Ask PoopReport: A Poop Anomaly
Our beloved Chief Thunderbutt asks today:
I just had a very strange occurrence in my bathroom. I had no BM yesterday, which is highly unusual; so I was happy when the urge finally struck just as I was finishing today's evening meal. I hobbled--thanks to a gout attack in my left knee--to the bathroom and plunked my ass down, expecting to extrude a turd twice as large as normal since I had skipped a day. The brown torpedo slipped out effortlessly and made an audible splash as it entered the water. This was somewhat surprising, as I had expected it to be twice its normal length ... which means it would have entered the water while it was still dangling from my sphincter and would have been silent.
As I sat there pondering this conundrum, a new unknown was thrown into the equation: my nose detected the aroma of pig shit. There was no mistaking that smell. I once raised a few pigs and I had worked in a slaughter house for a number of years and was familiar with the smell of porcine poo. It was actually an improvement over the normal smell that accompanies my bathroom visits, which would probably be better described as a stench rather than an aroma.
I made a mental rundown of the foods I had eaten for the last day-and-a-half and couldn't think of anything unusual. I hadn't had any alcohol for about a week because of the gout, but I don't think that would have a noticeable effect. Pigs eat lots of corn, but I very seldom do, thanks to being a diabetic. I had eaten a serving of spaghetti with a meatless tomato sauce that was topped with asiago cheese, but I have done that before without turning my alimentary canal into a pig poop producer. I switched from whole wheat to white bread, because avoiding the purines in whole wheat is recommended while recovering from gout. I had also, during the 36 hours leading up to the pig poop incident, eaten two buttered biscuits with orange marmalade and two chopped ham sammies. Oh, and a couple of clementines, a handful of stuffed olives, and a few pickled peperoncino pretty much rounded out my food intake.
I hope to be back on my normal pooing schedule tomorrow and am rather curious about what I may be extruding. Will my bathroom once again take on the bucolic charm of a country pigpen, or will my usual reeking foulness once again prevail?
If anyone out there in internet land has had a similar occurrence please comment below. Am I the only one who passes pig poo or is this a new trend in the evolution of humankind?