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Kleenex Cottonelle with Aloe & E
Submitted by Jessica
October 28, 2003, 8 Comments

RATING:     44/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $12.62 COST PER ROLL:   $4.29 # OF SHEETS:   340 # OF PLYS:   1   MEASUREMENT:   4.5" x 4" SQ. FOOTAGE:   255 sq.ft. COLOR:   white...

Charmin Plus
Submitted by Chittagong
October 28, 2003, 10 Comments

RATING:     79/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $5.00 COST PER ROLL:   $1.50 # OF SHEETS:   300 # OF PLYS:   2   MEASUREMENT:   4.5" x 4" SQ. FOOTAGE:   250 COLOR:   white PACKAGING...

Charmin
Submitted by Moff
October 28, 2003, 1 Comments

RATING:     33/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $2.10 COST PER ROLL:   $.42 # OF SHEETS:   200 # OF PLYS:   1   MEASUREMENT:   4.5" x 4" SQ. FOOTAGE:   25 COLOR:   white PACKAGING...

Shock And Awe: Military MREs
Submitted by Pittdude
August 25, 2003, 33 Comments

My freshman year of college, I was in the Army ROTC program at my school. Every semester we did an FTX. This is where we went out with all our gear and camped in the woods. Because of the nation's current military level, our funds were cut short, and most of the supplies we needed (bullets and...

Save Bubby's Urinal!
Submitted by Dave
July 29, 2003, 53 Comments

For over ten years, male patrons of Bubby's Pie Company in Tribeca have had the unique pleasure of peeing into a really big, really old urinal. A porcelain monolith of staggering girth, peeing at this goliath evokes a bygone era of excretory opulence -- Gatsbyesque fancy-lads pittering away the...

The Colossal Colon Visits San Francisco
Submitted by Poopshipdestroyer
July 22, 2003, 11 Comments

When I first got wind of the Colossal Colon Tour (sorry, couldn't resist), I informally proposed to fellow PoopReporter and Northern Californian Pooperscooper that she and I hook up for the San Francisco leg of the tour. She agreed, and thus began a weeks-long process of hammering out the where's...

Setting Sail With Sphincterine
Submitted by Jasper
April 9, 2003, 32 Comments

When I heard I was reviewing a mint-flavored ass-tringent, I immediately thought it was a Japanese product. The Japanese, after all, are the magnificently benevolent civilization that gave us mint eye-drops. So it was much to my surprise when I learned they were created in upstate New York after...

Sphincterine: Ass Altoids
Submitted by Hairy Pooter
April 8, 2003, 125 Comments

Ever have one of those days where you couldn't shower because you were running late to work, and you were wearing a mesh-lined nylon bathing suit under your jeans because the week before you foolishly dropped off all your dirty clothes and underwear at the Wash'N'Fold that only stays open until six...

Shitfuck: Owners Of Girlspooping.com Bus
Submitted by Mastercrapper
April 2, 2003, 42 Comments

When terrorists attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon on September 11th, America's first responders, the brave men and women of the police and fire departments, risked life and limb to save trapped innocents. Then, just weeks later, when another miscreant scattered anthrax dust through...

The Sixty Thousand Dollar Can
Submitted by Dave
March 11, 2003, 27 Comments

As many of you know, I am a rock star. A few weeks ago, we had a gig in Nashua, New Hampshire. We arrived only to discover a steady rain detered those hardy Nashuites from leaving their homes; no one showed up -- not even the other bands -- and the gig was cancelled. Feeling bad, the owner...

The Colossal Colon Tour Begins
Submitted by Dave
February 19, 2003, 34 Comments

"Dear Che: It's great that you'll be attending and covering the event for the PoopReport.com. As I told Dave the editor, a colossal colon and poop are humorous, but we definitely take the Tour and prevention messages for colorectal cancer very seriously and hope that you will do the same....

ShitBegone
Submitted by Mike Callaghan
February 5, 2003, 6 Comments

RATING:     79/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $4.05 COST PER ROLL:   $1.70 # OF SHEETS:   420 # OF PLYS:   2   MEASUREMENT:   SQ. FOOTAGE:   COLOR:   white PACKAGING KIND:...

Quilted Northern Ultra
Submitted by Ass Master
February 5, 2003, 0 Comments

RATING:     81/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $2.50 COST PER ROLL:   $0.5 # OF SHEETS:   200 # OF PLYS:   2   MEASUREMENT:   4.5" x 4" SQ. FOOTAGE:   170 sq.ft. COLOR:   white...

Noxema 2-in-1 Extra Strength
Submitted by Thunder From Do...
February 5, 2003, 2 Comments

RATING:     59/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $51.00 COST PER ROLL:   $4.59 # OF SHEETS:   90 # OF PLYS:   2   MEASUREMENT:   SQ. FOOTAGE:   COLOR:   white PACKAGING KIND: In a...

M.D.
Submitted by The Big Plopper
February 5, 2003, 2 Comments

RATING:     73/85 COST/THOUSAND SHEETS:     $1.85 COST PER ROLL:   $0.37 # OF SHEETS:   200 # OF PLYS:   2   MEASUREMENT:   SQ. FOOTAGE:   COLOR:   white PACKAGING KIND:...

Drive-through Deposit: Emptying An R.V.
Submitted by Toiletreader
February 3, 2003, 12 Comments

My really good friend from high school is now married, with three kids and two more on the way, living in Paris with Antoine, her French husband who barely speaks English. Over the years, Vicky and I have managed to stay in touch, and I value her friendship greatly. One day, I got a call from...

Flatulina: Music Of The Blight
Submitted by Hairy Pooter
December 23, 2002, 5 Comments

Everyone owns a holiday CD or ten. Bing Crosby, Willy Nelson, Meadow Soprano, or maybe even Neil Diamond (wait -- isn't he Jewish?). Flatulina's Fabulous Holiday Spectacular sports the same host of standards -- but instead of warm, soothing, familiar voices compelling us to deck the halls, its...

Suppositories: The Violation You'll
Submitted by Jaybowel
December 19, 2002, 53 Comments

A few months ago, I began having a rather annoying problem. Every time I dropped the kids off at the pool, any subsequent walking would cause me first to itch, then to burn, and then to bleed. It wasn't any sort of internal bleeding; it was coming right from the ring of fire itself. When I...

Milk Does A Body...
Submitted by NotMilk.com
December 10, 2002, 37 Comments

Editor's Note: This article comes to us from Robert Cohen of NotMilk.com. THE SCOOP ON THE POOP That five-week period between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is the best time for you to invest your dollars in the Charmin Toilet Paper Company. This is the time of year when most holiday parties...

Effective (?) TP Advertising
Submitted by Dave
December 5, 2002, 27 Comments

Last time we discussed Cottonelle advertising, it was in the context of some bitter curmudgeon who was indignantly offended. Well, if that ad pissed him off, this one will make him crap his pants. Cottenelle advertising seems to have galvanized the pooping community. Taking a page from ShitBegone...

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