Ask Poopreport: Our Annual Notice On Medical Responsiblity ... Ours And Yours


Someone with a fake email address wrote this in:

Hi. I have a problem that when I poop there two to three drops of bright blood. This has been happening for the last three days. What should I do to get rid of this [issue]?

And the most important think is I don't want to show my ass to doctor.

Sigh. And here we have it--he or she doesn't want to show his or her ass to the doctor. I get it, I really do. Going to the doctor for a butt issue sounds mortifying. But do you know what is even more mortifying? Some of you out there will bleed from you ass and not think to call a doctor if you are really worried.

Most likely this person's issue is not a big one. Maybe a hemorrhoid is at work, or maybe he or she just wiped too hard a few days ago, or maybe a small anal fissure is the cause. Maybe the inquirer was having anal sex and is embarrassed to say. Who knows? No, really, who knows? A doctor might know.

This website has made thousands of people laugh over the years, and it has also offered some great advice to people with butt problems, such as having foul-smelling poop or leaking constantly from one's anus. We cannot replace a doctor's expertise, though, and if your bleeding continues you should try to make an appointment with a physician. I know that there are readers who do not have doctors or medical insurance, but this person wrote that his or her biggest issue was not going ass-up in the doctor's office.

Please, please remember that your butt deserves the same concern as the rest of your body. Remember -- if your eyes, ears, or mouth were leaking a few drops of blood every day for three days, you might call a physician. That the blood is coming from your ass should make no difference.

Image Preview: 

7 Comments on "Ask Poopreport: Our Annual Notice On Medical Responsiblity ... Ours And Yours"

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

As the commenter says (Daphne, I assume), unexpected bleeding from any part of your body demands an explanation if it gets worse or goes on for a long time. I'd like to add that (a) any doctor knows you have an anus, as every other human being has; (b) seeing yours will be neither the highlight nor the worst part of his day; (c) being able to tell you what's wrong with you and how to fix it is his reason for doing what he does. Further, while your few drops of blood might not be anything significant or difficult, it is at least possible that it indicates something serious, which you are totally unable to diagnose or fix. Why not at least have your butt checked and most likely avoid the huge costs and trauma of a hospital stay later on? Hie thee to a doctor!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I find it both amusing and tragic that so many who comment on this site list embarrassment as one of the main reasons they don't want to go to the doctor with possible life threatening conditions that will probably require that the good doctor take a peek at their asshole. I can assure all of these people that doctors, even GPs are aware that you possess one of these handy orifices and will probably not gasp in astonishment when your cheeks have been spread and your brown eye is on display.

I recently went to the VA for a recurring urinary tract infection that has been bothering me for quite some time. The urologist that was assigned to my case was a luscious young blonde that resembled the singer Trisha Yearwood. I suppose this was fitting payback for all the male OB/GYN docs that women have had to expose their hoohoos to over the years.

Anyway, when it came to the prostate exam Ms. Yearwood bent me over the exam table and not only looked at my balloon knot, she also ran a gloved and well lubed digit up my arse tunnel and twiddled the aforementioned gland to see if it was enlarged. I did not find this exam to be the least bit unpleasant. Indeed I am kinda looking forward to my next visit in January.

I suppose I lost my ability to be embarrassed back in 1960 when I took my induction physical for military service. There were about fifteen or twenty of us who were herded into a room and ordered to strip and place our clothing into the little cubicles that were provided. We were given little bags with drawstrings in which to place our valuables. These bags were then worn about our necks as our only article of adornment. We were herded en masse down the hospital corridors past rooms with both patents and visitors, past cute nurses making their rounds, until we reached our first destination which was a gymnasium.

We were lined up on the sideline of the basketball court and given the terse order, "skin em back and turn em over," then a very scientific looking doctor came down the line, bent like Igor of young Frankenstein fame and perused our twisted penises. As soon as the dick doctor finished his exams we were told to, "bend over and spread your cheeks," after we had all assumed this position the asshole doctor proceeded to walk, once again Igor style, behind us while gazing at our fundaments with rapt attention. I suppose that the military only wants to enlist the fittest of assholes.

There was also no room for embarrassment during basic training a Lackland AFB. The commodes were not in stalls and were close enough that your legs touched a fellow shitter on both sides. You had to be careful that you wiped the correct ass after you were finished.

All of you who are embarrassed to let your doctor see your pucker need to get over it. It is much more embarrassing to be lounging in a coffin at your funeral having died from some condition that could possibly have been prevented if it had been caught in time. Now, march straight to your doctors office and bend over and spread those cheeks!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I work in a medical lab and I deal with other people's poop and pee all day long. Yeah, it's kind of gross, but it's our job and we pretty much just deal with it. It's not like medical personnel are sitting there making fun of your shit or the size/condition of your rectum. If you are bleeding, pooping nothing but water, or are pooping something that does NOT look normal--white stool, black stool, you haven't pooped at all in a week, etc.--just go to the doctor. Please. They have seen it all; they have probably seen 10x worse things in their lifetimes, and they're there to make you better. Just accept their help and I mean really--wouldn't you rather have the bleeding/horrific diarrhea/whatever resolved than to suffer in silence for the sake of your dignity?

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Hmmm. Sound serious to me, Fake Email Address. Maybe you should swallow your pride and just go see a doc about your anal drip? Just a thought...

However, if you don't, if I pay the premiums, would you mind taking out a life insurance policy for $250,000 and name me as the beneficiary? Term life should do nicely because I don't think you'll be around long enough to really enjoy the residual on a whole life policy.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

Jesus, Deja. You tried to get me to sign up for life insurance in your name and now some other poor sod.
Are you after buying a new bike?

I was pissed off when my attractive Spanish seƱorita of a GP didn't want to go exploring when I had trouble in the nether regions. She sent me to see a Nigerian urologist with fingers like yams. He reckoned my prostate was small - I reckon it was hiding.

crohnsplosion's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Fear not, Anon, for your bunghole will not be the worst thing your doctor will see the day of your visit. In my 29 years I have gone ass-up at the doctor more often than most people will in their whole entire life because I have Crohn's disease. Your fear of indecency may just lead to hospitalization and you might have a room full of interns staring at your ass in the emergency room. So just bite the bullet and let your gp look at your poop chute and be glad it's just one person and not a whole room full of people. In ten year's time hopefully you will be laughing at the time you had to show your butt at the doctor's office.

This here's Little Brittle and the C-bag. And he's kickin' it, elderly school.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'm always looking for a new bike, Spatty. But fun is fun and business is business. I smell an opportunity with FEA's reluctance to go see a doc, and that opportunity reeks of bloody fecal matter.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.