Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

the shit pimp (collector)'s picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! funny discussion... LOL @ Moshley's butt-plug idea!.. To concerned wife: if that stink creature can't take care of his "problem", ESPECIALLY if he gets mad at you for bringing it up!!.. he may be not worthy of your companionship (AND!!! this is coming from a male) so long stink patrol!

Cornholeio's picture

A few comments:

Moist ass wipes are the way to go boyeeee! Once you go moist, you'll never go back. Wipe first with normal TP and try not to smear that fudge half way up your back while doing it. Then clean the entire area with several moist wipes. A final one just for the corn-hole will really do the trick. My ass is clean 95% of the time now unless after a runny beer & chili dump. That shit's so fucked up that even the moist wipes will cower in fear.

I'm definitely pro ass shaving. Tried it both ways and my ass is always cleaner without shit smeared hair around my asshole.

soldier's picture

your really funny,i like your site,have you ever heard ov amish horese.com or something like that
,if you do could you tell me like ya's PS
|-YS-|soldier

another stinko's picture

I think I have this problem too, but i'm not sure. Here's my question to the people with this problem: Can you smell it yourself, or only other people? I have suspected that i have an odor problem for a while but i cant smell it myself, i just know from other people's reactions around me. I dont know if the problem is my crack or cock-and-balls(and taint) or my pits or what. I'm guessing its not a pit-stank because i would think that people would have the balls to say something about it to me then. Also, a question about ass-washing: How much of the hole should be washed? I get the area obviously and the hole up maybe like 1/8 inch with soap, just to be sure. Is this normal?(I'm serious). Also, is it ok to use your bare hands to do this, or will this leave a residual ass-stank on your hands, even after soap? This problem has been bothering me for like 6 months and its hella embarassing. I think I'm gonna try the wipes thing. What section of Walgreen's would those preparation-h wipes be found in?

a. stinko again's picture

oh yeah, one more thing, to the people with this problem: If you dont take a shit after showering and you get ass-sweat(aka swass), do you still get an odor thats like, not necessarily shitty but just gross?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Stinko, I know some people with this problem. (I sometimes have a smelly ass.) Seriously, try some apple cider vinegar and warm water on a washrag. Wipe it around on your balls and groin area. It should kill the stench if it's that serious. Also, when I hike I get problems with thigh-pit BO. I just use regular stick deodorant on it. (See previous posts.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Steven's picture

another stinko, man i have the same problem it a bitch, but to stop the sweating when u sit down split your ass cheeks it helps keep the smell away while u sit down help alot and yes to your question

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Okay, girls. Here's a question for you. I do not normally have a crotch that smells fishy as I do tend to bathe and practice good hygiene habits. However, every time I go to a seafood restaurant I end up with a fishy-smelling bum. It doesn't matter if I scrub it with wet wipes, shower, soak in a tub, change my pants, or wash my crabby hands before wiping. It still stinks for about a day afterward. Anyone else have this problem? If so, what do you do about it? I've tried all my usual techniques and nothing works. It's really nasty, man!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

poop e. fresh's picture

Re: The Shit Volcano...

Don't stick shrimp up yer ass. Or shellfish in general, just to be safe....

timmy the turtle's picture

ass sweat sucks.. how do i stop it from smelling bad, deodorant down there ? and i sweat when its not even hot.. its fucked up.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

To poop e. fresh. HA HA HA!!!! That's sick, man. Seriously, though. It's a pain in the ass. Sort of like ass sweat. Or asscrack hair dingleberries. (Never had that last problem but my brother-in-law apparently does.)

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Big Bern's picture

Of all the advice given here about diet, soap, and other measures, Ray had the magic solution. Just apply a high quality antiperspirant/deodorant to your rectum and surrounding area after every shower. I do it, it works wonders. No smell at all, ever again.

MaryAnne Swarovski's picture

Big Bern is right. Deodorant is the magic bullet.
It contains an ingredient that neutralizes the sulfur, which is a metabolic byproduct of bacterial proliferation. Poop smells so bad because of compounds called mercaptans and sulfur.

freakazoid's picture

Anyone hear about the recent studies linking Alzheimer's to the aluminum compounds found in deoderant? Or did you just forget? (he he he)

