Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

Dr.Assman's picture

peronally = personaly please forgive my drunken spelling

Dr.Assman's picture

saved=shaved i cant believe i wrote this last nite

assleakage's picture

ass leakage due to ANAL INCONTINENCE.I'm over 40 and just now found out about this after a lenghthy Google search.Some people's ass leaks, like urine incontinence.Except this si shit, instead of pee.Apparently, a lot of folks on this post may be suffering from this.Look up anal incontinence.

anal lytic's picture

wash your butt everytime you crap, even taking a shower in the morning you will not clean the but after pooping. That is a rule. Also shower before having sex, no matter if you showered in the morning, that needs to be a shower fresh deal. Stinky guys are not a turn on... I had a boyfriend who also didnt brush his teeth before sex, you could actually see a paste of plaque on his teeth.

Krappa Von Maggotass's picture

Just before you go pick up your woman, let out half a crappa from your ass and leave it there. The missile head should be reekin plenty by the time you are goin down for clam chowder.

Dickie's picture

At least your ass smells and not your breath. It could always be worse.

i like to chit's picture

Tydirium ...sometimes tp is not enough no matter how good you wipe ...maybe you should consider getting a bidet or something symilar or if you cant aford one you should totally try some baby wipes at the end? and if it bothers you all that much you could always cary some with you for when your ass needs some refreshing even if you don`t poop.
Do you have hair growing in your crack ? if you do it could be a reason why you are having such a hard time keeping fresh ...maybe you should wax it?...or maybe you should try a change in your diet....it is known that lots of spicy food and meat will make your poop smell worst.Hope this helps!

Mr. X's picture

By the way,
I am not sure if it was the deodorant that caused me to have the bad smell. It sounds pretty stupid that just putting some Old Spice white Deodorant skin on your crack could cause a bad smell for such a long time even after showering twice a day.

Just go see a doctor.
As a matter of fact, what doctor is suppose to work on asses?

Oh yeah, putting deodorant on your crack is stupid. Most deodorants can make you sweat more and thats a no no for a stinky ass crack.
Its like putting clogne to cover up bad BO

Mr. X's picture

I got a stinky buttcrack aswell

I think it all started a year ago when I put Old Spice antiperspirant/deodorant on my butthole.
I know I stink because sometimes someone like my bro will say something like, "it kind of smells like ass in here"
I wipe my ass good
Take 2 showers a day
I am not fat (weigh 155 and am 5'11)

Not only does my butt area stink but I sweat ALOT from there aswell.
If you ever look at my boxers when I am done working out, running or doing something that makes me sweat alot you will see.

I think I will go see a doctor soon before doing anything of what you guys are saying.
Oh yeah, I will still stink even after taking a shower. And yes, I do clean EVERYWHERE. Infact, i scrub hard on my butthole but that still wont take the smell away.

Dr. Assman's picture

mr. x a proctologist is an 'ass doctor'

chocolate channel kid's picture

If you accidently got some of your shit on your arm or leg you would rushing to the sink to wash it off the stink and yet people find it accptable to have it around their ring pieces.
This also leads to soreness around the whole area (like nappy rash).The problem is made worse if you leave a couple of bum nuts around your crack!!!

Mr. X's picture

Um... ok? /\

Has anyone in here cured this problem themselves without going to see a proctologist?
What did you do?

Help a brother out!
I need it!

The O.B.I.'s picture

Its easy guys.After u take a dump, just use water,soap & paper. Ask any Muslim, they use these giant teapot style watering cans called LOTTAS. Fucking problem solved u dirty bastards!

THE MARQUIS DE SADE's picture

Why there is nothing like a shit caked hairy rectum that satisfies the perverse more than anything else. When I was a boy in France, we did'nt use Andrex, just leaves of a plant to wipe the fudge away !

The O.B.I.'s picture

Mind you, I,ve never laughed as much for ages after reading some of you guys' comments.It is a funny if very cliched subject.But don't you find it's always the Brits thattalk about smelly arses,cocks & cunts all the time?

