Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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0

Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

not verified's picture

Is there no end to this? Put a plug in it. Why do you think the French invented perfume?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Oh no no no, ze smell eez not from me. It eez ze steenky cheese.

Anonymous Coward #5783793846's picture

Protein, plain and simple, thats what makes it reek

Fart Monkey's picture

Wow 5 years and counting for the post, feel such pressure!First off i think we should start like a stinkers union or something.Get our voices heard.Anyhoo I cant stand it,my stool is extremely hard and when i try to wipe only blood comes out,it pisses me off cuz i know theres crap in it but it dont come out, just blood! And it makes my ass stink!!! I try takin stool softner and fiber and such but it dont usually work.Maybe for others it will.Fiber one cereal is supposedly very good.i cant stand goin to school cuz of this.Also i think im starting to get this leakage crap cuz i try to hold in my brownies till i get home and i think my bladder is losin its power!Ewwww!! any way good luck to all u stinkers out there.peace

monkey fart's picture

Oh Yah and i have hemroids,And im to embarrassed to ask my doc about the smell.Help! even my cat hates me!

thedoors83's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

search http://www.gitract.info/articles/anorectal-problems/index.php
and maybe it will help for some of you

Anonymous Coward's picture

u gotta clean urself with water, or wet toilet paper after every poop! You westerners are so behind the east when it comes to bathroom hygene.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Well, we've found that capitalism works better if it isn't so damn comfortable sitting on your ass.

Logjam

skunkfu's picture

Dude! u should try putting a tampon pad and spray with her favorite cologne..and stick it 2 ur ass... UR GONNA LIKE DA WAY U SMELL I GUARANTEE IT!

holesniffer's picture

I personally love the way a woman's butthole smells especially if she hasn't showered in a day or two.
I met a girl who would get off work and go straight to the gym, then go grocery shopping, go home and make dinner then come over to my place without showering and 69 me.
Her cute little pucker smelled so great- it really turned me on.

ArcanistQ2's picture

this may be less an issue of odor coming from your digestive system, and instead a case of dead animals residing in your body. Do you play hamster house often?

Anonymous Coward's picture

DUDES, I HAVE A PROBLEM. SOMETIMES WHEN I TAKE A SHIT AND CLEAN MY ASS. AFTER A WHILE WORKING ON THE COMPUTER OR DOING WHATEVER MY ASS STARTS ITCHING WHICH IS A SIGN THAT THERE IS SHIT ON IT. I GO TO THE BATHROOM WIPE IT AGAIN AND YES THERE WAS SHIT ON IT. I CLEAN IT VERY WELL TILL THERES NOT SHIT LEFT. AFTER A WHILE IT STARTS ITCHING AGAIN AND I GO WIPE IT AND OH SURPRISE SHIT AGAIN??? WTF IS GOING ON... SOMETIMES IT HAPPENS LIKE 4 TIMES WTH IS THE PROBLEM PLEASE HELP

no1demon's picture

go to this addy

cotinence-foundation.org

these will help control your sphincter muscles thus helping solve your problem

Anonymous Coward's picture

Preparation H carries these single packets that are like Wet Ones but even better. They are damned expensive but worth it. I carry them everywhere and amazed other people don't do this. (Then again, who's going to advertise that, right? Would be nice if public bathrooms carried similiar type producs.) They aren't perfect (you're never going to get rid of the smell completely) but help cut down on some odor. I also drink lots of water and avoid coffee...that seems to cut down on some of this.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Demon, thanks. I changed your link to html for easier linking.
_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ur ass crack smells eh? It may be just from sweat..try using baby powder! Keeps it dry..and smelling so nice!

stinkfree's picture

Common guys, the solution is simple. Just use water and soap. TP alone is not enough.This is not rocket science, just do it - doesn't mattter whether you're muslim or not.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

If the solution is so simple, then we wouldn't have so many people writing in, year after year, looking for help. I'm sure most of them have tried showering or soap.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous whatever!'s picture

http://www.getridofthings.com/forums/topic/get-rid-of-flatulence-odor FORGET ABOUT ALL THIS BS THEY TELL YOU TO DO THIS IS THE ANSWER I HAVE RESOLVED IT ONCE AND FOR ALL IM SORRY ALL OF YOU GUYS HAD TO SUFFER FROM THIS YOUR NOT ALONE DONT BE SAD AND DEPRESSED YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE, HOPE THIS HELPS:)

Anonymous Coward's picture

http://www.getridofthings.com/forums/topic/get-rid-of-flatulence-odor I hope this helps ALL of youu:)

Anonymous Coward's picture

Yo can someone please help me. I am 13 and if I dont stop my ass from smelling I think Im gonna die! Every morning before school I get a shower and scrub my ass like crazy. But when I get to school its smellin like shit already. This just started like 2 weeks ago. I know its me cause ive been told that I smell like shit already. And people talk about me. I always use wipe! A weird thing ive noticed is that my ass only gets sweaty and smells like shit at school. PLEASE HELP ME!

