Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have the solution for everyone and it helps a GREAT deal. Yo fuckin ass stinks, so get over it :)

I got big clumps of shit in my anus's picture

Can somebody give me a rag so i can clean the god awful smell of shit out of my ass, maybe some tweezers but that may hurt, maybe I need to have an anal evacuation.

Hafiz Sameer Khan's picture

Hi there.Really guys u all just asking questions but gettin no answers or cumin to any conclusions.I have the correct answer here.y wipe ur butt wit jus toilet paper.Dats still leavin da crap behind .The answer lies with water.Water is clean in nature and can easily remove impurity.I am a muslim from South Africa.I dnt ever hav any of these problems.Islam teaches alot about cleanliness.And we are against terrorism.If mayb u cud jus read bout islam and look at it in detail.You will all be contented in ur lives.I use water to wash my genitals and i use water to wash my butt.and rememba water is flowin n its removin da impurities.Trust me i swear to God der is no smell.Jus try it ul feel so much cleaner and healthier and it is important to wash ur hands always whether u r urinating or defecating.Islam is da perfect solution.Dnt judge.If u want to knw da process of dis cleansin email me at hfzsam@gmail.com

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Well, of course many of the posters are going to ask for help. They are frustrated and don't have anywhere else to go. However, many people also wrote in to say what worked for them and gave suggestions for cures. Did you bother to actually read the entire thread?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I don't think reading is really his strong suit, Daphne.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

i'm da paady poopa!'s picture

Yeah, we all stink but lots less when it's a clean break. I'm on the "apple a day keeps the stink away" plan. It helps to keep on a poop schedule too. I used to have to play video games on my phone to relax enough to crap so maybe the anxiety meds idea isn't so crazy. Doing anything to make the idea of stinking fade helps loads. I used the Tucks which is a witch hazle wipe, ahh. Refreshing!. And I stopped drinking the starbucks because my star point was sweating so bad I thought I was getting diaper rash. Oh yeah,thanks for the "toss the tighty whities and get some boxers idea". it's too easy to not take care of yourself and get to the point where your posting about stank mitigation. Thank Poop Master General! This shit's for you!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hey, everyone deodrant works. sensitive skin type, and wipe on inner butt cheeks. Your butt will not stink and you won't be embarrassed. It is summer and we are all going to sweat, but there is a difference between clean sweat and stinky sweat. clean sweat, just out of shower and you are outside and you sweat, stinky sweat, you get up take a shit don't shower and then go on with your day, day old sweat, night sweat, butt stink and sweat, and new day sweat equals stinky sweat. in your car carry a thing of baby wipes, or flushable wipes, some deodrant, and just in case an extra pair of underwear. Guys don't wear white on a date....non one likes to see skid maks, and if your undies have them, THROW THEM OUT. and yes, shave your privates or closely trim them.

Butt aches's picture

Hey Everyone. I have got this problem now myself.
Drives me nuts. I was watching a natural cure show and heard that it was a bacteria coming from the colon. Yet I forgot the cure. Has anyone got that cure?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

You might be referring to a yeast problem. Try active culture yogurt and start using psyllium husk in your diet.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

yomammapajama's picture

dude, everyone has a smelly ass.
go to the doctor people.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Noooo, everybody's ass does NOT stink. If it does, you've got some issues. You're either unclean, are ill, or have a terrible diet. It can be fixed!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hey PopeChronicV, If your stools are black and stinky and you see blood, uh, yeah, you have a big problem and you need to see a doctor pronto. I hope you have by now. Blood in poop is the funkiest stinkiest gagging make you vomit smell that poop can have. You my friend should go to the ER if you can't get in to see a doc immediately. It sounds very serious.

African boy, one doesn't have to be muslim to know how to use water for cleansing. Jesus Christ is the living God. The river of life flows from His throne and anyone who comes to Him will be cleansed of all sin, not just poop.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I wonder if a buttocks stinks if there are three festering eyeballs in the bowels. Stinky ganggreen butt.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Anonymous Coward's picture

I have this problem because of a hemhorroid that developed when I was 8 years old due to constipation (my body does not absorb water properly, no matter how much I drink). Unless it flares up,the "roid" is small enough to hide just inside the hole, but nonetleless always prevents the butthole from closing properly. I don't see any stains on my underwear, but judging from the smell when I 'test' with a cleen sheet of TP, a tiny amount of something (natural ass moisture!) must be leaking out. I have been putting a small piece of napkin between my cheeks to keep the 'NAM' from mingling with sweat and smelling worse or spreading.