THE MARQUIS DE SADE's picture

Yes, but it's the French that invented it all my friend. Twas the commoners that said the filthier the body is,it provokes a voluptuos reaction within people like myself

The O.B.I.'s picture

Hmmm....So it's just Europeans in general then?

I stink to's picture

Ok ok. Everyone who smells like shit listen up.

I to suffer from smelling like ass. I didn't know, and noone has ever said it directly. Just smart comments and shit untill i started working with someone who had the smae problem. And after getting a whiff of him, i finally understood. It was like someone put a fresh steamer right under my nose.

So, after getting over the embarrassment and hurt of NOONE telling me, i started to research why it happens. So this is a quick rundown.

You are probably a bit constipated.

Prob. a bit dehydrated.

Your breath smells like a poo.

You might drink coffee, eat high fat foods and generally a diet without a lot of veggies.

You might be lactose intolerant and have reflux.

There are so many more symptoms i can't be bothered listing but you get the idea. So you have to think it through logically.

You need to make sure you are getting your shit the fuck out first of all. So you gotta change your diet. Eat heaps and heaps of veggies, and try to have a good variety. Try to cut back on meat, coffee and high sugar or processed foods. DONT EAT WHEAT. You know they used to use flour and water to put wallpaper up!!?? Imagine what that does in your bowel!! Maybe try and avoid dairy for a while.

For most people that will help a lot.

Cleaning wise, you don't need to go over the top. I would advise against anti bacterial stuff on your skin, cos it kills bad and good bacteria. Make sure you wash with a cloth or something that can exfoliate(not scrub) your skin. A couple of times a week, have a bath in hot water with a litre(or the equivilant to that amount in the living in the 1700's USA) of apple cider vinegar and exfoliate with a cloth or sumthun. Wash the vinegar off with cold water after.

Hope this helps some people.

I'll check back in a couple of days if anyones got any q's.

I'm going to whack my root.

Highly Offensive's picture

Well, for a nation of dirty bastards what do you expect.Just keep yourselves fucking clean every day. It does'nt cost much and its not rocket science to use water when poss is it?
If you do still suffer from a dirty smelly buttring,then I'm afraid you must be just a lazy scruff or most definitely either a student or a loner (maybe both)

FartBlossom2's picture

baby wipes, yes that is a great idea. And in between wipes to cut down on the sweat and odor you can use baking soda. Its better than baby powder because it isn't perfumed and won't cause any infections and will still obsorb the odor.
And try talking to your girl about it. Everybody at some point in their life has had a stinking ass. Try making her smell her own crack and maybe she'll let up on yours.

SkinofEvil's picture

Someone mentioned that garlic and onions makes a bad smell. I have been eating many cloves of raw garlic lately, and even when I am out fishing in the woods and the wind is blowing and it is raining cats and dogs I still get sorrounded by the smell every time I fart. Even when I am bicycling like 30-40 km/hour, it still hits me hard.
I agree with the posters who say wash the ass with water and possibly a gentle soap every time you take a dump. When it comes to shaving the ass, I think that over time, the ass will stop sweating. Just give it time.
To really combat a smelly ass, I would say wash the ass with Head & Shoulders Shampoo, there is a very gentle sensitive skin version of it that has no perfume and is very mild on the skin. The H&S contain Zinc Pyritione, which is a very potent broad spectru bacteria killer. It is like dropping napalm on the jungle of the ass, it kills off the nasty viet congs who are out on patrol and it keeps the rest inside their tiny tunnels for a while.

SkinofEvil's picture

One more thing, the OBI mentioned that mostly the british are obsessed with humour relating to the digestive system. There is a funny episode of Blackadder wuth Rowan Atkinson in World War 1 that confirms this. Blackadder and Baldrick and Lord Flashheart, who is a british flying ace have been taken prisoners by the germans, and they are visited by the german flying ace, Baron von Richthofen. Richthofen says he admires the british and their jokes about the breaking of the wind. For the germans it is just a daily function, but for the british the foundation of an entire culture.
Here are some very funny sound clips from the edisode, check out the ones with Richthofen esp.

http://www.cs.princeton.edu/~min/black/sounds.html

hi's picture

wow, off topic

hairy's picture

You know, you don't have to shave off ALL of your fur...how bout putting a #1 guard on the electric clippers and goin to town around the brown.
Leave it short enough to keep things cleaner and long enough not to itch.

