The Poolitzer Prize: PoopReporter of the Year 2009

// // 58 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0
Voting ends Saturday, March 13th, at midnight Pacific Time. Don't forget to vote!

The Poolitzer Prize is the most coveted of PoopReport awards. It is given to one PoopReporter, chosen in pure poomocratic form, among candidates nominated in our PoopReport forums. Of those nominated, a few are weeded out based on the total of their contributions to the site for the current year.

This year it was not possible to whittle the list down to three candidates, as we have often had during the past. No, this year we have five finalists. They represent the most consistent of Poopers in the largest amount of areas in which it is possible to contribute.

What, you say? There are other areas to which I can contribute besides writing stories, besides donating my rapier wit in the form of story comments?

Yes, dear Pooper, there are.

Your stories are always welcome, and they are always needed. So, too, are your responses to them, which can be made in the form of comments. But, that’s not all. We need polls, too, because Poopers like to vote more than once a year. Many of us have a bunch of fun in the PoopReport Forums on a regular basis; you could as well. We visit them daily and discuss all things Brown and un-Brown. We bond, argue, and one-cheek sneak from the privacy of our own homes, offices, and Fortresses of Solitude (favorite toilets).

We are also an inquisitive bunch, so we like to read about other Poopers in the news. For this purpose we have a BM Newswire news staff, a lively bunch of gumshoes who detail and blog what’s happening in the news world. There are both front page and forum moderators who make sure that the trolls who visit are promptly returned back under their bridges. The various front page materials don’t post themselves, either; a few Poopers quietly click keys and mash buttons in the darkest of night, so when you log on daily, there’s more crap for you to read about shit.

All these areas work and survive because you, the collective PoopReport community, keep them fresh and alive. Without further ado, let’s meet the five candidates from our community who have canvassed these areas with the most consistency during 2009:


Wonderpance
Wonderpance has been a member of PoopReport since 2004. She’s a hot, steamy mess of hacker intellect and snappy comebacks, and she posts the polls. Wonderpance has been a steady forum contributor and was promoted to be one of only two Global moderators this year for her ability to tinker, button-mash, and configure shiny, technical Whoozits and Whatnotz. She is an indispensable PoopReporter and helps behind the scenes in ways that many people don’t see. And, we just plain like her, our reliable, bad ass, sparkly, unicorn-riding Pance.


Thunderbox
Thunderbox posts most every day from across the Atlantic. TBox, as he is known to his friends, has been a steady contributor to the forums for many, many years. This year was no different. He also was active on the front pages as both a comment poster and submitter of grand toilet pictorials due to the vast amount of traveling he does when he can. He is our go-to guy for BM newswires, having posted a very large percentage of the newswires for this past year. A front page moderator, TBox does it all.


Prarie doggin
Prarie doggin was nominated for the Poolitzer last year as well as this year. He’s a proliferous posting fool, our prarie, having posted over 4,500 times in the forums during the last two years and over 1,000 times on the front page this year. He is on a pace to become the number two points scorer on the front page, where he hangs out with Bilgepump, Chief Thunderbutt, Logjam, and Mrs. Mad Crapper, all licensed and registered members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, a group of rabid, nip-at-your-heel crazies who run wild through the streets (and poop in all the yards). Prarie tells a great story and makes us laugh. He moderates front page trolls’ comments when he’s feeling saucy.


Deja Poo
Deja Poo is an all-star stinker. No stranger to PoopReport, he joined the site early in 2007, and he’s been a very steady contributor since. A dedicated forum member, he keeps C Everett Poop busy in the volatile Flames forum by sprinkling bits of alphabetically-enhanced napalm here and there for our collective reading enjoyment. Deja is a loyal front page member, commenting daily and submitting a story or a pooem when the urge hits him. He is a front page Comment Quality moderator.


Bilgepump
Bilgepump can be found on PoopReport during various times of the day, depending on his schedule. He is one of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often. Bilgepump is a reliable front page commenter and moderator, and his story Hot Sauced Buns was one of five stories nominated for the PoopReport of the Year this year. He has been one of the most consistent forum contributors since joining in 2004, and he should make his 4,000th post this week.


Good luck to all of you, dear candidates. May the best Pooper win!