But the most important thing regardless of cause of ass odor, I think, is washing your ass every time you shit or fart. That forces shit particles and smelly ass moisture outside tour ring every time. You shit,you smell. You fart,you smell. It's that simple.

Here's a less well known fact. Commercial soap, as well as scrubbing, will break the body's natural acidity barrier that actually prevents odor (go tell that to the companies that make billions by selling it to you). You need to find something else, like baking soda (the gritty texture removes particles better than soap), or something with natural antibacterial properties that will deep-clean but not irritate the sphincter.

By the way, after trying all kinds of fibre, laxatives and medications without success, I solved my constipation 25 years later with one thing ... Magnesium supplements. Apparently they draw water in the intestine, which was the only reason for my consipation.

Also, if you feel a burning after spicy foods, it is always becauase of a roid. If they're small, most people don't even know they have em, but this is the way to tell.

Too lazy sign up's picture

Get more bulkier poos by having a high fiber diet, eat stuff high in fiber, and drink lots of water.

Try to drink 2 glasses of water or juice 20-30 minutes before eating any meal to aid in digestion, and by clearing out the stomach and starting of smaller intestine, the body can properly digest the meal assuring that there isn't excessive bacteria activity, and just generally it comes out cleaner.

Try to hydrate before eating meal so you can avoid drinking too much during and atleast one hour after a meal.

Try letting a pinch of bakingsoda sit in a glass of water for a couple of minutes and drink before bed.

I used to be the shittiest smelling person at the highschool. Now I don't smell so much, and I can get a job.

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points

Dude. Get some nail clippers, latch onto that pesky 'roid, and just rip the little fucker off. Problem solved, and a fortune saved in witch doctor's drugs that are probably doing you more harm than good.

_______
"...you guys are missing the genius of Turdgutson's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch!" - SamDamnit

"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Congratulations, TT. You just made my asshole pucker!

_______
Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Butty Raider's picture

Mate I've heard from gays a tip to be extra clean down there (coz that's all they have). You gotta flush that anus with high pressure water. And out coz take a nice clean dump before.

As for me I shave my anus hairs off completely,clean my ass 5x in the shower like I got OCD. When I get outta the shower I stuff some tissue up my buttcrack why I'm drying meself, that totally dries up both buttcrack and anus. If I am not having sex later, I sprinkle any perspirant powder there.

Tried and works.

Smelling Good!'s picture

I read a lot of people say in this site that everyones ass stinks.
Well i can guarantee you that's not the truth.
I'm not Arab, like some guys here say they are, but my family has this habit that i'll share with you, wich has some simple rules:
1 - Never shit outside home (i have NO problem AT ALL doing this, one time a day is absolutely enough for me)
2 - After pooping always wash your butt with water. I think paper is absolutely GROSS.
Sometimes i have to poop out of home and no mather how hard i clean i always feel dirty and my butt burns! So, if you're going to have a shower after you poop, no problem; if not, wash it in that thing (i don't know it's name in English) that somebody use to wash the feet (it looks like a toilet but it's smaller has no cover and has a tap) with water and soap.
I never had any smell problem, and i can absolutely guarantee you that my butt smells as good as any other parts of my body.

Smelling Good!'s picture

I would also like to say that your diet is very important. I have a typical Mediterranic diet, because i live in Portugal.
Everytime i eat Fast-Food or French Fries, or something that's not that good for health, my poop smells so bad that it even kills the flies xD.
So try to always have a good diet and not eat fried stuff. IMO grilled, boiled, roasted or stewed food is much better tasting and it is very healthy.
A good Mediterranic diet is composed by Tomato, Onion, Garlic, Pimento (AKA Cherry Pepper), grilled fish and meat. Instead of French Fries, eat Boiled Potatoes, or Rice.

tarkus's picture

My ass smells great. I've often been told that by dates and spouse. And why? Because like the muslims I USE WATER. My toilet is next to my tub. I have a high power hand held shower attachment which i use to rinse off the filth. A lot comes off andyou realize that with paper you are just smearing it around. Outside home I drench toilet paper wiht water but it is not as good. Some pieces of shit go down the drain which seems gross, but if you run the tub for 30 seconds it all gets swept away down the pipes.

