Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!

k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dear Poopreport,

My ass stinks. Pretty bad. This bothers me, because it bothers my girlfriend. I am not a dirty person. Every morning I shower and scrub my ass vigorously --
in the crack, even a bit in the hole, for good measure. But after one poop, the whole area reeks again.
I'm a good wiper -- what is wrong with me? How can I keep my ass from smelling?

839 Comments on "Ask PoopReport: My Ass Stinks!"

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

Some people just naturally stink.

I had a friend named George. He was a big hairy Greek. He always had some funky odor coming off him. He could be fresh out of the shower and he still stunk.

The odor is probably coming from your pores. Change your diet or the soap you use. Don't try to cover it up with cologne, that's the worst.. odor mixed with cologne; a very toxic blend!!!

steve fartin's picture

do you think that instead of an anus, you were born with smaller, yet fully functional vulva?

coochie coochie cooo!

Brown Seymour's picture

It's probably your diet. A lot of things in your diet affect the smell of your shit. But the simplest thing that I can point to is meat. In the animal world, a Carnivore's shit stinks worse than an herbivore's. Thus it is that a vegetarian's shit (and farts) does not smell quite so bad as a meat-eater. So you could try going vegetarian for a few weeks and see what happens.

IMA POOPIN's picture


Pooperscooper's picture

First, the gang is right--it probably isnt your rear end that's the problem. So dont brutally scrub at your poor, innocent asshole. In fact vigorously punishing your starfish might irritate it and leave you vulnerable to an anal fissure.

Check your diet. If you're eating lots of beans and especially high fat foods, that might be doing it. Onions and especially garlic can really stink up your shit. And from what Ive read on this site, beer is notorious.

Justa Girl's picture

Wash your ass with a bit of soap and warm water right after you wipe and flush. GENTLY! Maybe if you wash right after you do your icky business it will cut down on the smell? Or try some baby wipes. You can buy small packets of them to keep in your... well, wherever guys keep stuff. Personally, I think man-purses would be a great idea but even just stuff a few baby butt wipes in a sandwich bag and carry them in your pocket. It's worth a shot. Nothing like smelling ass on your man to kill the mood. Good luck!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

What if contemporary wiping technique is flawed??? What if, when we wipe, we are just smearing shit all over our asses -- just spreading the smell around??

Scat Woman's picture

That's exactly it Dave, when you wipe you are basically smearing a thin layer of shit on the skin surrounding your a-hole, so no matter how much you wipe with just TP, unless you wash the skin thoroughly with soap and water, you're still going to have traces of shit there. I guess the smell would result from the bacteria going to town on the cling-ons...also, sweat collects there in your crack, and bacteria thrive in moist warm environments. That's probably the reason for the funk. I think the baby wipes idea might help...good luck.

adude's picture

Do you shave your ass?

I had to ask because I read an article on the net about ass shaving and advice about not to do it. The guy that experimented was happy cause his ass was ivory smooth. However, he went about his day and sweat started collecting in his crack and eventully it ran down into his drawers and he mistook it for a liquid escaping his O-ring. He went home and got in front of a fan after getting bottomless cause he felt a hot sensation in his crack. He faced the fan and spread his butt to cool his crack when a most rancid smell hit him and he gagged.

He evetually let the ass hair grow back but it itched like crazy and he said he was sorry to have messed with nature in the first place. I think the ass hair kinda works to hold the mositure and funk and keep it contained until you can get some soap and water to the area. If your ass is hairy as a coconut leave it be. Don't ass shave for some woman.....if she really loves you she will love your hairy ass too.

Just my 2 cents

damn's picture

When I was a youngin, I tryed shaving my ass hairs off.

3 words..............don't do it.

Go get a brizilian bikini wax.

damn's picture

My women gets that, I don't know if they offer the same

type of thing to men........They seem to have everything eles, I wouldn't be suprised.

Trouser Chili's picture

I whole-buttedly agree that shaving your bung-hairs is not a good idea. Those short-and-curlies are there for a reason. I once was lighting farts back in the day and burnt off most of the hairs in my ass crevice, and experienced many of the problems mentioned above. All of the sweat just ran down my crack and loosened the loaf particles in my ass, then dripped straight down my balls and into my boxers leaving a greasy, brown stench-stain. My girlfriend wouldn't even think about sucking on my root because she said my balls smelled like turd.

I think those ass hairs are just like the hairs in your nose. They are meant to catch the drip. We have boogers in our nose and we have dingleberrys in our ass. It's just the way nature intended things to be.

