Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

smelly bowels's picture

http://www.geocities.com/cdoslandfart/

a site dedicated to bowels

anal beard's picture

i just shaved my beard. my anal beard. i decided to shave because i was constantly pulling clegnuts from my ass hair and it pissed me off. they stink and it fucking hurts too. so here i am with a stubbly butt hole. oh yeah heres some advice dont shave it. i have cuts all over my manhole. it hurts.

SheBear's picture

Wow, thanks for the funny ass question that started all of this. I am crying from laughing so hard, it got a little dank and perverse at the end there. Whew, I needed that.

crapface's picture

Why don't you just take a shower before you have sex everytime? Sure you why spend an extra 10 minutes on something like that every time but it's definately going to remove hygiene related obstacles when it comes to sex! Also wash your ass with water everytime with your hand preferred. Yes the HAND with water. Seems uncivlized and uggly, ooh I have pooh on my hand, it's all matter anyway that you wash off everytime. WATER is the best way to keep a hygienic ass, several African tribes do this and it's proven to be more hygienic. WATER dissolves all crap particles away from your skin and around the hole, inside out side and whatever. It's also a good way to remove all that sweat and under stuff your hair has been collecting all day. Ass showering a few times a day keeps the smell away!!!

Nick's picture

I wash my ass very good in the shower, and I clean it with sope everytime I did a shit. So it never smells. I know that, cuz if I scrub oover the hole with my finger and then smell on it, nothing smells. But this situation wud be too nice! The ass of my girlfirend stinks! everytime I'm licking her pussy, I get a discusting smell-cloud from the ass. I hate it! I'm an ass-fetishist, but I have a girlfirned with a stinky ass! Great! How u think I shud tell her! I'm afraid that she will be insulted and shit like that. By the way: I shave my ass, and I never had problems with any dripping or itching or anything! I swear!

Cassie's picture

I'm a prostitute, I admit it. Some of my regular clients like my ass to smell sweaty and "funky" and they actually buy the panties (and sometimes the slacks) I've been wearing on a summer's day. However, most don't go for the funk, so I use baby wipes regularly each time I go to the bathroom, to wipe my butt and "other" areas really good. You should start carrying them around and wipe yourself like every couple of hours or when you feel sweaty. Works for me!

Cassie's picture

Oh, before I forget, I wanted to mention that maybe some girls actually get turned on from your butt funk? Not to be gross, but I know that the guys I mentioned before, (my customers that actually want to buy my underwear and pants), like my sweaty-butt smell), have admitted that I'm a turn-on when I have a "natural wedgie" (from wearing slacks or jeans or pantys or pantyhose on a hot day)and they say I've "got cheese"; I tend to wear slacks and pants so that the rear center seam is way up in my crack, due to the nature of my profession. Guys say I've "got cheese" or that I'm "cutting cheese" when I have a wedgie. I guess "cheese" is meant to mean the sweaty smell from between my butt cheeks--lots of guys seem to like it. Maybe if you find a girl that's turned on by guy-cheese you won't have to worry! Sorry if this is gross.--Cassie.

Sean's picture

Wen i fart it smels realy bad so for me its just my farts.

Sam's picture

Definitely, washing your ass before sex is a damned good idea. Especially a hairy ass. I've got a hariy ass, and I sweat a lot -- like a damned waterfall when I'm having good sex. If I'm on top, the sweat runs down my back, through the valley of my cheeks, over my asshole, and onto the bed, AND into my partner. If I've got shit on my ass, the sweat river washes it onto the bed, and, you got it, into my partner. Not a recommended way for keeping your partner.

So... my problem is, even if I wash before sex, sometimes the stinky brown stains still show up on the sheets. What's the deal? Is the sweat going up my ass and coming back out? Anybody else have this problem? Do I need to give myself an enema before sex? ...note I said before, you perverts! I've never had an enema, and don't particularly like the idea. Anyone with experience getting rid of shitty sweat?

