Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

// // 839 Comments
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ya'll could be suffering from Trimethylaminuria.
It's a metabolic disorder caused the certain foods we eat.

A quick "Google" search should yield lots of info.

Basically foods containg CHOLINE, LECITHIN, AND SOY should
be avoided, as these ingredients/properties whatever are
unable to be metabolized properly due to the liver lacking
a certain enzyme.

As for day-today hygiene use an exfoliating LIQUID soap.
"Dial Renew" is a good brand. Fuck a washcloth; all you need is your
hand.
I would take at least two showers after a bowel movement, 'bout 30
min. apart.

1) Try to have a bowel movement once a day.
2) Try to reserve your bowel movements for nighttime, before bedtime (to avoid a day of self-conscious social interaction.)

I will be here.

Shit stirrer's picture

Hi shitsters

Had the same problem for a few years. Try this product:Herbal Fibreblend, by a company called Aim. Best suppplement I ever took. Cures constipation and makes your stools solid if they're messy and u gotta wipe alot.I don't eat any fibre, I just take this shit once a day and my stools are formed really well.I'm pretty sure that it improves the stench, from peoples reactions. It works straight away too.I noticed with other forms of fibre,they take a while to be effective and alot of them make you fart more.This stuff is awesome, and doesn't give you gas.It's all herbs. Type it into google and read some testimonies. I know I'll be on it for life. Try it and tell us what you think

Da Butt Man's picture

This is Da Butt Man comin' at ya once again with.. "Da Butt News". Today on Da Butt, we have a hemroid popping up in the upcoming week. We also have some major swamp ass so be prepared for the worst. It's gonna be a hot, sweaty, humid ass so be sure you have air conditioning. Anywayz moving on to my story.. It started back in the 3rd grade. I was known as "The Fart Master 2000". My farts were known to drive the whole crowd in the cafeteria away. My farts were stinky, wet, loud, and very entertaining. Anywayz i was in math class acting really retarded at age 8. I had this huge fart building up, o my god it was so big it was rupturing my stomach. Take in mind earlier that morning before school i wasnt feeling that well. So i pushed the fart out and it was loud and very very very wet. I mean it was really wet i felt hot shit coming out of my ass. So i went to the bathroom, pulled my pants and my underwear down and found this huge pile of shit about the size of cow dung in my underwear. Take in mind these were still my whitey tidey days. So i took my underwear off and threw it on the bathroom floor, i took a shit, wiped my ass, cleaned myself off and went about my day. The next class everyone was talking about the shitty underwear in the bathroom. It was so great. I became a legend in that school to this day, only nobody knew that it was me..... But people are still saying to this day... "I wonder who's Shitty underwear that was....." That concludes this story and if you excuse me, i got to go hose off my ass cuz it needs cleaning. Thanx for tuning in into another exciting edition of "Da Butt News".. This is Da Butt News signing off saying EAT DA BUTT!!!!!!!

immanual kunt's picture

i smell like shit. i think sometimes worse than others. i used to have dreads so i thought it might have been them. it wasnt. i get theses things sometimes called tonsil stones that come outta the back of my throat. when you crush them they smell like shit. i dont know whether it's my ass or nasal cavity that smells. but for the past year and a half i've been getting the whole "something smells like shit", "someone shit themselves", "something smells like a rotten shit and garbage buttshake". etc :(

Centrion's picture

I just eat a bunch of bananas and green apples and cereal. After about 10 farnts, it stops smelling no matter how hard u try. The bowels also stop smelling!

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points

One word folks, WASHLET

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Funk'nStuff's picture

To those of you who have the "stink" going on, often, it is not your fault. Many of you have offered some great advice. Along with other measures, try cleaning the area lightly with hydrogen peroxide.

I once had a hair that infected my belly button, the stink was horrid! My mother, who is also a nurse, had me clean it with hydrogen peroxide. It cleaned out the infection. I have never had the problem since (33 years and still no problem). I use it for my mouth (mixed with water)and other parts of my body. The stuff works, period. But use it wisely.

Good luck!

Anonymous Coward's picture

i know my ass stinks when i pull the ole shorts down to jack off the smell of my ass will give me a headache

Anonymous Coward's picture

Necrotizing bowel could be the problem. Let me know if you're dead in 12 hours.