PJbrownstuff's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I agree that diet is probably a big cause of it. Are you sure it is your ass? It could be your taint or the bottom or your ballsack.

fromunda cheese's picture

i agree with PJ - a taint can smell worse than a starfish if you don't clean up the fromunda cheese that collects down there. give your entire undercarriage a little soap-and-water.

btw - Trouser Chili - "root" is a great word for cock.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

fromunda cheese....haven't heard that one in awhile.

I never knew a dude could get that, we always used that term when referring to going down on a woman orally and discovering her crotch was nasty and stinky with white stuff in it. The white stuff is the "fromunda cheese".

mmmmmmm fromunda.

Justa Girl's picture

Damn but isn't this site educational! I've never heard the term "fromunda cheese". I asked for it at the friendly neighbourhood deli counter but the middle aged woman who was working said they wouldn't get another shipment in until Monday. And she scratched her crotch then... no lie!

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Perhaps you just have gas??

cheeze's picture

get it right....Fromunda Cheese refers to.....fromunda my toes....i.e. toejam - the white stuff some hygienically challenged women have is called Klitty Litter...

Pooperscooper's picture

No matter what your gender if you date, and especially have become somebody's lover, you should rise to the occasion by learning to wash your privates with soap and water once a day. Do this gently, but get into every crevice. If you've been at the gym or have been doing heavy labor all day, take a shower and do this again. It may seem like a pain, but you'll feel better and your bed partner/s will appreciate it too...

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

easy for you to give this kind of advice, Pooperscooper.

But in my younger days I went to bars, got pigs drunk, and took them home for sex. No washing of vaginas were done, it was wham bam thank you maam and I would go home with "fromunda cheese" on my face (and penis).

Poopinheimer Schmidt's picture

What's wrong with smelling like poop? I wish I could smell like poop natually. God knows I love the smell of poop. Wake up my man! You are blessed not cursed!!

a friend's picture

For the guy who says his ass stink: If you think your life is bad having a smelly ass just think how bad your toilet, toilet paper and underwear must feel. Belive me, you have the easy part.

A message to the cow 'Justagirl''s picture

To Justagirl: Lady, did you offer to donate some fromunda cheese out of your cobwebby stink hole when you discovered your neighborhood deli was fresh out?

PoopZinga's picture

Dude! For as long as I can remember my ass has had that nasty funk, especially during hot summer months. I finally picked up preparation H wipes (when the local Fred Meyer installed self-check stations, of course)... the active ingredient, witch hazel, is amazing in cleaning everything out of there, man! It stings for the few first times, but after the tenth wipe your ass should be whistling dixie. Good luck! (If rash or irritation develops, discontinue use, etc.)

Herc's picture

Get a girlfriend who reeks , this way you'll never know the difference !

funnyshit's picture

This has got to me one of the most entertaining message boards I have ever read.

Regarding smelly ass cracks, the diet thing is definitely a plausible explaination. I had a roomate that always reeked, regardless of how many showers he took. I am 80% vegetarian and I would not report that my ass crack reeks. Sure, there is a different odor than other places on my body, but reek is not the right word. Maybe "loaded with pheromones" is a better way to put it. I mean, it makes perfect sense for pheromones to be given off naturally from that area. IT seems that every girl that has had a face to face esperience with my "root" (yes, very good slang for cock, I learned that here) has been turned on rather than off, so aparently the smell couldn't have been charaterized as "reek." It's the same with camel toe. A clean camel toe is the tastiest thing I've experienced, but a lot of straight women think they stink, even though most men would think it heavenly.

class's picture

wow..this is one classy ass board I must say. I agree with the above person as well as the initial person who said that "root" is a excellent word for cock..never heard it before here.If your ass stinks dude,I would recomend as that one girl said baby ass whipes,not eating very fatty foods,and also if all else fails...tighten your cheeks whe u walk by someone ;)

Mashley's picture

Well, you could scrub it REALLY hard, or find a comfy buttplug, but that might cause farts to build up and shot it out and strike someone. Or, you could tell your picky girlfriend to put a clotherspin on her nose. Or tell her her armpits stink, even when she puts on D.O. Well, that's my suggestion.

Sewdiggity's picture

When I eat V's brownies, it makes my shit stink like a mofo. I be like takin a big shit like Smokey, and p-nuts be flying out cuttin my ass like a knife. What up with dat shiznit? I have to find a sharp object and rub my ass on it to relieve the itchin. Take those brownies and turn the sonbitches sideways and stiem up walkers ass!!!!

franky stanky's picture

i have never been so turned on by all this stinky but talk in all my life, you guys are the bomb. although big willy is much better slang than root !! unless of course you only have a little root. personaly i use an sos pad , just lightly or youll be sorry , oh ya and DO NOT USE YOUR WIFES NAIR HAIR REMOVER ON YOUR NADS AND BUT CRACK !!! OHWIE !!!!