I also wash my ball sack and in between my balls and thighs, using hte same system .

TRY WATER.

guat's picture

I haved decent hygene. I wipe my ass with dry paper, then use wet paper, then back to dry. I use baby wipes, antibacterial if i have any. I have used talc afterwards too. Sometime i add soap with my wet toilet paper. My asshole gets irritated after two days of not showering, a way of saying that I need a shower. also, it is good to user bleach of your undies , colored safe bleach on your boxers or not white. kills bacteria along with the detergent. shwoer daily , sticking the soap bar in your a$$hole. Or use a rag with lots of soap, foamy. Other good idea is to shave. the hair is point less, it makes for faster wipes when your butt is bald. Someone mentioned sahmpooing your seats, chairs anything your may put your butt on, that is a good idea, lots of soap and boiling water should do the trick.

Anonymous Coward's picture

This site makes one proud to be part of the human race *rolls eyes*

Anonymous Coward's picture

People I am muslim but not saying that you have to do it cuz muslims do it but for butt sake try using water. I just cnt believe how u ppl cn just use paper eugh! it feels all dirty.

* TRY WASHING UR BUTT AFTER SHIT FOR A CHANGE *
* PPL HERE ARE DESPERATE AND ASKING FOR SOLUTION SO HERE IS 1, TRY TO DO IT AND DEFO IT WILL WORK, MY ASS HAS NEVER SMELLED IN 25 YEARS*
* YOU HAVE GOT NOTHIN TO LOSE TRY DOING IT AND IF YOU DONT GET RESULTS JUST LEAVE IT *
* AFTER SHIT WASH UR BUTT AND DEN USE DRY PAPER AND YOU WILL BE GOOD AS GOLD IF NOT STAY HAPPY WITH THAT STINKY DIRTY BUTT OF YOURS *

SpoiledRotten's picture

This site is so hilarious that it just brightened my day! I must say that my ass is stinking too and that is why I was visiting this site. However, through some of the smarter, more serious responses I have learned maybe how to control the ass stinking problem. Here is what I have came up with: Num 1 I need to lose some weight.. My ass is soo damn big that my butt cheeks dont allow the ass to get air so that it can breath.. Num 2 washing the ass with baking soda once a day should help control sweating and odor, and also maybe using a stick of powder like deodorant in-between the butt cheeks should control sweating.. and finally, Using water on the toilet paper after each dump or using moist wipes will definately control odor and shaving in between the checks to stop hair from trapping the odor should result in a fresh smelling ass.. Also, Everyone, WE ALL HAVE STINKY ASSES! WHAT WE DO ABOUT IT IS KEY.. AND TO THE PERSON WHO WROTE THAT HER BOYFRIEND HAS STINKY BALLS...Well, he is not wiping his ass correctly and the shit is sticking to his balls, tell his stanky ass to SHAVE HIS BALLS COMPLETELY, and to wipe his ass with a wet towellet after each dump and tell him to wipe from front to back!

Anonymous Coward's picture

For me, diarrhoea use to be a real shock and indicate I had a stomach bug. Now days its part of my life because I quite simply drink to much alcohol. It turns my shits really dark and I quite commonly have an explosive session in the toilet. As a result I have to wipe constantly. An average wipping session for me is probably half a roll of toilet paper. And in some older toilets, it clogs it up bad (I live in Australia and we have little water in the toilet which causes it to clog easier). On that note, when I was in the US i found myself constantly dipping my hands into you big bowls of water, I wanted to know if you guys had this problem too but was too ashamed to ask anyone. I use to live in a house with detachable shower rose which was good, cos after a huge shit i'd run to the shower and spray warm water up there. It worked a charm, unfortunatly where i live now i dont have that luxury, so i just use more toilet paper. To get a solid shit these days is a bit of a rarety but whats worse is the fact im a 21 year old living with my folks and my mum is constantly nagging me about the mess i make of the toilet and the amount of toilet paper i use. Its quite pathetic for a grown man to have his mother harassing him about his bowel movements, but its a mothers job i guess.

All in all. My Ex use to think my ass stank but it all depends how much you fart and shit around people. Most the people I meet wouldnt even know i cant even shit properly, so its all about how well you hide it.

