Consumer Reports
Submit New Item
Tushy Clean: Bidet For The Everyman
Submitted by AssBlaster2000
August 18, 2005, 42 Comments

Bidets are something that typical middle-class, butt-wiping, beer-swilling Americans like myself and my friends associate with snooty rich people and French girlymen. If your average Joe met someone with a bidet, he would automatically group the bidet owner with one of the aforementioned group....

Just A Drop: The Power To Deodorize (Alm
Submitted by Chris Rockwell
August 12, 2005, 55 Comments

Editor's note: Chris Rockwell is the star of The Daily Download, the world's greatest podcast about poop. In compiling this report, he tried out the product live on his show; I'll link to the relevant episodes so you can hear his impressions raw and unfiltered. I enjoy my smells. Yes, it might...

Liquid Ass
Submitted by Al, Ohio
August 9, 2005, 30 Comments

The options for revenge open to a sane and relatively moral individual (such as myself) are rather limited. I have horrendous managers at work, as I'm sure do many other sane and relatively moral individuals. How to get back at them without inflicting bodily harm or landing myself in the clink...

Seat 29e
Submitted by Chip
June 17, 2005, 38 Comments

Editor's note: this was forwarded to me by a PoopReporter named Chip. I don't normally post email forwards, but this one was quite unique and really funny. The following is a scan from an actual Continental Airlines complaint form.

Nu-Lax: The Natural Way To Wreck Your As
Submitted by MegaDump
June 10, 2005, 59 Comments

"The longer the faecal matter stays in the large bowel, the drier it gets."    -- Nu-Lax (Wise Poo Oracle). I've noticed that when you take a Coke bottle onto a plane, the pressure of the expanding gas inside makes the plastic bottle go rock solid after takeoff. If you open the bottle...

Suffering Celiac
Submitted by Poopster39
June 2, 2005, 34 Comments

In the early to mid 1980s, I went through my motorcycle period. I was single at the time, in my early twenties, and several of my newest friends each had a motorcycle; so I decided to join in. I bought a new 1983 Suzuki GS-850. I loved that bike, and rode it until I met my wife Poopann, who...

Sphincterine: Howard's End
Submitted by Pill Pooper
May 19, 2005, 24 Comments

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. It was the humble ass that brought down the mightiest of mighty: Howard Stern. One fine morning in April of 2003, Stern and his cohorts broached the subject of anal sex and anal stench; and that was all she wrote. The FCC levied a $495,000 fine against Stern,...

The Charmin Extender: Hold Those Big Rol
Submitted by Stew Brown
April 11, 2005, 31 Comments

I would like to introduce the PoopReport community to an advancement that I think will revolutionize the way we think about toilet paper rolls. On a recent trip to a popular, low-cost chain store that rhymes with "ball-mart," I ventured into the toilet paper aisle expecting what I always expected...

Splenda vs. Tofu: The Battle For Solidit
Submitted by The Big Wiper
March 29, 2005, 45 Comments

It's not like I hadn't been warned. A few years back, while visiting my favorite aunt, I opened her freezer for some ice cubes and happened to notice a pint of ice cream with the proclamation "Sweetened With Splenda" on the carton. That was just about the time the alternative sweetener had...

Combatting Codeine
Submitted by Turtle Head
March 7, 2005, 36 Comments

I often wonder why I hear so little about the effects of narcotics and other medications on what is usually a pleasant part of most everyone's day -- the daily poop. So begins my tale. As have so many of us, in my early twenties I required the removal of my wisdom teeth. A pretty simple procedure...

Wet Wipes: What Went Wrong?
Submitted by Pill Pooper
February 28, 2005, 121 Comments

My buddy and I were gently gliding our cart through the local supermarket when we came upon the toilet paper aisle. We stopped. The one rickety wheel that wasn't touching the shiny tile rocked back and forth, like a pendulum. We both stared at something neither of had ever before seen: moist...

Something Soy Wrong
Submitted by The Big Wiper
January 19, 2005, 65 Comments

On a supermarket shopping excursion this past weekend I decided to give a new soy-based product a try. I've enjoyed soy milkshakes in the past with no ill effects, so when I spotted Lightlife Smart Chili with beans in its plastic pack, I bit. Although I'm not a strict vegetarian (I prefer salmon...

Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy,
Submitted by Logjam
November 17, 2004, 155 Comments

Make sure you read Part I. What does it feel like to wake up the morning of your execution? I think I got a glimpse the day of my colonoscopy. The feeling was... resignation. Things had spun out of my control. All I could do was put one foot in front of the other and venture into that dark room...

Umm, And I'll Have The Colonoscopy,
Submitted by Logjam
November 16, 2004, 107 Comments

If you're anything like me, colonoscopy ranks on the squirm scale well above leeches and root canals, somewhere up near death by evisceration. A colonoscopy, in case you don't know, is a medical procedure that involves shoving five feet of cable up your ass to check out your colon. On the business...

The Bottom Buddy: Helping You Wipe
Submitted by Jimmy TenEyes
November 10, 2004, 41 Comments

I have a congenital disease that has caused some of the joints in my shoulders, back and hips to fuse and become immobile. I walk funny; but apart from not being able to dance the hula or do a decent sit-up, I'm generally able-bodied. In recent years, however, as things have progressed, I've had a...

Dirty Dining
Submitted by The Big Wiper
October 28, 2004, 59 Comments

Since getting involved with PoopReport in early 2003, I've become a pretty dedicated poop story detective. I've tracked down latrine-related leads ranging from the anal aftermath of competitive eating to men being forced to check out toilet paper for the bathroom at the public library in Decatur,...

The Phess Portable Bidet: For Runs On Th
Submitted by Dave
October 11, 2004, 16 Comments

Editor's note: I got this email a few weeks ago. Dear Dave, I would like to send you a product for review and inclusion in your "Consumer Reports" section. Please see bottom of this page for details. Here is the story of how it came about, in case you are interested. Back in 1996, I was...

GoBidet: I Doo
Submitted by Ass Phlegm
September 28, 2004, 17 Comments

As most of you know, I recently got married. I also had the extreme pleasure of having PoopReport's own Dave, his fiancé Jenny, The Big Wiper and Will in attendance. Considering the fact that I had never before met these PoopReporters, and not knowing when we would get the chance to...

We Need The Wakmah To Suck More
Submitted by daphne
August 30, 2004, 30 Comments

What gives you a sense of security in this world? For some, if not most of us, a sense of security comes from a familiarity with one's surroundings, buffered by the ability to control them. A sense of security is important in our ability to deal with the variables life throws at us, because it...

The Liquid Diet
Submitted by Nate Curtis
August 23, 2004, 38 Comments

My father, of Scent of a Woman fame, has been plagued by weight problems for many years. In the autumn of 2002, he decided to try a liquid diet that entailed subsisting solely on protein shakes made either with low fat milk or water. Wanting to lead by example, and wanting to keep off the thirty...

Syndicate content