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Shit vs. Shoe
Submitted by Charmingly Neurotic
January 12, 2007, 55 Comments

Editor's note: this appeared originally on the author's blog. She always shares her poop stories with us, and I always appreciate them. Yesterday the smell of shit kept following me like a bum looking for spare change. I sniffed high and low (obviously not low enough), but I was so busy racing here...

Too Soft For Wiping
Submitted by Neil
December 18, 2006, 62 Comments

Toilet paper. Kleenex Cottonelle, to be exact. It would have to be the worst toilet paper to ever grace my ass. Now, I can tolerate the scratchy public toilet paper-type paper; and I can tolerate those bloody little toilet paper squares. But this stuff -- mate, it's just wrong. Sure, I love soft...

Airline Lavatory Tips From One Who Knows
Submitted by Flight Attendant
December 12, 2006, 48 Comments

Editor's note: this was submitted yesterday as a comment on our discussion about improving airplane toilets. Good advice below; worthy of being an article on its own. I work as a flight attendant for a major airline. Here are a few tips for all you lavatory-phobes. First of all: do not touch...

Nope, It's Soap: Negative, It'
Submitted by SamDamnit
December 4, 2006, 29 Comments

When I first saw Nope, It's Soap! advertised on the Internets, I figured I had to finagle a free sample. So I wrote to them and told them I was a reporter doing a story on them, and asked them for some product to inspect. I was pleasantly surprised to receive some very realistic-looking poop in the...

Hurricane Adjuta
Submitted by Crapola
October 23, 2006, 31 Comments

Hemorrhoids: from the Greek Haima, meaning blood, and Rhoos, meaning "flowing Hell on Earth." Lately I'm beginning to think that I should not joke about, laugh about, or make fun of anything or anyone -- because it will come back to bite me. Oh, I could share many examples of how this is...

My Irritable Bowels
Submitted by healthy 1
September 29, 2006, 46 Comments

I had my first symptoms of Irritable Bowel Syndrome in the spring of 1990. In April of 1992, I was misdiagnosed by my first gastroenterologist as having duodenitis. That doctor prescribed Nexium, which did not relieve my symptoms. My second stomach doctor properly diagnosed my condition as IBS-C (...

A Quick Lesson In Plumbing Maintenance
Submitted by Terry
September 28, 2006, 30 Comments

Had a little problem with the plumbing backing up in the basement tonight, so I called the landlord. They insisted on NOT sending Roto-Rooter man, who presumably would have used an auger snake to deal with the blocked mains. Instead they called in a truck with a high-pressure hose, which...

On Scooping Poop
Submitted by Poop Technician
September 21, 2006, 32 Comments

Editor's note: the author of this article is a pooper scooper. She works for Pet Butler, a nationwide franchise of scoopers. She has decided to give us some insight into a day in the life of a person who picks up poop. We at Pet Butler see our company as the K911 Emergency Feces Removal Response...

Building The Ultimate Bathroom
Submitted by The Big Wiper
July 12, 2006, 57 Comments

Just over a year ago, I decided to design and build my dream home. A few weeks ago, I officially moved into the digs where I expect to spend the rest of my life with my companion, Will. The house has everything I need to relax and write my stories. There's a long, winding road that snakes through...

Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz, Poof: Can Alka-S
Submitted by KeepOnCrappin
July 7, 2006, 42 Comments

If you're a subscriber to PoopNews, you know that Dave sends out an occasional poop story that is not posted on the site. The most recent story, by DukeOfPoop(Tim), described a protagonist confronted by a monster poo that clogged the toilet. The Duke, of course, had no plunger available. After...

Life With Ostomy
Submitted by My Pink Button
July 6, 2006, 77 Comments

One day at the age of ten, I went to the bathroom and it felt like razor blades were coming out of my anus. At the time, I thought it was because I had pushed my heel into my ass to put off going to the can while I sat in front of the TV getting really high scores on Tetris. But after a week or so...

The Mexican Cure
Submitted by Toilet Eel
June 27, 2006, 63 Comments

Way back when dinosaurs thundered across the plains of Pangaea dropping Volkswagen-sized monster loads, back when Duran Duran and a bunch of other mostly shitty bands were the kings of music on that new channel called MTV, and back well before President Reagan lost control of his brain and his no...

Welcome To My Poop Plant: A Sewage Treat
Submitted by SSpiffyPoo
March 28, 2006, 139 Comments

"I work at a poop plant, so I know whereof I speak." That is my signature on my comments here on the site. When Dave saw it, he emailed me to find out if it was true. Once I replied in the affirmative, he asked if I could write a little about where your gooshy brown babies go after you push the...

The Most Bidet For The Buck
Submitted by poo_poo_poodio
March 16, 2006, 41 Comments

If you have never used a bidet, you may wonder what all the fuss is about. I first became curious about bidets after seeing an ad for the Biffy on late night TV. Being a mild hemorrhoid sufferer, I thought it might be something I should look into. Up until that time, I thought a bidet had to be a...

The Quest For Austin's Nastiest Toi
Submitted by SamDamnit
March 3, 2006, 144 Comments

One morning I stormed into the living room and announced to Mary Mary and the dog that we were going to start a new poop quest. "...but you already took a picture of a dumpster full of toilets," Mary Mary said. Diggety just looked at me as if to say, "Leave me out of this." "Ahem," said...

Magnesium Citrate Blow-Out
Submitted by jackhole
February 27, 2006, 680 Comments

It actually started about a week prior to that fateful night. One day, I didn't have a successful bowel movement. Well, that day turned into two days, and those two days turned into a week. I attempted several times to evacuate this massive block of feces during this time period, but no matter how...

No More Poo: Interview With A Pooper Sco
Submitted by SamDamnit
February 9, 2006, 27 Comments

Ever since I was a kid when I learned the power of wielding dog poo on a stick, I have had a fascination with this substance. I could take that poo stick and make the girls scream in terror as they ran away. In my preteen years, my juvenile delinquent neighbor taught me how to wrap poo in boxes,...

The Search For The Toilet Graveyard
Submitted by SamDamnit
January 19, 2006, 69 Comments

The city of Austin offers a low-flow toilet rebate program, in which they replace your old water-guzzler with a brand new 1.6-gallon flusher. As an Austin resident and a PoopReporter, I set out to look into it, wondering mostly what they did with the old toilets. I was picturing some thing like...

The Vicodin Gamut
Submitted by GasAss
November 10, 2005, 67 Comments

In March 2003 I underwent surgery to repair a left inguinal hernia (the lower region of my groin). This surgery was very much welcomed since it felt like my left nut had been in a vise grip on and off for the few weeks previous. The surgery went off without a hitch; I was home later that day to...

Moist Wipes Right When I Need Them
Submitted by Ratz
October 5, 2005, 42 Comments

For a short while now I've been seeing commercials for Cottonelle Fresh moist wipes. For those of you not familiar with this product, Cottonelle Fresh moist wipes are supposed to be follow-ups for when you're through wiping with dry toilet paper. Call me old fashioned, but I always thought them to...

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