Love the deodourant idea, will be sure to try that tomorrow after my shower. And muslim, christian, athiest etc, you should all be spraying a little warm water up there every now and then. :-) have a shitty day ;-)

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Wow, AC, maybe you should quit drinking so much.

SpoiledRotten's picture

HEY EVERYBODY, I HAVE GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!

EVERYBODY DOES NOT HAVE A STINKY ASS!!!!! I Have successfully tried the DEODORANT and am happy to report that IT WORKS WONDERS......

Lastnight after a thourough cleaning in the shower, I used DOVE FRESH SCENT deodorant by applying it in-between both butt cheeks.. and smearing it AROUND THE HOLE, NOT IN IT BECAUSE THIS MAY CAUSE SOME PROBLEMS LATER ON... AS DEODORANT HAS ALUMINUM IN IT, speaking of... I am going to the store today to find deodorant that does not have aluminum in it and will use that everyday...

ANYWAY, WHEN I CHECKED FOR ODORS TODAY, OH MY GOD, MY BUTT ACTUALLY HAD ZERO ODOR AND HAD A NICE PLEASANT SCENT TO IT...even tho I had gas this morning and farted throughout the morning..LOL. And,for those of you who have a HAIRY ASS, please just shave that hair from in-between your butt cheeks, because hair holds odors and moisture.. and moisture results in a STINKY ASS! - JUST TRY THE DEODORANT AND SMELL THE DIFFERENCE!

the sol's picture

All you need to do is two things. First take a shower and scrub your ass well enough to get all the shit out, but it will still stink. Second take a hefty amount of cornstarch and put it in your ass and along the sides of your crack. Cornstarch deodorizes EVERYTHING!!!!!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Not too much cornstarch or on a hot day youll have crack sweat pudding.
Oh god......

Big Dave's picture

Hey everyone. I use to lead a nice normal life with healthy pooing but now days its just a mess. I havent done a solid shit in months. Why am I faced with this mess every time i sit on the bowl. Have anyone got a similar problem, i would really like to fix this without going to a doctor

diane's picture

all bottoms smell.just wash regular and clean your teeth

uAteTheBadClams's picture

mine neber does - i is always clean and nice to smell

ROFL's picture

lol,

I just laughed my ass off for 15 min straight reading this!

TY All!

Happy Butt's picture

In Japan there are really fun toilets that clean one's @rse by shooting water up there. Be sure to wipe first!

Anonymous Coward's picture

For all the retards that are saying "wash ur ass after u have a crap and u will not stink"..... well thx for the info captain obvious. after years of this problem do u not think that we havnt tried that? gezzz.

I shower after every crap and i dont smell until about an hour later when i notice moisture inbetween my ass cheeks. I never have any crap there or "skids" in my pants but always a lil damp.

That is the problem i have and lots of others have that causes the odour and NOT bad ass cleaning after a crap.

hairy donut's picture

I spray my ass with fly spray and then the flies eat the shit dags off

Anonymous Coward's picture

Trimethylaminuria is a fish malador syndrome. It causes you to smell like fish, fecal matter or most times what you eat. It's pointless to go to doctors b/c they'll tell you it's psychological. Your family can't smell it and most of the time you can't but other people can and they make fun of you b/c of it. There's no cure. This happens b/c our bodies can't break down cobine, most people can but for the others like me, it causes a very stink, embarrassing smell. I've had it for 6 years now and went to high school on a off for 3 years b/c of it, I almost dropped out. I never went to my prom or even graduation. I'm holding off going to college b/c of it.

freddurst's picture

hey I had a really bad problem with my smelly ass and I had always been a smoker. What im saying is that if you've tried everything just try blowing cigarette smoke on that area. I am definitely not saying to start smoking but it is a safe alternative that really covers up the smell.

