Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

And I'm almost certainly convinced that you are neither a Muslim, nor familiar with the bible, (or the English language or punctuation, for that matter), so get back to your crayons and tell mommy you were bad, playing on her computer with her knowledge.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ihave never read anything so hilarious in all my fuckin 40 years of life. I wish all i HAD WAS AN ASS ISSUE. My girlfriend is in denial of having severe pubic acne. She's douching with pro-active solution. Talk about denial ?

calin's picture

i think the stinky ass problem is mostly based on physical compatibility.. or genetic or whatever..
if u think someone smells all the time, then that someone is probably not very much physicaly compatible with you.. but i honestly imagined that if one person stinks, then the other person should also think that that one person stinks.. did i say that right?
it's all in the genes, in the character, in the lifestyle.. so if u eat shit (e.g. fast food) i'm guessing u'll smell like it.. DOWN WITH THE CORPORATE MOTHERF*CKERS!

Anonymous Coward's picture

im a girl and i just wanted to know how can i make sure my ass is clean before i have sex. my boyfriend wants to have anal sex but im just nervous about it. what's the secret people?

Chief Thunderbutt's picture

The best way to insure the freshness of your pooper is to gently clean the oriface with a very very softbristled toothbrush. My dentist gives me a new brush twice a year and I demote the old one to asshole duty. Be very gentle and use a mild liquid soap. You can clean inside slightly (don't jam the brush in the whole lenth of the handle). Do this after each poop and you can kiss both skid marks and butt
stench goodbye.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I guess I'm becoming jaded. "Brush your asshole," you say? Hmmn. Whatever.

I am more bothered by the fact that you only change your MOUTH toothbrush twice a year.

asscrackdigsayhuh's picture

Back in junior high school we had a guy that was the king of farts, the best I ever witnessed was when we were all sitting around on the gym floor listening to another motivational bullshit speech from the coach when this guy presses his ass on the floor and rips one off that was at least five or six seconds long.We were all rolling around on the floor laughing our asses off.Needless to say this guy became a legend, he was the only guy that I ever knew that could suck air into his ass cavity, just like a person does when they make themselves burp and fart on que.The funny thing was , these farts still smelled like a regular fart.He was so talented that in the shower he could actually suck water into his ass and shoot it out, I saw him do that! Well the point is ...if we all could do that it sure would clean out the old shit factory.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Yeah I only use 2 flushes and a full roll of toilet paper. Sometimes I get that dirty dry arse smell you know what I mean.

sexiimix's picture

umm does any of this work i mean seriously and im not too curious about that part but more along the linesz of a p3ni$ smelling like pee wen u just go...itsz a very annoying smeel =/

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

sexiimix, p3ni$ smelling like pee? You're not supposed to pee on one of those. Everyone knows that isn't funny.

My hemroids hurt's picture

I think I have a bowel problem. I shit almost 20 times a day but yet I don't eat much. I have hemroids due to shitting so much. I like to eat things that are spicy and hot, so hence my shits burn. Which makes my ass sore every single day. So I started videotaping my hemroids to look at them daily. I noticed my ass was so hairy. I thought for a second that maybe it hurts so much cause the pubic hair is piercing my hemroids. So I decided to shave my ass. And now I regret it. Not only does my ass burn but now it itches too !

girl's picture

I am dying...laughing.
wow... the sober and drunken replies are quite simply captivating. I couldnt stop reading.

LOLLERBLADEZZ's picture

dont listen to these people that say scrub your ass with a toothbrush. and why would you get religion into this. lol your ass has nothing to do with religion. what worked for me was if you shoved a lemon up your ass. NO JUST KIDDING, you had to use it on your douche. are you people serious?

btw, my butt crack use to be bright red, i think it was an infection. i use anti fungal cream which seems to minimize the odor. but i dont have much gas, just like a normal person i guess, and i dont think i have problems with constipation. i have good hygiene but i smell like shit. AW MAN.

Shitting the Ass Fantastic's picture

spit on the toilet paper and rub it around. its a natural degreaser. have a nice day and cut the crap people!