CuntRag's picture

The Shit Volcano -- 03.31.2004
You know that women smell worse then men dont you??? like in the secret commercials it says "strong enough for a woman" thats why i use secret(imaguy)

omg's picture

Wow people are still answering this thread??? its been over 2 years

Anonymous Coward's picture

why should i use a clear deo n sted of stik?

Mr.X's picture

Hey "I stink too"
Did the smell go away?

I have emailed this site and this is the response I got:

-----------------------------
FROM: dave@poopreport.com

"Hi there,

Unfortunately I really don't know what's going on with you. It's a
strange thing. The only thing I can guess is that you have some muscle
problems leading to a looser sphincter or something, and that the old
spice was just kinda coincidental. I doubt the old spice caused the
problem... more likely, you just developed a problem right around the
same
time. I have no idea, though. The best I can do is suggest you go to
the
doctor... that's what they're there for.

Dave

-----------------------------
FROM: de_chronic_2k5@yahoo.com
>
> name: Mr. X
>
> publish: yes
>
> words: My ass stinks really bad
>
> For one, I dont smoke weed, dont get confused by my e-mail address.
> Second, I take showers twice a day
> Third, I am being serious about this, please be mature about this
topic.
>
> Ok here is the story
> About a year ago I put some Old Spice antiperspirant/deodorant (the
one
that is white called PureSport) on my "butthole" (dont ask why, I was
a
moron).
> Eversince then, my "butthole" has been sweating like a mofo and
sometimes, someone like my brother might say something like, "kind of
smells like ass in here".
> I Only put OldSpice on my butthole like two times and it managed to
create some type of smell in my butthole. I havent tried doing
anything
else to my butthole since then except cleaning it hard...
>
> When I shower, I scrub hard on my butthole. No it dosent hurt but
even
after showering properly, I still manage to stink like ass.
> I dont smell really bad. Some people dont notice it, some people do.
>
> I wipe my butt well after taking a dump on my toilet.
>
> I heard something about preparation H wipes? I dont know, what do
you
guys suggest I do to get rid of this smell?
>
>
-----------------------------------------

I'm kind of scared to tell a doctor that my ass smells even after taking a good shower.
Anyone got advice on how I should tell a doctor this?
"Hey Doc, I got a bad smell coming from my rectum"?
Should I see a normal doctor or proctologist?

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Go to your normal doctor, and if he can't do anything about it he will refer you to a good proctoligist. Some health insurance policies require you to get a referal anyways.

As to how to tell your doctor, trust me, they have heard weirder crap. For example,

http://aprilwinchell.com/multimedia/
Scroll down to special x-rays.

I think saying,"Well, Doctor So-and-So, I've noticed that, lately, a very bad smell has been coming out of my behind, and it won't go away," is a lot less embarrassing than saying,"Well, Doctor So-and-So. I somehow managed to get a jar of Grey Poupon in my rectum..."

I-Give-A-Shit's picture

Okay,

Here are some very embarrassing questions but I think I found the right place to ask them!!!

1. Wiping Your Butt in the Shower

I don't do this because I never knew what I should be using...seriously! I don't want to use a washcloth, I would have to throw it away afterwards...I can't imagine using it again.

Rubbing a bar of soap all up and down the crack sounds good in theory but then I have the same problem...what the frick do you do with the left over bar of soap? Do you keep it...do you later wash your face or chest with it? Yuch!!!

So...this leaves hands and covering the hand with suds...is THAT the recommended cleaning procedure?

Why the frick don't I know this stuff??? 'Cause no one ever told me is why....

2. Number of wipes until clean? Flushes?

How many wipes and flushes on average does it take for you until the toilet paper comes up clean...no signs of shit? For me it is somewhere around 10 or 13 which comes out to about 5 flushes. People always ask me why I flush so much....low flow toilets is why I tell them but that's only part of the answer.