Rash's picture

Hey guys! I thought one day that using the green rubbing alcohol might work. It's wintergreen. It also says on the bottle "don't use on irritated skin", and it AIN'T kidding. Seriously, I did that, and I got this crazy ass rash that turned into these huge, nasty boils full of green pus. I tried to have anal sex with my boy the night the rash appeared, before I knew the rash was there. I knew it wasn't feeling real good, but I thought it was from getting reamed the night before. Turns out, it was a serious infection. One of the boils popped wide open, gushing crazy green goo all over my boy's shaft. He dumped me immediately and told everyone I had the funk in my ass. I ended up having to have surgery to drain all the cysts. The doc said I could have died if the infection had gotten into my blood stream. I still can't walk right, and now my asshole is permanently deformed. I can't hold my shit in, and I just farted in an interview. I was sitting in the ceo's office, and I just kept lettin' 'em rip, but couldn't do anything about it. The prez looked like he was going to puke. I was on the subway on the way home from a date, and I had the runs. I was sitting beside a Catholic Priest. We were talking, and the next thing you know, I had gooey liquid yellowish shit all over my pants, in the seat, and some of it dripped down onto the priests clothes. Anyway, don't use the green alcohol, and be careful what you shine your rims with.

browneye's picture

i have an ass smell problem too...i dont think its the old brown eye though, well, not entirely. it just seems that no matter how hard i wipe..which i do incredibly hard to get ever last shit particle out of my bum...even till it bleeds sometimes...that after a few hours at work, or skating or whatever..i get this stench...so my theory on the whole thing was that the ass hair was holding in the stink...i tried it, and it seemed to help a little..but unlike the others on here that have tried it, my problem isnt sweat running down my sack or any of that..its that the hair starts to grow back, and i have to itch around my asshole, then its like i have a permanent stink finger. right now, im gonna try to let my asshole heal up (i recently had to use 1 ply toilet paper for like a week) and try the tucks thing...i also dont see how baby poweder would be such a good idea, cause perfume and shit would just smell worse...but what about some arm and hammer baking soda ? they say to put that in your shoes...why wouldnt it work in you crack ?

fred's picture

Great site! I've been trying to go to sleep for almost an hour now, but my ass has been so bloody (not literally) itchy. This is the first time its actually kept me awake.
Anyways, that's when I asked myself, "Do people wash their asses?"

And well I'll be damned...they do!

The only bad thing is that I just realised now. After all those years of sharing the bathroom soap. =\

Anyways, I won't be losing sleep anytime soon...hopefully.

PS oh yeah, I'd think twice about the "Deo-on-ass" trick. Most deodorants contain aluminium, a compound which has a tendency to collect in the body. Also, there's a correlation between the levels of aluminium in your body and the risk of getting Alzheimer's.
So if anyone of you will be trying that deo trick, its probably best to use a baking soda brand that's aluminium free.

jeff plokins's picture

i have a butt fetish.....i love booty - my gf is hott - but when ever i go to eat out her ass hole - it smells - shes clean too????? - i love tossing her salad - erotic for me? whats the problem?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Interesting question, ass-lickee. I enjoy sniffing my ass and do it on a regular basis. I smell my farts too. Both can be done conveniently under your bedspread to trap in the scent. You know, like wafting chemicals in a lab?
Anyway, I don't know about the rest of these guys. Some of them might have REALLY stinky asses. And, of course, no matter who you are, if you stick your nose up your asscrack you're bound to smell something foul.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

funky's picture

holly cow you guys are stinky, my ass never stinks and my old lady likes it that way

Buttcrack's picture

Are there any ass fresheners? You know, kind of like the "New Car Scent"? I really like the ass smell and would like to buy a "Stinky Ass Scent" for my car.

whisper's picture

" have you ever heard ov amish horese.com or something like that
,if you do could you tell me like ya's PS "

Soldier: There was one link I found a while back that had amish in it; http://amishrakefight.org/gfy/
Not sure if this is what you were looking for, but it might help.

As for everyone else, I don't have to deal with a stinky ass (neither mine, nor my girlfriends) so I have no clue what you're going through, all I can say is: Watch your diet, make sure your ass is clean (CLEAN, NOT BLEEDING, those of you scraping your ass until it's ripe; you're probably causing more harm then good. When you open your skin like that, you leave it wide open for infections, and infections can stink.)
Personally, i'd suggest talking to your doctor, the ideas given here are great, but they are worthless when put next to the knowledge that any one of these things can have serious, harmful, side effects if your body is not able to handle them. (ie. Creams and deoderants that you may be alergic to, etc.) Doctors go to school to learn a hell of a lot more than how to clean an ass, talk to them before getting your medical advice off a forum that refers to the male genetalia as a 'root' (although that is a kickass name for it ;P )

ass_lickee's picture

a lot of comments here about people whose asses reek. i just wanna know how the hell you know your ass stinks (besides someone telling you). are you people constantly bending over and getting whiffs of yourselves, or are your faces surgically attached to your ass cracks?
just wondering; it's legit.

Kim's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This is to the Concerned Wife- of 8-12-03- if you got any suggestions to help you out please let me know I have the exact same problem-

Grits1165@aol.com's picture

OK, ass stink and crotch stink are down to to things. MEN, when you poopy you lift, (your contribution to future generations), and wipe, AND use butt wipes) and WIPE until all the poop is gone!!!! Shaving butt crack WORKS, because the bacteria does not get stuck in the hairs, which creates stink. This drippage you speak of comes from NOT WIPING BUTT GOOD ENOUGH. For MAXIMUM hygeine, wash butt and wee wee and sack several times a day, and change underwear. Keep crotch hair shaved off or trimmed to minimum. Trust me, NO butt stink, and less dental floss, I WILL PAY FOR THAT, thank you.