Ibn Aswad's picture

[Muslim (not verified)-06.04.2007] is correct. The arabic is transliterated "Istinjaa". It means removing filth from the body. It is the common muslim practice to use water to wash the anus and surrounding area after defecation and penis/vulva after urination. Women are encourage to use the process during menstruation as well. As a matter of fact I was introduce to the practice by a Pakistani Brother who told me that once I did it for a week I would never feel clean again without doing it. I keep a empty plastic water bottle at work and the same at home. I put a few drops of soap in the bottle then warm water. I do a primary wipe with dry toilet paper, then with wet toilet paper, then use the remaining water to completely wash my anal area. I then gently pat dry with dry toilet paper. Afterwards the follow-on practice is called "Wudoo". Muslims wash both their hands, rinse out their mouths, rinse out ther nostrils, wash their face and arms, wipe over their heads and behind the ears and finally either wash their feet or wipe over the feet or socks. This cleansing ritually prepares them for the next of their five daily prayers.

assholecharlie's picture

well i used to have a real stinky asshole and then one day quite a few years ago i started putting deoderant on it when i got out of the shower and now it smells like freakin roses. try it youll like it and if you use an antipersperant it wont sweat either.

Outsider's picture

I'm suffering the same problem sometimes. I thinks so. I hope I'm just paranoid. Can be few years without, then my inner demons take over again.

Don't know what is it about. I'm considering to go to doctor. I've done practically everything else. I wash my crack and hole intensely with lots of soap. I do the same thing to the rest of my body. I floss and use mouthwash.

Btw, mates. One useful advice. Don't fart with your pants on. That has helped me a lot. I have a theory that the gas may have so strong smell that it stays in your clothes. Just dry your clothes in a cowbarn and then smell them. See? Bad air really sticks in fabric.

And don't use underpants that sink into your crack. Shave your butthear. Sit with your cheeks together. Train your butt muscles. Wipe with wet paper, if no baby wipes avaible.

Then, go to therapy. I do. Any freaky body odours and any other unpleasant body functions may be psychosomatic. Some part of you may be trying to tell you something through your body. Listen to it and, when needed, hire a therapist to interpret the message.

I'll figure out what is it, why is it and what to do to it, or is it at all? Am I just imagining all this shit?

Anonymous Coward's picture

try a bath and not a shower just don't wash your face

Anonymous Coward's picture

Got tired today of my rank-ass stench, which seems to be continually present, despite being a normally clean and normal human being. I noticed that my ass still reeked even after taking a shower and scrubbing it thoroughly. (The rankness must have been absorbed into the skin itself.) So after taking a shower, I slathered it all up with isopropyl alcohol. I've used alcohol before as a disinfectant,...and it works GREAT on stinky feet. But the rip-roaring 5-alarm fire was a whole new experience that I did not expect. Good thing the euphoria only lasts about 30 seconds or so. I'll begin doing this on a regular basis (1-2 times a week), and we'll see what happens. It must work if it hurts that bad.

xXpOpuLaRinjerSeYXx's picture

my ass stinks every day at school. im a freshman in highschool, even though i have really good hygiene i still smell not like shit. its like a really bad spicy smell i start to get during 1st period when i sit down for about 15. i take showers every day i wipe my ass and i clean my body atleast 200 scrubs every time i put on deoderant and body spray. this stench is really strong. one time it was so strong the whole class smelled. they were all gagging. the teacher smelled it and sent me to nurse. help pls!

anusstench1's picture

Maybe you have to eat less food and more asparagas or enchilatas.

weigh439pounds's picture

im so ashamed like poular in jersey. i'm also in high school. one day i had to take a dodoo and when i did it was atleast longer than 15in. i was farting so badly during. i wiped, good, washed my hands, and walk out the door. moments later i heard gagging. i look back there was 2 kids puking and every one else gagging and coughing. then everyone in the hallway started yelling out oh god something stinks so badly. some one help me too

wpw's picture

The only thing I do is shave my hair once a month. I used baby wipes, anti bacterial. Plus I use body powder. either show-to shower or what ever other talc you can find. I put a shit load(no pun intended) on and pat my ass with the powder. Other times I have used sanitizer but that craps stings like hell!

Doctor Doctor's picture

I am amazed at the level of ignorance in this world. People use a term, such as "hot shit," profusely, and never given a thought as to where the term came from. I am even more ashamed of the field of proctology, who should at least recognize its own disease / problem.

The concept of "hot shit" actually refers to the condition of human feces being so full of acidity that, if allowed to make contact with non-anal area human flesh, can literally burn a hole into it!

The "hot shit" condition actually means what it says, and it is (and I'm sure Preparation H folks wouldn't want everyone knowing this) what is involved in the "hot" felt anal burning condition that people mistake for hemorrhoids and the like conditions.

