Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

Anonymous's picture

call me weird but i like the smell of a womens anus, if your so worried tell the girl their ass smells before they smell yours first :D for me its a winwin

Anonymous's picture

Wash with water. Use a pitcher, you get plastic ones in IKEA. That is the only way. Tissue does nothing.

Anonymous's picture

fucking hilarious

Anonymous's picture

I just crap in the shower then stomp the shit down the drain. Wash my ass and foot right after. No fuss, no muss.

Anonymous's picture

You need to shave that dirty ass hairy before you get started with anything. SHAVED THAT NASTY BUNG HOLE HAIR!

Anonymous's picture

Put a dryer sheet in your underwear.

Anonymous's picture

Liquid chlorophyll, in my experience, is like an internal deodorant. Warning, it cleans you out so if you have a sensitive system you may want to start with a little less than recommended. Also in my experience it takes around 2 or 3 weeks to be effective for people with serious body odor issues.

Taken from the top comment on a liquid chlorophyll review...
"is a great way to alkalize your digestive tract and body which can help boost up your immune system and prevent diseases. It also does a good job reducing the odor of your bowel movements."

Good luck to you folks here trying to find a way to make the world a less stinky place :)

Anonymous's picture

Drink senna or use huggies baby wipes

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like a classic case of swamp ass. To rectify this situation you will need to start using baby wipes instead of regular toilet paper. I started using flushable baby wipes a few years ago when my dad started buying them due to his hemorrhoids, you will never use dry TP alone again man. They work very well in preventing that swamp ass smell that everyone hates. Next time you have to take a big dumpa, get some wipes and you will be rid of the swamp ass!!!

Anonymous's picture

Dude wipe your ass with toilet paper. Then wipe with a baby wipe get a second baby wiped with hand soap on it and re wipe it with a regular baby wipe until the stains the toilet paper couldn't get go away. Then take a shower scrub your ass cheeks crotch and dick no full body shower is needed. No joke I do it every time I after I shit but if I have to go in a public place I do that when I come home. Its weird how people think this is weird whenever they're the ones that stink like ass.

Anonymous's picture

This is a truly beautiful discussion ~:-) I laughed. Alot.

Anonymous's picture

Wash each time after poop and pee, fools. Nothing more cleaner than that. Great for spontaneous sex, as well!

Anonymous's picture

Amazing lack of punctuation had me in stitches plus I don't believe him about priest because they have really clean butts.

Anonymous's picture

This is the only method that has worked for me!

Anonymous's picture

I have the perfect solution from Japan...the unisex bidet, Neorest 550....washed and cleans your ass no hands....about $4K...

Anonymous's picture

That's not just the best answer; it's the bestest answer!

Anonymous's picture

Lord have mercy.

Anonymous's picture

Also you can just put vinegar and baking soda up you butt crack, and then you get the area cleaned up. If you have a hairy butt hole, the poo is getting stuck in there and when you wipe you leave dingle-berries dangling from your ass like Christmas tree balls, so make sure none are stuck in there.

Anonymous's picture

Sounds like the habits of dogs.

Anonymous's picture

I tried to buy this so-called Aphincterine product and couldn't find it online. On the website they only mentioned their number which I called and the number didn't work. Is it a real product and did anyone have any success with it?

Anonymous's picture

If I wiffed this, I'd be bringing something up!!

Anonymous's picture

Dogs love the taste of shit. Just get a dog. The good old boy will clean you up and give you a thrill all at once!

Anonymous's picture

Okay guys, If this is for anal sex the person who is gonna do you should know that an anus is for shitting! So if he's gonna take that risk, well that his problem not yours.

Anonymous's picture

My ass hole is always itchy, I enjoy smelling my fingers after scratching it.

Anonymous's picture

From somebody who suffers from this myself I am more than happy to share my recent find. I have been suffering from this since about 8th grade and now I'm 20. I went through all the stages, from wiping my but in the bathroom to see if it was clean (always was),to scrubbing my anus vigorously, changing body washes. I developed depression, anxiety and anti social behavior.

I noticed something was wrong when people would always cough and say it smells like shit. People held their nose around me. It hurt so bad!

I have been on these forums for years looking for a cure but never found one. Basically, to get to the point, I tried a product called "Now Candida Clear", along with a diet change. I began noticing dramatic changes. The people I was around that used to cough and sniffle and such, didn't do it nearly as much, even at a close distance. They even seemed a little confused, Anyway I have been using this product for about 4 days now, along with another product "garlic pills."

I take 2 with a healthy breakfast, usually a healthy kashi cereal with silk unsweetened original almond milk but just eat foods low in sugars or with none at all. And 2 at dinner, usually a salad of some sort with a lean protein like chicken. Same as the garlic pills.

I Also been drinking prune juice and low sodium V8 and plenty of water. I also have been regularly exercising. I hope this isn't to long or boring, and if you're like me you probably read longer hoping to find a cure in one sentence. haha but I will update my progress later. hope you guys learn something from this and begin fixing your problem.

Anonymous's picture

I have a stinky crack too. Even after I shower really good I can run my finger in my crack and it smells like someone let off a ass grenade. I've noticed I've got a big hole too like a mangina. My bum has never been tampered with, just a big hole. I started eating more veggies and cut out some meats in my diet and after a couple months, not only do I feel better but the ass grenade smell has gone from a 9 to a 2.

Moderators comment, I think you need to check urban dictionary and find out what a mangina is, they have no hole.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

It might be your dick causing the odor. Try giving that a good cleaning.