Another solution I've come up with is a towel around my waist that catches the back sweat, and a towel draping down my crack to catch any other sweat. Not too sexy, but it works. Any other better solutions?

smelly rectum's picture

If my fingers don't smell after wiping, there is no need to wash my hands....
http://www.geocities.com/cdoslandfart/

ddrake's picture

smelly ack in the crack, to eliminate this broblem its better to remove the hair or shave it somewhat close, alcohol and a good dose of deodorant will kill the odor.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I agree with Sam on this one. Guys, wash your asses and dicks before coming to bed. Everyone seems to think that you can just jump into bed like the movies and everything is all well and good. Try it sometime. It's disgusting!

Please people, wash yourselves before doing the nasty! Then wash yourself again afterward, because it's just.... Ugh!

This message brought to you by the Obsessive-Compulsive Club of America.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Mic's picture

Come on folks! Being clean is the key. Wash your your lower half using soap and a wash cloth. A nice or mild butt scent can be a real turn on! It's who the person is. Dirty under carriage can be a turn off. Not everyone has a scent...experience.

Lee's picture

I really love the big ass woman whose ass is very very smelly !!

mapoo's picture

this shit reallyis funny!

a young friend's picture

Man your poor toilet paper must be real scared when you walk into the bathroom, knowing that your ass stinks that much (even before you dump). It knows it has to not only sniff your ass but it has to lick it out when you are done taking a dump. Now that is what I would say suffering is.

Heywall's picture

I know a lot of people that when they shower they only use their hand or the soap itself. WHAT ABOUT THE WASH CLOTH that would cover so much more of the area or a soft sponge. You got to get all that booticheese out of there.

hotpot's picture

I HAVE A QUESTION! i think i have a poo stain around my anus that will not go away! it looks weird. I have tried really hard to clean it off but nothing works! any suggestions out there, cummon, i need help! i also have freckles but only on my face and arms so i am not sure if it is a freckle or birth mark, its just annoying!

Ass expert's picture

Try a wire brush. You know the kind used for cleaning Gas grills? That'll "Re-Pink" it!
Nothing wrong with a tinted asshole. Surely, Dont think your the ONLY one. Most girls have em.
They're kinda cute and poopy lookin.

Brett Farve's picture

I dont see what the problem is. Heck, stick yer finger down in that clear grease sweat, and smell victory.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I have said it before and I will say it again. No one gives a shit about the color of someone's asshole. ALL assholes are brown. That's just part of life.

What are you afraid will happen if your asshole isn't pink? The butthole police are going to break down your door and arrest you for a code brown violation?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Anonymous's picture

how can I get rid of my smelly arse? I wipe THOROUGHLY until theres nothing left on the paper, and I also use babywipes too. I also take showers/baths and wash thoroughly, and all smells well, but after a few hours the smell is back. It's really depressing me

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Dingleberries kill just about any chance of a man getting poo-tang. And, they smell.

Please, please, look when you wipe and then wipe some more. Don't make us follow you around the house with the bathroom spray, hitting the cushions from the couch every time you get up. Please.

Scrub harder.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

social axe hammer's picture

Use baking soda, it works in the catbox.

bofleazey's picture

I didn't read all these comments, BUT the guy who said it was MEAT and the lady who mentioned the PROTEIN are right in pinpointing the cause of the hardcore ass smellage. I just starting take a ton of protein to build muscle and it has been producing something vicious. Try eating some salads to counteract it. peace.

poopy butt's picture

LOL..too funny and way toooooooooooo disgusting!!!

Clothespin on the nose's picture

Wash before an encounter, if at all possible. Suggest showering together prior to hitting the sheets; lather each other up...very erotic. If not, carry a non-scented wet nap-style hygenic pad (similar to those from restaurants) in your car, wallet, or somewhere you can access it quickly when the passion starts, then find a reason to excuse yourself and wash up that bung. Smells last longer than tastes in our brain; don't potentially ruin an enjoyable experieince by having the smell / having to smell something reminescent of a a dogpile.

BoB's picture

I like all of you wipe my butt till its perfectly clean. Nothing on the paper or anything. Yet sometimes people think i fat and such when i do no such thing. I am fine right after a shower, but this depresses me..

bob's picture

fat=fart

Anonymous's picture

same here Bob mate, depresses me to f*ck :(

Mr Poppinoffalot's picture

How could anyone in their right mind shave their date? Dags on your freckle is the most natural thing ever.

bob's picture

can anyone help, pls... It smells like a fart sometimes when i don't i think i might smell it once in a while, people never really tell me straight up i stink, but they ask if i farted and such. I don't kno wtf is wrong with me but im real depressed PLEASE help me. I shower so much, and think i practice good personal hygeine.