It comes about because the digestive and intestinal tract begins to produce large quantities of acid - to break down food substances, produces much more than is needed, which winds up as excrement, and starts burning, and I mean literal burning, in the anal area, causing much pain.

While many proctologists think themselves to be "hot shits" in the rhetorical sense, they have done little, over the years, to combat the problem, and definitely have done little to relieve hemorrhoid medicine producers' pocketbooks by telling the public what is actually going on "behind the scenes."

In searching the Internet, I could hardly believe that not one person seemed to have a clue as to where the term actually came from in the first place, let alone any information on how to help people get relief from it.

This is just a tip for some of you out there. While the term "hot shit" may be funny as a joking around kind of thing, it is anything but funny to millions of sufferers who routinely have it, don't realize it, and don't know what to do about it. by Doctor Doctor.

My name is Troy's picture

I think I am a little weird, At least my fiance says I am. I mean I absolutley love taking a shit. I mean when I feel a poop coming on I actually hold it in and push at the same time and it is the most relaxing feeling ever. I will do this for hours and sometimes a day or 2. I actually shit when my girlfriend is really getting disguisted or when I have shit my pants(which happens often). Am I weird? Hell I dont care, I love it!!!

mr.meme's picture

my ass but don't smell no more. i use brillo pads. after i wash my dishes. i clean my butt
and i'm good to go. don't forget wash dishes first.

Anonymous Coward's picture

How does one shave one's pubes and happy trail properly to keep the man happy?

It works's picture

Ok, I've has the same sweaty ass problem...I use Degree Clinical deodorant..which blocks your sweat pores..it works!! Ocationally I stll might sweat...but it improved it a lot...

Anonymous Coward's picture

Actually a very good solution is to put a dab of gasoline, gun powder or lighter fluid on the anus. Light a match and odor gone. It will smell of burnt flesh but you like steak don't you? Why do think they call it rump roast?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well you've really lite him up!

The Smelly Girl!!'s picture

Hi everybody!I'm so depressed,because i also have this problem for the past 1 and a half year!i shower twice a day but i still smell horible, i smell like i just made a fart! i can not take it enymore.a girl in my class constantly tells me i stink in front of the whole class,then i just want to cry. i tried to powder my ass, but that doesn't work so good for me. i have lots and lots of perfume and when i perfume myself the stinky smell seems to go away... for a while!!please if enyone have a solution or cure for this please post it on this website!!It's horrible to smell this way and other people can not understand our situation...i mean i'm a realy clean girl!!please HELP ME!!

Sgt. Shitski's picture

Ok, the absolute worse is getting out of the shower, thinking you got this butt smell licked.You place hand in crack of ass and the moment of truth. Hand to nose, WTF??!! Shit smell id on the tip of nose now. Gotta wash ass hands and face all over. I got some great tips in here thanks

Anonymous Coward's picture

After you wipe your ass with toilet paper, make sure you WASH it with water too. Otherwise nasty odors will remain. At home when you poop and finish wiping, go to the tub and shower your ass. I always do that and my ass never stinks. The problem is that TP is unable to remove 100% fecal stains and the leftover when dries up, releases nasty odors. This is the problem you have. But when you wash it with water after TP, the leftover that could not be removed by TP is washed away.

DerkDingleberry's picture

Hi y'all, my name is George and I am a victim of stank ass...

QnA's picture

Hmmm, I have that problem to i was wondering if someone could help me im 15 years old wiegh about 200 and i have this musk ass smell every day in school and i can see that people have trouble with me when i sit there because its a very strong smell its not like a shit smell well sometimes it is i take showers every morning and i do take alot of shits but i wipe really good and i try to clean my ass with water bending over in the shower that gets rid of the shit smell but while im sitting down and its even a little hot ill have this wiered smell coming from my ass not a shit smell just like sweat thats always there

Anonymous Coward's picture

I find a good ass-wipe is mouthwash.Seriously guys, women will be drawn to your sweet smelling anus.

clean pussy's picture

i am female and the only time my ass ever stinks is after my boyf has been inside it.

Anonymous Coward's picture

200 pound person, if you are overweight, you're going to stink, if you weigh 200 and you're short, then that is your problem. Fat people stink, I know this, I am fat too.

Lose weight!!!

anal me  :)'s picture

All this is just too funny I dont mean to laugh at you all but the way you describe it is funny.

