh. -John

Anonymous's picture

I have had asscrackitus for over 10 years been tested for everything under the sun!!
This helped me i found out its called Pruritus Ani and this link can help you fix your ass !!
Mine is still cracked but its winter and itches like you wouldnt believe.
check the link loads of info to cure your crack!!
From the british dermatology board
http://www.bad.org.uk/site/863/Default.aspx

Anonymous's picture

Iodine work the best. I was healed in an hour or less.

Anonymous's picture

After browsing through several websites and postings, I've FINALLY found a SOLUTION to this problem. (Polysporin, baby diaper rash cream- nothing worked. Surprisingly enough jock itch cream was the secret solution prescribed to me by my doctor (Ketoderm 2%) described as an antifungal cream used to treat athletes foot, jock itch and ringworm.

It has now been 2 days and the crack has healed and is no longer bleeding- to think I've lived with this painful crack for several months! Hope this posting can help others out there.

Anonymous's picture

Hi everyone, I had the same thing for about a week and a half (ass rash/crackitis) I remember in Cuba someone had told me to apply egg white and vinegar on my burnt back, the rash itself was very hot and it almost feels like a burn, so for two days in a row I applied egg white with a little bit of vinegar, this seemed to help tremendously.

Also I applied corn flour to keep it dry. This combination worked, it hasn't gone away still but I can feel it going away. The burning/itching is still there a little but not as intense.

Now I just use hemorrhoid cream at night for the itching and this seems to help as well. Good luck!

Anonymous's picture

Hi this is chief smelly finger from the itchy bum tribe. I suffer from acute chronic ass chapitis as well. I thought I was the only one. I feel so good to know there is a community I can reach out to for support with this painful affliction.

Now seriously. How do I get rid of this???? It hurts to bend over.

Anonymous's picture

Hi I have a problem it's been a week now my unus is painful an the skin peals off when I wipe. It started when I was taking antibiotics for an STD it terrified Mr that it bleeds every time I go to the toilet please help

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I discussed this with my learned colleagues Anonymous and we were baffled as none of us could decide exactly what a unus is. We did agree that your style of writing indicates that you are probably too young to be engaging in sex. Your best bet is to revisit the doctor that prescribed the antibiotic. We hope your unus is better soon and retains most of its skin.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

This is for all of you who love ANAL.

Boy oh boy did I make a nice friend recently. It's been a while for me and this lad was delightful company in and out of the bedroom. A kind and hospitable soul. We did enjoy anal delights and it had been a while for me. Lots of lube and a condom. He was such a nice person I didn't want to say that it wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience, he was enjoying it and it wasn't so awful. (What I mean to say is there have been times I've been driven MAD by anal... Simply driven MAD. This wasn't one of them, but alas...).

Well the next day I wasn't surprised to be butthurt. I walked around a little proud of myself and the twinge I felt when I sat down.

"You're living life, for once.... YOU'RE LIVING!!!" I said to myself, feeling a little mischievious that only I knew the source of this secret pain which is to say, my rocking sexy lifestyle!

But the pain went on and on and on. And seemed to get worse. I asked myself, "Is this the pain of an anal hole bruised by the joys of anal? Or something else?"

Asscrackitis, it is.

My theory is that after our enjoyment I went right to sleep and didn't wash around my ass crack to rinse off the lube and it created a host for this horrible asscrackitis. I was worried at first thinking, "OMG, I got a red hot STD." But we used condoms.

It's asscrackitis, get over yourself!

Anonymous's picture

You can add me to the victim list.

I noticed mine with I chose to wear a pair of sexy thongs with my kinda tight yoga pants.
Dumb, stupid, bad choice...
That whole day I was yanking my thong outta my crack and it was just defiantly crawling back in that crack to attack me and cause me to have my new owie.

What I did/have been doing:
* First, I used a cotton round and soaked it with TN Dickensons
's 100% Witch Hazel.
** Second, I wiped my owie on my bum crack with the cotton round.
*** Third, I got a fresh, new cotton round and put Gold Bond Body Powder on it.
**** Fourth, I bent over and put that cotton round (with the Gold Bond Body Powder) right between my cheeks (ummm...down south y'all) and then pull up my loose fitting jammy pants.
------------------------------------------------------------------
It is now day 2 of my bout with Asscrackitis and the burning, sore and smellyness is at around 5%.
There is still a light pinkness to my owie/sore...but, there is no burning or soreness.

I have been wearing extremely loose fitting pants during the day (no panties).I sleep in naked (SSSssshhh...) at night.

I truly believe in the power of these two ingredients:
Witch Hazel
Gold Bond Powder

*~* beachblonde bum bum

Anonymous's picture

Omg. This sucks. I've been reading for hours and all I find is anecdotal nonsense.

Why do people post with nothing to say? Where are the actual solutions? Had no one found an effective remedy ever? Wtf?

Don't reply if you've had it for years. Clearly you don't have a solution!

Don't reply if you're just guessing.

I'm so miffed. This is why the country is falling apart. We're all idiots now. Not a single solution worth my time to try. Not a single post that says, I did this, and it worked. Not a single list that says, hey I tried what you said, and it worked.

So nothing works? We all just suffer from a split in our skin that never ever heals? Ever? So disappointing.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous,

Go to the upper left corner of the page and click the words "About PoopReport" You will make the startling discovery that you are at a site that rather than making medical recommendations exists solely for the purpose of humorous anecdotes about the process of ejecting wastes from our bods. That is why you are finding a plethora of, as you call it, "anecdotal nonsense." That's our purpose in life.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

When I get it...and I occasionally still do, I snap off a piece of my Aloe Vera plant and rub the gooey gel from the plant directly on the painful area. It soothes and cools on contact. It seems to dry it up and heal it in less time.

Anonymous's picture

I use get this all the time in the summer I worked it high heat and sweat and my ass crack gets so sweaty that it would burn here is how I dealt with it it's your sweaty ass is the cause monkey butt or gold bond powder. Any Wet farts must be wiped ASAP if not they make it worse

Dry it out make sure the ass is dry in a dry winter climate Vaseline works awesome just a small amount this is more the typical chapped ass!

Make sure no shit or sharts get left anywhere near it or it will burn like hell and so more on the dry climate as my winters here are dry cold and chapped
This is when to use cream my rule of thumb is if there is swass In the crack dry it out
Once it is dry and aired out to stage 2 apply a small amount of Vaseline to seal up and protect chappy skin

Three causes I know of that had caused mine
Consipation brakes loose and a hard shit followed by soft serve to lose bowels basically feels like the head ripped your ass crack

Swass this sweatass is the worse and and most difficult to cure sleep naked and apply powder small layer of cream in the morning I say small cause if not it's not fun to have an asscrack to full of cream and if it feels like big brut is lubing it up to take his bbc just not a good feeling for an anti anything in my ass guy

Morning
1 Clean disinfect
2 Dry let it air in the nude
3 Powder protect morning
Night
1Clean
2Dry
4 Cream cream at night (Vaseline works great and cheap)
5 Air out this period promotes healing and sleep naked
Anti fugal spray powder also works awesome
Few days of this 2-3 can drastically reduce how often it occurs

Well hope this helps some no one likes a chapped ass and a cracked crack hurts like hell when it is bleeding is the times I used vasilne it also helps protect it from shit getting in the sore as long as your reverse the wiping actions And go hole to front try not to wipe shit into it or it can sting like a bitch and get infected so make sure wiping is soft gentle and thought if you use wet wipes creams must be applied to moisten skin so it doesn't dry up and crack from the alcohol

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