OMFG ARRRGGHH's picture

I think I got this ass smelling problem but I don't know...EVERY SINGLE time when I'm around people, they kind of sniff, fake cough and they have this face like "ughh you smell". I guess they're trying to fan away the smell comming out of me or something...But anyways, and I take a shower at least once a day, every single day. After I take a dump, I use toilet paper and wipe my ass but after that, I put lotion on toilet paper then wipe my ass a few more times. It gets rid of the shit really good but people still act weird around me like I smell bad but I don't smell anything...I've tried everything including taking a shower every day and washing my ass crack, buy new clothes, use febreeze, etc...This shit has been haunting me for 6 years now man...

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Shave your ass and improve your diet. That should doo it.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Another anonymous coward's picture

Why does my shit smell not like shit? It smeels....well, I can't even say what? Just not like shit? It's been going on a while and nothing else seems wrong. Just smells weird.

Clean pee-pee's picture

Baby wipes (or wet wipes) are good for in between showers. I'm a chick so I put deodorant (not up there) but on the sides of my private. Inside of my legs. So you won't get as sweaty. And if you feel gross down there try NOXZEMA on your crack. And then use a baby wipe to take off.

You Ass Clowns's picture

This is the single most disturbing forum topic I have come across in the history of my reading shit (pun intended) on the web.

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points

Yeah, liquid is the way to go. Either baby wipes or bidet.

My ass used to smell to hell until i began using baby wipes. I was mad fun of all the time it was terrible.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

Anonymous Coward's picture

Smelly Ass is due to everyone taking showers and rubbing their shitter, the arse is not used to this, so goes into overdrive to get the germs back, they are supposed to be there. do dnot rubb them off

ReluctantConnaisseur's picture

In my experience, there are at least three kinds of butt stink.

The first is the obvious one, the one smells like shit itself. I rarely smell this from anyone--if so, it probably means they didn't wipe well.

The second is a more diffuse odor that is a little bit like bad breath. I smell this one fairly often, and unfortunately it's the one I have, unless I take care to use some type of wet wipe (baby wipe or tp moistened with rubbing alcohol) after every time I poop.

The third (the worst, IMO) adds bad breath plus a strong overtone of something cloying that I still can't ID. It may be a combination of anal fluid and something else; I don't know what that overtone is but this is by far the worst. And this is the one that gets transferred to upholstery, GAG.

I just applied three doses of Simple Solution (buy this at pet supply stores) to try to get the stink out from where an in-law sat on a chair. He drove for two days, probably without taking a shower during that time, and apparently didn't bring a change of jeans or (ugh) even undies. I don't want to say anything to him, but JEEZ MAN, CHANGE YOUR UNDIES AND JEANS EVERY DAY!

When my husband asked what I had done to that chair and why, he got a funny look on his face and said, "He has had that problem before" but became terse and defensive when I tried to find out what he meant by that.

The real problem is that the guy also sat in my husband's car (the seat where I normally sit), and I know he won't bother to de-stink it. He's gonna get a REALLY strange look on his face when I start putting layers of paper towels on it before I sit there...

THE CURE?'s picture

Hey me shitty mateys! I have the usual bad smell emanating from my butt hole, just like the rest of the cats on this thread. Upon reading all you guys (and girls) I came to the conclusion as to why I have that horrid rancid onion smell from my nether regions; when I take a shit I DON'T expell all of the fecal matter that is in my bowel. I have taken up to THREE shits a day and there is still a residual stool/smeary poop in my passage. I CAN'T get rid of this! Barring risking a serious case of piles. I then bath/shower and use a full role of TP. For a couple of hours I smell fine, but, having sat on a heat retaining surfaces (seats etc) or a run of the mill movement (ie walking etc) I can even FEEL the anus compressing the shit and then the smell is transfered to my pants etc. I sum up; the ONLY way to have a fully clean ass is to get rid of ALL the shit in your butt. Otherwise you are pissing in the wind. I would then summarise that a heathy diet is the way to go. But even with this in place I STILL CAN'T GET RID OF ALL THE SHIT! WE are all doomed to a shit smelling existance.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Clean Pee-Pee, you are nuts!
Who in the world would be stupid enough to put noxema in their ass?! That would burn your poor, stinky anus.

