To Upper-Decker Or Not To Upper-Decker


Normally, we at PoopReport do not condone turd terrorism. Most of the time the victim of such an act is a janitor who had nothing to do with what instigated such a reaction in the person seeking revenge, anyway. I received a message from someone who challenges our rule, and he wanted me to put it to discussion:

Our home was foreclosed upon a year ago in questionable circumstances. The bank refused to give us a chance to refinance or to make a payment, and we were only one month late. The bank also sat on the house for a year and sent us repeated threats to pay bills that should have no longer been our responsibility, what with our not being allowed to live in the house and all... .

Today I found out that the bank is going to re-list our home for one hundred thousand dollars less than what they were demanding we pay one year ago. We still have a key, and we found out from our lawyer that the house is still ours until the end of the month. The bank lied about this point.

We are taking all of the plants and trees out of the yard this week, seeing as we added them after we bought the house. While at the house today my wife hit me and jokingly said, "We should upper-decker all the bathrooms on the last day." Would committing upper deckers in the toilets be wrong? The bank shit on us. Should we shit on the bank?


I have to admit: Part of me, the evil Daphne part, thinks "Yes!" when considering Ted's dilemma. Our country's lenders and investors knew damned well what they were doing when they approved thousands of sub-prime loans to clients who with risky credit, and I think more than a few of them deserve an upper decker. On the other hand, the other part of me, the ethical Daphne part, wonders who would be cleaning up the mess.

What do you think, Poopreporters? Is it ever acceptable to commit an upper decker? Does Ted have a good claim?

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7 Comments on "To Upper-Decker Or Not To Upper-Decker"

ChrisM's picture
l 100+ points

Not only should they upper-decker every john in the house, they should toss some dog piles in there too.
While they're at it, a few dead fish judiciously placed behind electrical outlet wall plates works wonders.

The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I, like you, am torn between the two choices Daphne. I think ultimately I would have to say no to the upper deckers because revenge is never right. On the other hand.......

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Hell yeah, I'd do it. Some advice to you before you do the deed: Eat a lot of Mexican food first. Preferably coated in tons of grease and lard...and have fun shitting on the bank. Hey, they did it to you first, right?

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Sadly, I think the bank or whomever the bank puts in charge of the sale of the home, may be able to force the previous owners to pay for clean-up, and possibly bring some sort of criminal mischief charge, negating any "justice" in the act. A far better solution is word of mouth that bank to death through all your friends and neighbors, if they have accounts, there, close them out, move their money elsewhere. Hit them where it really hurts.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I think that Bilge is correct in what he says. If you insist on some kind of turd terrorism just take some dog shit to the bank in a plastic bag, wear an old pair of shoes with deeply grooved soles, drop the shit outside the bank and step in it. When you enter the bank twist your foot when you walk, especially if you are on a carpeted area. This would be wrong on so many levels of course.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Well, if you still own the house, fuck with the bank by moving back in. It will take them at least 30 days to get an eviction order and then you have another 30 or more days before they actually can toss your ass out on the street.

Also, since you've got some time and your credit is already fucked, file for bankruptcy. That will stop the foreclosure proceedings until the bankruptcy issue is cleared up. Then, on the day of your bankruptcy hearing, withdraw your petition.

With a little creativity, you should be able to draw this out for months, and have a place to live rent free.

And, I recommend that you go to the headquarters of the bank and, instead of shitting any place, just bring some habaneros, cut them open and then smear them liberally on the toilet seats.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

How evil of you Deja, Habanero terrorism rather than turd terrorism. I like the way you think.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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