/** * the following displays the most recent poll * and assumes you have the poll.module enabled * * Works with Drupal 4.6 * Does not work with Drupal 4.5.x * */ // Set the nid for the poll you want to display $nid = 5923; $poll = node_load(array('nid' => $nid, 'type' => 'poll', 'moderate' => 0, 'status' => 1)); if ($poll->nid) { // poll_view() dumps the output into $poll->body. poll_view($poll, 1, 0, 1); } print $poll->body;

58 Comments on "The Poolitzer Prize: PoopReporter of the Year 2009"

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

I nominate myself for flaming above and beyond the call of doody. My flames on the Olympics, Ted Kennedy, Obama, cell phones, Boner, Jimmy Carter, etc were in a class by themselves.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

CEP you've posted so many flames I think you might be the cause of global warming. Have you discussed that with Al yet?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Yep, CEP, you are definitely the twist in my knickers. As much as I enjoy dogging you, you make me laugh all the same: your short sharp air bisuits say so much in so few words. Giving somebody a hard time wouldn't be nearly as much fun if it were anybody else but you. Keep up the good drek, Homer.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

How in the fuck did I get on there? There were strict requirements posted for eligibility, one being "No flaming ass trollery" or some such, and I am the crown prince of the Flaming Ass Troll Tribe.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Bilge, have you forgotten? You know where all the bodies are buried.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Well, yeah, I put them there.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

plop cop's picture
l 100+ points

Tough choice. All are full of it with plenty left over. Bilgepump, you got my vote. Did I mention that one time I was pumping a bilge on a sailboat at Longbeach Naval Station Marina (One of the crew had a bit too much grog and let a gutfull fly down below). The bilgepump clogged on the chunky pieces, funniest thing....

_______
Now that's what a men's room is supposed to smell like!

Now that's what a men's room is supposed to smell like!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Whew...I now have infinitely more votes than Deja, I feel better.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I would like to vote for everyone but I have decided that the best way to handle this matter is simply to sell my vote. Can I have a Paypal account number or two?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I was going to refrain from the typical election mudslinging...but then I thought about it for a minute, and I AM the alpha male of the Hyena Pack, as Daphne put it so....
Wedgie (Wonderpance to you novices) will undoubtedly carry some sympathy votes, cuz she's preggers, and her boobs are getting so big her back hurts, not to mention the mood swings....you really want her to represent PR?..Think long and hard about that...Thunderbox is a fucking foreigner...nuff said.
Prarie Doggin is from Jersey, which is almost like being a foreigner, most Americans would not be upset if New Jersey ceded from the Union...and Deja lives and elbow rubs real politicians in Washington...in light of all this, I don't see how you can vote for anyone but me.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

One more thing, for you Front Pagers to understand. I bear a striking resemblance to Sam Elliot. I am that damn cool.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh yeah, you all should know my name has been brought up for nomination for 5 years straight, but I have always turned it down. Not any more, not after I see the fucksticks that end up with the award (Dave and Daphne excluded, of course, cus I'm, you know, a brown noser).Its a fucking disgrace, and if we're gonna go that way, I'm the biggest disgrace left here. (I ran the rest out of Dodge, as it were).


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

well, i had to vote for my boy prarie doggin, cuz i voted for him last year and he didn't win!
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I like to see a man try hard, Bilge, you`re doing a good job. I swithered hard about giving you my vote....then remembered that you`d confessed to being an ass troll.

I also thought about Wedgie (Wonderpance) and then realised that she`s already got too much power over the site and winning this would tip her over the edge.

So my vote went to pd for his sheer doggedness at trying to overwhelm the site with comments, and his occaisional great story....and that one or two of his thousands of comments were slightly amusing.

The voice of sanity

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Quantity never equals quality...read my 2800 or so posts, and PD's 4000 mind numbingly boring and vapid posts, and this will become quite apparent.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

it's true. i'm already drunk with power.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Couldn`t agree more, Bilge. Quality over quantity any day. Try a few of my mere 1400, old bean.

The voice of sanity

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Ass trolling mudslinger or not, Bilge had me at "striking resemblance to Sam Elliot."

I love him.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I'm gonna sell my vote. It's worth a hell of a lot money dammit.

Prarie Blagojevich

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Awright, Bilge. We're tied for last. I just love a race to the bottom.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

CEP, you're right. You're absolutely right. I will be taking emails for recommendations for Honorable Mention Awards for both forum and front page members. If you think someone has earned a title, let me know!