Just go with the shea butter and/or aloe Huggies baby wipes. They smell good and clean effectively.

whoa woggies's picture

This is too funny..do yo people have jobs..my ass doesnt stink and my coochie doesnt have cheese on it around it or in it.. how about them apples?? :)

ReluctantConnaisseur's picture

About that stink type #3: I strongly suspect the nauseating overtone comes from too much yeast (specifically, beer). The guy I described drinks a lot of beer, and now that I think about it, the overtone does have a yeasty touch, yeasty-gone-really-nasty. Not gyros. Not onions. (Though I know those butt smells, too--they happen when I actually eat strongly spiced foods. Then again, my skin also exudes onion and garlic if I eat those.)

I hate butt stink, mine or anybody else's. That's all there is to it.

Mark in Maryland's picture

I'm totally stoned and this message board is making me ROFL but I'm actually learning a lot too. I've read nearly all of the posts and I took diligent notes. I'm particularly intrigued with the Brazilian bikini wax. Regarding the original question about persistent ass stink, I think all of the above comments hold some validity. I would emphasize that pheromes as someone mentioned is a significant part of human stink, especially in the groinal area. If you still believe that your shit is what is causing your ass to stink, then I reccommend drinking at least two cups of green tea every day. Some researchers claim green tea neutralizes the smell in our feces. There is also a product called Sphincterine Minty Ass http://www.mintyass.com/ .
It is designed to make your ass smell minty fresh. Give it a try!

Mario Sanchez, Houston, TX's picture

It's your diet. You shouldn't even have to wipe if you are eating correctly. If you find it difficult to eat right, then take a daily supplement of laxative. This will make your shit come out the way it is supposed to, smooth and clean. I only have to wipe for assurance purposes, but even with just one swipe there is nothing there, whether I wipe front to back or vice versa. My ass is showroom new even after a large dump. You could eat out of it!

Poop Shooter's picture
k 500+ points

Try a kotex between your cheeks to absorb sweat. Or some Toilet Water perfume. P.S.

Poop Shooter!

GuidoBandido's picture

Are you cut or uncut? Maybe it's your penis that stinks. Lots of guys who are uncut don't clean inside the foreskin well. It can smell pretty nasty when left uncleaned.

Change you life's picture

Step one: Your colon must be completly empty or orders will emenate from your backside.
2.You must remove ALL body hair for proper hygiene-legs,underarm,perianal,ALL BODYHAIR!
3.(1.)SHIT,SHOWER,SHAVE IN THAT ORDER.
You can not shave after you shit even if it's been a while as you run the risk of infection and you contaminate the shaving device as well.
4.You can shower again after you have completed the process however.
5.Purchase soap containing witchhazel or teatree oil. Or purchase these items outright in oil form. wash yourself without the use of a washcloth as they just transfer orders back on to you after being used once, even after being washed smell a washcloth and you will still notice it contains a least a faint smell, when wetted the smell becomes stronger.
This also applies to your bathroom towel.
Change it out every second shower.
-Shave your nose hairs as well and clean inside your nose daily.
4.diet-no wheat,fast- food, meat, spicy, pungent, ect. Read Dr.perricone's book, the perricone promise.
5.Apply lotion to your body after showering. I recommend Lubriderm, curel or lotion containing oatmeal.
6.Make sure your feet are perticured.
7.Drink 2 litres of water a day. 30 before or after any meal, not while consuming. Drinking while consumming a meal prevents good digestion. Yogurt creates the types of mucus that promotes healthy digestion. Fruits and veggies are also a must.
8.keep washndry packets in your pocket and use the after deffecating. wipe using toilet paper first, then use a small amount of liquid soap applied to some toilet paper and wipe. Then wipe dry, after this apply the washndry towelet. Pat dry whithout wiping to prevent breaking skin. Apply a small amount of lotion to the same area, enough to be obsorbed without leaving a moist residue or this will cause you to sweat from your backside.
9.Overeating keeps the colon from ever being completely empty so keep this in mind as waste will otherwise back up and remain in the colon causing oders to eminate. Space four hours minimum from last meal.
10.Excersise three times a week.
11.Also try shower before bed.
12.Try appling a small amount of body oil.
13.I can't imagine that anyone could have a problem after following these guidelines.