Anonymous's picture

I'm fifteen and my ass stinks. Yes, everyone's ass does! But mine stinks fresh,like strawberries! I'm a girl, and I know this stuff.

I'm from Sweden. Eat peaches and coconut three times a week, two peaches and 3 coconuts, and your ass will smell fruity.

I'm eating Cherry and Avocado plus Banana to make my pussy and my ass smell and taste good. Take a shower 4 times a week.
_________________________________
Moderator's comment.

If you don't shower 4 time per week your ass and pussy will smell like Surströmming!

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

Errr[sic] fucking wierdo[sic] wtf[sic] All you americans[sic] yanki[sic] fuks[sic] needa[sic] grow up! Bet your breath stinks coz[sic] you chat shit! How the fuck would you know people use scrapy[sic] toilet paper on there[sic] asses. Bet you actually use sand paper to get all the nitty gritty dried up flakes a[sic] shit off. Dirty shit mouth freak!! Shut ur[sic] dirt box yanki[sic] dried up holes an shut da[sic] fuk[sic] up !! It ain't that hard to keep ya[sic] dirt box clean!! Just clean it with dove soap and clean water!! Stop yankin[sic] on ! Oh n[sic] if the yanki[sic] bathroom ain't got an ass washer then just get ur[sic] batty boi[sic] luver[sic] t[sic] lick your ass

Moderators comment

I didn't edit your extremely poorly written comment so people could see what an uneducated buffoon you are.

I don't know what country you are from but if your writing is an example of the lingua franca that is spoken there it is a country that uses a very marginal form of English.

"Sic in square brackets is an editing term used with quotations or excerpts. It means “that’s really how it appears in the original.” I have used it here in place of editing so all may see how truly ignorant you are.

ChiefThunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

Ok, clean your ass by soaping up you hand in the shower. Run a finger in and out your asshole to clean. Rinse off with warm water -- all clean!

Anonymous's picture

I have a theory.. and this comes from 11 years of having Irritable Bowel Syndrome and fixing it.

Ok, first off, anal leakage and stinky ass is in many cases Irritable Bowel Syndrome or IBS. It happens when you're stressed or when you have an intolerance to certain foods. It's an undiagnosed problem (I had like 20 tests done all come out negative.. Therefore, by "exclusion" the doctors determined IBS).

Alright well, the doctors and websites alike all say there's no "cure", but that's because it's not an ailment. IBS is an instinct..

Like.. when you live in a bad neighborhood or you had some bad people/trauma in your early life. Your instincts kick in when you're in the hood or w/ people related to your trauma, and you stink yourself up to get them to go away. Obviously this isn't the case with everyone. Why not just walk away right? Well, this natural stinky instinct the case with a lot of "nice" or "kind" people. These people, myself included, are too nice to fend off these bad people by themselves, so their animal instinct kicks in. OR, it's work related where you don't want to be there but you have to for money, and if it's too unbearable you get IBS, stomach aches, and of course stinky ass leakage.

Your human-side prevents you from leaving the bad situation, so your animal-side takes over. Your human side makes it seem like you don't have a choice but to stink up to escape.

It's the same with skunks; it's self defense to escape a predator. But really similar is the female Hoopoe bird (known in the UK, Israel, etc). The female bird, and its baby birds as well, leak liquid poo when a predator is about to attack/devour. With the smell, the predator is too disgusted to even stay in the premises anymore. Skunks and female Hoopoe birds need these gross defenses because they can't escape the predator- the skunk has short stubby legs and would easily be caught otherwise, and in the Hoopoe's case, she has to stay to protect her chicks (Discover Wildlife call them chicks instead of baby birds). Gazelles don't stink themselves up because they don't have to. They just run. When we don't run, we feel like pooping. If we still stay, we have anal leakage and it smells like ass to everyone around (except to you, because your body is producing your personal odor to ward away other douchebags).

So find out what's causing you to have these instincts come out wildly, and make a move with your human instincts :) I personally had a bad work environment but I stayed because the economy sucked. One day IBS made my ass stink and I ended up quitting. When I found a job that I actually wanted to do (not just for money), my IBS went away :)

And that's my theory. It only took 11 years of suffering IBS to think of it lol. What do you guys think?

Anonymous's picture

Homes,get yo ass to da 99 cent sto' and get yo ass a can of ass don't smell/cause it do.

Anonymous's picture

USE BABY POWDER ON YOUR ASS IT WORKS!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous,

I tried the baby powder cure with terrible results. I went for a walk after liberally sprinkling my ass with Johnson & Johnson's finest and was chased by a mob of slavering pedophiles with raging erections. I was lucky to escape unviolated.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

I'm sorry that you had to go through that and I'm replying back years later but I was searching for something that can help me as well. I don't have the sweating problem but i'm a newlywed and my husband likes the anal position. I always waxed my butt hair and made sure I was clean before sex but the odor was always there. He never seemed to complain about it but it bothered me so I started searching online. I found something called "bootyfresh". You can find it on amazon and I tell you it works miracles. My butt odor is gone and my confidence is back. Give it a try and let me know what you think. You wont be disappointed.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Does "bootyfresh" come in various scents? I would imagine that cherry, mint or new car would be delightful but I really like Japanese food and would like to whiff the aroma of teriyaki octopus wafting up from my partners butt.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Whoever started the stinkass thread. Thank you. If you don't get a deep belly laugh. You have no pulse.

Anonymous's picture

Everybody's Butt Stinks!!!!!!!

Anonymous's picture

Speak for yourself stankass! Even as I type this I have a queue of loyal ass sniffers behind me waiting their turn to inhale the fragrance that oozes from my rusty starfish.

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