Save Bubby's Urinal!

// // 53 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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For over ten years, male patrons of Bubby's Pie Company in Tribeca have had the unique pleasure of peeing into a really big, really old urinal. A porcelain monolith of staggering girth, peeing at this goliath evokes a bygone era of excretory opulence -- Gatsbyesque fancy-lads pittering away the evening's cordials, Gershwin drifting from the barroom, the tickling of the ivories drowned out only by the tinkling of the finest urine from the finest penises in all New York Society.

How such an extraordinary relic ended up at Bubby's is anyone's guess. Its past, unknown but surely fantastic,








Note the Altoids tin for dimensional comparison. Yes, your bathtub is that big.





exists only in our imagination; its present, however, as subject of endless post-bathroom conversation, and as feature in the BBC documentary Flush: Toilets of the World, is about to end. Sanitary idolatry is giving way to the pedestrian reality of restaurant management: the dang thing, so big and so wide, is just too much in the way.

PoopReport is dedicated to the intellectual appreciation of poop humor. Coincident with our academic celebration of humanity's most universal experience is enthusiastic appreciation of that which makes it more interesting. As such, to allow this commodious landmark to end up on the next garbage barge would be a crime; and so we embark on a mission to find this orphaned apparatus a loving home.

Bubby's has officially bequeathed the urinal to PoopReport. Alas, my apartment is too small to install it; and my roommates frowned in unison at my suggestion of converting it to a coffee table. And so I offer this cry to the public: this is a fully functioning, ready-made object of aesthetic and experiential wonder. Surely a bathroom appropriate to its stature -- and accommodating of its carriage -- can be found!

In the ideal situation, this prodigious receptacle will find its place of honor at some posh gentleman's club, or in a wing of Gracie Mansion. But while dignity and splendor is ideal, preservation is paramount. Any men's room will do -- or, if your clientele appreciates irony, even a woman's room might, in desperation, suffice.

The urge this urinal meets is prosaic; but the experience it creates is singular. This urinal is a bit of history, a taste of luxury, a conversation piece, and -- if all that isn't enough -- an avenue to free publicity. Somewhere out there is an altruistic establishment with a big heart and a bigger bathroom. For the sake of this city -- for the betterment of mankind! -- open your arms to this poor, incredible urinal!

53 Comments on "Save Bubby's Urinal!"

CB's picture

Shame the business isn't big enough for me to have an office. I'd adopt it in a heartbeat.

Hairy Pooter's picture
l 100+ points

Such craftmanship! Such monolithic beauty! This needs to be saved and displayed! Not only that, replicas need to be sold in whichever museum it ends up in's store. I would love to put a miniature one of these on my mantle. Also, I would love to get a mantle.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I tell you this much: whatever establishment rescues this amazing urinal is hero in my book... I'll surely patronize them over, and over, and over...

Save the giant urinal!

Scott's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

i gladly add my name to this list... save the urinal!!!!

NoDo's picture

We should clearly take the urinal from this unappreciative basterds, then we shall situate it at the forefront of our armies which will allow us to march across the earth

all hail the urinal!

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points

Is it for sale? Do I have to pay shipping? It would look great in the bathroom off of my den.

However, if I do procure this piece of art I would respectfully request that you not patronize it Dave.

ARH's picture

Totally! Save the urinal!

Michael's picture

I have utilized this urinal in many different ways, many different times, and each experience has exceeded my expecations. I don't know of a more pleasant place to urinate in all of Manhattan, including my own toilet (a respectable receptacle, at that).

Milk Chocolate's picture

I put my name down! Save the urinal!

Now that that's done with, I agree with Hairy.

Shameful_Shite's picture

Add my name to the petition. Although I have no room and not nearly enough money for anything like that, I give my full support to whomever decides to take on this beast! Save the fabled urinal!

JoeLee's picture

This is F*cked up, who would want this piss fungus infested bathtub that was turned into an urinal?

big urinal lova's picture

I'm on the "I'd love to take it, but dont' have the room in my small-ass NYC apartment" list. PLEASE-SOMEONE SAVE THIS GEM!!!!

pucker's picture

I just pissed myself in protest-

and although Im sorry I did that

because I am at work and I feel

a rash starting to form, I am both outraged and chaffing.

El Poot's picture
CHRISTINA's picture

SAVE THE DAMN URINAL. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DONT WANT IT: WHAT KIND OF FREAKS ARE YOU? THAT IS A HISTORICAL MONUMENT (WELL SOMEDAY). IF I COULD PISS STANDING UP ID TAKE IT RIGHT NOW.

Val's picture

SAVE THE URINAL!!!!! Of all urinals, it is the king! Save your king!

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

I cheer for anybody who saves this urinal.