Anonymous farter's picture

Damnit my life is in ruins because of this stench!I'm going crazy, i can't go anywhere without humiliating myself.Every time i'm in a public place like school or something i feel like i need to crap! I get nervous where ever i go and when i walk next to a person i try to aim my butt the opposite way,When i walk by someone sitting i walk sideways.Also i'm always scared of waiting in line somewhere, i feel bad for the people behind me.The worst though is a crowded bus or something i always make people get off stops to early.One time i was on an 11 hour flight to london and i was to scared to get up the whole flight to take a piss.I almost crapped and peed my pants. i wipe so much and so hard theres blood on the wipes but it don't help. I would do anything for some relief from this torture.I always try to sit far away from people on the subway and bus etc and pray that no poor chap or chick sit next to me and if they do i hope they get off first so my ass isn't in their face when i get up. The problem is usually when i'm standing when i sit the cushion or chair is squeezed against my ass thus preventing the stench from penetrating too many nostrils.Crowded doctors offices are also bad if there are no seats. i even took up smoking in the hope that the cigarettes will cover the smell, but alas no. I need help!!!!

AssAuthority's picture

This is an enlightening forum. I feel
like I have expanded my horizons by
reading the thoughtful threads. Thanks
so much for the inherent wisdom contained
within.

Baron Deamone's picture

I'm about 50 and haven't had a good bowel movement in 6 weeks. They movements are quite very dark now. I also have smelled bad and occasionally dirtied my underwhere a bit wihtout realizing. I guess I'll take a ticket and stand in line here with everyodor else.

another stinker's picture

Ok fellow reekers, I did not realize my ass stunk for quite a while and must have earned some great nicknames. I will explain my situation and how I have overcome the stink bomb. I have had cronic diareha for years and attribute some of this problem for it. Another issue I have is a small hemeroid that traps shit residue. I noticed that there was a tinge of shit smell around me, but it took a long time for me to realize it was me because I could not smell it on my pants. I would get much smellier when my ass would sweat. OK, you know the usual symptoms ect from reading these blogs, now how I would like to share with you my remedy. First of all, if you have cronic diarreah, see your doctor it may be irritable bowel syndrome. Second, after shitting, wipe your ass until you wipe clean and this means getting the paper in your butt hole and much as you can, third, finish by using a wet paper towel. Now you have heard all of this before and now what worked for me is to use medicated bond body powder, wipe some on your asshole and put some on you under pants. You will feel a slight burn and your butt hole will pucker up like a frogs ass. This has brought unbelievable results for me. you can get the gold bond powder in the green bottle in pharmacys and grocery stores.
good luck,
stinkyass

Murphstaff's picture

My pop stinks. I have the chrone's and pertinentitis, so I think that those conditions makes my shit smells bad. Sometimes the poop displays gray epecially in the morning after I drinken a big amount of beers.
I want to have gotten back to normal again

Butt sniffer's picture

I like that guy Mark! I agree, this is a good board, you can talk and hear about stinky butts and stuff that's kind of a turn on like Mark said. It's funny cause, alot of things on here are one of those "i wonder if im the only one" that thinks about or is going through with whatever maybe going on. But yeah man, you said you scrub your butt and "even" in the hole, i always thought that hole is part of washing your ass. Isn't it?
Oh yeah, like the other guy said about "smelling couch cushions" am i the only one who had done that?

Asshole connoisseur's picture

No your not the only one who smelled sofa cushions and chairs or panties etc. I remember as far back as when I was 8, I was an only boy with 3 teenage sisters and when they would bring their pretty girlfriends over I would watch where they sat and wait until they left. Then I would go and take deep inhaling wiffs and sniffs where the hottest girls sat. That's how it all started and it's 31 years later and I still love the scent of a hot gals pussy (that's a whole nother subject thread) and especially ass hole. But freshly cleaned, no shit or piss stains. Today if I find a hot woman working in an office or sitting anywhere else in public, I'll wait for an opportunity when she gets up from where she's sitting and leaves, then I watch and if no one is looking or around, I'll indulge myself with a quick dive and sniff. I've even seen sexy girls in malls working at say the cell phone or sunglasses stand and wearing tight jeans. I'll approach them and offer a quick $200 if they'll go to the nearest restroom remove their panties and sell them to me. i haven't been turned down yet. As for my ass, it is always clean as i don't use paper, I shower after each time to the toilet. Also I shave my ass crack and balls and pubic bone completely. I'm smooth and clean. For those who keep saying that they use deoderent sticks in their ass, how do you keep the shit and stink off of the deoderent after wiping your ass hole with it?? Then do you still use it on your pits and mix the shit smell with your pit stench??? Save the deoderent for your pits and use soap and water for your asses.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Anon farter, congratulations you have been promoted to the "My ass really, really, really smells post. Try to post on it in the future so ones whose asses just plain stink can use this one.

longputter's picture

I have been trying everything that has been said on this site for yrs now. Some works, some doesn't. Still have the stinky butt problem. Does anyone have any info from a doctor as to what they think it might be.