Rlee

mememememme's picture

If your ass stinks i'm going to tell you how to get rid of it.
1. Have you ever wondered why girls take so many baths? Guys sweat more, and we stink more, yet we think we can get by with one shower a day. Try to take a shower when you get up, in the middle of your day and at the end.

2.Get some deoderent or anti soap to wash your ass with. Wash your ass crack when your in the shower. If you halfass wipe your crack (smh) this should get rid of all the crust or shit .

3. Get some moist wipes. They work for me. Or just take a shower after you shit. If your shit stinks that bad!!!

4.shave your ass and nuts all that

5. Use a little deoderent on your ass crack, and on the inside of your leg if it reeks. And put powders over that.

6. Go to the doc. It might be a fungi or something. Get it checked out.

My ass use to stink untill I started doing all this. Now it's fresh.

Mr. Hanky's picture

use the wet wipes that are flushable-
Then maybe your shit won't stink? :)

caesar's picture

why is it that ppl's farts in london metrop. train stink of garlic or deep fried bangers?

yo momma's dick's picture

all i can say is i have this problem, but i just make sure i take a shower anytime i'm gonna be around the ladies!! there's nothin i can do about it- it's the smell of.....man.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Now you know why I've been considering lesbianism.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Agnus Bonerscrotum's picture

Try wiping with sand paper.

Be carful of cheeses's picture

Be carful of milk and cheeses, esp. parmesan cheese - you'll develop "SAS" - Sour Ass Syndrome - at the rate of 1 full day per 1 full day of consumption (shows up the next day)

Winston Buchloff III's picture

Wow - this is unbelievable.

I tried using the baby powder method, but I used this talc powder from London and after a workout, your ass just has this HORRID stench.

The bathing thing definitely works but is completely impossible with a work or student schedule. It's not possible to "wash your ass" in the public restroom or anywhere public for that matter.

I think deodorant would be a good idea.

maddogg's picture

try this i think this will solve everyones problem http://www.mintyass.com/

Jackasses's picture

this thread is over a year old and you people still coment on it tards

Clark's picture

Well, the ultimate remedy to curing a smelly ass... 1st.. guys I know how we enjoy it. Dont force out the big loud wet farts. 2nd dont break ur shits up into small pellets with ur ass muscles, try and slide out a huge shit, so ur ass wont have to work as hard. 3) Guys, please no anal sex... defienent no-no. 4)Wash everytime you think your ass may stink, even if its in a public restroom, just put some soap in one napkin, and some water on the other, enter a stall and wash that ass. Make sure you wash it well, cause sometimes if a quick wash is done properly, it will just make ur ass stink more, so be sure to scrub the cheeks too.

So there you have it...

Away with ass funk for good.

www.ass-funk-b-gone.org

Butt Sniffer's picture

You guys are waisting good ass stink. I mean there's nothing like the sharp cheezy sweet and sour butthole oder filling my nostrils! I like to stick my finger up my dirty sweaty poophole, pull it out and smell the shit-stained finger as I beat my meat. I love the scent of a woman's asshole, especially after toiling all day. I crave her stinking rank funcky butthole butter smeared all over my eagerly sniffing nose as I shoot my white hot sticky sperm into her mouth. Ahhh, the smell of stinky ass! Can I smell your's?

Dan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Why all the complaints. Aint nothing better than a girls stinky ass. It turns me on. As far as your own stinky ass, here's a suggestion, wash it. Thats what they invented soap and water for.

PakiPoopie's picture

we paki wash alaways! with our hands and water. some soap it too! and then wash hands with soap nicely.

no poopie, no smell, no infection, no deo!

yes, to keep you asses dry and ur missus asses too, put anti-bacterial powder after bath, fun to put on each other, feel smooth bum of spouse with hands! :)

this, i hope my yankee brothers and sisters solve the your problems of stinky asses.

and if you still can't solve it, get hip and outsource it, there be no law against that, yet!

we will wash and powder your asses and keep them stink-free, and show indians that we can BPO too!

The Brown Hornet's picture

The French have long ago solved this problem. It's called a bidet, and basically it shoots a stream of warm water into your asshole for proper cleansing. Great to jerk off with as well.

NutzWet's picture

Try green food / Superfood. It works and I swear by it! Some of the smelliest people I know have been cured (reluctantly) by it. Not to mention all of the other great benefits. One kind is at www.emeraldgreens.com (my favorite) one scoop a day in juice when you wake up. You will never go back.

