Carl Sagan's Cosmic Calendar neatly places events from The Big Bang Theory through the present within a calendar year. Each month represents a little over a billion years. A short chronology follows:
May first. "Star stuff" presents a Milky Way. Future laborers take note.
September ninth through the 14th. The Star stuff continues in its fury, helping shape and evolve the formation of several mysterious spheres around a star. This is our solar system. In due time, one of those spheres will help keep poop grounded. It shall be named Mother Earth.
September 25th. Itsy-bitsy teenie-weenie life forms appear.
November first. Despite Earth's hydrogen-rich atmosphere, microorganisms start getting it on. My guess is they were pooping as well.
December first. Oxygen pushes hydrogen further out as plant life flourishes.
December 16th. Worm crap everywhere.
December 24th through the 28th. Dinosaurs unleash 160 million years worth of unfathomable shit storms on earth. They disappear soon after.
December 30th. Vine-swinging, shit-throwing primates make their debut.
10:30 p.m. on December 31st. The ancestry lines of Dave, prarie doggin, Daphne, MSG, and Thunderbutt were leaving their first poop imprints. Human history begins in the final seconds of the twenty-third hour. The present is the first second on New Year's Day.
- January first. The Big Bang occurs at midnight.
If the above perspective isn't mind-blowing enough, swallow some of this Cosmic Calendar fodder:
44 years of ass-reeking havoc from the thin brown line clocks in at under .099 seconds.
PoopReport.com's twelve year cyberspace time is approximately .027 seconds old.
An hour-long shitting event lasts .00000026 seconds.
A one minute ass blast lasts .000000004 seconds.
- Granting a 67 year life expectancy, a human life lasts approximately .15 seconds.
With "billions and billions" of information to ponder, WHO HAS TIME TO SHIT?