3. Can you smell your own ass stink?
I mean without resorting to tricks like farting under the sheets...I don't smell anything on myself but I suspect others do and it makes me freakin' paranoid.

Ladies, can you smell your man with an ass-stink problem with his clothes on? Has he ever walked by you and you could smell the debri in his ass crack?

4. The Yellow Stain

Why do we men dribble? After taking a piss...I wiggle it, rotate it, throw it over my shoulder and then shake it twice more just for safety but still my underwear reveals a problem.

I admit to having worn piss-stained underwear...how the heck does that happen? I am not pissing on myself but then again I must be....Ladies, what percentage of men do you think are wearing yellowed underwear right now?

Coonetta's picture

Slowly bring bran into your diet and increase weekly. After a month, you will be having easy wipeless shits. This should fix your problem.

xtallman's picture

Yes, the answer is a bidet. Americans seem to be totally ignorant of this device that is so common through much of the civilized world - we walk around with unwashed asses and wonder why we stink!

You can order a simple bidet attachment for $80 bucks from TushyClean, I think the name is. For those who don't know anything about bidets, take a look at http://www.mybidets.com/bidet-history.html

Tallman

IT WASNT ME's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

ASS IS ASS AND WILL SMELL LIKE ASS NO MATTER WHAT!!! NOW DOES IT SMELL LIKE REGULAR ASS OR DIRTY ASS??

IT WASNT ME

GetYourHedOutYourAss's picture

Take a toilet bowl brush, a bucket and bottle
of rubbing alcohol and Ram for home! Or you
can take the wimpy way out and insert a baby
lotion bottle and give a few pump then liqued
soap dispenser. Scrub thoruoghly-rinse-repeat.
garden hoses great for rinsing.

Actually I don't know cuz...
My shit don't stink. ... Smells like petunias.

Use A Big Butt Plug .

I have a clean arse's picture

Hahaha! You stinky arsed fuckwits! Youre asses stink ause you can' be fucked cleaning them! Wipe and shower properly, and then if it still continues, get some medical helpd. But please, for everyone elses sakes, WIPE YOUR ARSE!!!

justApasserBy's picture

God, This was better than the sunday papers...and even helpfull! I havent laughed this hard in a while...y'all keep it clean. Peace. From the Florida east coast. I liked the baking soda one...it does work for cats...yadda...

Steve Henderson's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

DON'T scrub your ass with a washcloth and soap. And don't spray it with perfume or cologne. If you do this on even a semi-regular basis, you will get an asshole that itches AND smells bad. The asshole is very sensitive. Toilet paper is one thing...terrycloth and soap are another. I use my bare hand with some soap on it to gently cleanse my ass when I take a shower. None of this "scrub it clean" nonsense. I learned the hard way: if you scrub your asshole with soap and water, you are asking for uncomfortable times in chairs. And for the record, I wash my hand thouroghly after I clean my ass with it in the shower. I hope this helps someone; I know this thread is old but I had to get my two cents in.

Steve

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Instead of scrubbing your butt with your hand, you could put some baby soap (its gentle) on a baby wipe (Huggies wipes are very soft) and gently scrub your bum that way.
The worst that can happen is your farts will smell like baby wash.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I've noticed that stinky butt gets worse when I am stressed. Normally I keep myself clean so it doesn't stink, but when I'm stressed it stinks no matter how I clean, wash, or deodorize it.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

i'ma lilstinkpot's picture

well now this is sure a switch in the norm ,,,try a wet washcloth an worm soapy water then pat yourself dry afterwords
may want to change your diet as well

an to the dude munchin diet stuff that may be that cause of your problem but see a dr first

Anonymous Coward's picture

I havent laughed so freakin hard in a long time this is the funniest shit ever.

