Eternal Debates: Reaching Between vs. Reaching Around

// // 87 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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THE ISSUE:

What's your vector of wiping approach? And why?

87 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Reaching Between vs. Reaching Around"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I stand up, reach around and wipe and have done so as long as I remember.

I have tried to sit and wipe but have never been successful.

krzyzewskifan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I agree with doniker, I have yet to be able to complete a successful sitted wipe.

I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

LadyCrohn's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I sit and reach between. Always have and always will. And I think I might have to put that into practice soon!

The Random Rectum's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I do the reach around and slightly lift my right cheek. I am unable to do the same technique if I turn to the left.

I always wipe from anus to upper crack, never from upper crack to anus. I'm a girl and don't want any poop in my honey pot and this wiping technique prevents this.

I have a large brown freckle that rests just at the opening of my ass. If I catch a glimpse of my naked rear in the mirror, it always looks as if there is a wayward piece of shit that escaped the Charmin. I hate this freckle and have made it a point to mention its location to any doctor who may be examining that area. I'd hate for my doctor to think I was a dirty girl with crap on my ass.

I have digressed from the topic, but I'm curious if anyone has either freckles or birthmarks on their ass that mimic fecal flecks?

~Keep your friends close, and your enemas closer.~

Gaseous G's picture

A single reach between from the front to dislodge any hangers, drop the paper into bowl then stand and traditional reach around wiping multiple times until last wipe produce no more brown.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I stand and reach around, wiping from the anus up, away from my bits. It's really not recommended to wipe back to front, especially for women. You don't want all those bacteria in your vagina or your bladder!

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Gaseous, we must be distant cousins. That's pretty much my m.o., too.

MotelShit's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I prefer to reach in between and wipe. Despite this - I still wipe from front to back making sure I don't get any brown on my cha-cha. Speaking of wiping, my husband reaches behind to take care of business, but he always ends up getting little bits of poopy toilet paper on the floor or on the back of the toilet...does anyone else have this problem? It's hell to clean his bathroom.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Being right-handed I just lift the right cheek a little and and wipe from behind. Too lazy to stand up. Wipe till the paper looks clean.

The voice of sanity

Gaseous G's picture

GottaGoGirl: I knew it!

It brings gladness to my heart that we are similar butt wipers!

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

"I'm a girl and don't want any poop in my honey pot"

"I have a large brown freckle that rests just at the opening of my ass. If I catch a glimpse of my naked rear in the mirror, it always looks as if there is a wayward piece of shit that escaped the Charmin. I hate this freckle and have made it a point to mention its location to any doctor who may be examining that area. I'd hate for my doctor to think I was a dirty girl with crap on my ass."

"I still wipe from front to back making sure I don't get any brown on my cha-cha."

These 3 comments actually made me sport wood. I seriously need to get laid.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

That`s worrying doniker. I take it you`ld wait until the wiping was completed.

The voice of sanity

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points

lean to the left, wipe front to back once, look at paper into the toilet it goes, twice with new paper, into the pot, flush and go. i'm too lazy to stand, and i think i've always been afraid that if i stodd the shit would smear all over my ass or something.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

bowlfiller's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Very similar to some others,

firsty 4 sheets of roll, folded in 2 - lift up right butt cheek and lean over to the left.
with the first wipe its essential to determine what type of residue remains, so if no clingers are felt, you goto take alook - If clingers are felt, the paper is dropped to avoid any mishaps upon paper removal.

From sack to back is the wiping direction, and the above technique is used until paper is clean.

Baron von PoopenSchnitzel's picture

Stand and reach around. With the occasional cheek parting maneurver to get the nooks and crannies. Wiping while you're sitting involves your hand becoming too close to comfort to the seat, bowl, and toilet water. Reaching between your legs runs the risk of having your forearm rub against your cock (if you're a guy), and potentially becoming wet with residual urine dripping. And then you have to wash not only your hands, but your forearm as well.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I stand and deliver. Well, actually, first I sit and deliver, then I stand and wipe, facing the toilet. Not opposed to sitting and wiping, just find things more comfortable the way I do them.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Eggroll's picture

I was a standing wiper for a long time. It wasn't til my girlfriend told me that if you stand you mush the poop making it more difficult to get clean. I realized that I was using alot of TP, so I weened myself off the standing ass cleaning and made my way towards a right handed reach around the cheek ass scrubber.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I hoist my blubbery right cheek off the seat and reach around back. Recently, I tore my rotator cuff in a motorcycle crash and experience extreme shoulder pain while wiping. I tried the left side and it is impossible.