Pat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Well, I would like to thank everyone for a sometimes funny, sometimes serious and definately theraputic read. Like a number of the people on this list I used to think that I stunk like shit. This fear started up after a bad acid trip and turned into a pretty serious anxiety dissorder that lasted years. I tried many of the things on this list, but I will warn you.... for myself at least, when in an anxious state of mind over something like this it can easily turn into obsessive-compulsive disorder. I became a slave to my 'routines' which involved needing to shit before I left the house, so that I could have a shower and clean myself and be confident that I was fine. If I couldnt shit, I couldnt shower, and then I couldnt leave the house, sometimes for days at a time.
Things to be careful about - I would wipe my ass to the bleeding point many times. This is too far, if your bleeding your being to rough on yourself.
Also, just use plain soap and water in the shower, and clean yourself with a lathered up hand or two. There is no need for perfumes or anti-bacterials, etc. these could cause irritations and problems, which will only feed your worries.

Something else to be careful of - worrying to much about anything becomes a vicious cycle, when we are anxious about our bowels, or anything else for that matter, it can cause you to get the runs or to become constipated. When you get the runs or become constipated, that can cause you even more anxiety about shit and smell.

Another point is, Im not sure if I ever actually smelt like shit or not, I certainly feared it and believed that I did, but everyone I ever asked said I didn't, so it could be that some of you are playing evil tricks on yourselves and causing yourself a lot of depressioin and anxiety.

My advice to you, and especially bob at the end of the comments, is to face your fears and embarassment and ask your loved ones if you smell, talk about your fears and go see your doctor. It is of course possible that there is something really wrong, but it is possible that it is all in your head as well.

I spent several years on anti-depressants and faced my fears in my life and have now been been free of my debilitating fears for 2 years (after about 5 horrible years). If some of you think you might be experiencing obsessive-compulsive disorder with regards toyour bowel movements, please see a doctor/psychologist/pychiatrist/councilor etc. and be careful not to get too dependent on elaborite cleaning rituals.

Well, take care all, I hope you all can overcome your problems, both physical and psychological.

bob's picture

thx pat.

Pat's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hey Bob, I dont know if your experiences are similar to mine, but if you want to talk about it give me an email, that way you dont have to air you embaressing stuff on an open forum if you'de like.

My email is patprimate@resist.ca

jo's picture

you guys are hillarious...i didn't laugh like this for ages reading all your advice...;o))
deodorant after showering really works, but make sure it's the clear one, not white antiperspirant.

robert's picture

I think it's all about routine. I get up in the mornings, take my shit and then shower. No problems. On the rare times that I have to take a shit and it's pass morning, I don't get into the puss until I've made it to a bath room and washed my ass well. Really, who wants a stinky ass around when you are trying to bang, whether it be yours or hers!

asset's picture

one question, do any of your asses stink like a stinky arm pit and shit mix?

The Shittist's picture

HAHA you guys are hilarious i nearly shit my own self while reading all of these posts
im glad to see fellow guys (and girls) posting about foul asses

i consider myself fairly experienced in the area of backdoor hygene, probably a 7 on a 1-10 scale
ive been performing trial and error for many years, i will now reveal my solution as well
ive had to deal with some serious shit, literally, because im lactose intolerant but i eat all dairy products anyway and i back out some serious logs but mostly i shit-spray shrapnel all over the inside of the toilet bowl and nearly blow out my O-ring

anyway, the following tools are required: antibacterial soap, shampoo, hand mirror, conair beard trimmer, a rag, clear gel deodorant

this is what i do:
1.) i take a shower, wash my ass with shampoo, i squirt out a pile in my hand the size of a quarter and scrub my piehole ... (Expert's Note: be careful not to get shampoo INSIDE your ass, most shampoos and shaving creams sting like a bitch if they get inside your rectal chambers) - also a wash cloth helps clean better

2.) i dry my ass with a towel i forgot to mention the towel in the items needed list but im assuming u use that when u take a shower.