skidmarkcharley's picture

My ass stinks too. The reason is because I wear my underwear for two days. On the second day, I turn the underwear inside out and wear it a second day. this way I save water on the cleaning bill. If it gets too rank, I drop my pants and throw my underwear out.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Shaving your ass makes it stink less, I've discovered.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

jonnyyy's picture

Ive had this damn problem for a good year and a half to two years now, and it is really getting to me. I feel like i have no real friends. Im doing horrible in school because i cant concentrate on anything but that f*cking smell (I HATE THAT F*CKING SMELL, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE). Please dont tell me to "wipe my ass untill the paper comes back completely white", because I do. Every morning before school, i shit, then i get in the shower. I use soap and a washcloth, and i clean EVERYTHING for a good 5 minutes. When I get out of the shower I usually feel clean, but after first or second period I f*cking reek of this shit/body odor smell. Should I shave my ass? Use deoderant? Im f*cking desperate here....because of all of this f*cking sh*t ive become very depressed, and im seeing a counsler. Sometimes I feel like life isnt worth living and this will never end. THIS SUCKS HELP PLEASE.

Da Butt Man's picture

Yalls stories are great. But my story is even greater cuz it's about the one and only MY BUTT!!! Anwayz i was taking a shit the other day and when i was forcing the shit out and i realized that i felt a burning sensation coming out of my asshole. You know how you eat very hot spicy spicy chili and it burns your mouth?? Yea well imagine that coming out of you asshole 20x worse... It is not the greatest feeling in the world i can tell you that much. I usually tell my friends to EAT DA BUTT!!!! And one time i walked around school with a spoon out of my ass crack out of my pants telling everybody in the hallwayz to eat my butt... And i went on the morning announcements on TV and said eat da butt with a spoon hangin out of my ass... EAT DA BUTT!!!! It was great.. only i was suspended for 10 dayz and charged.. haha.. eat da butt

brown eye's picture

My Husband says his butt smells like a gyro sandwhich. Like lamb. Sounds pretty disturbing. I never smelled it. Though, I'm curious. Honestly after reading this site on smelly butts, I never thought men's butt stink. I'll tell you this. I'll never eat another gyro as long as I live.

mott the poople's picture
l 100+ points

Go on a diet of Bud and egg salad for two weeks. Eat nothing else. After you realize how bad it CAN BE, maybe you (and whoever is around you) will be happy with your "normal" odor.;]
BTW.....don't fart around open flame sources during this diet...!)

Asphincter says WHAT...(!)

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Love the comment Mott the Poople. Brilliant!!!!

Farted,Diarrheacameout's picture

One thing I've learned over the years is that you can unintentionally contribute to the "ass stink" even AFTER you shower by the actual way you clean your ass with soap while you're IN the shower. I Have a shower head with an extension and in the morn. when I shower, I squat down to rinse my ass after I soaped it up, so the shit doesn't run down my thighs. Hair on my legs (I've found) retains smells really well. Also I wash my ass right after I wash my hair and face, then I soap my legs and ass again to remove any trace of smell. I also make an effort to shit in the morn. THEN shower, not the other way around, in order to be fresh and clean all day. I found this to be good. I have to be really anal about smell because I never wear underwear (overratted).

Da Butt Man's picture

Hey it's Da Butt Man comin at ya with "DA BUTT NEWS"...Today on "DA BUTT", i got hair in the atmosphere and very hairy, sweaty pimples. I also have hemroid fever. Anwayz, moving on to the story, a few days ago i was on the toilet taking a mondo monster ass shit. Must of been the whole bucket of spicy shrimp i had eatin. Anywayz with my asshole burning once again, i noticed that all of a sudden the shit had stopped coming out. I felt that i had to shit a whole lot more and i kept pushing and pushing, but nothing came out. So, i figured i was done. I pulled up my pants , flushed, washed my hands and went on about my business. Well i say bout a couple of hours later i was in the living room teasing my little annoying sister. Trust me, she's annoying. Anywayz she pissed me off to the point where i was about to explode. So i decided to give her a stink face rikishi style , you know the guy off of wrestling with the huge stank ass. Well, come to find out i did explode. I had the sudden urge to fart, and when i did, shit exploded all over her face. It was great. She was crying with shit all over her face, smelling like rotten ass shrimp. I was on the floor laughing my ass off with my pants down to my knees lol. Well that concludes my story and thankyou for tuning in to "DA BUTT NEWS" and this is "DA BUTT NEWS" signing off saying EAT DA BUTT!!!!!!!!!

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