Shoving A Bottle Up Your Butt: A Case Study

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This afternoon I answered an email from a young man who was worried to death about the amount of rectal bleeding he was experiencing over the course of this last week. Why people write to us about such potentially serious issues used to confuse me. I would not write to a poop humor site about something so serious, but as the years have passed I feel I understand why others do: People are often ashamed to go to the doctor when the problem involves their ass or poop.

Now when I respond to these people, I try my very best to make sure the ones with the potentially serious symptoms will visit a doctor. Since we are low on material this week, I figured I would share one of the points I make with these people. "Doctors have seen much worse things than your butt hole," I will say, and I will send them a link or two to sites or pages of actual medical cases where someone has presented to the ER with something stuck in his or her butt. Yes, we are talking about the dreaded rectal foreign body.

"What?" you might be saying. "What could someone possibly shove up his or her butt?" Well, let me tell you. Barbie dolls, cucumbers, zucchinis (actually, all sorts of produce, but to date no watermelon), pens, pencils, cement (!), and the ubiquitous glass bottle.

In case you are incredulous, let us look at a case from the Saudi Journal of Gastroenterology, "Case of Unusual Foreign Body in the Rectum", dated in April of 2009 and authored by Murtaza A. Akhtar and Pooja K. Arora. (I think Pooja is an awesome name for a doctor co-authoring an article about a butt issue, don't you agree?)

The article details the misfortune of one 44 year-old male who showed up at a medical health facility with a bottle in his ass. He reported that he had done this many times before for "sexual gratification," but this time the bottle went a bit too north, and he was unable to retrieve it by himself. An X-ray was ordered, and as you can see at the bottom of this story, the bottle was indeed stuck in his rectum. Worse, it was fat-end down. And with this fact the problem presented to the medical team attending him of how to remove it. The doctor could not turn it around to face open-end down because the bottle was too large. They were having a hard time trying to get "up in there" and grab it, as well. The only actions left to take were either to go in for surgery via a laparotomy (large incision in the abdominal wall in order to reach the abdominal cavity) or to send the patient to the moon on muscle relaxers, stretch his anal sphincters open, and shove a pair of forceps up into his butt, grab the bottle, and pull it out. The team opted for the second action first, putting the patient in a lithotomy position (the "put your feet in the stirrups ... this won't hurt a bit" position) and getting to work.

The medical team was successful, and after a short examination, they found that the patient had no major tears. The actual wording of the report states "as patient was habitual pervert, no major anal tears were noticed." In colloquial terms, the guy was such a butt freak that his ass was stretched the fuck out, and so was not hampered by having not only a large bottle, but also a pair of forceps, shoved into it. Finally, the doctor referred the man to Psychiatry for some counseling to prevent any future incidences.

Besides detailing the intrusive assault on Patient X's back side, the article listed foreign objects that people had been recorded as having shoved up their butts: plastic or glass bottles, cucumbers, carrots, wooden or rubber objects, a light bulb, a flash light, a broomstick, and various vibrators. The sharper objects were not inserted for sexual pleasure, but rather in an attempt to break up fecal impactions. You know ... hard, constipating poop. The usual suspect of butt-filling behavior is male and ranges in age from 16 to 80 years of age. The younger patients do so for sexual pleasure, and the older patients do so to break up hard poop and to massage their prostates, the latter of which could be attributed to sexual pleasure as well.

So there you have it. This is what I end up discussing with some stranger via email over the internet about once a week. Usually this tactic works, too, for once someone realizes that doctors deal with bottles, carrots, and cucumbers, a little blood or a hemorrhoid do not see so embarrassing anymore.

Of course if someone emails me because he shoved a bottle up his butt, well, then I will have to think of something else to tell the poor person....

X-ray from "Rectal Foreign Body" article, Saudi J Gastroenterol, v(15)2, April, 2009

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8 Comments on "Shoving A Bottle Up Your Butt: A Case Study"

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Unbelievable--and yet I, too, have read of somewhat similar cases. I once had a student (female) who was trying the induced-vomit-after-eating routine, and I explained to her, as gently but clearly as I could, that, except in illness or emergency, the alimentary canal from mouth to anus is designed as a one-way street. There are possible medical reasons for putting something up into one's rectum (suppository, etc.), but truly foreign objects--there are very good reasons for not doing that. Thanks for this article, Daphne!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

As luck would have it I have several stories that involve sticking things where they don't belong. One of my supervisors when I first got to Japan was a warrant officer who had flown B-24s in the European theater during WW-2. He related the story of one of his fellow warrant officers showing up at the hospital in Iceland with broken glass up his ass. He had obviously poked one of those glass cases that good cigars sometimes come in up his shitter and while waggling it about for prostate stimulation it had broken. Of course he told the doctors that the cigar container had been on his bunk and had accidentally gone up his hole when he sat down on his bunk still naked from a shower.

Another example of putting things where they don't belong was related to me by a friend's wife who was an RN in a retirement home in Selma, Alabama. It seems that a geezer suffering from dementia had inserted his obviously wizened pork-sword into a Coca Cola bottle where it became stuck. This wasn't discovered for a while and thanks to lack of circulation gangrene set in and his poor old tadger had to be amputated. If it was small enough to fit in a coke bottle it probably wasn't much use to him anyway.

My last story involves girls sticking things up their hoohoos. A young man from Connecticut told me that he worked in a hospital after high school up until the time he joined the Air Force. He said that summer there was a rash of young ladies sticking bottles up their girly bits and not being able to extract them because of suction. He said the hospital had to purchase a drill so they could drill a hole in the bottom of the bottles to release the pressure.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I don't find this at all unbelievable. I have had to culture a piece of hotdog that someone had inserted, frozen, up his rectum. He had been, uh, pleasuring himself with it and it thawed out and broke off. I would've thought he would just pass it with his next BM, but apparently he got freaked out enough to come to the ER. We always culture any foreign bodies that are found in an orifice, so that was a little different. Yet, not as painful-sounding as the pen cap we were sent that had been found in an elderly man's urethra. Ouch.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Yeow! Amputating a wang for Coke bottle-induced gangrene? That's God awful.

Well, I am glad that you all enjoyed this article. Lately material has been very sparse. I have some things to publish, but as of late I've been so busy that I have forgotten to the do the one thing that most normal people would do -- ask for help. If anyone has a good story that he or she has been sitting on (haha), write it up!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

Let us not forget those who swallow drug filled balloons for smuggling purposes or put drug filled pouches up the anus for the same end. Nor shall we forget the famous Stevie Nicks way of injecting drugs up the ass, as was confirmed by her former management when I asked them to clarify the truth of such practice.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Anonymous's picture

Hi there. Good poop stories are hard to come by these days. But poop philosophy is always there to satisfy our pooppetite. There's a lot to be said and contemplated in that area. That too considering the contrasting opinions across cultures. For instance, I'm Indian and a keen observer of poop culture across the world.

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

The sting in the tail (groan) for that Saudi guy would be if it had been an alcohol bottle and he'd ended up getting flogged.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

You are right on with that comment spaccacus, I believe finding a plonk bottle up someones arsehole in an Islamic Republic would be a violation of Sharia Law and warrant a good flogging.

This story brings another question to mind. I'm sure everyone has heard of drunkenness caused by alcohol enemas, there have even been a few deaths caused by alcohol poisoning when too much booze was squirted up someones keister you get stoned by having marijuana smoke blown up you asshole? That might explain the old saying of, "having smoke blown up one's ass. ???

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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