3.) now here is a great tactic: i remain naked and climb up onto the sink where i perch myself like an owl. now use the hand mirror and hold it between your legs to view your brown rubber ring

4.) use the Conair beard trimmer to trim your hairy ass (if you have one - i do). IMPORTANT NOTE: make sure you use the smallest adapter when trimming! conair gives you a few different size adapters... if you use the trimmer without any adapters you are taking a huge risk of losing control of the razor and possibly tearing yourself a new balloon knot. trim the area and be sure not to nick yourself especially your ball bag cuz it hurts

5.) now wash your ass with antibacterial handsoap i dont know why again but i just had some near the sink and used it while remaining perched. i think its because i still had a lot of loose hairs hangin out around my chocolate starfish so use lots of water and soap to clean up the mess you made or hopefully didnt - EXPERT NOTE: going with medium temperature is a fairly pussbag thing to do, you should use either freezing cold or scorching hot water to splash on your butt when u wash the soap off - its hilarious

6.) now dry your ass again and apply deodorant, the clear kind like gillette or something and use a fair amount all around your cakehole, again dont get anything in there or you will be crying like a schoolgirl

this concludes the magic process
your ass should not stink now

if it does repeat all the steps you can also spray cologne after but thats an expensive cleansing method

i havent received comments from people telling me my ass stinks or doesnt stink because the type of females i am with do not tend to be interested in tongue punching my dirt star but i would assume i would pass the test with flying colors

if you need anything else please write back or email me -laters

- The Shittist

benn there done that's picture

it s all in your head, sorry nose

whatever dude's picture

try soakind down or using a spray bottle with peroxide to saturate anus and teticle area as well as pubic hairs (it actually foams...so you know there must be a lot or residual bacteria there...it foams even after soaping and rinsing) then rinse thouroughly..havent tried the clear gel doedorant but sounts like a good idea..have been using shower to shower...i sometimes soap up anus and genital area and then pur and mix peroxide with lather for better dispersment, dispersion(spread-around-ness)(splchk?)..have acutally (embarrassing) been using thin panty liners to cover sphinctor area in undergarments (drawers tidey whiteys)...will try thye witch hazel wipes too.

have heard "what stinks?" "whats that smell?" "did you fart,poot,bust one?" "who shit theie pants" and the ever popular "ewwww" for much of my adult life...going to try the green stuff too. also i figured out i had a bad sinus infection and thats where the fart smell was coming from (i use nasal spray with oxymetazoline chloride 0.05%). i drool in my sleep and it causes bacteria-germ-fungal-whatever build-up in my sheets, bed and pillow which in turns enters my sinus cavities and causes them to slam shut in response which in turn causes the sinus fluids to turn rancid and the bacteria to proliferate (make more and more bacteria as it grows and replicates). nasal douching (ha ha..i said douching) with warm saltwater helps too.

good luck and my prayers go out to all those suffering with this as well. its not easy...and family members and friends dont tell you because they dont want to hurt your feelings (for those of us really suffering from it...others may just be paranoid).

whatever dude's picture

those mispelled words are typos..can spell deodorant testicles sounds and other words...i just type real crappy (no pun intended)

MARK-O's picture

This IS one of the best boards I've seen yet. I agree that a "rank" odor of "doo" is really a turn off, but the natural smell of a lover's anus can be quite stimulating to put it nicely.

Good anal hygiene is a must. In europe and many Asian countries they use bidets (bih-days) which are like a second toilet that washes your ass after using the toilet. We should have them here in the USA. Granted not every household abroad has them, but they seem more common there.

For some good anal maintenence I use Gold Bond Med Powder in my crack. Simple, cheap and effective. It keeps you nice and dry where the sun don't shine. That helps keep down smelly bacteria! It also gives my hole a nice tingly feeling to start the day!

Logjamber's picture

Is it just me, or do you find that your poop stinks WAY more when you are sick? Mine does. It smells so bad even I can't stand it!

Poopsticks O'Pweat's picture

There is a term, yet unknown to this forum, that captures the very essence of these tales of woe. The poop/sweat combination can be more succinctly referred to as "pweat" (pwet). This deadly combination of butt-mud and human fluid excretion in the taint area is often accompanied by smells of tacos, roast beef, or salt & vinegar potato chips. It can also have the unfortunate side-effect of "skid marks" if not controlled quickly.

