Eternal Debates: Phone On The Throne

// // 74 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

THE ISSUE:

Cell phone conversations in public bathrooms.

74 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Phone On The Throne"

Chuck's picture

The bathroom is a refuge for me. As cell phone usage increases, I would expect to hear more conversations (or at least one side of the phone call). My question is: Is your time really that important that you can't hang up the phone for two minutes? Finish the call before you enter the bathroom. Multitasking can be a good thing, but not in the bathroom. Polite people don't eavesdrop on conversations. Similarly you should not use your phone in the bathroom where acoustics amplify your speech.

iLove2Poo's picture

Amen!
I simply abhor having the satisfaction of a good evacuation infringed upon by some dork yapping away on a phone. It's right up there with the sorry bastards who ruin everyone else's dining experience by rudely having conversations at table in fine restaurants. Both of these flavors of idiot are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that they are being assholes.
I encourage you all to fight back:
when some schmuck (or schmuck-ette; do women do this as well?) is having a conversation, make as much noise as you can! Fart loudly, grunt and moan, and flush the hell out of that industrial crapper that sounds like a 737 taking off!
It's YOUR bowel movement; take control!

PatrioticPooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

So low class for so many reasons! I fucking hate people who talk on cell phones in restaraunts or while in line at the bank, grocery store, etc.

C Everett Poop's picture

People that use cell phone for anything other than emergencies are lower than a fresh turd.

MegaDump's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

As a shameful shitter, I wouldn't be able to drop a log or even make my presence known if someone was having a conversation on a cell phone in a public toilet... this can be extremely agonising! I think it's slighlty worse, however, for the person on the other end of the phone when they finally realise what those plopping noises are and why the person they're talking to is continuously interrupting their sentences with grunting noises.

El Poopadore's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

One of my most prominent fears is having my cell phone jingle while I'm on the dumper...especially a public one. I don't want to bring any more attention to the stall then absolutely needed. The assholes that do that are the same that try to make small talk when they nestle themselves down for a good dump in the next stall over.

Unless I'm allowed to shit in a phone booth, people should not make a cell phone call in the can.

american citizen's picture

C Everett Poop said:
"People that use cell phone for anything other than emergencies are lower than a fresh turd."

your living in the dark ages. I don't even have a land phone in my house anymore and pay phones are getting phased out as well.
Besides it is so cheap to have a cell phone with all that free long distance...10 to 15 years from now land phones will be as rare as rotory phones are today.
get with it.

C Everett Poop's picture

Just because cell phones are pplentiful and cheap doesn't mean I should be subjected to some ignorant twat yammering to some other ignorant twat about her latest fingernail extensions or menstrual cramp every time I am in a public place. Those dildos that use nextels are the worst. Then I have to hear both sides of the inane yammerfest. Cell phones are turds.

american citizen's picture

whatever.

I personally enjoy being able to contact just about anyone anywhere anytime, just by reaching into my pocket and pressing a few buttons.

The Man with the Golden Buns's picture

This story is so fake!

Chief Shits in Pants's picture

THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENS TO ASSHOLES TO SHIT & TALK:

http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/dropped.html

the frequent farter's picture

Cell phones suck. I hate those fucking things.

iLove2Poo's picture

I love the convenience and lack of long distance charges associated with my cellphone...but this really isn't the issue. The crux of the thread is that there is a time and a place to use a phone, and the holy crapping grounds are NOT the place.
BTW, el poopadore, I love the analogy of shitting in a phone booth. It reminds me of a sign aimed at people who use rented scuba gear on the boat of a first-rate diving outfit on the Kona coast:
"We don't swim in your toilet; please don't pee in our wetsuits."

Ben's picture

I never knew that the person on the other end can tell you are on the throne till one time I heard my friend's entire bowel movement over the receiver. He never said anything and I never confronted him. Never did it again, though I must say I thought I was more discreet by first lining the loo with TP so there was no plopping noise and I did not grunt.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I had to think about how I'd feel if someone next to me was on the phone in a public bathroom, and I realized that I don't think I'd really care. I might think the person is kind of an ass, but it wouldn't really surprise me. People talk on their phones all day long. I mean, check out the cell phone bills of some people. I guess that they're not going to stop just because they're on the pot.

