Contest #24: Headlines About Books And Poops

// // 25 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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With the imminent release of my book, it's time for the advertising to kick into high gear. Perhaps you've seen the banner ads I've started running at the tops and bottoms of pages on the site. Kinda funny? Maybe. Think you can do better? I do.

I need your help coming up with funny poop-related headlines to promote Poop Culture. This is a contest that will have multiple winners -- every good headline will go into the ad rotation. The author of the headline will, of course, get full credit in the ad.

Here is what I've come up with so far:

  • "Get it hot and seaming off the presses."
  • "Get the book that's about to explode all over the literary scene."
  • Your headlines don't have to begin with "get" -- those two just happened to do so. Also, feel free to make inside jokes or use humor only other PoopReporters will get -- those will just make anyone reading them wish they were part of our awesome club.

    25 Comments on "Contest #24: Headlines About Books And Poops"

    Mary Queen of Scats's picture
    l 100+ points

    Be the first to own the book that's got everyone quivering with anticipation.

    _______
    It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!

    Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

    Poonanza's picture
    l 100+ points

    Don't take this into the bathroom to read, lest your legs fall asleep.

    (meh that was flaccid. Can't think today.)

    I give this book two wipes up!

    ('nother lame-o :( )

    C Everett Poop's picture
    j 1000+ points

    "Today's best book about what you ate yesterday"

    The Big Wiper's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    Sit down to a solid read, full of nuggets of wisdom and big chunks of humor.

    Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

    Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

    Fart Poopie's picture
    j 1000+ points

    Poop Culture: Much more than bathroom reading.

    Poop Culture: An excuse to talk about poop without the social stigma.
    ******
    Dave, send the book to Oprah. If she likes it, she might feature it in that book club of hers.

    Dave's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

    TBW, CEP, MQS -- your ads are up and running!

    Poonanza: uh... keep trying.

    Keep those entries coming!

    Toots N. McCrack's picture
    l 100+ points

    Ok, mine's just a version of the PR site motto:

    "The #1 book for America's #2 business."

    I LOVE TBW's, but I would have said "--big chunks of corny humor" ;P

    I'll have to think about this some more and get back to you.


    _______
    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    Hairy Pooter's picture
    l 100+ points

    Buy this book to find out why you're too ashamed to buy this book!

    The Big Wiper's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

    Wow, Dave-O! That was quicker than a case of the runs in the Boston Marathon! (Your verdict on my entry, not the book! Heh!)

    Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

    Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

    GottaGoGirl's picture
    i 2000+ points

    Aww, Dave. I think "Two Wipes Up" is kinda cute!
    _______
    Hey! Don't touch my wenis!

    Bunga Din's picture
    j 1000+ points

    If you give a shit you will buy this book.®

    Now shipping in a Plain Brown Wrapper!©

    A SPLASH HIT!™

    Pithy poop tales, price.....peanuts.

    "A must for any home"- Martha Poowart

    NOT printed on recycled paper!

    ACT NOW AND GET THAT NEW BOOK SMELL FOR FREE!!!

    Mary Queen of Scats's picture
    l 100+ points

    Bunga: HA!

    _______
    It's YOUR cat, YOU get his poop out of my sink!

    Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

    Dave's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

    Got some Hairy Pooter and a number of Bungas in the rotation. Sweet!

    Chuck's picture
    l 100+ points

    "I squinted, I laughed, cried, grunted, groaned, admired this work...then I read Dave's book."

    Toots N. McCrack's picture
    l 100+ points

    Here I try to go again....

    "A must-read for anyone who has contemplated on the crapper."

    "Nature calls-- And this book answers!"

    "Poop Culture: The tome for your throne that hits home!"

    Ok, maybe I tried to shit and only farted again.... butt it's the thought that counts! (I still like TBW's and Hairy Pooter's is as great as his name! :)


    _______
    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    shitwit's picture
    k 500+ points

    Pull up a warm stool and read all about it!

    You'll be talking crap about this book for a long time.

    The latest word in scatological findings.

    Fascinated by poop? Disgusted by poop? Both camps can meet at the head and learn more about our grossest national product.

    _______
    Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

    Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

    Dave's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

    Chuck, Shitwit, Toots -- got some of yours up in the rotation.

    Toots N. McCrack's picture
    l 100+ points

    For what it is worth, I thought of a couple more--

    "A witty and insightful *anal*ysis from the guy who knows his shit."

    "A cleverly com*piled* masterpiece-of-crap."

    "Poop Culture: History in the making."

    "Finally, someone had the GUTS to tell this story!"


    _______
    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    Dave's picture
    PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

    Update: with each ad having been viewed at least 15,000 times, here are the click-through percentages:

    .12% poop culture 1 (dave)
    .11% poop culture 2 (dave)
    .17% poop culture 3 (mary queen)
    .18% Poop culture 4 (CEP)
    .16% Poop culture 5 (TBW)
    .15% poop culture 6 (hairy pooter)
    .18% poop culture 7 (bunga -- recycled)
    .17% poop culture 8 (bunga new book smell)
    .19% poop culture 9 (bunga -- splash hit)
    .16% poop culture 10 (chuck)
    .18% poop culture 11 (toots)
    .15% poop culture 12 (shitwit)

    As you can see, I clearly have no business being employed by the advertising industry.

    Feel free to submit more ads!

    Bunga Din's picture
    j 1000+ points

    "I was Bowled over!!"
    Charles Slickens-Author of "A Tale of Two Shittys"

    It'll leave you on the edge of your seat!!!

    Patriot Pooper's picture

    Dave (last name) has pushed out a winner with the first must-read of 2007!

    Patriotic Pooper's picture

    Oops. The sub above should be from Patriotic Pooper - not Patriot Pooper ...

    Professor Lump's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb

    Much better than scats. Two bums up!

    Toots N. McCrack's picture
    l 100+ points

    Awww.... where's "Poop Culture: History in the Making" ? I cracked myself up on that one! Not only is the book breaking ground and making history, it's about the history of pooping and how the nature of it impacts our culture, AND the twist, about "making" as another euphamism about producing elimination.... Well, I thought it was clever. I know you're busy but out of all the lame-o's I came up with, that was one of the better ones. (not saying much, I know, but still, funny on three levels? C'mon!).

    As an aside: Very much enjoying seeing all our contributions up in lights with our amateur commercial advertising skills! Very exciting to see who's great line will pop up next! AND, today my order of 2 Poop Cultures (sounds like a medical request) are, and I quote, 'are being sent earlier than anticipated." Yay! I get mine and my dad's copy will be in time for his B-day! :)

    _______
    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

    fartqueen's picture
    m 1+ points - Newb


    _the grand browneye version of todays poop culture dictionary"A-Z"______
    fartqueen

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