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Secura Personal Cleanser
Submitted by Crapola
January 9, 2009, 39 Comments

Recently, I was in the hospital. I suffered a slip-and-fall accident after tripping on a pothole on, of all places, Park Avenue in New York City. I had a subdural hematoma (bleeding in the brain) from striking my head on the curb. The doctors doped me up so I could hardly move. What's this have...

BBC America's "You Are What Yo
Submitted by The Big Wiper
January 8, 2009, 60 Comments

Earlier this year, as I was surfing around my cable system, I discovered a PoopReport-friendly television series entitled You Are What You Eat on the British import channel, BBC America. Each episode is thirty minutes in length and is hosted by nutritionist Gillian McKeith, who specializes in...

Aah Toilet Foam: Can Bubbles Scrub You A
Submitted by daphne
November 21, 2008, 60 Comments

Also, introducing a new PoopReport standard for product testing.This story was a finalist for the best poop report of 2008. During a late night last winter, I happened to catch a commercial for a new toilet product. One that suggested it cleans you up in a new way. I can't remember what I was...

An Asshole to Dye For: An Experiment In
Submitted by Gasputin
April 21, 2008, 171 Comments

"I can't submit the a-hole photos. My mom reads these stories, too, you know."This story was a finalist for the best poop report of 2008. An eerie silence settles over the pharmacy as I sidle up to the poor woman stocking the skin care aisle. With fire in my eyes and drink on my breath, I make a...

USABidet: For The Man Who Has Everything
Submitted by Tugboat
February 28, 2008, 33 Comments

In the girls' restroom of a local restaurant is one of those really fancy and expensive toilet seat bidets. Some Japanese brand. I've snuck in a few times just to see what all the hoopla is about. This machine does everything, as evidenced by the fact that it has a remote control with about fifteen...

Coming To A Bathroom Near You
Submitted by Dave
January 11, 2008, 27 Comments

While going through my inbox in preparation for a long-overdue links roundup, I found a number of emails I'd received from bathroom entrepreneurs eager to capture the attention of the coveted PoopReport market. Back in June, for instance, Chris Brown (seriously!) wrote: "I stumbled onto your site...

Poo-Pourri: Can Your Poop Really Not Sti
Submitted by Bilgepump
December 28, 2007, 40 Comments

A few months ago, the makers of a new bathroom spray called Poo-Pourri decided to see if their product was up to the standards of we true bathroom connoisseurs. "Unlike other sprays that you spray after you poop in a frantic bid to freshen the air before somebody else feels the call of nature," the...

Hard To Swill: Steven Seagal's Ligh
Submitted by daphne
November 29, 2007, 22 Comments

Last year I happened upon a review of Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt energy drink. It was not a kind review -- in fact, it was scathing. So, of course, I was intrigued. "I have to try this crap!" I exclaimed immediately. What is it about us that needs to try things that other people claim taste...

Letter From A Colon Hydrotherapist
Submitted by fudgeunpacker
September 28, 2007, 61 Comments

Editor's note: while perusing new PoopReporter registrations, I came across Fudgeunpacker. Struck by her awesome name, I clicked to read her bio. All it said was this: "colon hydrotherapist." I sent her an email complimenting her moniker and asking for more info. This is her reply. Hi Dave -- Yes...

The Perils Of Pluto Water
Submitted by The Big Wiper
August 24, 2007, 73 Comments

Before you jump to the conclusion that Pluto Water is either dog pee or a libation bottled on what used to be the outermost planet of our solar system, let me quickly explain that in the early part of the 20th century, this caca-inducing cocktail was America's laxative of choice. Its tagline was...

USA Bidet: Even MORE Bidet For The Buck
Submitted by poo_poo_poodio
July 27, 2007, 29 Comments

Editor's note: Some time ago, I received the following email from ThomL, CEO and owner of USA Bidet. Dear Dave, Apparently someone in your organization has given us a great review. It is my desire to send them an upgraded version of the USA Bidet H-2. Our new version is made from medical-grade...

Orange Poop: Solving The Mystery Of Oran
Submitted by Bob Lonsberry
July 9, 2007, 426 Comments

Editor's note: This was originally posted on the author's blog. He has submitted it to PoopReport presumably as a public service. You'll see why in a moment. I've got one for you, Dr. House. See if you can diagnose this. Oil came out of my butt. Yellowish-orange oil. Lots of it. It was very...

Alli: The Miracle Diet Pill With Teeny-T
Submitted by Mr Angry
June 26, 2007, 176 Comments

Editor's note: this was originally posted on the author's blog. It's reprinted here with the author's permission and with this editor's chagrin that we didn't break this story first. I found this news on and felt compelled to throw my two cents in. There's a "new" over-the-counter drug...

Colon Cleansing (Or Not) With OxyPowder
Submitted by doniker
June 20, 2007, 190 Comments

Throughout most of my adult life I have been eating like a pig -- binging on fast food, sweets, and a lot of processed foods. I drank like a fish for the last twenty years, which led to many nights of fried bar food and other questionable input. Needless to say, I have put my stomach, intestines,...

Poop In The Pool: What To Do When Shit H
Submitted by Crapola
June 18, 2007, 60 Comments

Summer is here! Which means it's time for a nice, cool cocktail by the pool. And here's one perfect for PoopReporters: Poop in the Pool 2 oz chilled Blue Curacao liqueur 1 small tootsie roll candy Pour the Curacao into a shot glass and drop in a Tootsie Roll. I think it's more authentic in an on...

Cranberries And Prunes: A Lesson In Cont
Submitted by The Big Wiper
May 23, 2007, 17 Comments

This past weekend I went to visit my father at the senior community -- or retirement home, if you will -- into which he moved several months ago. Over the course of my stay, we had breakfast together twice in the dining room. There was quite a selection of the usual breakfast foods for the...

Is The Plunger Obsolete?
Submitted by Mike JN
May 18, 2007, 42 Comments

There is so much talk about toilet problems and double flushing, it is obvious few people know about Toiletta. Toiletta is a brand name of a toilet tool that is a rod with a snake cutter on the end. It makes crappy toilets work. It is the best tool for the whole family. It was always my job to...

How I Now Command The Rear
Submitted by Oozy Doody
May 10, 2007, 22 Comments

The control of all things anal did not come easily. Married for twenty years, and then it happened. The wife and I were talking to my Mom's oncologist (sad, but another story). He asked if we used Metamucil. We both looked at him like he was from Uranus. He explained that the undeveloped world can...

I, Toilet Paper Advocate
Submitted by Bunga Din
February 13, 2007, 28 Comments

It's been a great week for yours truly. And I think I hit the jackpot last night when I stopped in at Costco for some Tony Roma's hot sauce and a few other goodies. As I made my way through the store, I marveled at the absolute bulkiness of everything. I like Costco. They treat their employees...

My Colonic
Submitted by Pucker Up
January 16, 2007, 46 Comments

About a month ago my husband and I found ourselves in a quiet sitting area at The Tummy Temple in Seattle, giggling in nervousness, awaiting a colonic. Some weeks prior, you see, my husband and I had friends visiting from Portland who were about to embark on a raw food diet for the purposes of...

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