Anonymous Coward's picture

everybody's crack stinks

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

A stinky ass is one of the great equalizers in life. Many beautiful young starlets have asses that, when compared to mine, are strikingly attractive but I feel sure that they do not smell appreciatively better.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, the difference between a bevy of beautiful young starlets and a circus trapeze act?
The trapeze act consists of a cunning array of stunts.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

PD...I might add that the difference between a band of pygmies and a women's track team is that a band of pygmies is a group of cunning little runts..............
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

The Worst's picture

My ass stinks. Like something dead in a gabage can. Period bar none. That's all and there's no more.

tehsinfaral@googlemail.com's picture

You guys are crazy about this shit!!! I actually laughed so hard reading this shit that it made me shit myself a little

Parsons's picture

My foul ass odor always starts per diem around 2pm or so when I wear polyester work pants, but later in the day with jeans. I guess the polyester causes the fester via lack of air movement around my asspipe. I think the only solution would be to take a shower again after lunch break but sometimes I can get home for lunch to quickly change my pants without need for a shower

stinkyass's picture

ok reeekers,
I have had diareha and a smelly ass that was embarrassing and real. I started taking otc fiber supplements like benefiber, walla, diareha and smell 90% gone, try it

stinyass

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

I suggest cleaning products...perhaps 20 mule team Borax, Irish Spring (manly yes, but i like it too) or, if all else fails, drop two action laundry tablets in the john and hurry to sit down.

beavermunc's picture

My ass stinks, but I like it. I use the finger wrenching method on my butt hole and then shove it into people's faces. They look at me like I am sick or something. Sometimes when my farts are really bad I cup my hand and fart into it and then put it up to their face.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Let me guess, Beaver, you're about 8 years old, and both mommy and daddy are passed out on the couch, so you snuck on to the internet while they sleep it off, am I close?
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

WHAAA!!! You mean that Ward and June are drunk???

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Don't be silly, PD....everybody knows their heroin addicts.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

beavermunc's picture

longputter. My doctor said to use benGay on your asshole. This should work real good, however, you might find yourself scooting along the floor for a few hours. Let me know?

Anonymous Stinker's picture

It's intolerance to certain foods: dairy, wheat, fats, fermented foods, spicy foods, garlic, etc. Try giving up particular foods for at least a month. You may have to give them up permanently or at least indulge rarely. Certain food combinations can be worse than others. If all else fails try a raw food diet. You will quickly smell the offending foods if you eat them again after clearing out your bowels.

Anonymous Coward's picture

You have to learn to douche your asshole. Baby wipes are great for this. You should douche your brown eye everytime you launch a missle and you are not at home. When you are home, take a shower or a bath ( even better) right after a blast. Then, either sprinkle some baby powder in your ass crack or use a deodorant stick and gently rub it on your brown star. Also, once you have thoroughly cleaned your poo box, make sure you put some powder in your underwear. If you do all of the above, your ass stank will improve greatly!!

Major Dean's picture

Yeah when I eat the dairy alot, my nasties get pale and very smelly. And the ass odor seems to linger most of the day even though I force the tidy bowl man to wash my ass.

Markie J's picture

Pretty much, the best thing yo can do is to use baby wipes - as many have already said. One wipe with TP, a few with the wipes, then finish with one TP. It's a little funny to have a shit wiping technique, but I find it hilarious that some peeps would go as far as to sprinkle power on their asses.

Personally, I always designate my shits so that I can shower right afterwards. It's become a subconscious eating schedule that fits perfectly in my life :)

Ps. I wish shit was transparent and odorless.

Anonymous Coward's picture

this is hilarious

Doo Doo Brown!'s picture

Here we go, I'm not sure if anyone has suggested this but using deodorant in between the cheeks as well as around the sack completely eliminates odor. But it's important to choose the right deodorant. I've always used (since about 9th grade) a roll on deodorant and applied it after every shower. Guys, this method is VERY EFFECTIVE. I'm able to take dumps and my butt still smells fresh. In fact, I once challenged my friends to see whose but smells the cleanest. No one wanted to play, but that's besides the point. The moral of the story is that I had the confidence to say "HEY! There's a 99% probability my butt smells better than yours."

I'm glad I'm finally able to share this with someone. Thank you for that.

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