Ask PoopReport: Does Lying Down Automatically Make Someone Fart?

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An anonymous writer has the following question:

I noticed something weird in the past few weeks. I think I'm farting without realizing it.

When I go to bed, I lay in bed for a little bit and read. After half an hour or so, I go to the bathroom and get ready to turn out the lights and go to sleep. But when I walk back in the bedroom it smells like farts. I don't know where the stench is coming from. When I go to bed, the room smells nice. When I leave to go the bathroom, I don't notice any smell. I don't feel farts leaving my butt. It's when I come back into the room that I notice a smell. I even started smelling under the covers to see if I'm Dutch-Ovening myself. Don't think I am.

The only answer coming to mind is that when I lie down and relax, I am farting without realizing it. I don't notice the smell until I have left the room long enough to get used to the smell of another room.

Does anyone else notice this issue? If so, what are your thoughts? I need to get to the bottom of this. Either I have sneaky farts or there is a farting ghost in my room.

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9 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: Does Lying Down Automatically Make Someone Fart?"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

A conundrum worthy of the talents of Holmes and Watson. I have read that some of the hydrogen sulfide (H2S), methyl mercaptan, MM (also known as methanethiol, MT), dimethyl sulfide (DMS), dimethyl disulfide (DMDS) and dimethyl trisulfide (DMTS) produced in your intestines is absorbed into your bloodstream rather that blown out your asshole. This gas can then be released into your breath when the fouled blood reaches your lungs. Breath into a friends face and ask if the aroma makes him/her think of a warthog's rear end. That could easily be your problem.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

It is the basic problem being noticed by most of the persons. and most of the time it is all psychological.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Anonymous, to answer your question, I delved into the reams of knowledge gleaned from my years here at PR. I believe a study was done by the late Dr Schitzenbag about TSAS, or Terminally Stinky Ass Syndrome. It appears you have this devastating malady. My suggestions (short of finding a cave somewhere) is to hang a crapload of those green Christmas tree air fresheners on your person before going about your business. Another alternative is to go about your daily routine while holding an egg salad sandwich in your hand. Most people will be fooled into thinking the sandwich is to blame. Just a word of caution, it is summer, and if you decide to eat the sandwich at the end of the day, you could wind up with a whole new set of problems which would have to be further addressed by my esteemed colleague Professor Buttstein of the Institute of All Foods Both Stinky and Spoiled. I hope this has been informative and I wish you the best of luck.

Sincerely,
Professor Doggin MBS

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Strange that you should mention it Professor Doggin but I just found an egg salad sandwich in a jacket pocket, possibly left over from a a poker party last weekend. The smell was hardly off putting and in the interest of frugality I plan on eating it for my breakfast.

Proffessor Buttstein
Institute of AFBSS

PS: In answer to the original question of "does laying down make you fart?" Yes it does, but so does standing up, bending over, sitting, walking, running, etc. Any activity, or inactivity, seems to cause that malady.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Omg gross. Is that for real? I may start sleeping standing up, just for the thought that farts would end up going the wrong way.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Dearest Daphne, just to be safe when sleeping vertically, make sure your gas cannon is facing a window. Or inches from your peacefully sleeping husband if you're pissed at him.

Buttstein, it's been a long time since we have engaged in highly cerebral dialogue on this front page. It feels refreshing. We should plan on doing it more and possibly ad nauseam.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

In answer to your question, the answer is an uncategorical "Yes!" Since I have to get up so much earlier than The Missus, I also go to bed before her. I don't care how quiet or stealthily she slips under the covers, within minutes, I know that she's there.

And she wonders why I like to sleep with the fan on and the window open even in the dead of winter.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I don't think you can accidentally give yourself a Dutch Oven. Doing that I believe is known as a Polish Oven.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I once dined heavily on stir fried squid and turnips along with garlic infused kimchi and gave my dear wife a Pusan Oven.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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