I think, though, that I'd be a bit too embarassed to talk on a cell phone, myself, in a public restroom. I mean, get a grip.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Shit monster's picture

I absolutely hate cell phones, they are only useful when in danger or when an emergency call needs to be made so if I was in a stall and someone had a phone, I would end up making as much noise as I possibly can

phone pooper's picture

I agree that having a conversation on the crapper in a public restroom is rude to the other people making use of the facilities, but what do you all think about taking the phone into the bathroom at home?

Glutgut's picture

I would rather see have people talk on their cell phones while taking a dump than when they are driving.

Turd77's picture

My daughter takes all daily dumps on the phone while talking to me. I am her laxative. Who cares? I hear her but time is of the essence here--busy lives make for busy dumps. This is a HOME phone--not a cell phone. Talking on a cell in a public bathroom is only a show-off...."Oh looky--I have a cell phone!" La De Da Pain In The Ass

DawgLog's picture

C Everett...you kill me. You are posting a message on a site DEVOTED TO DISCUSSING POOP calling cell phone users low class. Wow.

I personally don't talk and crap, but it kind of cracks me up when I hear someone talking in another stall. In fact I am a little shameful and the non-stop jabbering helps drown out some of my "noises" and that's fine with me. I don't really see it as a growing problem or anything though. Someone striking up a conversation is much much much worse if you ask me.

Fecal Streptococcus's picture

I'm with the esteemed C. Everett on this one. Being a middle aged person who has returned to college to work on a graduate degree, I can assure you that you "ain't seen nothing yet"! The under-30 crowd find it physically impossible to walk down a street or to drive a car without a cellphone firmly superglued to their heads. They must spend 14-15 hours per day yammering about absolutely nothing on them. I'm sure that using them in restroom is no impediment to these 3-handed wonders. If one could buy brain-cancer futures, I'd bet the farm on them!
--Soon-to-be-Dr. Fecal Streptococcus

Ulala's picture

I don't have a problem with people talking on their phones while shitting, or with talking on my own phone while shitting. I don't yell into my phone, and I don't care who knows that I'm talking on the phone while I'm going to the toilet. But I don't hold the phone with the hand I use to wipe. I have a bigger problem with people not washing their hands after going than I do with people talking on the phone.

vaka's picture

WHat I don't get is why someone would want to talk on their phone in the bathroom. I mean if some one called and was like "hey V, I'm on the toliet and was just wondering if you wanted to do anthing tonight?" am I the only one that would be weirded out by that? especially if there was a sympony of farts in the back ground. there is and time and place for everything, whille on the in the bathroom is not a place for cell phones.

phone pooper's picture

vaka, I reiterate my disgust for cell phone use in public restrooms but I do speak on the phone in my own bathroom. I don't call while I'm there, though. Sometimes I'm talking to someone on the phone and I just need to go, so I take the phone into the bathroom with me while I'm talking. No big deal at home, rude in public.

Sir Dropalog's picture

I firmly agree with C.E.Poop and Fecal S. Cell phones should be for emergency and special situations. People abuse them. What conversation is so important that you can't wait till you get home or to work? Almost none! I heard a news report of someone here driving on the interstate, swerving on the road back and forth like a drunk, only to find out that this person was talking on TWO cell phones and driving with his elbows! Good Grief! I wish I could firmly drop a log into this looser's mouth! As for bathroom chatting, I talk to good friends (friends who appreciate this kind of humor) in my own home while pooping sometimes but never anyone else and never in public. As for the public talkers...I wish I could wipe my butt with thier cell phones.

SKILLz's picture

What the big deal I mean if the person does not hear what you are doing then so what? You can't go potty and talk to someone at the same time???

Ben's picture

Unless you are a shameless shitter, speaking on the phone while on the throne announces to the world you are shitting. All the hard surface applifies the noise. Every single sound is audible!!! My boss did it to me. Ever since, I felt superior since he had not a clue I heard his most compromising act in full details. It is also quite obvious when you break mid-sentence followed by a sigh. NOT A SMART THING TO DO!