Laura's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

wipe your ars wid baby wipes 4 a fresher smell

CLEAN ARSE's picture

Go to google, type in: ass smell

and then click 'I'm feelin' Lucky' and follow the instructions

Poop Stuff's picture

I have to wash my ass with moisture every time I shit or I get the itchy ass. Its not the hair, its not the sweat.. Its the shit. The anus is not a perfect shit valve. Its almost like breaking a seal, you almost have to clean past the rim inside a bit and get that skin to skin seal back...Spraying deodarant in your ass crack is just silly...And who the hell is smelling the seat cushions?? If someone is leaving behind a shitty smell on the seats through their underwear and pants they are just unclean and taken out back and shot. One more good tip, how about spreading your cheeks when you sit down so you dont get a full slide on the actually cheeks?
Bahahaha...Now to eat a whole bran muffin and drink a cup of coffee.

The Fish's picture

Like a golden ticket in a bar of chocolate ~ that heady realisation is the day-maker of them all... when the virgin wipe comes up clean. Innit : )

Dr. Assman's picture

ok heres the deal: this is all a matter of science, as is every thing. Your ass is going to have an odor, period. Theres nothing you can do thats what nature intended. You body has evolved to support the bacteria that cause odor because our ancestors found it pleasing and sexually arousing. This odor led to further exploration of other humans genitals and lead to sex. This is y ur no no parts are hairy, hair provides a breeding ground for bacteria that produce these odors, wether u find them offending or not.(To the genleman who shaved his ass and it smelled worse due to a greasy residue, u simply didnot clean properly) It was the egyptians who first linked body oder with body hair and subsequently saved their underarms as even tody this "cumin-y" smell is more universaly identified as being offensive over odors from "down there". Napoleon Boneparte, conqueror of europe was documented in a letter to his notoriously unfathful wife Josephene as follows : My love, i shall return home in six days.DO NOT BATHE. One of the greatest men to walk the earth liked himself some stank.That is our nature. In inda male elephants,when in heat,release a foul smelling liquid from a gland behind their heads. Indians refer to this as must.When a person is described as being "musty must" they r a person who has a lust 4 life and r usually considered sexy.And any1 who watches hbo's Deadwood knows a lonely miner would pay gold for "a wiff o' cunt" in post civil war usa. I peronaly am somewhat of a olfactophiliac(some one who becomes aroused by a smell, usually the genetals and anus)I absolutely crave the scent of a girls ,sweaty not shitty, ass. I personally do not care 4 a fishy pussy but i love the musk between a womans thighs. i love ass : lickit ,smack it, smell it suck it, fuck it , u name it. but only when an ass is clean (no shitting between the shower snd my face) but she can feel free to do an hour on a treadmill b4 hand. but thats just me, some people like shit smell, im not one to judge. Our recent distain for indecent odors is two fold #1 we are taught to dislike it and find it gross and #2 as we evolve more sophistocated means of mating and courtship we become less reliant on sexual smells and smell becomes an sense that A)attracts us to food and B)repels us from harmful bacteria. When we were beasts smelling an ass was like a handshake many forms of modern primate greet each other with a "how do you do" consisting of bending over in from of the face of another. Smelling ass and shit,if the nose is refined enough can tell an animals aproximate age, gender, species, health, diet,domain,preaditory tendencies, pregnancy and willingness to mate. your dogs and cats do it every day. ...Now back to the harmful bacteria , if your ass or genetals smell excessevly (like if you can smell an odor within a foot of there area thru clothes and underwear and u shower once a day) it is probably a good idea to refrain from sexual contact until the area is washed as u can become ill. As for body odor in general.BO ,downstairs or not, has many contributing factors. it is your body chemestry. change the soap u use, clothes u wear remember cotton breathes, diet , deoderant,colonges,medications, food additives, may make u in particular ,smell worse than you actually do . ANAL HYGENE is a must but ill get into that a different time as it is 4 am and i have consumed two botlles of sauvignon blanc (which is described as having a cat piss aroma)and am quite drunk until then any questions? next week: doc's tips for anal hygene complete with scientific basis

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