Ask PoopReport: A Poop Anomaly

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Our beloved Chief Thunderbutt asks today:

I just had a very strange occurrence in my bathroom. I had no BM yesterday, which is highly unusual; so I was happy when the urge finally struck just as I was finishing today's evening meal. I hobbled--thanks to a gout attack in my left knee--to the bathroom and plunked my ass down, expecting to extrude a turd twice as large as normal since I had skipped a day. The brown torpedo slipped out effortlessly and made an audible splash as it entered the water. This was somewhat surprising, as I had expected it to be twice its normal length ... which means it would have entered the water while it was still dangling from my sphincter and would have been silent.

As I sat there pondering this conundrum, a new unknown was thrown into the equation: my nose detected the aroma of pig shit. There was no mistaking that smell. I once raised a few pigs and I had worked in a slaughter house for a number of years and was familiar with the smell of porcine poo. It was actually an improvement over the normal smell that accompanies my bathroom visits, which would probably be better described as a stench rather than an aroma.

I made a mental rundown of the foods I had eaten for the last day-and-a-half and couldn't think of anything unusual. I hadn't had any alcohol for about a week because of the gout, but I don't think that would have a noticeable effect. Pigs eat lots of corn, but I very seldom do, thanks to being a diabetic. I had eaten a serving of spaghetti with a meatless tomato sauce that was topped with asiago cheese, but I have done that before without turning my alimentary canal into a pig poop producer. I switched from whole wheat to white bread, because avoiding the purines in whole wheat is recommended while recovering from gout. I had also, during the 36 hours leading up to the pig poop incident, eaten two buttered biscuits with orange marmalade and two chopped ham sammies. Oh, and a couple of clementines, a handful of stuffed olives, and a few pickled peperoncino pretty much rounded out my food intake.

I hope to be back on my normal pooing schedule tomorrow and am rather curious about what I may be extruding. Will my bathroom once again take on the bucolic charm of a country pigpen, or will my usual reeking foulness once again prevail?

If anyone out there in internet land has had a similar occurrence please comment below. Am I the only one who passes pig poo or is this a new trend in the evolution of humankind?

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12 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: A Poop Anomaly"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

My question is, who snapped that picture of me sitting on the commode? I'm starting to see why my anal emission smelled like pig shit. The problem seems to have corrected itself and my usual stench has returned. I suppose there are some things we just weren't meant to know.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

This post is shut

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dear Anonymous,

No, the post was just made and is certainly not "shut." One of the beautiful things about Poop Report is the fact that you can comment on a thread that has been dormant for years and years.

Is there a possibility that you meant to say "shit" but have not yet reached the level of education that teaches the spelling of big words like that? Keep up your studies and you will soon reach the level of proficiency required for writing four letter words.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Dear Chief,
Why ask why? Instead of considering this a source of trepidation, think of it as a Gift from the Gawds

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

So I should probably be thanking Saint Anthony for the aroma of my fecal output? He is, after all, the patron saint of pigs although that may well be because of a misunderstanding by his followers in bygone days.

The good saint was purported to have the power to heal and was often pictured with a pig because pork fat was commonly used as an application for skin diseases. This put the thought into the minds of the devout that he must therefore have something to do with swine.

My main fear of being associated with the porcine species is that I could easily end up hanging in some hillbilly's smokehouse as bacon and ham.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

I wish I had the last few minutes of my life back.

____________________________________

Moderator's Comment;

No you don't! You thoroughly enjoyed it or you wouldn't have wasted even more time by writing a comment. Look around a bit and be prepared to find similar joy on other threads.

Soon you will be a PR addict.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

Chief,

Maybe you have hammy-roids.

Anonymous's picture

Sorry to revive a dead post but I too have experienced this. I work with both dogs and ferrets extensively and have had numerous BMs that come out smelling suspiciously close to animal poo. My BEST guess, at least on my end(heh), is that bacteria make up a good part of the smell. So I theorized that maybe I had picked some of that up during litter box cleanings. That doesn't mean you have to be messing with pig shit though... maybe there's just some bacteria floating around?

Anonymous's picture

it's the cheese. I used to have rotten egg smell poop until I learned to flush out waste from my digestive system with fiber. Usually it smells awful if I have eaten cheese. Load up with fiber. It really cleanses the gut.

Anonymous's picture

Hi there,

Yes bacteria constitute 30% of the poop that comes out and it accounts for the bad smell too. I am not quite sure if the surrounding can contaminate the smell of the poop, except if you absorb the particles of the animal poop you have mentioned. I had quite some episodes of bad smell day, even the gas smells horrible. I dealt with it through fibers, powerful load of fibers.

Anonymous's picture

I'm on the toilet now and can't shit..... thinking about getting the ole lady in here with a douche!!!

cruelolive's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

^ Enema*

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

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