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points

OKAY. I have never done the deed on a cell phone in a public stall. That is out of bounds in my book. But living overseas, when you call home, sometimes it lasts a while and during that time you have do what you have to do. Just don't flush till you hang up. I think the real answer here is cell phone email. It has been standard on all cells in Japan for YEARS now. And I often let my friends know "what I am up to" while I sit on the pot. OR I post it to my blog. Click on link below.

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

woknblues's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have a funny phobia about public washrooms. I view them as the most germ ridden places, and I wouldn't dream of taking out my cell phone in one. I sorta hold my breath while in a public restroom as it is. (some rooms are so clean like in a hospital or the like that I am not afraid to breathe, but those are few and far between)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

No way! My pooping time is my private time. There is something wrong with someone who has to be on the phone at all hours of the day. Talking and walking, talking and driving, talking and eating, talking and shitting. Can't people survive without having to gab every fucking minute of the day?

I have discussed on other locations on this site my method of dealing with the cell phone stall talker. Splash, fart, grunt, loud pee. If all else fails, loud vomit noises are wonderful.

Once I was in the stall and some girl was gabbing on and on about her boyfriend's dick size. I let loose this enormous avalanche of diarrhea (not on purpose) and she started getting all offended. So I finished it off with a loud, "Ah, finally" for good measure.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

3flusher's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hey El Poopedore-Where do you find phone booths?

3flusher

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Are you for real? Open your eyes, 3flusher. Contrary to media hype there are still phone booths in existence.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I find it alarming when anyone speaks out loud while in a public toilet stall. I always think for a second, "Are you talkin' ta me?!" Unless MAYBE you enter the room talking to a friend and one of you keeps talking, I guess. Or Mommies who have to talk to their kids.

But people on the phone on the toilet creep me out. Especially with those Bluetooth thingys. "You have been assimilated. Resistance is futile!"


_______
I CAN'T go to work today. The voices said to stay home and clean the guns!

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

Hahahaha, GGG. I LOVE my Bluetooth and one of the main reasons I do is because I can talk and crap and not worry about possibly dropping my phone in the crapper. I try to only crap 'n talk at home, though.

With regards to looking like a Borg, I can only wish I looked a little bit more like Seven of Nine.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I use mine when I drive, but often people say they can't hear me, so I'm not that fond of it.

Let me ask you: when you get to where you're going, do you take off the Bluetooth, or do you walk around in public with it? I find it a little funny to see folks wandering around the mall with that little thing flashing on their head, and they're not even on a call.

I feel funny wearing it, so I just keep it in my pocket. If the phone rings, I can whip that little guy open and pop it on in a trice.

I have murmured the Borg lines to strangers wearing Bluetooths (BlueTEETH???) in public; so far it's just gotten me blank stares. It might get me mugged, sometime. Oh, well. Live dangerously, I always say.


_______
I CAN'T go to work today. The voices said to stay home and clean the guns

Fecal Follies's picture
l 100+ points

If I ever completely LOST MY MIND and got a cell phone I'd want a Bluetooth.

Not for crapping purposes, though (that's the height of rudeness!) but so I could knit and talk :)

And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

Anonymous Coward's picture

When I'm in a public bathroom and someone is talking on the phone in there, I "answer" their end of the conversation with smart-ass responses. My way of getting revenge on them for being so rude.

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
k 500+ points

Actually you should do what my friend and I do. I will call him up and we actually plan "hits" over the phone. We have a nice discussion about who we are going to "bump off" while on speakerphone then all of a sudden my friend will ask me if I have him on speaker and I yell OMG YES SHIT I WILL CALL YOU RIGHT BACK. As I come out people are just looking at me its funny as hell.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I feel that cell phone use in bathrooms is rude. It may also be distracting to the person in the next stall.

All it take is a simple "I'll call you back, I'm kind of busy at the moment." Then when the person is done in the bathroom, they simply call the person back.
_______
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

I go along with TSV here. I don't mind people talking on a mobile if the don't do it under my nose. I don't want to hear their conversations, for God's sake - particularly those who have to talk so loud everyone can hear. And this applies whether in toilets, queues, railway carriages, wherever! Can't they just go somewhere where they don't inmflict their conversations on everyone else? And I speak as a regular mobile user - an unobtrusive one, hopefully!