John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The effect of Newt Gingrich's ingrowing botty hairs upon wolrd politics needs discussion

Chip's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hey listen,

So, you've got a smelly ass, eh?

Well, here's a hot-tip.

If you reckon you're gunna get naked with your girl-friend why not refrain from taking a dump until after you've bathed until you've both had your pleasure?

Makes sense to me...


Stinky's picture

Just go on smelling like shit. If your girlfriend doesn't like it, find another girlfriend, who also smells like shit. I've smelt like shit every day of my life and I'm proud of it. I don't even wipe, much less bathe.

Concerned wife's picture

So I'm a wife that's really bothered about my husbands bad ass smell. Unless he has recently come out of the shower, he stinks terribly! Before marrying him, I was with other guys, and I've never been around anything like this before. You don't want to even begin to have sex with you good looking husband, because the stench turns your stomach! The furniture even harbors a foul stench minutes after he's gotten up! I don't know what to do. He's very self-conscious about this, and even gets mad when I bring it up. He says that it's the pants that he wears everyday to work in, that he sweats in the, and that's what makes him stink. But we all wear those pants. And like I said, I've never encountered anyone with this problem before. My husband was once 300 lbs. on a 5'8'' frame and now weighs 200. But his ass is big, and he still sweats a lot. I have looked at his diet, and he doesn't eat anything that I don't other than the protein shakes and protein bars that he thinks are making him loose weight (that if he stopped supplementing his meals with, he could probably weight 160). Oh, and he takes these ephedra feel diet or energy pills. So could someone who really knows something medically please give me a clue. This stuff is easy to smell, and though I hope not, I think other people could be smelling what I smell.

Ray's picture

Dude, my ass used to stink, but no more. I know this sounds gay but I put underarm deodorant between my ass crack and it never stinks now. Go get some deodorant or anti-perspirant, the kind that is like a gel. Wipe some on your finger and between your ass crack, and your ass will never stink.

BRA's picture

I have the same problem. I shit theni wipe really good and use a premoistened ass wipe and I still stink. The only way to get rid the stink is to take a mini bath and wash your asscrack and stuff. With soap and water. I rub the bar of soap in my ass crack and make lots of suds and rinse. That seems to work for me. I ahte wehn im sweating after a shit and my ass starts to burn and stink.

Hot Trash's picture

Hey, suckadick-you're it!

Sasha Craig's picture

i live in kent washington and I have a smelly ass. My mother washes it nightly, but when she scrubs,it just hurts my body, and it really makes me horny actually. I know, shes my mother, but I have been inside of her before, and I still want to, ok, bye

from the smelly ass de la mode.

emial me if you are gay or leisbean

Steven's picture

i have a problem smelling like ass. when i take a shower i wash my ass. but i live in florida and i sweat alot, even when im in a a/c building. but i think it only when i have ass sweat. any ideas

Tc's picture

This shit is not funny. Last year was the worst year of my life. I had gym fist period and I had a rash in my grone. Everyday I left gym I was smelling good but my ass was really sweaty. And when I had to sit on it all day and after about 2 week it reeks like shit and I can't get rid of it. I'm not fat or nasty. I take a bath and when I shit I wash my ass but once I start to sweat it flairs up. I don't know if it came from the rash or the sweat. Again this shit isn't funny I use to get pussy anytime I wanted now I can't even get a ugly girl. If you can help me contact me I feel like I'm going to die.

gfunkdawg's picture

if anyone wants a smelly ass girlfriend i'm availible!!!!!1

(k, not really i wash my cunt thnx)

Assdroid!'s picture

One time, my ass was so itchy that i had to pull my pants down in the snow and scratch it with an icicle! As for your smelly ass, have you ever tried OxyClean? It works for Billy Mays.

Paul's picture

This is why cottonelle bathroom wipes were invented.

Erica's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

my asscrack always stunk until i joined the army and my drill seargeant taught me proper hygene..... army of one... less stinkin ass...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Everyone stop smelling your ass! It's an ass! It stinks!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Otter's picture

Tc, try "Gold-Bond"

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points

My ass has smelled for years...fortunetly my wife really likes the smell.

stewpoo's picture

Someone mentioned underarm deodorant. Is that what "intimate deodorant" is?
My ass stinks too, and i keep very clean. Lately I have been drying off my balls and "root" and applying baby power. This works, for a while, until i really start to sweat again. May underarm deodorant might work. Anyone else try it? will it burn?

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I don't know what it does to boys but I have on occasion used it on my "thigh pits" when I am hiking. Otherwise they smell horrid on the ride home.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

But I didn't answer the question. No, it doesn't burn me. As I said, I don't know what it would do to boy parts.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

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