arse hole cleaner's picture

You need to clean your arse hole with water//////////////////////// you idiot

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Hey Change you life, nice to see someone put so much thought into the subject matter unfortunately you lost all credibility by spelling odor (or for us Canadian folk odour), order. Let that be a lesson to you kids out there, poor spelling and grammar will get you nowhere...ok, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave notwithstanding.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Hi

I have a serious problem, I smell like shit after 2 hours out of the shower, I Have used atleast 20 different types of soaps and i still stink, What do i do????????

Please someone tell me what soap to use or Tell me how 2 clean it, My girlfriend gives me head but Can barely stand the smell of my ass

SOME1 HELP PLEASE

Turkish Ass's picture

All moslems wash their ass, so does the French
thats how you keep you Anus clean, wet the toilet paper after you wiped it with dry paper and keep on cleaning even a quarter of an inch into the anus, don't eat pork, jesus Christ did not eat pork because the Pig eats its own and other pigs Poo, Anal sex is also the cause of poo smelling it stretches the anus rectum and the Rectum will not absorb some of the toxic poo, Yes eat non meat will also stop the smell You know meat and chicken and pork does not digest in your stomach like vegetables its stays there and rots to help to remove the meat you have to eat brown fibre bread.

anus ripper's picture

sometimes when i do a sloppy poo the poo water bounces up and hits my bum and sometimes back up into my anal cavity, do you think it was jsut a big poo or that my bum is thirsty?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I had the same problem. The way to fix it is to change ur diet and use baby wipes. Also, a little deoderant around ur ass, not in it, will help keep sweat out of the area and keep u cleaner and smelling better. Also clense in shower, there is nothin else to it. I had this problem for a year, but now i have fixed it with these steps, try it yall, it works.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Detach your ass and put it in the washing machine. Gain gets odors out of anything, or so they claim.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Wanderer's picture

i have a question.. say if you need to take a shit at bad times and you had to go bad but then not anymore.. well what if you force it out when its at the edge.. is it bad for your system? will you damage anything while forcing it out numerous of times?
-thank you

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

TSV wrote (over two years ago):

"Okay, girls. Here's a question for you. I do not normally have a crotch that smells fishy as I do tend to bathe and practice good hygiene habits. However, every time I go to a seafood restaurant I end up with a fishy-smelling bum. It doesn't matter if I scrub it with wet wipes, shower, soak in a tub, change my pants, or wash my crabby hands before wiping. It still stinks for about a day afterward. Anyone else have this problem? If so, what do you do about it? I've tried all my usual techniques and nothing works. It's really nasty, man!"

For once, Dr. Dumpster can offer some help, in the very simple form of lemon juice. Use some on the fish when you are eating the seafood (notice how it gets the smell off your hands?), and if your cooter smells bad afterward, put some lemon juice in your douche!

This works the same way tomato juice does to neutralize skunk odor.

And, since this is in response to my dear, dear friend TSV, I will have to conclude with a somewhat misogynistic joke:

God meets Adam in the Garden of Eden. "Adam, where's Eve?" asks God.

"Oh, I left her skinny-dipping in the lake," says Adam.

"Damn," says God. "Now I will NEVER get the smell out of all those fish!"

Poo Dee Doo's picture

I sympathize with each of you and the problems you are facing, but I don't think that each of you are experiencing the same distinct problem. I agree that a shower and washing that poop-smear away every so often could do some of you some good; but I think others of you are suffering from some sort of bacterial infection - especially if you feel an itching and burning sensation down there. Infections oftentimes product a stink. My advise is to consult your physician. Even others may have the anal leakage.

bumfresh's picture

use talcom powder it works very well use it.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I know this guy who was practicing for an alternative circus and so once shoved a candle up his ass whilst doing a hand-stand. No one was around at the time and he fell, bumped his head knocking him unconcious, but the candle was still burning! Anyway, eventually, he woke up (probably cozza the pain) and the wax had melted, dripping right up his ass and into his bowel.