You can email me by clicking on my name, and then clicking on the Contact tab.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

And yes, tongue-in-cheek suggestions are welcome. The Honorable Mentions should be fun. For example, I would be awarded "Honorable Mention for Exquisite Craftsmanship in Procrastination".


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is difficult. Can we at least have current, fully-body photos so that we can also compare these questionable characters on the all-important superficial criteria?

Logjam

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

you just wanna see if bidge was serious about my boobs, don't you?
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh yeah...EVERYBODY wants to to see the Rocky Mountain version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame, with mammary glands dragging through the slush and snow.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I really wanted to vote for the Bilgepump but my adopted brotha was up too, so I had to vote for my brotha.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

What the....et tu, SP??? God dammit.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Thank you sis. I love you and I'm sorry for putting the Vaseline on the toilet seat last week. I hope your butt is feeling better.

Questionable characters Logjam? I'll have you know I am a pillager of society. In fact, if I win, I will give the medal to my dear dear grandmother who just turned 157 last week. The poor old woman is in the hospital *sniffle* recovering from a bad bobsled accident, and it would be the highlight of her life. Be assured though, I am not looking for any sympathy votes.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

OK, pance, you got me. Just a photo of you should suffice. To picture Bilge, I have only to close my eyes. Other than hiking his pants up too high, prarie, I'm sure, looks nothing like the wild-and-crazy-guy persona that I have come to loath and love. And because I have no sexual interest in Deja Poo or TB (sorry guys), I would have no use for their photos. So yeah, pance, let's see what you got and then I'll vote.

Logjam

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Ahh..tough decision. I eventually had to vote for ThunderBox due to my obsession with everything Scottish. I could listen to a Scottish man talk about a pile of crap and that accent would make it sound like he was describing gold...

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Aye lass... That kind of talk just gave me a bulge under my kilt

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Weel noo lassie hae Ah tauld ye Ah am frae clan Thunderbutt? Ah proodly wear th' broon oan broon tartan an' feest daily oan haggis.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, you got possum grease drool all over your bib-overalls.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Damn, Ah hae bin exposed fur th' charlatan Ah am.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Jack Schitt's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

This was extremely difficult to decide. I almost didn't vote because of my indecision. Then I thought I wouldn't be a very good poop reporter if I didn't. So I threw my vote to PD simply for his amount of participation. I check in daily, usually a few times, and I have a relatively small number of comments compared to all of the nominees. Somehow PD manages to rack 'em up like crazy. I guess there is a lot to be said for being extremely witty.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

The sun was bright in an empty blue sky today, and it was well above zero degrees for a change.

So I strode the mile and a half walk from the my house in the sticks to the shop and back today in my kilt. Commando of course, invigorating and refreshing.

OK, I admit it...........this is a true, but terribly shameless effort to gain support from the ladies.

The voice of sanity

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

T-box mah guid mon, tis nae th' tackle dangling frae under th' kilt bit th' manly brogue that wull win th' lassies' hert's.

Angus MacThunderbutt


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Probably so, and just as well, since T-box forgot to wipe the goat shit off his junk. Not that I was looking, mind you...

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Damnit...I keep forgetting about that....and those messy sheep dags....

The voice of sanity

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Thanks boys. Those last 2 comments completely dried up the old panties. :P
That's ok though. Sheep crap can be washed off. I believe Scotsmen have so much "tackle" under the kilt it causes instant forgiveness of any transgressions. oh ayee..

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Know what they say doc. The kilt worn above the knee means you are a boy, if across the knee you are a man, if below the knee, you are a liar!

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Old English Polish Remover is the cleaner of choice in the old country boys. Just don't scrub too hard or the more than just the shit comes off. Just ask One-Ball Jack about it.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

I also hear a tale about Harry having to change his name...

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Looks like we have a winner!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Jack Schitt's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Congrats PD!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

*emerging from my hole*

Congratulations PD! You truly deserve it.

*crawling back in*

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Punxsutawney Dave!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


PD - well done mate! we bow to your shit
_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I can't think of a more deserving soul than the Dog. Congrats on your award.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

The unmistakable stench of the Hudson River has permeated PR for a couple of years, and now, ironically, is celebrated in the Poop Reporter of the Year. Congrats, PD.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.