Random Rectum will you marry me?

The Random Rectum's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

DungDaddy,
I Doo.

~Keep your friends close, and your enemas closer.~

Mr Nuts's picture

I used to be a "stand up and wipe" dude until I gained some weight and found this technique harder than the "sit on your ass" technique. But for some reason, I find sitting to be less manly than standing. I'm trying to lose weight right now, and hopefully can return to my fighting standing self very soon.

grinchygut's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I stand - like BvPS, I can't stand the thought of my hand or forearm being anywhere near the toilet.

_______
squeeze and pray.

Today's weather: Heavy downpours with intermittant thunder and pervasive smog. Air quality low.

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points

but standing puts any potential hangers on directly over your pants! if they let go god forbid, or if you DROPPED the soiled tp it would end up on the pants and underpants pooled around your ankles. this is why i sit and wipe, and i just realized i forgot to mention that i wipe until the paper is clean, no swampass or dingleberries for me thanks.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

Oliver Pansoff's picture

Wow. I did not realize that there were standing wipers out there! Does the standing and wiping involve wide-legged squatting action?
I've always stayed on the seat, arm in the crack, paper in the pucker.
I've also perfected my technique by eliminating the "wiping" action. I give my spinct an extra pucker, and I wiggle the finger on there like I'm trying to wedge it in, then I retract the pucker the get some depth to cleansing. This is definitely more gentle on the winkie.

Gaseous G's picture

Motelshit: There's no reason your husband should be dropping shit encrusted bits of paper due to wiping technique. Even if there were, why doesn't he pick up!!! He's an unhygenic slob. You should keep him away from your cha-cha too.

mel's picture

I stand and wipe until the paper is clean or let's face it- clean enough. If I am at home sometimes I have to do the shit and shower routine.

sir shitalot's picture

i made the switch from back to front to front to back. you get a better wipe that way, twice with tp and then i hit-up the wet wipes for that oh..so fresh feeling.

Squeezed Cheeks's picture

For some reason my cheeks are squished tightly together, I literally have over an inch of contact between the cheeks when i stand up. As a result I am forced to wipe while sitting down in order to not get it all up and down my crack.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I'm a fat ass, and I'm always squeezed together in any position.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

juiop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I prefer to get in the tub with my but facing the faucet, and direct the water through the crack and provide an abrasive, both with my right hand, while the left holds the rift open.

_______
____________________
warm brown fuzzies

____________________
warm brown fuzzies

juiop's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

errg... *Butt, not but..
And the abrasive is my hand, if you didn't get that..
_______
____________________
warm brown fuzzies

____________________
warm brown fuzzies

Northy's picture
l 100+ points

I tend to lift the old right cheek, leaning against the cubicle wall if there isn't much room and have a good wipe using more toilet paper than necessary just to make sure my finger doesn't go through

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Northy, being from Britain I`ve had that finger through the cheap-shit paper they put in public toilets many times. Not pleasant at all.

The voice of sanity

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Roll to the left a tad, lift the right cheek, and wipe, from front to back (hating getting mud on my sack)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

TBW writes: "I stand and deliver. Well, actually, first I sit and deliver, then I stand and wipe, facing the toilet. Not opposed to sitting and wiping, just find things more comfortable the way I do them."

Dude--I thought you had a bidet! And when are we getting the virtual tour of the Mother of All Bathrooms?