Anonymous's picture

I have a similar problem. I'm pretty sure it's not sweat-related for me. Like a previous poster, I cannot smell it myself, but it's blatantly obvious from other people's reactions. I seem to have trouble getting clean no matter how much I wipe. Can anyone who's had and fixed this problem give some advice?

PLEASE's picture

USE THE NOSE HAIR ELECTRICAL CLIPPER. IT`S SMALL.AND WILL GET ALL THE HAIR AWAY FROM THE AHOLE. THEN EVERYTIME TO POOP USE BABY WIPES. TRUST ME IT WORKS AWESOME . IT`S THE POOP GETTINGCOUGHT IN THE HAIR THAT MAKES THE ASS STINK

BuBbA Lorin's picture

I love the poop...smell, texture, the act of, etc... It gives me something to look forward to at work.. I like the smell on my fingers after scratching, i sniff the poop all night. Lovely. Makes me hungry for Brussel Sprout Quiche.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

That's disgusting!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Hemorroid Soupy Ass's picture

This is one of the funniest shit I've ever read

Don't Have One's picture

You could have crotch rot, which is related to athlete's foot. I have stopped eating after 3pm, and that seems to make me feel better and not smell quite as bad. Caffeine, sugar, fruits, they can all feed yeast infections, see your doctor so they can test to see if down there is infested. Also the white "fromunda cheese" is actually a white secretion released by your body when your area gets to hot. With the secretion mixed with poop sweat and ball sweat, you're sure to have a nasty odor. Good luck my friend. "Life's a bitch, then you die."

footlongshits's picture

fortunately i usuaully shit at home. i refuse to shit in public toilets. through meditation i have learned to control my shit cycle. i also take very large shits. but any way, since i have the luxury of controlling my shit cycle, i shit in the comfort of my own home where once shitting and upon wiping with tp, i promply soap up a nice soft wash cloth and wash my asshole thoroughly. so 1 meditate for shit cycle control 2 always shit in the comfort of your own home 3 keep a stack of fresh wash cloths on the tank 4 throroughly wash with warm water and soap after wiping. if you have to shit elsewhere, the soap up the tp trick is a good stand in.

RECOMMENDATIONS!'s picture

Hey for ALL you STINK men and women...the best way to rid yourself of STINK farts etc... is to change your diet you morons!!!

STUNK is from a TOXIC liver... the liver is FATTY and unhealthy!!!

In addition, STUNK body and asshole is a direct reflection of a TOXIC Spirit. Mean Spirited people usually have a STUNK mouth...oh man it STINKS!!!

Too Sexy To Be Stank!'s picture

Listen up and listen good all you sexy stankers. If your overweight, lose it. It doesn't help if you sweat profusely, and it ferments in ur ass crack all day. Seriously. Being overweight will definitely add to the prob, and if it's not adding to it, it's causing it. You don't realize how much "weight" plays a part in sweating. Admit that excess body fat cannot help you out in the hygiene department.

Which brings me to the next thought you should ponder, "Hygiene". Taking showers should be like brushing your teeth. I'm gonna be even more blunt by saying if your overweight the minimum number of showers you take everyday, should be two a day. Some of you might object, but you are probably the one's who stink? Am I right? One in the morn, and definitely one before bed. Must I tell you how to wash your ass too? Use that bar like you'd use it to wax your car. Wax on, Wax off! Soap is cheaper than a pack of gum.

Point 3, just wipe your ass until your in the clear people! Carry baby wipes w/ya if need be,(scented ones)and wipe until that very last one you swipe through your crack comes out spotless. Obviously, if you leave anything behind it's going to spread like Jiffy, and create an odor throughout the span of your day. Shit stinks, and so will you. Get the point? Got it? Good. Insufficient wiping will bring you down.

Have I touched upon washing your clothes regularly? Well I shouldn't have to, but if you have a problem with a stanky ass, wash your shit every damn day. Yes, you wear it once, put it in that little thing called the washing machine and dump the funk. Do not, I repeat, do not re-wear clothes that you have already worn once during the week. That does not help the situation. Duh, now wonder that stench isn't better huh?

Lastly, you people are suggesting "cover ups" for the actual problem. A deoderant in your ass crack? Oh yea, try and disguise the smell by putting another one on top of it! I don't care if it's baby powder, or shower clean scented. The problem needs to be fixed, you can't live life putting deoderant in your ass crack folks. That means, nix any idea of putting something else on/in your ass to take care of the problem. It just makes it messier, and smellier! Point is, that your problem is still there and you want to be rid of it right?

Then there's always the last option of going to the doctor. Oh, I don't know, the proctologist I suppose? He might have taken "Ass Remedies 101" in college, it's worth a shot. Now if your still reading this, and your one of the few people left who does do all of the above mentioned, your fucking screwed. I wish ya the best ass luck a gal can offer.

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