Justa Girl's picture

Ummm... will someone WASH the urinal before it is saved? That is just gross! I have no need for a used urinal, but were I in the market for one, it would have to be at least somewhat clean. Some bleach and a good scrubbing would heighten its "curb appeal". Any volunteers?

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

I wish I owned a restaurant, and lived in new york, because then this urinal would have a home.

Man, this is well written. good job, dave

piss pants's picture

If you can deliver it I'd put it inside my outhouse or make a garden fountain out of it.

John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

You don't argue with Twyford's Adamant!

Advance Towelmaster and be recognised.

Brown Seymour's picture

Why, that urinal is big enough that one could poop in it. Considering that this forum is not intended to foucs on urination, I think that you would have better luck foisting this thing on someone as poopinal rather than a urinal.

Save the poopinal!

kayla's picture

rescue the great pisser!

Snapper's picture
l 100+ points

What about showing up at that Rocco's place in NY with the urinal on a big dolly? Dave, if you put a PR sticker inside the urinal, it'd get on TV more than likely and people would visit PR and more than likely some kind soul (if not Rocco's) would adopt the Big Pisser. Something to chew on.

Dan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I support the Bubby's Urinal Relocation Project! But it sure would be simpler if the new owners could see its aesthetic and historic value, alas... "Save Bubby's Urinal" link now going up at longesturinal.com!

Bryan's picture

Got one urinal installed already, and looking to add another. Have several antique handheld and wall mount urinals as well. Will get a great home here!

Dumper Dude's picture

Horay for Bryan! Has the urinal finally found a home?

I remember fondly pissing in monoliths of this nature. They make urinating an honorable activity, instead of the golden shower pants bath today's piss-holes provide.

kevin Brandon's picture

i am interested in installing this urinaal in my home. please let me know if it available. --kevin

kevin brandon's picture

i am interested in placing this urinal in my home. please let me know if it is available. i have been looking for such an item for quite a long time. thanks for your consideration

Joe Febrile's picture

id love to poop in a urinal. i too would like to have that giant urinal in my home. if someone takes this urinal into their home i will make a giant statue of you and place it on my lawn.

Neal Lykins's picture

Our church is looking for a urinal to install. How much would it cost to ship to Texas?

KAWAWA's picture

I DEY MUGU KAWAWA

DUNGA_DIN's picture

Ye gods! Save yon vast porcelin piss-pot, that our posterity may micterate therein.

Rod's picture

Does anyone know what happened to the big urinal?

log pooper's picture

when i was at the hospital once i told my cousins that i hade to take a dump so we both went to the mens room and he took his dump and i was taking my dump but he finished and some people walked in.

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points

Whatever happened to Bubby's urinal? There is an impassioned plea and then 2 yrs of silence. What is up?

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I don't know. A few people contacted me with interest, but I referred them to Bubby's and I don't know what came of it.

Anonymous Coward's picture

The urinal is long gone.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Yes, dear. We know it's gone; that was a forgone conclusion. We wondered WHERE it might have GONE. But thanks for playing; please pick up your lovely parting gift backstage.
_______
Fecal Matters.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I have one even bigger than that.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

As a potentially homeless person at some time in the speculative future, I could have put a front door on the thing and have lived in it. Now, should my better half get sick of my shit and throw me out, I'll have to live in a cardboard box like everyone else. Life is so unfair.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

"... The Dumpster (2163) -- 08.09.2006
'I have one even bigger than that.'..."

*Rolls eyes*. Cheah, right. I've heard THAT one before!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I actually WAS referring to a urinal, m'dear. One we rescued from the attic of my law school. It sits in my barn now, awaiting some future use.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Cool, TD. Post a pic somewhere so we can see it.
Do you have plans to install it in your bathroom?

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

"... The Dumpster (2167) -- 08.10.2006--
'I actually WAS referring to a urinal, m'dear. One we rescued from the attic of my law school. It sits in my barn now, awaiting some future use.'..."

Watering trough? Well, only if you have a horse.

Fountain? Your neighbors would love it!

Planter?

Bird bath?

Utility sink? (my personal fave)

Foot bath?

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

I was actually thinking of using it as a planter in my front yard, between the tractor tire that is spray-painted white and filled with plastic geraniums, and the flock of pink flamingos. Think how easy it would be to supply the plants with water!

I might have to move the old pickup truck that sits up on cinder blocks, though.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

But then you'll have to relocate the spool and the bale of razor wire.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Along with the ceramic pig, and the life-size statues of the Seven Dwarves. I would hate for my front yard to be cluttered with junk, after all.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

But please, please, LEAVE the resin hedgehog boot scraper on the porch. He's charming!

basilio's picture

i actually am looking for an old urinal for my new trendy restaurant in san diego

let me know if anyone has any idea where i can get one.

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