P.S.--I loved the name of the Unregistered User above--"Oliver Pansoff"! That belongs in our Funny Sounding Names thread over on the forums.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Anonymous Coward's picture

On diahreha days, I limit myself to 4 wipes since my anus is on fire and any excess wipeage is murder.
If the fourth wipe is still fairly dripping, I grab a wad of paper to cram between my cheeks as a sort of manly sanitary napkin. By the time my next bowel movement rolls around, this ass-wad will have absorbed the majority of my poop.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

Just use the TP to make a Manpon. Problem solved.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Poorific!'s picture

Sitting...lean forward...pull cheeks apart with left hand...first wipe is back to front...then front to back...then repeart step 1 and 2 and then last wipe with wet one's

Heavy Doodie's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sitting, for optimal cheek spreadage, lift right cheek, reach around, wipe up (what most seem to call "front-to-back"). Follow with a down-wipe (back-to-front), repeat alternate directions to prevent wiping residoo (shit residue) too far in either direction. Continue until paper comes clean. For particularly stubborn clean-ups, dampen paper in sink, and follow with a dry-wipe.
And my wife says I can't wipe my own ass. HA!!!


_______
Keep up the crappy work!

Keep up the crappy work!

Poopgirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


I prefer to reach around and pull the poo backwards. I guess it's what my mom taught me. She wipes that way too.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poopgirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


I prefer to reach around and pull the poo backwards. I guess it's what my mom taught me. She wipes that way too.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Northy's picture
l 100+ points

Thunderbox - I couldn't agree more. That cheap stuff that they put in the toilets that looks more like tracing paper than bogroll is not good

Crynna's picture

i lean forward and wipe my lovely ass from front to back, and follow with a wet wipe to clean up the germs because they are gross.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Standing wiper, and I reach around, usually on the right side. I have never been able to get clean sitting. Stuff gets everywhere!

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I still can't prove it, but I would swear that TSV pees in the sink.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

poop machine's picture

I always reach around and wipe from front to back, normally sitting. Then I fold the tp and wipe some more. Then if there is still more, I have to get a new wad of tp and get to work again. I can't believe I am saying all of this. Anyway, has anyone ever had one of those poops where you wonder if anything splashed out of the toilet onto your clothes? I frequently look at the back of my shirt in fear that poop might be on it, although this has never happened. If you have never checked your clothes to see if poop was on them, you better watch out because it could happen any day now.

poopieprincess's picture

As a woman who has spent most of my life on the weightgain and loss rollercoaster ride.I have fluctuated up and down 70 pounds over 15 years and I have discovered that reaching around and wiping front to back is the most sanitary way to go.(nobody wants funcky, fecal, poo-poo in their whoo-whoo) A follow-up with a moist wipe for added cleansing and always end with a warm, soapy handwash.
Although....I have to admit during my fat ass stages in life, it is much easier for a fat ass to reach between and give a few swipes from back to front, rather than trying to reach around all that extra gurth. So, I have wiped for comfort but, I must say a lifting a cheek, reaching around and wiping front to back is the sensible way to go.

Hu Flung Dung's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

From birth, I've suffered from SWMS (Skinny White Man's Syndrome). I have very little in the way of cheekage. So I stand, reach around, wipe front to back, check the TP, and if needed, I'll wipe again. I prefer four squares of Kleenex brand Cottonelle TP rolled around my fingers and folded over, securing the shit-mitt with my thumb.
_______
I have a book published. The title...it's "Brown Spots on the Walls".

Yes, those are my brown spots. Yes, those are your walls.

Princess Poopsalot's picture

The thought never occured to me that one might actually stand and wipe....Anyway, I always sit a little forward on the toilet seat thus allowing enough space to sit and wipe with a reach around technique. Of course, I wipe from front to back, refold the tp and keep on going. Although, sometimes the task is a little overwhelming, and I'm wondering why wet wipes aren't the standard when it comes to taking care of our number two business? One more question....If you stand to wipe, are you still bent over at the waist or standing completely verticle?? It seems to me, standing would just make clean up harder.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I stand nearly straight (I have bad posture) and put one foot up on the toilet, then reach in to wipe. It's a lot better that way than plain standing, and I can't reach sitting unless I go in from the front.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

BRA's picture

I am always naked when I poop so I stand up and squat and wipe from back to front.

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