Eternal Debates: The Soundtrack

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THE ISSUE:

Piped-in music in public bathrooms.

31 Comments on "Eternal Debates: The Soundtrack"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Ahhhh.....The eternal debate, what music to listen to while pinching a loaf. I can see two distinctly different approaches to this issue. First.....What is your short time goal?
Do you wish to drop your load and leave as soon as possible, or would you prefer to linger and spend quality time with the potty?

If you are in a hurry the music should be fast and rhythmic. You could contract your anus in time to something like a rap or a polka and be done in short order. If you prefer a slow smooth exit perhaps a waltz
is the thing for you. I have never tried to
shit in waltz time but suppose I could................... Grunt-2-3,,Grunt-2-3, Grunt 2-3.

Extremely low sounds can have a loosening effect on the sphincter. For those who suffer from constipation a very low tone could be blasted from the speakers for a few minutes. I would thing that "Toccata and fugue in D minor" by Bach would loosen the tightest asshole if played at a loud enough volume. Of course this could be bad news for urinaters and hand washers......oh well, we must expect some collateral damage.

The music could be alternated on a quarter hour basis and the schedule could be posted on the door. You would need
to train your starfish to perform within a one hour window of opportunity.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

HAHA! The brown noise!!
Pooping polka! Poopa poopa Poopa Oh Roll out the potty... I've got an ass full of poo.......

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

Now that I think about it, I think I would prefer the beginning of Led Zeppelin's Dazed and Confused.

College Poopette's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I think the finale to 1812 Overture would be good. The cymbal crashes would provide for a most-exhilarating pooping experienced. [Imagine the scene from V for Vendetta in which he conducts his "symphony"]

Hum bunger's picture
l 100+ points

The banalized offerings of Muzak have no place in the bathroom. I don't want to hear watered down sanitized soft rock while I'm wrestling with a grogan.

Hum bunger's picture
l 100+ points

ChiefThunderbutt (185) -- 06.26.2008
Extremely low sounds can have a loosening effect on the sphincter. For those who suffer from constipation a very low tone could be blasted from the speakers for a few minutes.

How about I play 'Orpheus in the Underworld' on a pipe organ for ya?

Butt Dumpling's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I prefer to play my own Ass Trumpet for everyones musical pleasure !

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

How about a track from Mr.Methane?

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Alas...I did a little more research and found that the "Brown Noise" is probably
just an urban myth.
I had heard that people who were under a bomb attack sometimes shit themselves because of the low frequency sounds of the bombs...looks like they were just having the shit scared out of them.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

The sounds from down below is all I want to hear while I'm on the can.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Mythbusters "busted" the brown noise theory a couple years ago. I think there's a thread around here someplace regarding the issue...but I am too fucking lazy to look for it.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I would prefer big band music with the strong booma booma drums and fun trumpets.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I have not tried this... And I don't want to! Listen to Yoko Ono. Either it would be a spontaneous constipation ender, or it would scare it so far up the colon, that it would never come out.

fibertiger's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The Girl from Ipanema supplies relaxing ambience. Also, how about some coconut air freshener?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Gregorian chants make me hot.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

I think it makes those monks hot, too, Bilgey.

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Here's a couple obscure songs to pinch a loaf by:

Big Log - Robert Plant
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me - Culture Club

stefano's picture

Haha I have thought about this a lot before... I can only hear quiet, low music while making cake... or no music at all. As long as the fan or shower are on while I'm in the restroom I'm fine.

Kay O. Pectate's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I love Postman's suggestions. Here are a few more:
Burn- JoDee Messina
Brown Eyed Girl- Van Morrison
Mr. Brown- Bob Marley
Ring Of Fire- Johnny Cash

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

And for the severely constipated:
30 Days In The Hole- Humble Pie

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

For the patrotic:
The Stars and Stripes Forever by J.P. Sousa.
The only problem is that it's traditional to stand during the final verse.

_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

RoboCrap13........The Stars and Stripes Forever is an outstanding choice. I am a standing wiper so I shall just have to be ready by the final verse. I wonder if their is some patriotic maiden who would like to play the piccolo part?

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Chief, when you salute, just make sure you drop the used TP first

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

Chief, that's not a piccolo, no matter how many holes there are in it.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

RoboCrap13...Some of the music that I have enjoyed the most has been played on the one note piccolo.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Vanilla Dolphin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

There is a fantastic MP3 that I downloaded years ago entitled 'Beethoven's Last Movement,' a piece of classical music set to a symphony of farts, grunts, and splatters. Quite funny, and, I believe, the perfect soundtrack for any shituation.

Message me if you'd like a copy.

_______
"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

La Petomaine's picture
l 100+ points

You know it's going to be a bad one when you're inspired to listen to death metal when you drop trou for a seat on the throne.


_______
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Chief makes a point about fast or slow music.
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

How about "Hurts So Good" by John Mellencamp?

And I bet you youngsters don't know who John Mellencamp is.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

I vote for classical music as it is composed of various movements and you can try to time your "drop" at the precise instance of the crescendo.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Yes Postman I know who John Mellencamp is. Hurts so good is a good song to shit to.
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

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