No one believed him when he told us when one day, just right out the blue, he doubled-over in pain like his stomach was being ripped apart from within. Next thing we know he's dropping his trousers IN THE STREET - bursting for a shit. His face looks like its gonna explode, all red roar with strain - then suddenly something drops out of his ass, and I shit you not...

...it's a candle, still alight, and it has a real face and a huge dick - and it just looks at us all like we're pieces of shit and says, "Sure is dark in there." Then he falls over, dead.

It was fuckin' weird, man.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

CollegeGothBoy's picture

Ive got the answer after going to the bathroom Immediately get a shower use soap and water. that is what I do and I never have a problem.

billy online's picture

i smell like ass and everybody around smells it to.im not sure were its coming from. whether its my gooch ormy ass crack. What can i do to stop the smell.

Root Guy's picture

Body odors are nature's pheromones. Underarm odor, groin odor, yes even ass odor are all love potions. When I come home from the gym still unshowered my girl can't wait to go down on my root. Girls still need to wash though, guys can't take the stink.

PoopBot 5000's picture

This page is hilarious. It's really late right now and I have to stifle my laughter in an effort not to wake up my housemates.
I especially enjoyed "Da Butt Man"s tales of debauchery.
I too am familiar with the stinking of the rectum. Many factors can contribute to the increase or decrease of this affliction.

I find that pork products stink more, ice cream tends to stink less. Eat your vegetables. Eat some fiber, bitch!

Personal hygine is a must. Shower, shave, do whatever you have to do. If you used to stick your thumb in your ass when you jacked off as a 17 year old loser, you'll probably have to do it again. You are most likely known as a "dragon storm kid" and people laugh at you behind your back because you are secretly gay. Don't ask about it, just do it. Foreign objects can be a big problem as well. Get yerself a steel toe dildo. Better fill that puppy in. Keep the moving parts clean. Use vaseline. And for the ultimate luxury, clean it up and later on, after you're clean and smiling, use some "man glue".

Astringent is useful for the pimpley areas on yo' ass crack. Wash yo' stinkin' ass.

I like the way my ass smells when I hike up my balls... it smells awesome, like straight balls, dude. Ain't nothing like it.

Ever hear of using ashes? This is risky.... better to use 'em on a distended pooper, but don't lose your head.

If all esle fails, you can always move to Las Vegas and play in a shitty rock band, or become an actor. Go on Letterman. Shine ass, baby!!!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Root Guy, I can't stand smelly guys. You're fooling yourself if you think we girls ENJOY your body odor. Blech!

_______
Broccoli!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

[B]ody odors are nature's pheromones. Underarm odor, groin odor, yes even ass odor are all love potions.

I suppose you and two million neanderthals can't be wrong. Love Potion Number Nein! Soon coming to you in your favorite department store...

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Brilliant comment Bunghole, this is the kind of guy that thinks Davidoff makes a cologne called "Stoolwater", the preeminent eau de toilette. Possibly he's confused that Adidas cologne is short for "All Day I Dream About Stankass". Either way, not one of the more popular guys on the dating circuit.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

TSV writes: "[F]or once, Dr. Dumpster can offer some help, in the very simple form of lemon juice. Use some on the fish when you are eating the seafood (notice how it gets the smell off your hands?), and if your cooter smells bad afterward, put some lemon juice in your douche!"

I've got a better solution--Dig out those stainless steel Ben Wa's, baby!


_______
"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Holy cow Bunghole, I saw those things in my ex's closet and thought they were deep sea fishing weights, excuse me while I make a phone call.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Bunga, those may come in handy on your next fishing trip. You know the adage, 'Fish of a Feather....' Well, you get the idea


_______
"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Anonymous Coward's picture

This is embarrassing but how do I get the brown stain out from around my anus? I've tried scrubbing hard (ouch) When I am "fooling around" with my boyfriend, i get all embarrassed. How come girls in porno's dont have it? HELP!

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

Dear Anonymous Coward (not verified): A soft-bristled toothbrush with a little warm water and mild soap shouldtake care of your problem. You query: "[Ho}w come girls in porno's dont have it?" Answer: They have make-up artists that really clean up.


_______
"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.