Anonymous Coward's picture

EVERYONES BOTTOM SMELLS BAD. mine smells, YOURS smells, dont deny it everyone!
.. come on ..
lets sing the poop song..

Anonymous Coward's picture

I am in the same club. After about one day without a shower, my ass smells like cheese. I havent had a shower for three days now and I am sitting here and my ass is reeking. If I stand up I catch wind of it... so it must be pretty bad if I can smell my own stench. It smells like a sharp feta or provolone cheese. It has that same sort of punge. With a little bit of dog thrown in. I went to the grocery store yesterday so I was about two days into it and I believe I may have offended someone because while I was in line at the check out, I noticed that the person behind me was keeping some serious distance.

I hear females have like a ten times better sense of smell than we guys do. No wonder I cant get any action lately.

But the really weird thing is that I think I kind of enjoy the smell in a way.

I have to agree about the overweight thing somewhat, since I am fat myself. But even when I was thin, my ass could build up some serious cheese stench, but the time required was like an entire week or two without a shower but even then, the degree of punge was way less. In fact, I recall only one time when I could smell myself without actually trying to.

Anonymous Coward's picture

y'all are ridiculous!

stinkerspotter's picture

why dont people acknowledge that everyones ass stinks ? even the most famous or handsome or sexy or beutiful people have smelly assess . your next date will have a smelly ass. why not worry about this? we ignore this issue. we need to clean more thoroughly

Anonymous Manmeat's picture

Alright, I had this problem and found the solution. The whole smell thing revolves around anxiety. It started for me when I was really stressed out for college finals and was pulling all nighters to study. The stress kept building and one of the side effects of stress is the sharts. I smelled like ass for a whenever i got nervous about it. Well it got to the point that I constantly stunk. I mean it was really bad. For months I tried everything thinking that it was my ass that was making me stink, but nothing really worked. After the longest year of my life I used hemmhoridal ointment which helped relieve irritation. And the lifesaver, anxiety meds! Even on the meds it has taken a while to get back to normal but I am almost there. Now that I realize how mental my whole situation was. This is all I have, hope it helps. By the way everyones ass smells a little, you poop out of it for heavens sake. Just don't keep a focus on your ass, you miss out on everyting else. Don't scrub to intense either, it will cause irritation.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Use a clear alcohol-free Anti-Perspirant & Deoderant like Mitchum. It will keep your ass crack dry and smelling clean. Use wet wipes after you do #2. This works really well.

PopeChronicV's picture

Greetings

I have the chronic ass problem. (no pun forced).

I once didn't change for one day and went to work. I sat in a white pastic seat for an hour for a meeting. I heard people ask whatsthat bad smell. After the meeting I got up and literally saw a light brown streak on the seat -- shit from my ass by osmosis.

Mostly I wash well every day. Very well for 1/2 hour, especaily my ass. But I still have had problems. I notice when returning to my office after 1/2 hour I swear still smell the shit particles swirling around my seat from a fart.

I decided to wear a homemade undergarment -- plastic from a trash bag I stick up my asspipe and my but right after I shower. This greatly improves things, althought I still have odor every so often.

I wonder of the odor problem is releated to my dark stools I have. When I was younger that were lighter with less blood. Help me about this, I'm getting worried that maybe I have a big porblem.

ThunderingTurd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I would try either the Charmin wetwipes or have a poop-bag installed....

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Poopbag?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Coward's picture

My boyfriend's balls stink of shit. We have tried everything - luckily we found this site, and realised its a common problem. His balls are very hairy so I believe that the shit dries up on the balls and that is where the source of the problem lies. Needless to say, I have not been able to go down on him in weeks, as everytime I try I end up gorging up with sick. His ass hole doesnt smell as bad as the balls, so it is very peculiar. Does anyone else have this problem? Can you help us poopmaster?

BrownStar's picture

Very funny stuff - I suffer from all the above. No amount of wiping gets the crap out if there is still some matter left in the zone above the ring. I remember shitting footballs when I was a kid, now it is just a friggin gooey mess. I've taken to inserting a finger up my ass, so the sphincter has something to push on to get the last remnants, works sometimes. But then the finger is covered with crap and then that stinks like crap an no amount of washing gets that off. Every once in a blue moon, I'll drop a beauty and I give that one a 10 as no wiping required, no remanants, perfect size and form. But that alas is very rare. Mostly it is a 5 at best.

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