Then there are the ringtones!!! Am I the only one that finds them a vulgar and offensive shattering of our peace and quiet??

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

No, you're not the only one, Hammy. When they go off at mega-decibels in our store, the kids that work for me and I all jump dramatically and say to one another, "Wow! That's LOUD! Is that YOURS?"

Oh. And if you're on the phone, you're NOT in line. Let me know when you're finished with your call, and I'll be glad to help you.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

Nice one! I'll have to think up something similar. If I close my eyes on the train, I always raise my head with a jerk to make them think they've woken me up - but mostly, I doubt they either notice or give a toss.

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

Hamster and GGG, you both would hate my ring tone, it's of a woman screaming.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I was helping a customer tonight, and his cell phone rang with a woman's voice saying something rather naughty.

I didn't know whether to laugh or blush.

Valley Girl Neighbor's picture

Both my 11-year-old daughter and myself were at an Elton John concert last month at the Civic. We both had to use the facilities. I was especially happy for her because she hadn't moved her bowels in four days and she had taken a laxative earlier in the day. We would have used adjacent stalls but I passed on one because there was something splashed on the seat.

I don't think we were seated for 30 seconds before a really angry teenage girl took the stall. She was ranting on the phone to one of her friends as she abruptly closed the door, dropped her jeans and panties and sat down. In doing so she laid the phone on the floor and it slid not to far from my right foot. I heard a few immediate farts and saw her hand come down and grab the phone. She was complaining to her friend about how far she and her boyfriend had to walk from where they parked (she called him a ******* because he didn't want to pay $5 more to park close). She talked about being horny and hopefully getting some later because she had agreed to come to one of his concerts. In about a five minute conversation that was much too loud and embarrasing for me that's all I could understand because she must have used several dozen "likes", "ummms" and lots of slang in dissing someone called CJ who was a "whore" and "Watson", who I assume was a teacher who had a test scheduled the next day, but she was going to have like a friend with a like more adult voice call the school office answering machine early in the morning and like excuse her because she wasn't like going to get any sleep because she was going to like call her mother and say she was staying at a friend's house....

My daughter and I discussed how absurd and self-centered the girl was. While my Amanda is only an average student, she has good common sense and communication skills. And she knows that when she earns her cellphone (she'll start with extra chores and babysitting before long) what's appropriate and what's not. She agrees public bathroom cell phone conversations should not be taking place. And her laxative worked perfectly.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

GGG - share! Please!!! You can't stop there!

I hate the inane 'musical' tones, but something witty - that's cool!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

I've begun taking the cordless phone into the john with me in the morning, because lately my boss has been calling me to come in early, and about the last three times she's called has been while I'm on the crapper. So now I have the phone with me, just in case. I guess I could talk to her while I'm pinching one off.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

It sounded like an amateur recording; I heard a woman's voice saying, "Hey, Joe, c'mere, I want to lick yo..."

And then he picked up, so that's all I heard.

I was too embarrassed to ask him what the rest of the phrase was! Frankly, he didn't look all that lickable; if he'd been hotter, maybe...

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I know I've posted this before, sorry. One late night there was a commercial on tv about new cell phone rings. "Text whatever stuff" and you could download a ring to your phone. One of the rings was some crazy-assed irate woman screaming WHEREMYBABY'SDADDY! WHEREHEAT? WHEREYOUAT? BABYDADDY, ANSWERTHEPHONE!

I dropped everything I was doing (think I was on poopreport, actually) and thought 'man, that would sure surprise the shit out of Mr. daphne at the office if I were to upload that ring tone to his cell phone and call it today'.

I did not, but thought of it, and often since then.

My cell phone used to be a chicken clucking. It was kind of funny. People would look at me and laugh, but that's because it was kind of funny and not loud. My new cell phone doesn't have the chicken clucking option. To this day the only ring tone that I've ever considered downloading is a real phone from the sixties. A regular, actual ringing. Some dude has one from Thing One's baseball team, and it sounds so out of place that I love it. Retro.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Joe Miller's picture

Just how important do we think we are? Check out the link to see my own animated graphic featuring "Conversations on the Crapper."

http://www.morethancake.org/2007/06/conversations-on-crapper.html

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.