Titan's picture

Stanky poop chute a problem? Call your doctor and get yourself set up for a colonascopy! First, they'll tell you not to eat anything but zoup and fruit juice two days before. Then they give you this really tasty stuff to take with the zoup and juice the day before. This will clean you out fairly well as you spend the bulk of the day on the shitter dumping all the crap you ate the day before you started the zoup and juice routine. This in itself should do a decent job of getting all the old crap outta ya, but in case there's anything left they'll have you lie down on the exam table, then shove a nine-foot tube up your ass. Not the most pleasant thing, but ask 'em if they'll use the French tickler head, just for the hell of it. They'll some water and a bunch of air up your ass. This is key.....the air inflates your bowels, straightening all the little folds that are keeping hold on little bits and pieces of crusty old five and ten year-old turds. I suspect these gnarly, festering old tidbits are what's causing your problem. When they are finished reaming your insides they yank the hose back out and all those newly released shitbits will come out with it. Then they'll have you go into the bathroom where you'll fart out all the gas and water they pumped up there. Once you've finished with this procedure, change your eating habits. Eat nothing but salad, edible flowers and juice from then on and all your poops will come out smelling like roses!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hello,

Everytime after lunch at school i began to have a sweaty ass, then in later classes im asked if i "farted" but i know i haven't. Please give me some ideas on this.

Elephant's picture

All those people who write they sweat must be really fat.

fuken butt smell's picture

hey people... im very upset and embarresed but i to have a prob with butt smell i have been to the doc have had all the studies done ive even had a cam up my ass and theres nuthing wrong...i shower daily and when i shower i scrub my asshole aswell after i take a dump i have a bidet so i clean with toilet paper then with soap again...i really dont know wots rong with me and its already cost me a job and practicly made me afraid of going out in public... please can someone help

John Bielevicz's picture

I love this site. I didnt realize so many people had the old ass leak, smelly ass problem. I have found a lot of good advice in here. My ass is done after the first shit! I can wash and clean all I want, once I break that seal it is over. Stinky sweaty smelly ass. It drives me crazy. Sometimes I will get a wash cloth and warm water in the middle of the day and just go to town wiping it...I wish there were listerine like patches to place on the rectum and as they melt away they produce a fresh clean smell as well as a tingly good feeling.

Lawrence's picture

Hi All,

I love this site.
This is my new daily lol.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Lawrence, while we welcome you whole-heartedly, we must insist that "lol's" are not allowed. Please stick to the more appropriate "lmao" or "lmfao".

Thank you
Management

stinkyatwork's picture

To block bad ass scent at work, I wipe at least 20 times, then stick some toilet paper in my crack to absorb the smell and sweat.

Anonymous Poohead's picture

It is amazing that this thread has been going strong for almost six years. It shows the importance relevance of this topic.

Also friggin' hilarious! keep up the good work.

Chili Dip's picture

The only question I had before I found this site was "How can I keep my ass from stinking?" No matter what I do it smells. I can wait until right after I take a shit, then push my asshole up against the jet in the jacuzzi to get everything out of there, and an hour after I'm done I'm right back to my sweaty, stinky, shitty, nasty ass reeking self.

No one ever says anything about it when I'm out but I can tell they can smell me. I know I'm at the height of stink when I can feel my ass cheeks sliding around. I wipe my ass every time I use the bathroom to no avail. It's like I have no "sfincta" control or something. Oh yeah: I have good healthy shits alright. It's the dribbling afterward that makes me infamous. Hence the name Chili Dip.

So, after finding this site, I had my hopes up. Maybe I could finally stop the acid waft that tickles the nostrils of those around me. But NO. You are all joking about it. This is no joke. Ass stink has made me a marked man.

MY ASS STINKS.

After reading for a while I found the post where the guy said he used ARRID deodorant to keep his ass from stinking. So I tried it a few minutes ago.

Now I smell like ARRID with PUNGENT ASS aroma. Not only that, but MY ASS IS BURNING LIKE SOMEONE LIT A FIRE UNDER THERE. OH MY GOD! DON'T DO IT!

So, here I am. My ass is on fire. It stinks. And the dribbling never stops. I think the only way to stop the stink is to buy a portable bidet or something. I can't carry around wet wipes because the container is too big. Besides, they don't flush well. Tried it. Have you ever flushed a wet nap that clogged the commode, then called the janitor to help out? In he walks with a plunger, thinking "Ok, fine, another stinkin' job", but when he starts plunging and gagging at the same time, well, you know I feel just terrible about it.

There is no cure for a reeking ass. And whatever you do, don't try that deodorant thing. Jesus, my ass is burning like crazy.

Have a nice day.

thedoors83's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have the same problem as JONNYYY can any1 help me plz ive lived with this bad smelling order for three years and when i go to school I cant concetrate cause oof this crap and especially when the teacher tells us to stand up all the people cover their noses cause of my bad smell i feel like suiciding sometimes PLZZZ HELP

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