Ask Poopreport: Covert Toilet Paper?


I always want to post questions from young people, because they don't always feel comfortable asking for help from their own guardians or peers. A young person asks the following:

Dear Poopreport,

Our school toilet paper is awful. Crazy, but I am almost sure it gives me a rash. I'm a girl, which means that I wipe more than a guy does. Does anyone have any ideas how I could take toilet paper or some other wiping thing with me to school without having to drag an entire roll out of my backpack when I go to the bathroom?

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6 Comments on "Ask Poopreport: Covert Toilet Paper?"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Hey, young person! My advice to you involves a few suggestions.

1. Have you ever considered putting something on the toilet paper first to see if it help? There are a few toilet paper lotions you can buy that come in cute little bottles, and they sooth a butt. Puro and MB3 are two lotions that might work. I would suggest Preen, which is my favorite, but it is not a lotion; it is a bit different.

2. If you can get your hands on MRE toilet paper packet, they are small and fit into a pocket. On the other hand, they are made from cheap paper as well.

3. Kleenex comes in little packets. While they are not biodegradable, I think a school toilet could handle them, and people flush worse.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

P.S. Thank you to our awesome programmer, Bogdan, for fixing the image upload issue.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

As a girl, you normally carry a purse, I expect. Take a few pads of toilet paper from home and put them in your purse (or your backpack, if you don't carry a purse). Tear off 4 sheets of t.p. and fold them into a single square; take as many squares along as you think you'll need. You can even put them into a sandwich bag, and they won't take up much room at all (I'm assuming your toilet paper at home doesn't give you a rash). Since it's regular toilet paper, it should not clog the toilet.

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I always stash a few baby wipes in a Ziploc baggie and keep them in my purse. I use them when I'm in a public restroom and have to poop--it gets your butt a lot cleaner than the cheap-o toilet paper in most bathrooms.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

From reading a compendium of emergency asswipes on PR, socks apparently do a wonderful job. White bobby socks look really sexy with a poodle skirt and saddle shoes too, especially if you've got a nice waist and calves. And, in a pinch, I'm sure that nobody would even notice that you were missing a sock or two.

If you're looking for something more "paperish", I suggest carrying a Koran with you. The pages ripped from the book aren't as absorbent as you might like and seem to smear the crap around more than actually remove it from the butt, but it does have the advantage of making good reading before wiping.

Or maybe not. This book does seem to inflame more than its fair share of assholes.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

MRE toilet paper!

You've got a garage full haven't you!

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